| Add Memory | Add To Friends | |
| innocence (profile) wrote, on 8-19-2004 at 9:44pm | |
| Music: b. spears - everytime Subject: .. breaking down .. |
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| hey everybody. whats up? sorry i havent had time to write in this thing for a while, but my computer is TERRIBLE!!. i now cant comment in journals for some odd reason, so if i dont comment its not cause i dont care, its cause i CANT. lol uhm.. whats been going on? uh my moms wake/mass/funeral thing is saturday. im buggin out completely. im so nervous and i feel like i cant do it. like im gonna break and fall apart right then and there. the second i walk into that church im going to break down. i feel like i have no moral support and i need somebody there to hold me up and pat me on the back and tell me everythings going to be okay-- even tho it isnt. i miss my friends sooo much. and it seems like nobodys really trying to keep in touch with me. .. actually i take that back, very few have been trying. very few IM me first, or email me or written me letters, and only two people have called me. guess it shows who your true friends are huh? i always thought id have you guys for life.. guess i was wrong. i feel like im losing everybody i love the most right before my eyes, and im being replaced in an instant. when i come back to visit .. i just dont know who'll even want to see me. a lot of my friends told me .. oh ill miss you so much, it wont be the same without you, i love you, ill kit... yea, well actions speak louder than words. i feel so alone. i feel like i should just give up. give up on friends. love. laughter. family. health. doctors. luck. life. just give up completely. i feel hate for almost everybody in my life right now. i feel so betrayed and just so-- blah. i dont know. but i feel so angry with everybody. like everybody took my mother from me, and now i blame everybody for it. maybe its just my grieving process.. maybe this feeling will never go away. but what i do know is that right now. im angry at the world. and i try not to be angry or upset with god, but ....... truth is i am. all i want is my mother. thats it. and that wish is never going to be fufilled... at least not for a long time. i guess im just really depressed tonight. idk. i went to get flowers for my mom for the funeral yesterday, and the stupid florist was telling me that i have to be strong, i dont have a choice and i can do it. and i have to be strong. i felt like punching the bitch in the face. she doesnt know what it feels like. god im so depressed. i just dont know what to do anymore. i had more deep stuff to say, but im just getting distracted. lately ive been doing nothing really. went to church to set up for the wake, been spending time at kristinas. went to the bungalo.. dont get me into that. had a few lectures, cried as usual. had a few laughs, they didnt last long.. but then again, no happiness has been lasting long lately. whatever, i guess ill get going. bye <3 i will love you always and forever. you are in my heart everyday. BNS <3 god i miss youu ---------------- |
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| Anonymous | hey dani, it's melis, 08-20-04 1:13pm my dani lee! i hate to hear you sound so sad and so down. you never used to be like this. you were always the one to bring the sunlight into my days and into my sadness. but under your circumctances it's understandable for you to be feeling like this, and to be saying these things. i just hope that you know that i am here to do the same for you that you have done for me the past three years: listen, try to understand, just be there for you. i wish i could understand all the pain, sadness, and hate that you are going through right now- i wish i could be going through it with you...i wish i could be going through it for you. you don't desreve for any of this to be happening to you. i just don't really know what to say right now- for once in my life i am left speechless. just know that i am here for you and that i love you very much. and the way that you are feeling right now is totally acceptable. i'll be writing you an email very soon. and it'll probably be a very long one..so be prepared. lol. i love you very much! <3 |
| Anonymous | 08-20-04 4:22pm hey cjicky! i am gonna be thinking about you and ur mom all day saturday. I cant believe this really had to happen to you guys. I am so000o sorry. You know that if you need me for anything ever just to call me and im there. Im goin outta town this weekend but call me on saturday on sarahs cell and we could talk forver bcuz she has verizon too. I am ready to cry with ou girl. I really do hope you come to visit this thanksgiving. Who all have you talked to since you been gone? im just curious. We talked last night so i dont really know what else to say lol except the same things i always say to you over and over again. Dito to everything i say to you. lol. im lame i know. not droky though cuz ur not with me. but damn when we get back together is shit gonna be fuckin funny. Thats what i spend my days thining about. NOt so much how much i miss you even though thats soooooo much but how awesome things are gonna be in the future so thats why even though you feel like it you cant give up. I love you and hope to talk to you asap... <3<3<3 always and forever, Carly ps i updated too |
strawberrie | Re:, 08-20-04 5:55pm Dani i love you n miss u n figured out why i couldnt get through to u had the wrong area code ((thanx carly)) its 511116 not 56111 lol i was curious about that one i think im going to joes tonight so imma call u please dont think i dont miss u cause i do n dont think im not thinking or caring about u cause i am and saturday will be a rough day for me i wish i could be therrrrrrrrrreeeeeee sooooooooooooo bad omg u dont even kno but u cant comment back but yeah ill talk to u tonight
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heartsbroken | 08-20-04 6:13pm dee i love you and i hope you dont think i dont care cuz i do! i cant call you cuz i dont have your number! well now i do cuz i was givin the wrong number so when i did try to call it didnt work! and your never online when im online! i lov you babe... i have that pic of you and your mom on my shelf above my bed and its one of the last things i look at when i go to sleep. it hurts me to hear how your doing i wish we could just fix everything or take away the pain because you DONT deserve it. I love you and I DO MISS YOU. and you could never be replaced. <3 michelle |
seductiveeyez | 08-24-04 3:37pm happy birthday!!! i know its kinda late but i couldnt get on my computer...im sending you a present, hope u like it! luv ya Jen |
seductiveeyez | Re:, 08-24-04 3:38pm haha sry about that...wrong person lol |