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| fadingintoblue (profile) wrote, on 8-19-2004 at 10:08pm | |
| Current mood: not bad Music: Radiohead |
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| I have a really good memory, but I remember really stupid things sometimes. For example: Today is the two year aniversary of the first time I cut myself (not hurt, cut). I know exactly what I was feeling and exactly what I was doing. And I can still remember the exact day, and the approximate time. That's really really stupid. I don't want to think about it anymore. I don't want to feel self-conscious about my scars, even though they're not really noticeable anymore (and the first cut from two years ago is almost faded now). I am having a perfectly nice day, yet I feel compelled to stop and reflect on this aniversary, and that's just stupid. I don't want to have these idiot marks, I don't want to have these stupid memories, and I don't want to think about it all the time. I was 15, I was stupid, I was depressed, end of story, let's move on. Bleh. |
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kiwi | two years ago, 08-25-04 2:21pm Wait... I always thought you started cutting before i knew you. And when I say knew I mean like before the library lock-in. Which is when we like had a choice of good people to hang out with (as opposed to scary troup members) and choose each other. Wow... I never knew that. You didn't seem depressed, of course I've gotten better at telling a person's emotions since then. But really? Really? Wow, I truly thought you started back in like 7th grade when you were like all depressed. |
| fadingintoblue | Re: two years ago, 08-28-04 4:01pm Yeah, I always felt guilty about it. I was hurting myself in 7th grade (and before, and after) in other ways, most notably by tearing my hair out (I actually had a bald spot for a while, it grew back). And one of the reasons you didn't really see me as being depressed was that I got happier whenever I talked to you, and I was really good at hiding it.
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