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| innocence (profile) wrote, on 8-26-2004 at 2:36pm | |
| Music: wind beneath my wings Subject: so alone |
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| first off-- moms wake was saturday. i went CRAZY. ive never cried so much in my life. it was like i had to experience her death all over again. it was terrible. i miss her so so much nobody even knows. i have a lot of missed calls-- from carly and heather. sorry that i keep missing them, but i get no service in my house and im not supposed to use my phone unless its a weekend or after nine. ill call you both tonight -- i promise!!! i talked to mario today, finally had time to call a friend, so i called him and talked to him for a while. i really miss that kid, even after all the bullshit we went through. i talked to pat also. that kids still a fuckin riot. i really wanna talk to maura and jimmer, but theyre always at work. i sent out letters to sarah, megan, carly, and justin. im in the middle of writing ones to carly, heather, and john. im plannin on more. no worries guys. oh yea, i talked to kevin last night. only for a little while tho, but hey, every minute counts right? and im talkin to ricky now, so i guess im keeping in touch with some people, but i wish id talk to them more. its like rj disappeared off the earth, and some of my other friends just arent trying, but whatever, im not in the mood to complain. ha. lets see, what have i been up to lately??? well saturday was moms wake, [wont get into that anymore], i went to get registered at francis lewis high school, now i just have to get an appointment with a guidance counselor for my schedule. I got a few more things for school. spent like 150$ on it. I went with my aunt so she could show me her wedding dress.. it was magnificent on her. while we were at the dress shop, i found one that looked good on me, so i got it, and get accesories and shoes, and now im all set for the wedding, i just have to find out how im going to do my hair. [im the maid of honor]. i guess thats about it, there were a few more little things, but eh. who cares. im trying to get to florida asap. but it doenst look to good, theyre scared of soemthing that might happen to me or some bullshit story like that-- but hopefully ill be there around christmastime. im aloud to have people come visit me during my birthday [oct 30] but it dont look like anybodys really interested in that. lately ive been having really sad days, where i just think about all the bad stuff in my life and the bad shit happening to me and i cant get around it. its just so hard for me to think positive. i mean, shit, i left my best friend and other kickass awesome friends, i left guys that i really really really liked, i left my house, which by the way is being sold - god damnit - and my moms gone. i just cant seem to think positive in this situation. i look at pictures of my friends and guys i liked and/or like and i just wanna break down, im starting school soon, i have no friends and im extremely jealous of all of my friends. jealous that carlys got a guy like frank who likes her, jealous that heather and all the rest of my friends are friends with the guy(s) i wanna be with, jealous that my friends still have a life and are having fun and brushing off their shoulders the fact that im gone, and just forgetting about me. jealous that my friends have other friends they can count on or hug. jealous that my friends have MOTHERS. and just jealous that everybody at some point seems happy. not a day goes by that i dont cry, or wish i was dead, or think about my friends and how i feel like im being replaced by some of them. i go crazy thinking, and i dont know what to do. i just wanna go home, i wanna feel loved and thats one of the last things im feeling here. im not asking for pity, or for anybody to have a guilt trip or anything like that, im just asking that if ur a friend who truly cares about me, pleeeease try to keep in touch, because thats all i live my life for. i live my life for my cat and my friends. and once i feel liike those friends are gone, its almost like the point of living isnt worth the cost of the pain. i just cant go on. not w/o my mom and not w/o my friends. my friends are my leaning posts now that my moms gone, i have NOTHING except my friends.. and i hope you all realize how much im counting on you.. cuz one day my life may depend on it. i miss you so much carly and heather!!! and mel and mario and everyfuckingbody i miss you all soooooooooooooooooooooo much. please please help me through this. i really need you. i need you all. <33 i miss you mommy <33 |
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| Anonymous | 08-26-04 5:14pm hey danielle.. its sarah.. it doesn't sound like things are going well for you but if you need someone to talk to im here for you!i hope things get better. and dont be jealous go out and try to have just as much fun as we are!
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strawberrie | Re:, 08-26-04 6:27pm dee im sorry i missed ur call imma call u babe dont be jealous of me n i have nooooooo guys trust me i made 2 nrew girels that are friends an thats it ur still like number 1 n nothing will change that n trust me if i had money id be their in a flash for ur bday imma try n send u somethinggggg well see what flys with mom i wisyh n pray for u everyday cant wait to see u love you so so so so so so so so much xoxox
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| Anonymous | 08-26-04 6:28pm dont cry dry ur eues cause we all
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seductiveeyez | 08-28-04 10:51pm you gotta remember that things can only get better...dnt wry about making friends in NY cuz ur one of the nicest ppl i kno...i'm definatly gunna send you a present for your birthday! |
| Anonymous | I love you., 08-30-04 11:08pm Danielle i love you so much...im so glad we became friendssss im sorry you're having a hard time ... see you soon |
innocence | Re: I love you., 09-03-04 12:46am who is that |