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| suspensionrings (profile) wrote, on 11-14-2004 at :14am | |
| Names. I've never ever ever found a decent name for myself. And I've lingered long and uselessly over why, which I don't wish to re-enact now. But: To Zenith, Ayrn, Deph, and maybe others I am still LT. Zenith is just Zenith to me, Ayrn has been Corwin for a while, Deph switches between that and Wes. All for different reasons. I never really knew Zenith that well, but at one point she offered her house to me. God, think about that. Never met the girl, and through the strength of AIM conversations she decided that if I needed it, I could have a room in her house. Isn't that awesome? She was, for a while, my wings. And then she kind of fell of the face of the internet, and now that she's back I'm not sure what to do with her. It's wierd and awkward, she hasn't changed at all and I have so much. Ayrn . . . still a thorn in my side. There was never any decent resolution about him. Probably never will be. I did get to see him once, though, long after it had ceased to matter. Sort of. Thorn thorn thorn. Deph/Wes . . . well, he's Wes. I mean. That alone should describe it, if you know him. He's cool. Psyche was the only one who ever picked up the habit of calling me Torpor, one of the many millions of perceptions to which I am eternally grateful to her for. She singlehandedly destroyed my mindless argh at the christian nation by being so wonderful and accepting. I know her given name, but don't use it out of respect. Alicia calls me Maggie, or Magpie, or Marmalade, or whatever the fuck she feels like calling me . . . it's brilliant. Only she and my grandmother have ever been allowed to bastardize my given name. It's an insult when anyone else does it, with her, it feels right. It'd be wierd if she called me Margaret, or Torpor, or whatever. She has a handle on me. [somethingsopmething, god, i'm so too tired to do this] Jim calls me Chesh. Short for Cheshire, because, [and I misquote] ". . . you seem to be fond of the creatures." [Referring to my art.] The first time he suggested it I laughed, thinking there was no way he'd ever know how hideously accurate it was, and mentally dismissed it, figuring he'd find something better in a couple of days. He didn't. I've lost track of my point . . . very tired. Blzz blzz blzz. No handle ever seems to fit me. No name is ever adequate. It's frustrating, after years of trying. I feel faceless and mute and wierd. |
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cutlip | 11-16-04 3:04am & I know you as suspension. Would there be something more appropriate?
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