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| jennapie (profile) wrote, on 12-10-2004 at 11:06am | |
| Current mood: sleepy |
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| I'm so tired. I was up at 4:30 this morning to go down to WZZM 13 and be on for NHS and toys for tots, it was so much fun, then tonight is that basketball game and then the dance, but before I go to the game I have to go over to my uncles house because my cousin Amanda is going to be calling from Kentucky at her base and saying goodbye to everyone, because she gets shipped out to Iraq tonight. It's going to be horrible. This morning, I don't know if I was just not awake or really emotional, but I was telling Alice about it and just starting crying right there, we were on our way to Grand Rapids. Last night was horrible too. I was really mad at everyone and I just wanted to be left alone. How come when I tell them to leave me alone, that's when they seem to want to be near me and bother me the most. My sister even called me a bitch and told me to get over myself. That DIDN'T help, trust me! So I go to the basement, which is where I go to be by myself, and Stacey comes down there and sits down by me!!! UGH!!! LEAVE ME ALONE!!! So then I come upstairs and sit on the couch and continue watching "One Tree Hill" and my dad starts in trying to figure out what's wrong!!! I think he guessed every possible answer, including Dan, and Jon, and school, and friends and everything, except the correct answer. Then he tells me to stop hanging out with whoever was making me act that way!!! UGHGUGHUG!!! If everyone would have just left me alone last night then I would't have acted anyway!! So I can't seem to stop myself, and tell my dad that they were all making me mad and I was just sick of everyone in my family and if they would all leave me alone like I had been telling them all night to do then we wouldn't have a problem!!! And then he knows me too well and knows that he can get to me by doing this, but he goes off on this huge guilt trip about making my family feel bad because they are the ones that will never leave my side and they are the ones that will always be there for me, and I feel terrible because I know that I have been treating them bad all night and I know that I can count on them for anything. So then he tells me to go to my room if I can't act decent and I just went upstairs and cried. I couldn't help it, as soon as Dad starts lecturing I can't hold em' back. I felt terrible, and then I tried calling Dani, but she wasn't home and I felt all alone, because I was(now they were leaving me alone) and I didn't know what to do. So I read my book(Moby Dick) and went to bed. I think tonight is not gonna be too good either. I hope I get to see everyone and have fun. I don't even think I wanna go to the Dance, yeah, it's Holly Hop, big freakin deal, it's not like their going to play any Christmas songs, and it's not like I'm going to dance with anybody, and I'll prolly just be miserable all night, so I don't know why I was even considering going in the first place. I think I just made a decision for myself. Another Friday night at home.....hmmmm....... I get really mean and say things I don't mean when I'm tired, becasue I was a lot more civil this morning. Screw you too, I don't even wanna try. I'm lost. |
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jennapie | 12-10-04 11:32am oh, and I love Kevin Drumm!!! |