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silentcriez (profile) wrote,
on 12-11-2004 at 3:47pm

i realized that i need to feel needed.. i need to feel loved.. i need to feel like i have some purpose or else ill go insane.. ive found that i run back to the ones wholl take me.. so that i can feel like i belong.. i dont know whats wrong with me.. but i do need help.. im all fucked up.. and this christmas will be as miserable as the last..

and my sister.. the last family tie that i love.. is going to switzerland for college in less than 3 weeks..

theres nothing left for me here.. nothing left for me to take comfort in.. i just have friends, weed, poetry and art.. thats it.. thats all thats here for me.. ive given up on relationships.. ive given up on trust.. ive given up on my family.. ive almost given up on me..

i just wish that things would be easy... i wish that things could work themselves out on their own for once.. i wish that my singing would make me something.. that i will be appreciated.. i mean thats all that people who kill themselves want.. they want an escape from the pain.. they want people to realize that they needed them.. they want people to pay attention to the fact that theyre gone and you didnt get to tell them how you really felt.. i assure you ive thought about all of this more than twice.. sometimes i just laugh at myself for even thinking that my singing would take me anywhere.. its just a childhood dream..

im pathetic.. and self concious just waiting to be needed.. and waiting to open myself up to anyone whose willing to give me a chance.. im used to being hurt.. im used to be let down.. thats what you get when your me.. constant dissapointment.. constant stiving for more that you will never reach.. thats what its like to be me.. to want to be something you could never be.. thats me..

- amanda
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lisa3019

12-12-04 3:15am

I know how you feel...

You get to the point where you think "it couldn't be worse", and then it gets worse.

You just want people to see that they should shown you that they care for you...just a little bit more

anyways, i'm just rambling.. i'm lisa, by the way, just randomly viewed your journal.

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silentcriez

Re:, 12-12-04 10:20pm

thank youuuu for taking the time to care <33

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emmyd

12-13-04 7:33pm

i love you

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silentcriez

Re:, 12-15-04 7:24am

i love you emmy

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