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| mudpiegrl (profile) wrote, on 12-22-2004 at 11:33pm | |
| Current mood: sad Music: who cares? |
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| there are so many of those moods that i am. very indifferent to all the presents people are giving me. i love them but then the situation's still the same so its like a momentary high. im frustrated with my mum. i just want to be left alone because its not something anyone understands apparently. they tell me to talk to him but how am i supposed to talk to someone who tells me "dont be mad at me"? so im angry at that and sad cuz he's not being a boyfriend. ive seen him three of the six days he's been home, which hasnt been since thanksgiving. festivus is clearly more important than getting his gift. i promise i wont call him until after christmas, except to say merry christmas to him and his family. my lips are dry and hurt. my body hurts and im exhausted. i just want to sleep, but the more i think about neil, the more prospective all the above (or below) listed guys sound. i want to persue jeramiah, even if only for a week in january (he lives in rockford). stunkel'd be fun too, but i wouldnt want to leave him at home. it's too tough of a situation. matt smith is by far the hardest to pass up. today i went to his house and he's so comfortable and gentle, yet playful and not nervous. he leaned over me to look at the cd that i asked him a question about cuz it was on the table, and i just wanted to kiss him. im really having difficulty. neil didnt even try to get me to the door to say goodbye. i dont think he cares that im being distant. either that or he hasnt noticed. hm...where'd that come from? i think i drooled on my pants. goodnight. im going to work tmro. i sort of like not having a life. relationships dont change in your head if you dont keep up with them. |
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| Anonymous | 12-23-04 11:34pm so yeah, im going to take another crack at giving bad advice. Or not. Im not sure. You're a big girl, i think you just need to decide how to talk or deal with neil, because i think you know that already, and I dont blame yu for not doing it right now, its Christmas, your exhausted, your family is humping your leg per usual and not many are there to talk to, im including myself in this, soooo............i dont know what really else to say other than your going to have to summon up the courage yourself to do whatever you have to do in your relationship with neil, bc obviously he isnt doing it. Sry honey, I hope this Christmas perks up for you.
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mudpiegrl | Re:, 12-24-04 1:18am thanks...i think lol.
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