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sweetyas (profile) wrote,
on 3-9-2005 at 10:55pm
Current mood: sad
Music: Nelly-Suit
Subject: Getting depressed AGAIN
You guys i hate this. I know i dont have depression and im not suicidal. But this random feeling of overwhelming sadness is killing me. Did u know i cried last night? Yea i dont cry, ever. I hate crying its an evil bitch. But i just couldnt handle life. I know i have it really good right now. I have pretty much everything i want. But im so damn lonely. I think a big part of it is that i dont express my problems with people.

Let's just be honest, i'm lost. I feel like i have to make my friends hang out with me. I'm having issues with melanie and just cant tell her. Omg does that girl not know me. i totally missed up my college applications. I so shud have applied to UofI but didnt. It would be the only college i could dorm at.

My parents hate me. Not me hate them, thye hate me. i cant get along with my brothers. i just wan tt o leavet hsi stupid country. i want to go alone somewhere. I want to do my awesome dream trip that will never happen. I wanted to go to the middle east thsi summer, but as we get closer i can see that im not going. I was so excited. But my mom had to do the trip last month during school/hell week. Now, when we talk about the summer trip its like we might go, maybe. not sure. And im just so pissed.

im screwed for life. im going to end up in a loveless abusive marriage with three kids and working in a job that i hate.

I aint lying, i'll see you in ten years.
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mudpiegrl

03-15-05 8:22pm

maybe that loveless marriage is what you see from your mother and you fear you will follow in her footsteps. which, sadly enough, you probably will because everyone tends to do something of the sort. but you can change things up a bit. during parenting, you can parent differently and read books on how to raise good kids and have them get along. age difference is a big thing. if you go to school for what you want, and not for the money, you will be happy with your job. your husband must be picked well. a random person and a short unstable relationship will not land you contently. spend a lot of time picking your husband.

see if you can pay for part of the trip out of your own money. then work super hard wiht all the time you can and maybe they'll let you go. if not, try after a few years of college. you'll probably have a more skilled job that pays more and therefore more able to do it yourself. you may have to wait until you are settled a bit, maybe retired. but yasamin, i know you. you will do waht you want. you are determined to get things right.

just dont let yourself give up.

i know how you feel. lonely and lost. you eventually get out of it but nothing anyone can say makes you feel better.

with melanie, you need to either tell her what you feel or just stop talking to her, but that may result in evil looks and rumours, so you should probably just tell her.

::hug:: to you yasamin.....as many as you need. you'll be okie, because you are the best house manager ever and rock at finding tech director gifts!!!! ::hug::

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