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toki (profile) wrote,
on 3-10-2005 at 9:23am
Current mood: exanimate
Subject: Nazi Librarians
News of the day: Xanga is officially blocked on school computers. Gasp. I know. How am I going to be updated on everyone’s lives?! It’s a monstrosity. Wow, I spelled that right on the first try. I truly am a god. But really…what’s it going to help blocking Xanga from us? Because if you have a Xanga you probably have a billion other journals which aren’t blocked. So I guess it’s back to woohuing for me. ::shrugs:: It’s more fun anyways. Plus I know the thousands of you that read this journal will need updates o my life as well. :-P

So. I feel stupid. You want to know something? I’m a bad person. I’m a bad friend, a bad girlfriend, a bad sister, a bad daughter. Ryan got mad at me last night for not being…what’s that word? I don’t know. For being the one who sits and waits for him to say or do something. And the thing is… I know I do it. And I’ve known that it bothered him. Why do I do it then? I’m scared. God, I’m so scared. If I take the initiative, what if he doesn’t want to return it… you know? I know. I’m being stupid. But…god. He was telling me all these things that I don’t do and how it kind of bothers him. Simple things that should be completely obvious to me. Which they are, I just am evil and terrible and do nothing about it. What he said makes sense and I feel bad.

But, I don’t know. He got mad…well not mad…annoyed because I’ll be hugging him and then I’ll lose my balance and you know me…I’m a klutz. Plus…he’s taller then me. So to hug him I stand on my toes sometimes. Don’t ask me why. Then he’ll move and me…leaning on him while standing on my toes.... isn’t aware that he’s going to move, so therefore I lose my balance. I don’t know. Everything he said makes sense. But I’m clumsy beyond belief. After seeing a movie I can’t walk out of the theatre without tripping over my own feet. It’s not like I mean to lose my balance so often. So I don’t know what to think.

He deserves much better then me. In my eyes at least. I really really don’t think I deserve him. He’s so nice to me and I freak out about the stupidest things and he puts up with it. Holy hell. I just sound crazy now. You know what? I’m just really bad at showing that I care about him. You would think the girl is the one who gets annoyed because her boyfriend shows no emotion. But no. It’s quite the opposite in Patrice land. Quite scary, eh?

I just feel bad for not being good enough. And that’s my story. So it’s official. I’m heartless and cold and I need to be unselfish. ::nods::

I just took this allergy stuff to make me feel better. On the bright side…I can breath. The darker side…I can barely stay awake. Gov is going to be good fun today. ::commands you to sense the sarcasm:: But I am getting a smoothie after school maybe. Which rocks my socks which are really my brother’s but I ran out of socks today so I’m wearing them. My mom wants to get me tested to see if I’m anemic. But every time I think of that I word I say ameobic. Like amoebas. Hm. I want to write an email to someone. I wonder if aol works on these Nazi computers.

I still have the Kimis and her Smithis in my binder thing. It’s weird. Remind me to take it out. Just because it seems that I have a Kimis obsession. Which…as you all know…I do. But I can’t show it. Pish. Urgh. My eyes are starting to hurt. So this is where I stop. Adios mi mejores. (What does that mean? I don’t know either…)
Post A Comment

sandatthebeach

03-10-05 6:48pm

::Reminds Patrice to remove the Kimis and the Smithis out of her binder thingy::

I kinda understand what you're talking about the boy...I'd rather not post on here what parts I understand and can relate to because this is kinda open to the general public...and I feel comfortable sharing it with the world. lol So ask and you shall receive an answer from the Kimis...with a first name of Sandy....Kim.

Dude, just a reminder: Ryan is poopy. Why? Because Ryan is a boy and all boys poopy. Therefore by the transitive property, Ryan is a poopface. Thank you.

Always, Sandy

(reply to this)

mudpiegrl

03-15-05 8:48pm

obsessions with the kimis are good things patrice. it's okie, we all have them.

"adios mi mejores" means "goodbye my women"

you arent weird trix. you're normal. step back, you're normal. i keep typing nermal...thats the character from garfield.

i know what you mean too. initiative is a scary thing. its like when you're in class and the teacher asks who read the stuff last night and you know you're the only one but you dont wanna raise your hand cuz you dont want someone to make fun of you. but then you realise you dont care......or you do and wait for someone else before you raise your hand.

its frustrating. i guess you just have to say, "god damn it, im going to do it." even though im really not sure of what you are speaking. its weird because once you cross the scared barrier, its a lot easier next time. just like with naything new. like food. you arent sure you want to spend seven dollars on a meal you arent sure you'll like. so you get a cheeseburger, because you know you like those. but sometimes, you need to get the mashed potatoes with the chicken fingers, even though its not nermal.....lol that was on purpose.

the way of the future, the way of the future, the way of the future.....

_-----_
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+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ +
+ + <~~~~ spew waste here. line it up with all
+ + other waste and forget.
+ +
+ =-- +
++---++

(reply to this)

mudpiegrl

03-15-05 8:56pm

##_-----_ ##
## ------ ##
##+......+ ##
##+......+ ##
##+......+ ##
##+......+ ##
##+.......+ ##
#+............+##
+................+## <~~~~ spew waste here. line it up with all
+................+## other waste and forget.
+................+##
#+ ===-- +###
##++---++###


(reply to this)

mudpiegrl

Re:, 03-15-05 8:57pm

sorry it sucks


(reply to comment)