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| tails (profile) wrote, on 5-16-2005 at 8:17pm | |
| Music: Mozart - Moonlight Sonata Subject: Read |
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| My brain is fucking twitching. i could barley stand up today. i just wanted to fall over and pass out. not die (im not that emo). i cant stand what he says to me, how he feels about me and how he treats me. i deserve enough respect to at least be seen as a semi equal right? i mean he dosent have to say "all you fucking do is sit on your fat fucking ass and do nothing you waste of space" was that all nesscary to tell me that i fucked up by not getting my scholarship info in on time? i mean im not that bad a person i mean there are still some scholarships out there and most of the dead lines arent till july im not going to be fucked. and those finacial aid people should really hurry up. and please dear god let the colleges stop calling me and telling me how perfect they are for me and then telling me the tuition...i can afford that. my parents are rich and retired. my elders arent giving me some thousands of dollars for no reason. i have nothing (like most of you) but i can barely afford junior college which makes me think that im not good enough to go to a real college. so i doubt my purpose and think i might as well just stay in this shit hole town and state forever cause im not good enough to get the things i want in life. im to fucking fat and stupid to even get a job that i might enjoying waking up to. i mean thats what life is. a cycle of hating what you do and the people around you until you get two days of break in which you spend the 6 dollars of your paycheck you have left after you pay for insurance and utilites and rent and food and gas. and then you cry to yourself about how shitty your life is and they say the only way to have a nice life is to spend all your money on school so that after you leave it you can spend the rest of your life paying off your debt to the schools. but wont you feel comfy in a job you like getting up for and spending every extra cent on debt? thats perfection. so is working minimum wage to support an apartment and a drug habit. choose your path youll be fucking happy either way right? fuck me and my life. fuck this all. if you read all this then you have a heart and thank you. god i just needed to say all this and just let you know how much i want to be a little kid i want to just have fun this summer i want to relax and go to my shitty job and spend all my money on gas and then bitch about being broke. but im expected to spend EVERY moment that im not in work filling out financial aid shit and scholarship junk and writing essays about rice patties and shit that dosent even make sence to me at all. i want to move out caus i hate him but i cant cause he wont let me cause he knows i cant support myself and he knows ill fucking die. let me fail i know i will but let me fucking allow me to fuck up and make my own mistakes jesus christ ok you fucked up your life and shit let me fuck myne up damn. im not ryan SORRY im not my brother and that makes him so damn mad. i know it does it just pisses him off so fucking much that im not like them. god does it ever. goodbye. | |
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tare | 05-16-05 9:54pm there are always times where we want to be little kids again, matty. that's just a part of life. i think you'll do great at life when it's all said and done. I HAVE FAITH IN YOU.
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valoth | Woe Is me, and many more., 05-16-05 9:54pm Dude....Ive got that whole being broke and not really able to afford college thing down pat. And I may sound like a jackass for trying to point the finger away from myself, but I truly 99% blame my brother for a good lump of my troubles. I could have a nicer car, better life style, and less money troubles if He, my brother, hand't fucked up with everything he had. He keeps draining my parents of mney by fucking something up.
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tails | Re: Woe Is me, and many more., 05-16-05 10:14pm wonderfully said. and horribly true |
rayray | 05-17-05 12:00am I am really sorry that you have to go through all that. I wish that there was something I could do to make all the pain go away. And give you a life that you would be happy living. I wish that I could repay you for all the times you've helped me and listened to my shitty life stories. I dont really have any advice to keep from working a job you'll hate. But I can say, hold onto your memories. Those are the things that will keep you happy. Along with the memories you make each day with friends and family. I love you, and will always be here for you. |
jordanmackenzie7 | 05-17-05 3:55pm You're gonna do whatever you do, with style.... |