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| jedibumblebee (profile) wrote, on 5-4-2002 at 1:39pm | |
| Current mood: numb Music: Counting Crows- Anna Begins Subject: And I'm not ready for this sort of thing...but I'm not going to break and I'm not going to worry about it anymore...but then I start to think about the consequences... |
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| Do you ever think you have it all figured out, and finally move to action on something, and then realize everyone else has changed their minds and so the whole situation is different? Sure, that's general, but I think you get what I mean. I don't think there's anything I hate more than when I spill my guts to someone, only to have it seem to backfire on me. It's all related, but sometimes no one realizes why I am the way I am. I like living sheltered. I get in less trouble that way. I don't get hurt as deeply. I don't like making decisions because decisions are like commitments. Commitments tie you to things, and then when the situation changes, committments aren't supposed to. But sometimes they do. And none of that is convenient. No matter how much you think it is. I'm not a convenient person. I am a challenge. That's not something I choose, that's just how it is, I can't do anything about it. It's like, you can put up with me or not. I really hate struggles. I know you should respect that I don't change myself for people, yet it almost feels like you are asking me to. But I am trying to make the effort and feel like I'm just left in the dust. I know it's not time to spill like this, it's been a week. But for me, it's been a difficult week. I don't like breaking my pattern of routine, you broke it. And maybe it was good for me, but now I feel like I'm being left in pieces. I'm not ready for this. But I think would like to be. I feel like I'm not being given the chance to find out. Deep connections are overrated, and so are stupid deep speeches like that. I know, I act like an idiot and get tongue-tied. I should talk, I can't talk, you won't give me that chance to talk. Not to talk like this. I don't chill out. I'm spontaneous energy, constantly moving. I think I pride myself on this. It frustrates some but I think it is something that defines me, something I probably won't get rid of. It's never been this difficult for me. I don't know if that scares me away or draws me in. Every word of this is nonsense but I think you understand. We were on the same page once. |
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Wafflehouse | wow..., 05-04-02 4:25pm I can understand why you've been stressed. All I can give to you is someone to talk to...and that it will eventually pass and life will go on. You will be a stronger person because of it. |
charlie | 05-04-02 9:30pm if i said i was sorry, would you even believe me anymore, because i truly am |
jedibumblebee | Re:, 05-04-02 9:47pm don't you realize...not everything I say is about you. |
danibean | 05-04-02 10:52pm i love ya stef! i'm always here to lend an ear (and rhyme! haha) |