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toki (profile) wrote,
on 9-25-2005 at 9:11pm
I can't get back to studying. I tried.

I didn't mean to. God, fuck. I can't do this. I swear, I can't. I can't keep going like this. I'm not complaining for sympathy or understanding, that's not helping any.

Instead of sympathy, take a metal pole and whack me across the head. Please. I'm begging you.

I just can't do this anymore. Any of it. I'm trying, though. I promise. I can't keep on. I just can't. And I hate myself for it.

I'm being selfish. I know. I'm selfish and clingy and stupid and I don't want to deal with myself. I've spent the past weekend just crying. And I feel like a complete shit for it.

Please? I can't do it. I can't.
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mudpiegrl

09-25-05 10:44pm

funny you say you have been crying; you have been taking the tears i probably should be shedding...

you can do this, in fact, you have to...just add it to the list...

you are not selfish because you constantly put others before yourself, therefore taking one moment to think of yourself is not selfish, but rather, necessary.

you are not clingy, either. jen is clingy, lots of people are clingy...but you, my dear, are not clingy.

stupid...for that, i will smack you with a pole!

as for feeling like shit, you have not been flushed down the toliet, so you continue to fill the room with your smell...eventually so much that no one will walk in there.
take a deep breath and think hard, not badly about yourself but rather what you can do to make things better, or easier...or whatever it is you need to do.

good luck. if you want to talk, call me anytime...even if you know am sleeping...

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toki

Re:, 09-25-05 11:59pm

what happened? Why should you be crying? :-( Sorry...

thank you, Miss Moore

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