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| Jacqui-Chan (profile) wrote, on 2-20-2006 at 2:36pm | |
| Current mood: lonely Subject: Never changes. |
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| Why do I do this to myself. I let myself get lost in him again. But just as I do that he becomes a class A jerk again. I don't like that, but I can't stop it. Somehow I feel that I need him or something. I don't, and I realize that. But I don't act on it. He does a million stupid things and I let him counter that with only one sweet thing. I was going to give him back his ring last night, we never actually did that. But when he came over I lost it. He was being so sweet. We were acting like we did in the beginning. It was amazing. I suddenly realized why he'd been my best friend for so long. Then I told him that I'd been about to give his ring back, and he got really sad. He asked if I still wanted to. I said I really didn't know. Then he told me that he didn't really want to give mine back or take his back, but that it was really up to me. He expressed the same confusion that I've been feeling. He said that when he was with me he wanted to be my boyfriend again, but when we were apart it was nice to be free. I feel the same... but I know that I'm still in love with him. I don't think he really is still in love with me. I think he's just in love with the idea of "us". I don't know what to do. I was SO jealous last night when he and Kayla were over. Caleb was suppose to come too, but since he didn't it was just the three of us. I didn't enjoy that in the least. I love love Kayla, she's one of my best friends anymore, but JD likes her, and I hate that. My mom at one point asked if I'd just invited them over to watch them flirt. I was gonna' kill her... mostly because she asked aloud the question I'd been asking myself all night. UGH!! What am I suppose to do? I feel helpless somehow... like no matter what I do I'm screwed. He gets all freaky and jealous when I do stuff with other guys, and he never does anything with other girls. But I hate just sitting around thinking about what was and what might've been. "What if's" should not be the focus, and I pride myself on not thinking about them... at least not a lot. So what do I do? Just sit and wait for the world to work for me? Or do something about it? The latter obviously... but how? What do I do about it? I have no idea. And he is NO help at all. And to think Saturday would've been 11 months for us. Instead it's been a month tomorrow since we broke up. Isn't that crazy? Yea! Okay enough babbling. Advice would definetly be appreciated though. Bye loves. |
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breezeyluvsu | 02-20-06 3:14pm Oh goodness goodness, Kayla who??
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allisonwonderland | 02-20-06 5:07pm My advice babe? Kill him. It's easy, really.
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banana | 02-20-06 6:28pm You pretty much know how I feel. You need to hang out with me and we can go to the mall and check out guys....
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Tails | 02-20-06 7:14pm I say that you sit down again with him over some coffee. think really hard and share some extended silence until someone feels the need to break it. whatever is first said from that silence usally can tell you alot about the deeper thoughts of that person. then just hash things out. but remember if the bad things EVER outway the good things then you need to leave hun. its better to experience a total break down of the heart than it is to feel a prolonged bruising of the heart. it sounds like this relationship happens to mean alot to you. but jealousy is a HUGE break up point. you should never be with someone who is jealous at all. i seriously get sick to my stomach when i see people say " i cant hang out with you because my boyfriend wouldnt like that" WHAT THE FUCK!?!?! ARE YOU HIS FUCKING POSSESION??? i hate people like that jacki. dont you ever be that way. *hugs* i hope you still respect whetzel's opioin. i love you and be safe in love and life. |