05-10-06 8:51pm

Hmm.
I'm trying to decide what to say, because I don't want to say the wrong thing and have you take offence to it.

You and I walk a parell path, sort of. We're both trying to change habits that are extremely hard to break. You always disliking yourself is a habit that seems like has been installed in you since you were little. [Don't take offence to this please.] It's extremely difficult to break habits such as these. Whenever I want to change and I think about how much better I'll be then than I am now, I get this lump in my throat. Afraid of the change and afraid of breaking a pattern that has been installed in me for years. And it's a big step, believe me. I still can't get the courage to change some things and make them better. But you have to work at it. Don't try and jump into the 10 foot lake before you can swim. Basically, I'm trying to say, don't love all of you at once. Just take it one trait at a time and concentrait on that one special thing about you. And begin to love that piece and when you are sure you love that piece and nothing can make you hate it you can move onto the next piece. It's like putting together a puzzle, it takes time and patience and you have to make sure all the pieces fit just right.

And if someone is treating you wrong, just say something to them. I know it feels like there's a lump in your throat and it's hard to spit out the words. But spitting out the words takes 5 seconds. Take 5 seconds and compare that to regretting not saying something for days, even months.

I don't know what else to say... except that you are a wonderful, caring, loving person and I pray that someday you'll realize this and when you graduate this year you should think of it as a new beginning. Being able to leave this whole life behind and go and try something new. Become the person who you want to be. Because there will be nobody judging your past faults.

I love you.

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Re:, 05-10-06 11:22pm

wow, kalie, you're amazing. i love you!

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05-10-06 9:22pm

I am sick of you always taking our problems to your woohu. It's kind of a personal thing.

IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME, TALK.
I have no problems with you. I'm not fixing your problems with me. It's your job to talk to me, not to write about it in your woohu and wait for me to approach you.


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05-10-06 9:54pm

actually, this hurts. what the fuck did i do to you?

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Re:, 05-10-06 11:24pm

you act like a bitch to me and then pretend you didn't hurt my feelings when you yell at me, or when you ignore me, or you ruin my good mood because you're tired/crashing/depressed or whatever. and then when i feel bad or some other negative feeling, you get pissy at me.

and then when you yelled at me in third for not paying attention to you when i was telling kikr what was going on with the project that really pissed me off. and then when i said hi to you and you just ignored me, that really really hurt and really extremely ruined my day. simpley because i didn't understand what the fuck i did other than went to lunch with kirk without your approval, which i didn't think was a necessity.

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05-11-06 12:49am

I'm not going to try to be a mediator here as I know its not going to change anything.
You both have very different lives that you will be living, you both having different places you'll be living. And its not like things are so great when you're together. All I see you two is fighting! Every other day you guys are at eachothers throats and the next you're best friends. Its like a cycle of pain that both of you feed off of. Amelia right now seems to be trying to hide herself in work and Brooke seems to want everything her way when she wants it without telling anyone.
>Am I the only one who sees this?<
I think Amelia's message here could be copy-pasted from another part of her journal and have the same meaning. I don't see goodness in this relationship and I don't see change for the better.
Why don't you guys try to find a solution that doesn't end up with you guys bitching at eachother?

-Kirk-

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hmm, 05-11-06 3:30am

you were so cute when you were young. really cute.

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neo, 05-11-06 7:17am

I love you millie.

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05-11-06 1:39pm

Amelia, I love you. And you're not hard to love...You just can't see that from within. No mirror shows you your soul (that's becoming cliche with me), and the only way to see what's on the inside is to take other peoples words for it. And I say your worth loving.

Email me your phone # and we'll talk. I want to see you. (lazarus256@hotmail.com)

love,
Paul.

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