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| kinkyrose1212 (profile) wrote, on 7-27-2009 at 4:08am | |
| Current mood: depressed Music: Coldplay-The Scientist Subject: Epic fucking fail |
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| I can't believe that happened, or I guess saying I can't believe that DIDN'T happen would be more accurate. I know I can do better and it's not worth getting upset over, but are you fucking kidding me!?! I do not feel very good right now. I know I can be pretty intense and fast paced, but really? REALLY!?! From both guys: MMH and GR. I am just so depressed I could cry right now. If I know I can do better, then why does rejection hurt so bad? I didn't think it would. I didn't think I actually cared, but surprise. I'm so fucking lonely. You don't really understand why you do the things you do and how alone you really are until something like this happens. Until you get surprised and you just can't believe what you're seeing and you don't want to believe it, but what choice have you got? I know this is ridiculous, and I know Lisa is right about everything, but Jesus Christ...what a let down. You know, I have a feeling that all of this has to do with missing Corey and shit, and being so fucking alone sometimes, but still......God fucking damn it. This kind of shit always upsets me a lot, because if I can't hope for someone loving me/ being attracted to me, what the fuck left do I have to hope for? I know that's a bit dramatic or however the fuck you'd like to judge it, but seriously, you know? I don't care who it is, I just need some GUY to love me. I wish I didn't. It makes me sick with myself, and NO fucking guy is worth what I go through for them, I'd just always like to believe that maybe this is the one. Maybe this is the love I've been waiting for. Because then I wouldn't have to look anymore, and it would be easier. I just don't fucking know anymore. Clearly, I am just a desperate, fucking idiot who looks forward to too much and the wrong things. This particular " situation " isn't the only thing making me think this, but am I always going to be alone? Am I always going to fall for people who will never love me back? Why do I bother? Right now, I kind of feel like I should get used to the idea that I'm going to be alone for a while, and that's probably for the best. But it still fucking hurts just as much. Fuck life. Whatever. What is the point, really? Every time something like this happens, I really get pushed back into wondering why I'm still hanging on and why I don't just let go of everything that hurts me. And why can't I just fucking realize that only person you can rely on is yourself, and, in my case, my GIRL friends. I'm so fucking sad. | |
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| Anonymous | 07-27-09 9:52am sounds like you don't feel like you're worth anything unless you have a guy paying attention to you. you'll know when the right guy comes along. it feels way different, not crazy head over heels in love, but more like your best friend, someone who was made just for you. but until he comes along, just make sure you know a few things: first, start appreciating yourself, and start learning to love yourself. take a few minutes every day to bask in your awesomeness. unless you learn to love yourself, you'll never feel like you're worth anything, and if you don't feel like you're worth anything, you'll keep letting people treat you like you're not worth anything. second, don't settle for less than you deserve. if it's not as good as what you're looking for, if a guy doesn't treat you the way you should be treated, don't settle, don't let him hurt you or fuck you over, cuz he's not worth it, and you're worth more. have faith, girl. keep holding on and things will get better. really, whoever these guys are who hurt you, you deserve better. it's not worth wasting tears over them. |
kinkyrose1212 | Re:, 07-27-09 11:48am Yeah, I had that feeling with Corey, and I guess I'm also just really eager to find it again, even though I know it won't come along for a while, and I know that there's a reason for that, too. I don't know. Men are just dumb fucks. But thank you for your awesome advice. I especially like the part about taking time to " bask in my awesomeness. " I'm totally gonna get on that! |