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| kinkyrose1212 (profile) wrote, on 2-28-2011 at 2:14pm | |
| Current mood: pissed off Music: The Killers Subject: DRUGS |
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| I am SO fucking pissed off right now. Last night I took a bunch of Percocet and my mom said that at least it wasn't Robotussin. Then today I mention that I want some weed and she tells me that I shouldn't be smoking it because it's " keeping me hooked on something. " I should have remembered to never talk to my parents about drugs. But I need to, you know? There's no one else around and I'm supposed to be able to talk to them about anything. What I want to know is when the hell anyone ever heard me say that I WANT to quit drugs. WHEN!?! I've never fucking said that it's just always been other people telling me that I " HAVE " to. Yes, I know I'm a fucking drug addict but I LIKE IT. I have fun that way and it makes me feel better. Not to mention, whether or not I'm taking the drugs I want to, I'm hooked on something anyway because I still have to take my prescribed drugs. Why is it okay just because these drugs were recommended by some other asshole? I know they're helping me and I don't really feel the desire to stop taking them, but it's NOT FAIR. If I'm being told that I have to take these drugs why the fuck can't I take the drugs I actually WANT to!?! I told my parents I wasn't going to quit weed and the only real reason I'm not doing Robotussin is because I need a place to stay and I'm being respectful. But to me, that's not a sufficient reason to not take drugs. It should be me choosing to stop because I don't like the way they're affecting me. You know what, though? Each time I've slipped into psychosis with the aid of Robotussin, I'VE ENJOYED IT. So, tell me, why the fuck should I quit drugs if I don't fucking want to? Because it will lead me to a more happy and fulfilling life? No matter what kind of life I lead or how it appears to anyone else, I'm still going to fucking die so why can't I live the lifestyle I choose? Sometimes I feel like I would rather keep doing drugs even if it kills me! What the hell do I care? It's what I like to do and I shouldn't have to stop doing it just so other people can feel better about me. FUCK!!! | |
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| Anonymous | 02-28-11 2:49pm it's good that you're not robotripping out of respect for your parents' house. and it's true that other people telling you to quit isn't sufficient reason to. all the rehab in the world won't do a damn bit of good if you don't want it.
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kinkyrose1212 | Re: , 02-28-11 3:40pm Well, I am trying to work through everything and it's a lot right now. Being a drug addict is selfish. No one wants to witness what kind of hell a person will willingly put themselves through. It just gets so hard when I'm pissed off and raring to go and used to dealing with my lonliness and other emotions by choking down a bunch of pills. It's all I had for a while so of course I want to go back to it. No, that lifestyle wasn't making me legitimately happy nor was I happy with the stress it put on my relationship with my parents. It's just so difficult to go one without it right now. Sometimes I do think that I would rather be like Corey. That's a thought that crosses my mind every day. But I can see some light at the end of my tunnel, a light that says once I get over these withdrawals life will be easier and more worthwhile to live. Thank you very much for your help. It's really nice to know that more people than I thought give a shit. I must move forward without the burden of drugs dragging me down. |
| Anonymous | This is Denae, 02-28-11 5:13pm Rehab won't help you unless you want. You can't change unless YOU want too. But I know that you're stronger than drugs, and that you can get on without them..but again, only if YOU want to. All the begging and pleading and threatening the in the world won't mean shit if you don't want to help yourself. I really hope you decide to quit, and I'll be here no matter what.
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| Anonymous | 02-28-11 6:31pm drugs have this funny way of making u BELIEVE u enjoy them, but all that really means is that u dont enjoy being urself. if you cant be happy or enjoy life without them, then how can u say u enjoy life at all? and if you dont enjoy life or care if you die, then thats the core of the issue. people say to me all of the time how different i am when i am not constantly drunk or fucked off my ass. and most of the feedback is positive. so even if i dont neccesarily ENJOY being sober, its good to know that its having some sort of positive affect on my life and relationships. and it does get easy. the first 90 days are by far the worst. but it really is you that has to take the initiative. you have to be the one to realize being fucked up all the time is an empty exsistance at best. only becuz the drugs are taking over ur exsistance not u. honestly, the best high ive ever gotten in my entire life is waking up and not regretting anything what-so-ever, which never happened when i was drinking all day. and knowing that people love me and are comfortable with the real me makes it easier to be comfortable with myself. just some food for thought cuz i dont wanna preach. i care about u so much and tha last thing that i want to see happen is u losing urself or ur life to something stupid like robotussin. its not even a good high, just a cheap one. in closing, there is a song i love that u should listen to. "if you want to be somebody else, if youre tired of losing battles with yourself, if you wanna be somebody else change your mind" much love sweetheart, and u know i am always here for u, no matter what. |
kinkyrose1212 | Re: , 04-29-11 11:11am thank you so much for your kind words. |