07-14-12 9:58pm

Maybe you should think about how your life has gone. The whole span of it.

Think about some of the things that have gone wrong. Think about how those wrong things have gotten better. Or how the difficulties of those things have left your life and you no longer have to deal with them.

Think about how much worse your life could be. If you weren't born into an upper-middle class American family. If you were born butt ugly and had no hope of finding love. If you weren't given a hilarious sister. If you didn't get wonderful grades. If you didn't have a job. If you couldn't eat because you had no money and no hope of getting any. If you didn't have a puppy.

Then think about all of the wonderful things that have happened during your life. The things you have accomplished. The times you've had with the people you've loved. The help you have been able to get. And how long you've been alive, even though you've not wanted to be for a very long time.

Don't take things for granted. It is something I've been working towards for a very long time. And whenever I feel like you do right now, I just think of these things and find out that, in all actuality, and compared to many others I've loved, I've been extremely fortunate to be where I am.

I am not you. I have not gone through the things you have. Childhood was a very long time ago and things happen when we're adults that feel like they are inescapable. But that's life. And you have to be strong.

(reply to this)

Re: , 07-15-12 2:48pm

I have been thinking of the whole span of my life quite often.. And I know that I could have a worse life, live in Africa, been born as a muntant in India, been a crack baby, but I don't really think about that because I won't ever really know what those people feel. Well, unless I make a major change to become them. I know things could be worse for me because they have been worse. And I'm glad that things have gotten generally better than when I first moved home..

That's the thing about how I feel is that there doesn't seem to be a logical reason for it. I just feel horrible and I feel like nothing is worth anything anymore. I have gotten over pretty much every horrible thing that has happened to me. I don't dwell on what happened to me as a child anymore, I don't let it control my life. I don't usually let the mistakes I've more recently made get to me. I really do try to make the best out of where I am right now.. It's just sometimes it feels like too much and I honestly don't know what to do to make myself feel better.

I know it's just a fleeting feeling, like all of my feelings. But sometimes you just have to get it all out there and hope that it makes you feel better. I'm pretty sure when I feel the worst is when I'm the most tired and stressed out, just like everyone else.

(reply to comment)

Re: Re: , 07-15-12 10:21pm

That was always my concern with you. That you were always very depressed. All the time. And though you had moments of happiness, they were never something that could last through the night. I felt as though it was just a chemical imbalance in your brain and there was no conventional way of fixing it beyond prescribed medication. Perhaps you should consider talking to a different psychiatrist. See if a different perspective, different experience may be able to help you more. A different medication. I think when you get it out, overall your attitude improves. Writing, talking with people has always helped me.

(reply to comment)

Re: Re: Re: , 07-17-12 3:41pm

I REALLY love my Psychiatrist. He's the only young doctor who is non-religious in the area. I just haven't seen him in a year. We found a good combination of pills, but the augment causes side effects that I can't stand, so I stopped taking it. I just need to find something else that works

(reply to comment)