10-07-12 9:30pm

Nice to finally know your name, Laura :-)

Why did you call the crisis center? And medication can definitely help, if you're on the right dosage and prescription.

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Re: , 10-07-12 11:54pm

Thank you, Katie! I hadn't been sleeping anywhere near enough ( by choice ) and yesterday was a really emotional day because I woke up at 4PM Friday and my mom wanted to go to Marlboro, MA Saturday morning ( and won't/can't drive herself ). Of course I didn't sleep Friday night, as I had woken up that evening, so I did what I usually do and jacked up on caffeine to make the drive there and back. I had recently gotten back in contact with my ex-boyfriend/friend after three weeks of not speaking because he had sent me a Facebook message and the name of a song and asked me to please listen to it and consider it his apology. The song was The End by Pearl Jam and from the first line, I bawled my fucking eyes out. And that was the same day a lot of stupid shit had gone down with my dad ( not sure if you know about that ) and I hadn't slept. So I called him. He seemed to be doing much better than before, as he always does after a period of us not talking, and things were fine for a couple of days. Then on Friday he called me and said, " I was thinking and I'm going to try not to be jealous/pissed as far as you and other guys are concerned because that wouldn't be fair because I might do the same as you in any given situation with another girl. " Which for hi was a big and mature thing to say. Later on, he asked me to call him and I did. He started to give me a little attitude so I took a deep breath and said, " It would be better for me if I called you back later. " And he said, sarcastic as hell, of course, " That's right. You go talk to your other guys instead of me. " And that ended things between us again. He can't even handle me talking to other guys and we've been broken up for almost a year. Later, after I had deleted and blocked him on Facebook and we had blocked his number ( because whenever I stop talking to him he calls obsessively for hours and makes his number private thinking I won't know it's him ), my mom told me it was MY fault and that I fucked his life up by calling him when he was doing so well. On the drive back from Mass ( and remember, I haven't slept for almost 24 hours at this point ), we missed our exit and had to drive a shit ton of extra miles to get home. On the way, I played her the song and started crying again and then she started crying and she said, " I'm sorry you had to lose Corey ( the dead ) and Steve ( the ex ). That's horrible. " So Corey came up and I was crying about him, too. Now, this was Saturday, and my " friend, " who had been begging me for months to borrow the car and come visit her and who I offered a ride to when we were in Marlboro, was supposed to come up and spend the night when her friend drove her up later but ignored all of my messages and phone calls when I got home and never bothered to tell me what was going on. So I called her and left a message and said, " You know what, Katelyn? It would have been really easy to type a simple ' yes ' or ' no ' and for someone who complains about ' fake friends, ' you're a real fucking hypocrite. Bye. " She unfriended me and I sent her a message saying something like, " You're always fucking begging me to use the car to come see you and then you have a chance and you totally ignore me. It's like, wtf, dude? I try to be there for you as much as I can and I know you're a liar, I've seen and heard you lie SO many times! " And she's all, " I'm always signed on so I always see my messages and my friend blew me off so maybe you should know what you're talking about before you talk rudely to me. " And I said, " Whatever, Katelyn, you never so much as responded to my messages to tell me she blew you off, so how the fuck would I have known that? And you DO lie so there's no reason I should believe you, anyway. " She threatened me with " issues " we were going to have if I left a message like that on her grandmother's phone again, so I just sent her a message asking, " What issues could we possibly have that we aren't having right now? Are you going to come up here and kick my ass? At least we'd get to hang out that way. " So we'll see if she replies. Anyway, later that night I just felt SO discouraged because Job Corps. isn't fucking calling me back, no jobs I've applied for are calling me back, and life just isn't going according to plan right now AND, as I'm sure you may have read, I recently started cutting myself again. So I called PES, crying hysterically, and the guy stayed on the phone and listened to me until I started taking deep breaths and calming down. So that was that. I am looking for a therapist that specializes in trauma and I am feeling SO much better now that I've slept, so we'll see what happens. And now, I shall go and reply to your other comment! <3

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Re: Re: , 10-09-12 9:15pm

Sounds like a long, eventful night :-( I can't stand when a friend stands me up. It's frustrating, and rude. They always have an excuse. I always give in and forgive them, even though most of them do it consistently. I'm glad you were able to call the hotline and be able to talk to someone until you were able to calm down. I personally do not understand cutting. I did it once, and bled so much it scared me into never trying it again. I think I replaced cutting with eating. My best friend did it in high school. She said it helped her, but I just don't see it. That's just me. If it helps you, then I guess continue with it.

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Re: Re: Re: , 10-09-12 11:31pm

Yeah, people suck. I've had to cut three of them out of my life recently and I haven't regretted it. I don't understand cutting completely, either. For me, I don't even have to be upset to do it, I just enjoy the feeling. I was going to stop again, but today I had no cigarettes and I was getting wicked frustrated with my mom, so I was just like, fuck it. Than you! You are the FIRST person who has ever said, " If it helps, do it. " At least you understand that much. Everyone else is like, " It's so unhealthy! " And while I agree that it's unhealthy, in my opinion, it's healthier than smoking. Smoking causes cancer and all kinds of diseases and shit. Cutting just causes scars, which are essentially tattoos without ink. As long as you don't cut a vein, of course, which I don't.

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