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| godessalthena (profile) wrote, on 2-12-2013 at 12:48pm | |
| Current mood: sad |
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| I feel like I'm a shitty friend. Maybe just a shitty person in general. I just want to go hide in a hole. I've been reading Ham on Rye, but Charles Bukowski. The sentiments of Henry are really similar to my sentiments, and it has really put my life into a new perspective. I'm not as bitter as he is, but I still feel like most of the time I'm just reading my own thoughts. I'm trying to make myself feel better about being who I am. I miss Jana, and I enjoy the things she posts, because it makes me feel better about who I am. It's a battle accepting myself, and a lot of the time I try to pretend as though parts of me don't exist. I know I'd be happier if I just accepted myself and moved forward, but it never is as easy as that. I'm just frustrated with my life. I know I'm making positive changes, but... I still feel as though I have so much farther to go and it makes me overwhelmed. I won a Bravo award at work. I could get a multitude of things, or a $75 gift car. I'm thinking I want to get the gift card and go to Total Wine and just buy the beginning of my own liquor cabinet... For when I'm done with this challenge and can drink again. I really miss drinking. I really miss a great many things. |
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goodbye | 02-12-13 9:38pm You're an awesome friend. You don't know how much our rekindled friendship and your lovely, inviting friends have stopped me from having so little to live for. I'm completely serious. In the past I've said you're amazing and I've meant it and all, but now... more than ever... I feel like you've really done your hardest to help me. And the state I'm in now - I feel like I can hope again - just because of you; you inviting me to do things, you including me in events with your friends that you absolutely did not have any obligation to do, everything... it means so unbelievably much to me. I know how little these words have meant to you before, but literally, I was on my last leg, my last friend. I was so low. I feel so much better because of you. |
godessalthena | Re: , 02-13-13 2:53pm oh Lauren! That makes me so unbelievably happy! I just want to cry :')
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