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| plainmornings (profile) wrote, on 5-30-2002 at 12:27am | |
| the end of the day. at least there were no mean comments straight to my face.. people were probably thinking them though. Josh, i'm sorry about all of this. I'm sorry things had to end like this. Its weird, for a while I felt as if I had punctured your skin, got a little closer to your heart.. as if I knew you..but now i know i'm wrong. I look at you and I don't know anything. I see you in school yet its an ackward glance. We make eye contact.. I don't know whether or not to say hi or just look away as if it never happened. You know about my past with trusting people. After all of this I don't think I'll ever trust anyone ever again.. people are only put on earth to hurt. As hurt as I'v probably made you I bet that I have come close or even surpassed you on that scale. I am hurt that we are in this situation. I am hurt that "friends" are turning their backs on me. I am hurt that people are saying untrue things. I am hurt that I cannot read your heart anymore. I am hurt that I am just a mere bystander now. I am hurt when I read your journal, the entries are so beautiful yet I know the meaning behind them. I am hurt that I am writing this now, my feelings are posted for the whole world to see, this is the only way in which I can express them to you. I am hurt that I don't even know if you are going to read this. I am hurt that people don't realize how hurt I am and only see your pain. That sounds incredibly selfish but its true and thats how I feel. I just feel hurt. In the beginning I thought that we could help eachother yet I'm starting to think that it has only made it worse for both of us. I am in an even deeper whole now and well.. I don't know how you are although people tell me that you're okay. I'm not okay and yet I am being ignored. Things will never be the same. Is it better that we go back to before all of this, before anything ever existed.. even before that.. before we knew eachother.. would that make it easier? It hurts me that you've shut me out completely. I have failed. |
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ThoughtsSurreal | 05-30-02 8:57am Vivi i wont shut you out. i am just afraid to talk to you. you have not failed. you have succeded. you should know that you did penetrate my outer shell. you know more about me than some of my good friends do. i dont want to ruin a friendship over this. people need to understand that it was a mutual agreement for us to break up. no single person is to blame. we both decided that this is what should happen. now to everyone that has been saying things, you feel pretty damn horrible right now dont you. and you should. I say that i am ok because i dont want people to think that im not. i dont want the im sorry's and i dont want the its gonna be alrgiht's. but inside i am hurt. not only by what happened but also by what is happening right now. you know you can still trust me. you always can. please let me puncture your skin. for i know nothing about what you are feeling. and because of that i believe i have failed. |
whenthesunsets | Rain drops fall., 05-30-02 4:13pm Tear. Vivi don't give in, or give up. You probably feel alone or like things will always be this way. But don't look down. You'll find yuor way. I believe i you. ~ Ash |
losttt | 05-30-02 7:05pm failure would have been reached if you had not tried. so no failure in this. just hurt. |