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girlxunnoticd
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2004 29 May :: 5.38pm
so i guess its strange. i couldn't wait for this, and now that its over, its really hasn't yet set in. i didn't think i would miss anyone, and i'm still not sure that i will... but things just seem different. things just seem so chaotic, and i'm not sure if things are right or wrong yet.
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mle
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2004 26 May :: 9.34am
:: Mood: . frozen .
:: Music: . avril . don't tell me .
. this sucks .
hah, creative/descriptive title, huh?
so i'm done with school. but we get our yearbooks at our luncheon on friday. and we dont graduate until june 6th. stupidness.
but between now and then, i'm stuck attempting to scrapbook 3 trips. grr. why didn't i do this years ago?
went to chicago on monday with marcus... it was my graduation present from him. that sucked: between the trains coming in late, taxi problems, etc. we were in chicago for less than 6 hours... but on the freezing-cold trains for more than 9. i really wanted to go shopping for a long time... uh, i got to go to 2 stores: h&m and urban outfitters. worked out ok i guess, but i was still way bummed.
i don't know... i've become obsessed with shopping and buying new outfits lately... i've probably spent $350 on new clothes in the past 4 days. good thing nearly none of it was my own ;). it sounds so silly... but i feel like cady from mean girls. haha. anyways...
it's gonna burn for me to say this...
but we done been fell apart...
tell me why i should stay in this relationship
when i'm hurting, baby, i ain't happy, baby...
i'm twisted cuz one side of me is telliin' me that i need to move on
on the other side i wanna break down and cry
. usher . burn .
marcus. marcus. marcus. we've nearly broken up twice in the past month. and i can't stop thinking about it. every time we're together, it seems to get more and more miserable. i hate him so much. but i'm so scared. i keep thinking if i hold out, i'll get over this, and somehow we'll forget that i'm going away to school until the day of (when everything will come crashing down.) but i'm not as stupid as i would like...
so tell me: is it better to stick out the bad times because everyone goes through them, or throw in the towel once major difficulties arise because obviously it would feel right if it was meant to be?
grr. i wish i was free of him and at msu right now. none of this anticipation shit.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 25 May :: 11.25pm
:: Music: "everytime" - britney spears
i guess i need you baby....
what am i doing? i just don't even know. i mean... i wish things would just work out. because driving around i see him... and sometimes he waves... the cute wave he has always had, so long as i can remember. i miss that. i miss when he was by himself and we would pull over and talk for hours. i miss him so much... i can't even say how much. if i could have anything in this world i would want it to involve him.. i like him way too much. i never meant to get this close... but i just can't stop thinking about him. i know its pathetic... but he is just so amazing.
i miss him.... i miss him...
i wish i could just say to him... "andrew, i miss you!"...
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 25 May :: 12.08am
i still don't believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now...
please come back...
i miss you...
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 24 May :: 9.54pm
"‘Cause I miss you, body and soul so strong that it takes my breath away
And I breathe you into my heart and pray for the strength to stand today
‘Cause I LOVE YOU, whether it’s wrong or right
And though I can’t be with you tonight
You know my heart is by your side..."
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 23 May :: 4.39am
theress really nothing else to say... i messed up tonight... what was i thinking?/
i don't know...
why is nothing ever right?
i miss andrew so much still...
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 22 May :: 3.42am
party tonight. it was a good time. someone told me i was cute... it made me smile. but it just wasn't right.
i miss andrew...
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 21 May :: 12.28am
i miss andrew...
...times infinity...
... plus one.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 20 May :: 12.48am
"oh mom, i never thought that i could love no one but tonight i'm on my way... tonight i'm on my way..."
tonight...
tonight...
i miss andrew so much.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 18 May :: 12.04am
i guess theres really nothing i can do but live life as it comes.
oh... and to someone... i miss you so much. but just talking on msn today was worth everything.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 15 May :: 6.12pm
:: Music: yellowcard
i don't know why it bothers me... but i just really don't know what happened to us. i never should have went to boston, i know that is why. i knew back then, but i didn't believe it. but this isn't working. i can't do this anymore... i thought we had something. i don't know if i was right or wrong, but why is he doing this? i just wish someone could tell me, but chances are he doesn't even know. i don't know what he is thinking... i don't know what he was ever thinking. but i miss him so much i could cry. i miss him so much i don't even know what to say.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 14 May :: 5.40pm
another year of school is gone. summer sun brings everyone back home. we're heading out on the town for nights of fun. i guess its fun. i'm spending my summer wasting time. thats what i'm doing now. wasting time.
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 12 May :: 1.28am
tonight: went to cardinals game in stl. met dr. brown and his son ryan. met ray carions's son david. talked to david for some time. he was nice. cool. i would talk to him again. other than that, day was lame. now drunk people are bothering me on msn. and i am still just thinking that i miss getting good e-mails.
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mle
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2004 10 May :: 10.15pm
:: Mood: . calm after the storm .
:: Music: . black eyed peas . hey mama .
"looks like somebody's got a case of the mondays"
-office space
today was definitely not a fun day. stupidness.
especially because i'm retarded and fucked myself over more than once.
and then marcus and i spent a full 3 hours on the phone. when i needed to be doing other things. but i guess we worked it out... talked ourselves out of calling it quits, even though we both know what august will bring...
and i feel better.
kind of.
i need to get through this week though. most definitely need to get through this week. too much going on - i'm going to go nuts. especially because i think i'm going to fail both ap tests this week... poopey.
i guess the best part of tonight.. is all of a sudden, it just hit me:
maybe i'm better off than i thought.
maybe i'm stronger than i thought.
maybe i really don't need any of them.
and i definitely don't need them bringing me down.
and i won't let them tear me down anymore.
maybe i'm nuts, but i'm empowered.
dangerous combination. better watch out ;)
Are You a Hater?
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girlxunnoticd
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2004 10 May :: 12.29am
ok ok... so i was excited. so i did feel happy... i've never won anything before... and as stereotypical as it might be, i kind of like being prom queen.
its just too bad i was nearly the only person there without someone.
i guess once a loser... always a loser.
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