The Creatress

The Creatress

:: 2003 7 October :: 5.03pm
:: Mood: gloomy
:: Music: brand new- okay, i beleive you, but my tommy gun dont

ahhhhhhhhh shoot me in the head
*grabs a huge plank of wood and hits myself repeatedly over the head with it*

why cant i be like you, em? it would make things so much easier...

Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

-glassxroses-

:: 2003 6 October :: 10.19pm

"It's getting harder for me to write down all my thoughts and feelings because I know that people are reading them. Maybe it would be better if I could keep some of these reports private for a while." (Charlie Gordon)

2 won't sing along. | Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

strawberrychapstick

:: 2003 6 October :: 6.52pm
:: Mood: sugar high
:: Music: the song sugar high that they sing in "empire records"

my four day weekend (just a little recap)
ok so thursday, get off from school, do nothing all nite but sit on my ass.... friday, wake up late enough to be late to jen's party. it was fun, lots of good italian-ish food, and crazy conversations... then i went to fric's house for a supposed movie nite which really just turned out to be me and her watching will and grace and scary movie 2 and then contemplating life for a couple hours.... then saturday, i went to the football game at schoool (this was like the first time ive actually ever showed up for one of these games, hehe)... then my uncle, his gf, and my four-year-old cousin, pedro arrived (and he hasnt left me alone since)
... then i went to meggo's partay, which was really just me being incredibly HYPERACTIVE with kellie and walking into the mens bathroom about six times... then on sunday i got mauled, chased, and pummeled by pedro (who, by the way, has blond hair, brown eyes, and only speaks portuguese-- he's soo adorable) all day long because he follows me wherever i go and i have to play with him constantly (which can get pretty annoying), then emily called me and saved me from this place: we went out and got icecream, then rented the sweetest thing and empire records, watched them while eating yummy cheesecake and drinking iced coffee, then we tried on random shit we found in her "closet" while listening to old hippie CDs, and then stayed up until six-thirty AM talking to random people in chatrooms hahaha... good times... yup, then this morning, we set the alarm for ten (to wake up) but didnt wake up until 2 pm and then we went out to mississippi sweets for lunch, followed by a visit to grateful j's where we ran into the poon's and i bought some hemp for necklaces and stuff and emily bought this huge random tiedyed wall hanging while her parents talked to the salesguy about drugs... it was lovely. then we went back to em's house where we nailed the huge tiedyed thing to her wall along wiht a bunch of other random stuff haha it was fun.... then i wnet home and pedro and i played for a couple hours and then thats pretty much where i am rite now.... someone said i had "school" tomorrow, but i have no clue what that thihng is they're talking about, so no worries... ok well thats about it, later

Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

strawberrychapstick

:: 2003 5 October :: 11.24am
:: Mood: frustrated
:: Music: brand new- the quiet things that no one ever knows

wuts wrong with me?
wow. not only is my brain crazy, but now i think my heart is too...

Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

-glassxroses-

:: 2003 1 October :: 9.02pm

a note to all who question my scars
yes, i make a mockery of cutting oneself, but i do it too. its not for it being a trend. sarah found a passage from ophelia speaks that tells exactly what i do... that is how i write my poetry, that is my art.. because the second i cant slash my skin, i am scribbling cryptic, yet eloquent words across a sheet of paper in hopes of feeling the pain and seeing the blood that is in fact who i am, exposed. i laugh at the kids that do it for trends. i converse with those who do it because it is their poetry. and there was a period when i didnt do it. i had a different poetry, not in blod or word, but a person. and that was so sweet, the poetry could be kissed and felt in your arms. my blood is my poetry, my blade is my pen. that is why my scars are there and that: poetry, TRUE art from within or without-- is everything that i can stand for.
-Jackie-

3 won't sing along. | Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

strawberrychapstick

:: 2003 1 October :: 8.01pm

yay lauren (fuller) just called from college! im so happy! she was getting chocolate fudge brownie frozen yogurt (our signature food) at ben and jerry's and we're gonna talk tomorrow! so much to say, so much to say! miss her!

Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

strawberrychapstick

:: 2003 1 October :: 7.09pm
:: Mood: stressed
:: Music: I JUST GOT THE

ahh my crazy life
ok well lets see what's been going on:
well, my bro got his lip pierced, wants to get plugs, and has decided to take up skateboarding (thats all cool, but is this MY brother? where did this all come from?? haha)i'm missing homecoming cuz my parents are dragging me up to visit him at college, which would be cool and all, dont get me wrong, its just that its a PARENTS night and yet theyre bringin the whole clan for four days and wont let me stay here so i can go to homecoming. ummm i have so much hw i could die, ive had to re-learn (unsuccuessfully) how to actually STUDY for a test (since i havent done that in like four years) and i have 3 tests to study for, a 4 page report due tonite (via email) and a project due tmr. on the bright side, i went shopping (which always cheers a girl up) and got "stay what you are" by saves the day (one of my all time favorite bands). last weekend was fun: a girls nite in w/ em and jackie, and then lauren and i took random snapshots at the mall. i have a four day weekend this weekend so im excited, but relatives are coming and my parents are gonna force me to spend time with them all :-/. well it mite be cool to see my 4 year old cousin, Pedro, even i dont speak the same language as him. i hear he's adorable and really precocious. but still, SAVE ME! movies anyone? haha... hmm anything else? well lets see whats going on at school: fric laughs for hours about absolutely nothing, i joined about a million clubs today, im being swamped wiht horrible work that i put off until the last moment (like im doing rite now by writing in this) and im LITERALLY FAILING HISTORY. i never eat lunch, im a total clutz, and it rains everyday. silvio insists on calling me "woman" until i havta smack him and joyce and i recite weird al songs during french class. jason and i insult each other by saying "your eye!" "your MOMS eye" etc. etc. while mrs. powell says things like, "A les- haha oops not a lesbian! i meant to say ELIZABETH! not that that's what's on my mind or anything..." we're developing in photography which is cool, but then again it makes my hands smell like gross chemicals all day (oh well). did i mention i have soo much hw tonite its not even funny? wait, what am i doing writing this if i have so much hw, you ask? well its simple, i have a horrible disorder called EXTREME PROCRASTINATION. its really intense i CANT concentrate on anything unless its due within like the next hour. im so screwed. p.s. i think i mite like this guy.. but its so hard to tell with me... i can never make up my mind about these things...

Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

-glassxroses-

:: 2003 24 September :: 9.43pm
:: Mood: pensive
:: Music: fif and other stuff on this random cd.

hmm
i am wondering about everything in my life... especially the stuff i can't control. there is so much that i would do if i had control over the actions of others that affected me... but i dont change the things that i can control because im simply too busy wondering what could be if i changed something that someone else said or did or even is. who am i? why do i think like i do? why do i hate what i hate, mainly myself? why do i not try to change what i can and accept what i cannot change? my neighbor told me i look exactly like her daughter elisa, especially now that i have short hair. her daughter is a friend of jesse's and she is at a school in boston right now, so she says that it's almost like she is still here. i want something to happen. something to take heed. something so that i will know, have the answers... to anything...
-jackie-

9 won't sing along. | Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

strawberrychapstick

:: 2003 23 September :: 7.35pm
:: Mood: giddy
:: Music: saves the day- certain tragedy

what's a Tuesday?
do you ever really look into someone's eyes? i dont mean just look, i mean really look into their eyes. its so intense its so weird. i try looking into people's eyes, i wanna know what theyre thinking sometimes. i can see why they say eyes are windows to the soul- looking directly into someone's can be so intense, i havta look away... it just makes you think about how rarely you actually LOOK at someone.... (i bet now everyone thinks im crazy and like staring at them haha o well)

today i got a D on a test and they sent me home a progress report... oops! damn history! i hate that subject!!!! grrrrr....

anyways, it was silvio's bday and since he decided not to tell anyone, i didnt have anything to give him! so i hatched a plan: i went to the school store and got him a BIG PINK PONY BALLOON! its was huge and pink and full of hearts and things. then i got like 10 other people to buy him them! it was soooo great! he walked around all day wiht this HUGE glob of floating pink ponies! hahaha HAPPY BITHDAY SILVIO!!

=D

Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

strawberrychapstick

:: 2003 19 September :: 6.18pm
:: Mood: sad

looking back
do you ever find really old conversations you saved from AIM like a year ago? well i was reading through them and i realized, i havent talked to garett in so long! how can two people who used to be SO close suddenly be so far from eachother? i feel like he just fell off the face of the earth and we've driften so far apart its impossible for things to be the same. was it only a year ago that we were sitting in emily's backyard watching shooting stars? i miss my cuddly best friend, and we never even got to build our amazing tree-house... well garett, it you read this, i miss you buddy....

Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

-glassxroses-

:: 2003 18 September :: 8.30pm

x. Made out with JUST a friend - ya
x. Been rejected - hmmm... i dunno... i think so..
x. Been in love - current state of being.
x. Used someone - yes
x. Been used - probly
x. Cheated on someone - yes. because i suck
x. Been cheated on - probly, i don't know tho
x. Done something you regret - ya, tons

The last person..
x. You touched - em
x. You talked to - my mom
x. You instant messaged - caitlyn
x. You yelled at - that kid i didnt know that i called a dyke hahahaha!
x. You laughed with - em. yeshhhh.
x. You had a crush on - MAC!
x. Who broke your heart - anthony.

Do you..
x. Color your hair - i have before. not anymore tho
x. Have tattoos - no, but i want some
x. Piercings - 10. 5 on one ear, 4 on the other, n my tummy is impailed
x. Have a boyfriend/girlfriend - yessah
x. Floss daily - whenever food gets in my teeth
x. Own a webcam - used to... it was good fun
x. Ever get off the damn computer - uhh... no actually.
x. Habla espanol - poquito

Have you/do you/do you have..
x. Considered a life of crime - constantly
x. Considered being a hooker - constantly.. isnt that included in "life of crime?"
x. Considered being a pimp - bitch. i am a pimp.
x. Think you are psycho - yes. so do a lot of people.
x. Split personalities - yes
x. Obsessive - w/ some stuff.
x. Obsessive compulsive - yes. used to be worse
x. Panic - occaisonally
x. Anxiety - attacks
x. Depressed - yes
x. Suicidal - ...
x. Obsessed with hate - there's alot i hate
x. If you could be anywhere, where would you be - anywhere with marcone.
x. What are you listening to - damn. now that it occurs to me... nothing.
x. Can you do anything freakish with your body - i can peirce it!
x. Chicken or fish - chicken. fish taste fishy.
x. Do you have a favorite animal? - no. ostriches are really weird
x. Current Clothes - my wifebeater and jeans.
x. Current Mood - kinda sleepy
x. Current Music - something corporate-if you see jordan
x. Current Taste - toofpaste
x. Current Hair - lack thereof?
x. Current Annoyance - my itchies!
x. Current Smell - my toofpaste
x. Current thing I ought to be doing - showering. and responding to im's
x. Current Desktop Picture - marcone. i wish he was here...
x. Current Favorite Group - i could never tell that!
x. Current Book - me talk pretty one day. still.
x. Current DVD In Player - who the hell cares?!
x. Current Refreshment - i guess water?
x. Current Worry - a lot of crap.
x. Current Crush - marc.
x. Current Favorite Celebrity - aaron barett

Favorite..
x. Drink - apple juice.
x. Color - canes colors and purple and pink and black
x. Shoes - my bowling shoes or my adidas
x. Candy - tobelerone
x. Animal - cant tell!
x. TV Show - gilmore girls or the reruns of buffy on FX
x. Movie - hmmm... office space, dirty dancing, death to smoochy, fight club.
x. Dance - geting my groove on.
x. Music - the music of my anal cavity.

Are you..
x. Understanding - i try to be
x. Open-minded - ya
x. Insecure - very
x. Interesting - i thought i was until em began ignoring every freaking thing i say!
x. Hungry - no, just itchy.
x. Friendly - to people i like
x. Smart - not like jesse the freaky super genious!
x. Moody - like a swingset.
x. Independent - ya
x. Hard working - when i care about what i'm doing
x. Organized - eh.. its debatable
x. Healthy - ya
x. Emotionally Stable - not at all
x. Shy - no, i'm pretty outgoing
x. Difficult - if by that you mean stubborn yes.
x. Attractive - my hair is
x. Bored Easily - hehe bird.
x. Thirsty - yah
x. Responsible - yes
x. Sad - not at the moment
x. Happy - itchy
x. Trusting - eh...
x. Talkative - eh...
x. Unique - is anyone?
x. Needy - no

Who do you want to..
x. Slap - i'm not telling
x. Look like - too many people
x. Be like - not me
x. Talk to offline - mah baby dad

Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

-glassxroses-

:: 2003 16 September :: 7.27pm

FIRSTS
Firsts.
First best friend: Elizabeth Jennifer Steinberg
First real memory of something: i dont know... i really dont
First date: mike ippolito... i think...
First real kiss: Marshall Sheets @ camp 2002
First break-up: andrew joy, beginning of 8th grade. we "went out" for 2 days and then i dumped him lol
First job: aint never had one. too much of a youngn
First screen name: jezmopip. me and me brother had to share it... he was like 8 and i was like 4 or 5
First self purchased album: umm... i dont know... i think spice girls...
First funeral: my grandpa... i didnt go to my grandmas.
First pets: well, jesse had fish when i was little that i dont remember... but my first REAL pet was a rabbit. 8P
First piercing/tattoo: my little earsies.
First credit card: i am not worthy
First love: Marcone. and hopefully, ill get lucky and hell be my last love too... in like a decade...
First enemy: this chick in preschool that i wasnt too keen on. i was friends with her and hated her at once.
First big trip: maybe california? or mexico? or texas?
First musician you remember hearing in your house: hmmm....i cant really remember... but i remember records... lots of records... i think the peter pan album?

Lasts.
Last cigarette: with em at the barn after the last time we went to riviera lol.
Last big car ride: umm... i havent been on a big one in a lonnnnng time... so probably when i went to key biscayne with laur.
Last good cry: just last night
Last library book checked out: havent checked one out in about forever... but i volunteered there this summer!
Last movie seen: The Sixth Sense
Last beverage drank: Gatorade L'orange
Last food consumed: subway biatch
Last crush: paul :-[ and marcone... durrrrr
Last phone call: rrrrrrrryan saul!
Last time showered: lasssss night
Last shoes worn: my shoes that i run in
Last cd played: ummm my mix i made in the car
Last annoyance: my mom bitching about hw
Last disappointment: hmmm...HUMMMM... not being made of gold?
Last time wanting to die: just yesterday.
Last time scolded: This afternoon
Last shirt worn: my hot n sexy sportsbra im wearing now that i ran in.
Last website visited: my woohu, slut. or google. or the badgers.

Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

-glassxroses-

:: 2003 16 September :: 7.09pm
:: Mood: bouncy

i miss marcone. i also miss those stickers called fuzzies... that were fuzzy...

1 won't sing along. | Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

strawberrychapstick

:: 2003 15 September :: 6.58pm
:: Mood: worried
:: Music: the "brand new" CD i got at the concert last nite!!!!!

today haha
omg u kno in the Patriot the part where the little girl who doesnt talk starts crying and is like, "papa dont go ill say anything you wont just dont go!" omg it was sooooo sad and i started crying, in the midddle of history class! hahaa it was soooo great cuz i went to get a tissue and everyone realized i had been crying cuz of the movie and they all started laughing and of course i found that histerically funny...

Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars

strawberrychapstick

:: 2003 14 September :: 2.54pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: beleive- yellowcard

summary of last 2 weeks
ok, i kno i never write in this anymore and im sorry, so here's a little summary of what me and some of my friends have been up to over the course of the last 2 weeks:

me- went to school, got nicknamed "boo boo," went to a party, slept over at lauren's house, went to school, got nicknamed "alsexa," went to em's horse show, am going to concert (tonite! wahooo)

lauren- went to a party, made pancakes, wore her button-y shirt, made pancakes, am going to concert (with me tonite wahooo!)

em- tried somehting at a party, got a bf, started getting stalked by said bf, won 2nd 3rd and 5th in horse show, dumped bf to his away message

jackie- went to party, asked guy hosting teen cabaret to do robot dance, confronted her fear of condiments

oooo hey thats about all the time we have for today- i gotta go get ready for concert! weeeeeeeee! later!

Here on Fibber Island we strum rubber guitars