Aaron
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2004 27 March :: 3.16pm
:: Mood: uneasy
:: Music: UNcle chuck playing with his new Amp.
I feel sort of weird, being on the journals for the first time in months. I've been reading wild at heart by John Eldredge and I can't explain how helpful it's been... My favorite part so far is when he was relating life to a part of a war book he had read. The quote reads.
Soldier-"Lueitenant, they're shooting at us!"
Lueitenant-"Well start shooting back!"
Hello? That's what happens in war, you get shot at, and this is how it relates to life. S-H-O-O-T B-A-C-K.
Yip. That says it all. That is the stratigy. The wounds hurt, and there is no shame in that. It's not your fault they hurt. let them hurt, accnoledge the hurt, and then fight the wound, NOT THE PAIN! the pain is not the enemy, the wound causing it is! oh, they want me in the other room. cya.
~Paul
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im-sorry [ Aerii ]
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2004 24 March :: 12.01am
w00t! Only one more poem!
I'm sorry
This is all wrong
It's frozen over
Unbreakable
This is fear
You're sorry?
How does that work
I'm crushed to peices
Unfathomable
Is this horror?
The grass keeps growing
And the cars keep moving
All I wish is that
Things would stop
So I could see your face
One last time
I'm sorry
For what I've done
And what you think of me now
There's nothing I can do about it
You wouldn't understand
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Im-Sorry [ Jaganshi ]
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2004 23 March :: 10.08pm
Anybody still come here? ECHO...ECHO... echo...
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-nightsloth-
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2004 7 March :: 3.55pm
this is a cool quiz. Results very accurate, for me.
You are the chinese element of Water. People who are under the element of Water are creative, independent and intelligent. Water you are a dreamer, but are quite vulnerable, and have hidden agendas. The color of water is black, and your symbol is the tortoise. Winter is the season in which Water shines and it's months are October/November. Your weather condition is cold. Water is the direction of north, and your day is Wednesday, while your planet is Mercury. Animals under your element are usually shelled. People under you are Turks. Your sense is hearing, your taste is salty, your sound is moaning and your virtue is knowledge. Your organs are the kidneys. You were created by Metal and control Fire.
Which of the 5 Chinese Elements Are You? brought to you by Quizilla
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-nightsloth-
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2004 7 March :: 3.42pm
Whatever you're looking for is being roasted on a stick over a florescent lightbulb by pixies in a cave in the swiss alps.
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-nightsloth-
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2004 11 February :: 7.43pm
lyrics sound good.
Lyrics to: Green Day, Jaded
Somebody keep my balance,
I think I'm falling off
Into a state of regression
The expiration date
Rapidly Coming up
It's leaving me behind to rank
Always move forward
Going "straight" will get you nowhere
There is no progress
Evolution killed it all
I found my place in nowhere
I'm taking one step sideways
Leading with my crutch
Got a fucked up equilibrium
Count down from 9 to 5
Horray! We're gonna die!
Blessed into our extincion
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Im-Sorry [ Jaganshi ]
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2004 10 February :: 6.58pm
This community just felt kind of lonely, so I have a question for all of you.
What is your most vivid memory of pie?
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-nightsloth-
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2004 2 February :: 12.30am
Your Heart is Grey
What Color is Your Heart? brought to you by Quizilla
heres something fun. . . my results are extremely true. . . i guess ill tell you later. . .
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-nightsloth-
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2004 1 February :: 11.55pm
:: Music: Green Day, She
Thoughts on Judge Trudy
Hello judge trudy viewers,
FUCK OFF!!! you wanna know why? its a crappy show! some cracked out loser comes onto the show saying "my mom tryed to prosecute me for abusing my child that i had when i was 16 and now im prosecuting her!" you know what? no. your just some drugged up whore, proving to the world that youre a loser by going on TV to sue youre boyfreind, AND GET CUT DOWN BY A SADISTIC REDHEAD WHO DOESN'T EVEN COME TO A CONCLUSION ON THE CASE!!!!!! i mean how stupid do people fucking get?GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!! but alas, my point made, I have no more to say. . . goodbye world. . . . fuck you judge judy. . .
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Aaron
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2004 31 January :: 3.37pm
lyrics
The Noose Lyrics
So glad to see you well
Overcome and completely silent now
With heaven's help
You cast your demons out
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you off your cloud
But I'm more than just a little curiuos
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends
To the dead
To the dead
Recall the deeds as if they're all
Someone else's
Atrocious stories
Now you stand reborn
Before us all
So glad to see you well
And not to pull your halo down
Around your neck and tug you to the ground
But I'm more than just a little curious
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends
To the dead
To the dead
With your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippin'
Your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippinn' down
Your halo slippin' down
(I'm more than just a little curious
How you're plannin' to go about makin' your amends)
[repeated]
Your halo slippin' down
Your halo slippin' down to choke you now
Nine Inch Nails Something I Can Never Have lyrics
i still recall the taste of your tears.
echoing your voice just like the ringing in my ears.
my favorite dreams of you still wash ashore.
scraping through my head 'till i don't want to sleep anymore.
[Chorus:]
come on tell me.
you'll make this all go away.
you'll make this all go away.
i'm down to just one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.
you'll make this all go away.
you'll you make this all go way.
i just want something.
i just want something i can never have
you always were the one to show me how
back then i couldn't do the things that i can do now.
this is slowly take me apart.
grey would be the color if i had a heart.
you'll make this all go away.
you'll make this all go away.
i'm down to just one thing.
and i'm starting to scare myself.
you'll make this all go away.
you'll you make this all go way.
i just want something.
i just want something i can never have
in this place it seems like such a same.
though it all looks different now,
i know it's still the same
everywhere i look you're all i see.
just a fading fucking reminder of who i used to be.
[Chorus]
i just want something.
i just want something i can never have
i just want something i can never have
think i know what you meant.
that night on my bed.
still picking at this scab
i wish you were dead.
you sweet and perry ellis.
just stains on my sheets.
Nine Inch Nails That's What I Get lyrics
Just when everything was making sense.
You took away all my self - confidence.
Now all that i've been hearing must be true.
I guess i'm not the only boy for you.
But that's what i get
That's what i get
That's what i get
That's what i get
How could you turn us into this?
After you just taught me how to kiss you.
I told you i'd never say goodbye.
I'm slipping on the tears you made me cry.
But that's what i get.
That's what i get.
That's what i get.
That's what i get.
For trusting you.
That's what i get.
Why does it come as a surprise.
To think that i was so naive.
Maybe didn't mean too much.
But it meant everything to me.
i'm so tired of being here
suppressed by all of my childish fears
and if you have to leave
i wish that you would just leave
your presence still lingers here
and it won't leave me alone
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
you used to captivate me
by your resonating light
but now i'm bound by the life you left behind
your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams
your voice it chased away all the sanity in me
these wounds won't seem to heal
this pain is just too real
there's just too much that time cannot erase
when you cried i'd wipe away all of your tears
when you'd scream i'd fight away all of your fears
and i've held your hand through all of these years
but you still have all of me
i've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
but though you're still with me
i've been alone all along
I hurt myself today
to see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
the only thing that's real
the needle tears a hole
the old familiar sting
try to kill it all away
but I remember everything
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
I wear my crown of shit
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
beneath the stain of time
the feeling disappears
you are someone else
I am still right here
what have I become?
my sweetest friend
everyone I know
goes away in the end
you could have it all
my empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt
if I could start again
a million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way
Once it smiled a silent dell
Where the people did not dwell;
They had gone unto the wars,
Trusting to the mild-eyed stars,
Nightly, from their azure towers,
To keep watch above the flowers,
In the midst of which all day
The red sunlight lazily lay.
Now each visitor shall confess
The sad valley's restlessness.
Nothing there is motionless-
Nothing save the airs that brood
Over the magic solitude.
Ah, by no wind are stirred those trees
That palpitate like the chill seas
Around the misty Hebrides!
Ah, by no wind those clouds are driven
That rustle through the unquiet Heaven
Uneasily, from morn till even,
Over the violets there that lie
In myriad types of the human eye-
Over the lilies there that wave
And weep above a nameless grave!
They wave: — from out their fragrant tops
Eternal dews come down in drops.
They weep: — from off their delicate stems
Perennial tears descend in gems.
We're going to north town...hey, that was before we were dating. don't worry about it...I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me.I hate me. I hate me. I hate me. I hate me...........
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Aaron
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2004 31 January :: 1.46pm
:: Mood: tired...guilty...suicidal (of course)
quizirific stuffesis!!!
" What color of Pernese dragon are you? " - Results:
You are a bronze dragon! You are the biggest of the males, and generally you are the only one who gets to mate with the queen. You are an excellent leader. Your human partner is likely to be a Wingleader or even Weyrleader, the person in charge of the entire Weyr, and you are the mate of the senior queen. You are respected by the lower colors, and if you are the Weyrleader's dragon you are always obeyed, unless the queen contradicts you. Since queens are relatively uncommon, you are widely considered by humans the best dragon to be paired with.
Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others:
You are a bronze dragon! You are the biggest of the males, and generally you are the only one who gets to mate with the queen. You are an excellent leader. Your human partner is likely to be a Wingleader or even Weyrleader, the person in charge of the entire Weyr, and you are the mate of the senior queen. You are respected by the lower colors, and if you are the Weyrleader's dragon you are always obeyed, unless the queen contradicts you. Since queens are relatively uncommon, you are widely considered by humans the best dragon to be paired with.
What color of Pernese dragon are you? brought to you by Quizilla
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" good......dark`~Angelz~`light......evil" - Results:
;Fallen Angel;-You are a fallen angel. Once an angel of light you crossed the line into the dark. Most likely for one other than yourself. As a fallen angel, you can often be cold though your insides are burning with emotion. Noing that feeling for someone was what got you here in the first place and you are not willing to go there again. You do not dwell on your emotions though they are there and probably very stong. Your beautiful in an untouchable way. You are an independant spirit becuase of your past and people often try and harness that beauty though never able to succeed. You have a higher understanding of the world and the people in it. You are probably very empathetic to others emotions though not to your own. You wish with all your heart to return to the light. Though your outside is rough and changed through time Your heart remains ever heavenly. You most likely hate pity and cant feel sorry for yourself.
Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others:
;Fallen Angel;-You are a fallen angel. Once an angel of light you crossed the line into the dark. Most likely for one other than yourself. As a fallen angel, you can often be cold though your insides are burning with emotion. Noing that feeling for someone was what got you here in the first place and you are not willing to go there again. You do not dwell on your emotions though they are there and probably very stong. Your beautiful in an untouchable way. You are an independant spirit becuase of your past and people often try and harness that beauty though never able to succeed. You have a higher understanding of the world and the people in it. You are probably very empathetic to others emotions though not to your own. You wish with all your heart to return to the light. Though your outside is rough and changed through time Your heart remains ever heavenly. You most likely hate pity and cant feel sorry for yourself.
good......dark`~Angelz~`light......evil brought to you by Quizilla
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1 spoke |
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Aaron
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2004 31 January :: 11.06am
:: Mood: Really fucking pissed off.
:: Music: The great below, Nine inch nails.
Oh, I'm sorry, do I sound BITCHY!!!???
hm...I wonder if just maybe there's a damn good reason for that.
1. I will read most things you write.
2. As arrogant as it sounds, I know pain and fear and what it's like to be "trapped" just a tincy bit better than MOST, not all, but MOST of you.
3. Yes, it's called intuition and a BRAIN. they make this lovely little combination that allow you to see just a bit deeper than the surface.
4. It's called "hiding". People do it all the time...YOU do it all the time. and what does it do? makes you see your self at a surface level.
5. WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TELL ME MY IDEAS ABOUT REALITY ARE FALSE???????? YOU WOULDN'T RECOGNIZE REALITY IF IT WAS LOADED INTO A GUN AND FIRED AT YOUR HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
okay, now that I have that all out, I will state this. Most of you think you've been in "love" before. but the funny thing is, just that sentance contradicts one of the major charactoristics of "love". It doesn't ever die. it doesn't leave. It last FOREVER!!! don't you get that? you fall in love once, and never again!!! got that? good. next "symptom" of love. You EXPECT a relationship that is a result of love to last forever. got that? fantastic! thirdly, it waits. it's patient, and gentle. not forcing and bold. (hence the reason I asked...and I asked twice, over the span of an hour and a half, thank you very much...damn girls have a thing for exageration.) okay! fourth symptom of love...look people, it's not something that's designed to just step in or out of. It's not a doorway... though is often treated like one. if I was moving too fast, or saying things that made you uncomfortable, SAY SOMETHING!!! Goddamnit! It's a RELATIONSHIP...R-E-L-A-T-I-O-N-S-H-I-P!!! if Morgan said something that made you uncomfortable, what would you've done? bottle it up until it exploded, shattering the relationship, or would you talk to her about it? Why was it any different with me? I'm unpredictable, but that doesn't make me weak. okay.....It's time for me and Pat and Quin...if he ever wakes up, to go sit on the rock above the copper mantion and look over all of Spokane...and dream of what it would look like after being hit with 150 tactical nukes...
Later
PS...look, I'm sorry I'm so bitchy and irritable...and if you all hate me for this entry...I understand. But i won't hide anymore...This is how I feel...I mean, I love you all so much...you have no idea what you mean to me...but...but i have alot of anger in me right now...
byebye now...
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-nightsloth-
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2004 29 January :: 11.39pm
:: Mood: Slightly. . . how you say. . . PISSED
:: Music: Breen Day, Basket case
thoughts on "jo mama"
this is to all you FAGS who think jo mama is the best comeback in the world. you know what? your a fucking idiot! i mean i just said yor stupid, and you said jo mama. WHAT THE HELL!! YOU FUCKING RETARD! THAT DOESN'T EVEN MAKE THE SMALLEST AMOUNT OF SENSE!!!! AND APART FROM THAT ITS JUST OVEREALL A CRAPPY COMEBACK!!! MY MOM? WHAT THE HELL A BOUT HER YOU LITTLE FUCK! I mean seriously!whoah my mom is stupid. you know what? your a fag. you're venting your tiny feelings through the most insulting simple two words you can think of. and apart from comebacks, all the latest insults have to do with the insultee fucking his mom. LOOK! IF THE ONLY THING YOU CAN CRAM INTO THAT TINY CLUSTER OF CELLS YOU CALL YOUR BRAIN IS SEX RELATED INSULTS TO MAKE YOU LOOK BIG, THEN THAT'S FINE WITH ME! BUT IF YOUR GOING TO USE THEM ON ME, EVERY FLAW WILL BE POINTED OUT IN YOUR PITIFUL MIND THAT I CAN SO EASILY READ BY YOUR WORDS, LOOKS AND EXPRESSIONS! AND AFTER YOUR SITTING THERE SLOWLY DEDUCTING THAT THE WIMP MUST BE A GEEK NOW BECAUSE HE'S SMART, YOU'RE PROBABLY SAYING JO MAMA TOO.
amen!
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Im-Sorry [ Jaganshi ]
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2004 25 January :: 1.10am
:: Music: Kryptonite
Angsty Avenger
I feel bad for not talking to any of you lately... I'm just having some problems right now, but I'll be back more when I've fixed this. ciao.
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im-sorry [ Aerii ]
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2004 24 January :: 10.53pm
Sorry Im such a fuking moron. Sorry I was ever born. Sorry I ever had to get in your way. Sorry I have an opinion. Sorry I was born when I was.
Im sorry Im not FUCKING PERFECT.
Sorry Im a wast of time..
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