:: 2006 9 June :: 11.24 pm

I just cannot figure it out.

Is it real? I dont know. I think so but I dont know when I'll figure if it is or not for sure.

But that, give me a break. It's insane. Is it just peoples' solace for absolutely everything that is going wrong in their lives?

it must be. I can't believe any of it. it's so incredibly stupid and fake. WOW

i would hate to be one of them the day they realize it's all a fucking joke. but hey, i guess everyone needs a little solace in their life.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 6 June :: 1.48 pm

omg. the following news it utterly unbelievable.

my parents are letting me go camping with roman. i'm leaving tonight and coming back thursday to go to work.

hooray hoorah suck it losers.

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 6 June :: 10.19 am

God I dont' know what to do anymore.

I seriuosly can't handle living two hours away from Roman anymore. I can't handle not having the best friend I used to and her acting like it doesn't even fucking matter. I can't handle having this stupid open house that I haven't even prepared for AT ALL and I can't fucking handle Rosie's anymore because here's how my schedule goes...

I get my schedule 2 weeks ahead of tiem from Menards, then I take my schedule into Rosie's and the days I don't work at Menards I tell Rosie's that those are the days I can work and so unless Rosie's doesn't schedule me on the one or two days I can work for that week, then I work at Rosies. Which leaves me with like no time off at all unless I ask it off and a full plate and feeling tired and like nothing is getting done. Yeah it's good money but I am feeling so drained. I feel like I never want to go out and do anything because then I'll be too tired the next day at WORK.

Also, roman and i have tried to pick out a day that we both get off so we can see each other. It was tuesday but then when menards doesn't schedule me on tuesday, i've been asking to work at rosie's so guess what, I have been working on tuesday leaving no day for us. and yes, we need an entire day because goign to see each other requires four hours of driving. and when we see each other once every other week or so then we need to take advantage of the small amount of time we have so shut up!

and rosie's always makes me feel like they don't want me there anymoer because i can only work a few hours. I am really close to quitting because it's so pointless. they just make me feel like crap and keep hiring people so i feel like they are slowly pushing me out. ....ugh whatever i'm not going to get into it. the farm will be starting soon so i'll have that job again too. i guess i'm just prety sure i'm goign to quit rosies.

So far this summer and even before summer started there hasn't been a day at rosies that i've worked and havent felt like shit ... i'm not gonna get into it but it's completely true. and yeah, i can't really take that anymore.

bye.

oh but wait. i get to work at rosie's tonight at 3. yesterday omg, i worked at menards from 12:30 to 10:30 because the stupid hardware department made us help them with stock when every single night the cashiers have to stay the latest anyway doing returns and they get to leave!!! next time i'll be like hey bitches we helpecd you, you help us. but no, they'll just leave early like always. big suprise.

7 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 4 June :: 8.09 pm

oh and ps i'm totally done trying.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 4 June :: 8.05 pm

wow. are you fucking kidding me?

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 4 June :: 9.30 am

Oh and in other news about myself instead....

the senior all night party was a lot of fun and when i got back from it , i met roman and he drove us to the apartment but we were early so just to simply kill time, we stopped at a garage sale that was on the same road as the apartment. we were about to get going, with me just buying a Pictionary game, lol, when roman spotted a sign that said more in back, Bedroom suite blah blah blah and so we asked about it and she had two different ones for sale. Long story short, we ended up buying a mattress/box spring/everything you need that's less than a year old, a headboard, a tall dresser, a night stand, and a huge vanity with a mirror and shelves on the side and a light over it It's SO NICE. ... for only $200!!!!! That honestly is such a good deal. we thought we'd be spending 200 for like only a mattress.

but this lady just wanted to get rid of everything because she had a son die or something so its sad but we got a great deal. yesterday my dad and brandon and i went to pick it all up and she sold me this whole dish drying rack thing filled with kitchen utensils like spoons and stirrirs and tongs and a nutcracker and spatulas for a dollar. AHH it was crazy!

so now we have everything we need for the bedroom except some sheets but some lady from romans work is giving him these brand new sheets she never used because she didn't end up buying a queen size for them. so yay

i'm so excited now we only need a table and a futon and we'll be good to go.

hooray
today is stef's shower so off to detroit i go...

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 4 June :: 9.29 am

it's SO fucking stupid. be real. stop being so fucking FAKE!

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 31 May :: 9.35 am

okay i am so excited.

my apartment is SET. number 212. That's gotta be lucky because 2 is my lucky number. it even faces the pond which is exactly what i wanted because that pond is so super cute. on the second floor like i wished and requested. i am so excited!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


and the only bad thing is her office is closed tomorrow so we can't come see it and roman still hasn't even got to view it so now we have to wait longer... well at least it will give us more time to decide on what colors we want them to paint it because i still haven't been able to decide.

if anyone has suggestions on what color we should paint a kitchen with no window, a livingroom with a big sliding door window/patio, a small bathroom, and a bedroom
...let me know please

me and roman are moving in!!! like i said, my trunk is just filling up with odds and ends we need. tomorrow, we are going shopping and browsing for more things we need. stef and paul have been so nice giving us a ton of stuff we'll need. and gave us a GREAT deal on a tv and tv stand. we already had one but it wasn't too great and now we'll have two if want want one in the bedroom.

i'll be starting college 2 weeks after we move at davenport. roman and i have both put in our transfer requests and should be able to smoothly transfer to the clyde park location. i am so excited.

ahh this is so great

Yay i'm so happy. the rest of the deposit is due sometime this week and i am so excited!!!

4 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 31 May :: 12.27 am

So this is how it rolls: List ten (10) things you want to say to ten (10) different people. Do not state who these people are. Do not confirm or deny any 'comment speculation'.

1. You hurt me.
2. It's all a joke.
3. I really like you. Honestly, I love you. I'm sorry I lie to you and I want to be what we should be.
4. I don't think I'll ever forgive you and I don't think you are as great as you seem to think you are.
5. One day you'll realize that being so 'good' isn't good.
6. Stick in there. Deep down I know you and I are a lot alike. And I believe that you'll be really successful when you grow up so don't worry.
7.I never tried. And also I cheated a lot.
8. I'm not as great as you think I am.
9. I don't deserve it.
10. I wasn't lieing when I said I didn't like myself.

3 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 30 May :: 10.20 am

nevermind, i guess.

4 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 30 May :: 12.10 am

i hate myself.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 28 May :: 12.25 am

you just have to revive me.

you're the only one who can do that, jess. everyone else just pisses me off.

aww well isn't that sweet. being in love is just the best isn't it.

I am getting kinda excited for stef's wedding and i'm happy that she is with a good guy and that everything is good for them and i can't wait for the baby makin. wait, that sounds wrong. i can't wait for a baby to be made. Yes... lol. i dont really care how it gets done, just do it. lol i want a little nephew. yes , a nephew not a neice. if it's a niece they can have it back. girls just bug me.

i am also THRILLED to be moving in august!!! YAY moving in with my best friend/ boyfriend lol. i love him and can't wait to like, own our toilet paper lol. we will own everything in that little apartment and it will be ours! yay! i am so excited. i can't stop buying little things for us for the apartment. my whole trunk is almost full to capacity and soon the backseat probably will be too. i only need a few more things really. it seems like a lot but it's probably not that much.. i duno. and stef and paul are giving us a bunch of stuff after their wedding gifts which is awesome of them.

i'm so excited! and i love my baby! not literallly baby. not like i'm preggy baby but like my baby darling roman r to the o to the MAN roman banana shana fo fanna foman. roman.


love!

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 27 May :: 9.18 am

ugh how'd i get so fucking replaced?

dumb

and oh what else is dumb. i dont have work from 9 - 5:30 like i thought. it's 10- 7:30... so i still dont' have to close but the day will pretty much be over when i get out. hooray. and my wisdom teeth (lack there of) still hurt and are even bleeding still. gross i know but what do i do. i dont know what else there is to do? so now i just get to talk for 9 hours making it worse. ugh!

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 26 May :: 11.46 pm

omg.

i realized for the second time that i am done with high school

party!!!

and i love beans and love working with her but i hate working

tomorrow's another day another dollar. as much as i hate that phrase.

9-5:30..... at least i dont have to close.

ASLK!@! and my teeth or lack there of still hurt. i actually think they are bleeding. come on and heal already jeez.

and oh wait there's more. i am so totally in love with roman bryan nastally garcia. i could just dance! love him. yay for love. and everyone in it.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 26 May :: 10.01 am

oh my gosh i need to lose weight.


i'm getting so ... ugh frusterated. what if i can't handle it all. ugh and then right after i type that he calls and says i love you. pfff. sucker. i'm a sucker for him. well okay . in short. i can handle it and i will handle it and it will be the happiest moment in my life when i am finally free. we are finally free. i can't wait and i can say i did it on my own. we did it.

but i still need to lose weight. i'm so gross.
8 months of being apart and never better.

well, doctors appointment and then work from 1 - 10pm. i have no life. but i need the money.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 24 May :: 2.29 pm

go to bank
get schedule at rosies
mail at postoffice
pay car payment
U

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 23 May :: 9.49 pm

i just took like 30 pictures of myself and edited them all

getting your wisdom teeth out doesn't hurt THAT bad but it sure it boring!

living room dark red and bed room purple... bathroom i think light blue and what color should the kitchen be?

3 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 23 May :: 2.33 pm
:: Mood: sore
:: Music: i write sins not tradgedies

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 22 May :: 11.01 pm

well i got my wisdom teeth out todya. it wasnt as bad as thought i t was gonna be. i started getting alittle teary-eyed when they stuck the IV in my arm and hooked all the ekgs and stuff up to me. i heard my heart beat and it was going so fast because i got really scared and they stuck the little tubes up my nose to breath and then that's all i remember really. then i just felt really sick on the way home as we were pulling onto my road i was sure iw as going to throw up because my mouth was so dry and i was so hot and i was just like sitting in my moms car passed out while she got my prescriptions and some soft/liquid food. i told her it was okay but when i woke up from my stupor i wished i had told her to just bring me home first because i felt so sick . my mouth was so dry it was jut making me really sick.

but then i just watched a movie and had some more vicadin and fell asleep. .... haven't done much today just stayed in bed and slept and got more meds and slept more and then just went dow n and ate a little more applesauce and pudding. and now i'm just chillin... about ready for bed. and some more vicadin. i deff. dont mind that stuff. i'm really mellow.

for the most part.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 20 May :: 6.58 pm

ahhhhhh i duno.......

what is going to happen?

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 19 May :: 7.33 pm

so who got a bomb new laptop and awesome printer/copier/scanner for graduating??

yeah that's right. i did. suck on it, losers.

thanks dad and mom! it's so awesome. ahhhhh

it has wireless internet, which we have here at home so i can use it. it has dvd player and BURNER and cd burner and an awesome screen and ahhhh it's so cool!! hooray!

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 19 May :: 3.32 pm

WOOOOOO fuck you school!!! you dirty whore!!! I am done with you forever and I never have to look at your ugly skanky bitch ass ever again!!! you are the biggest whore that ever existed and I hate you and now i'm done!! fuck you schooollllllll fuuuuuuuck youuuu!!!!!!

good riddence! or ridance or riddance. i dont even know how to spell it but i dont care! it's done!

6 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 18 May :: 1.42 pm

blah blah blah school is done . hooray hoorah.

now if only something good in my life were happening. you're a meany.

i was supposed to be moving to jackson tomorrow.

maybe..... i will.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 16 May :: 10.47 pm

fuck

i am in way over my head.

way over.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 15 May :: 9.18 pm
:: Mood: dirty
:: Music: Nelly furtado- promiscuous

4 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 14 May :: 10.20 pm

god it's not like you fucking care anyway

leave me the fuck alone.
ask me about something that's actually good , how bout. ugh
dumb

asdlfkjas;dlfjksdl;afkj; jsd umb dubme dubm

i will never have a family like this.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 13 May :: 8.29 pm

jessica that's okay

I absolutely love my boyfriend.

he is my everything. and i am so selfish i'm not even going to share anything more because i want to keep it all to myself. i'm not even going to say anything that happened because it is mine to treasure and you can't take that away. i never get to see him but at least you can't take this away.

bastards.

i love the movie crash.

and i cant even rant and rave about anything that is bugging me because you people might actually then be let on to what a complete and utter loser i am.
and how i have no one to walk with on graduation and how i am afraid that no one will show up to my open house.

i have everything i need i guess just not everything i'd like to have.
ugh.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 11 May :: 1.26 pm

ugggghghghghhghghghg

I CAN'T STAND YOU!!!

HOW LOUD MUST I SCREAM IT?!

inside my head that is.

::Yessa..::

:: 2006 8 May :: 10.23 pm

god today sucked so fucking much. i can'twait to be out of high school and fucking livingo n my own with my sweetiepie.

i was in a GOOD MOOD all day, can you belive it? and it was only beacuse i KNEW i did not have to work today

WELL GUESS WHAT

i'm happy as can be, on alpine just shopping my little heart out, i go to menards buy some stuff for the apartment

tra lalalala
a

i head to walmart

i see these adorable little bowls and cups and matching silverware

i go to get a cart

and ring ring a ding ding

my phone is ringing

it's amber from menards.

i was supposed to be tehre at 2:30 pm today she said

BULL SHIT i'm thinking. but twas true.

i wrote down my effing schedule wrong. but at least i have friday off.

god so then i had to go home and change and drive all the way back to work. i was bawling my effing eyes out the whole way there and back . i was so furious because it was so nice out and i was looking forward to getting SO much stuff done and then me and my mom were gonna go to the algoma park and i was gonna rollerblade with my new roller blades. i was so effing exctied and then it all got RUINEd

ugh. but anyway. i'm home, i'm still alive and i .... i duno. i'm tired.

oh and i guess besides everyone hating me and everyone at menards thinking i'm so fucking dumb and absolutely humiliating myself every fucking day...
i'm just peachy.

2 ::..So what?..:: | ::Yessa..::

:: 2006 7 May :: 9.19 pm

well mutha fucka!

i'm done with work and i am so READY for a day off. tomorrow.


oh but wait i still have to go to school.

well mutha fucka.

oh and i dont want to forget what this crazy guy said yesterday.. I was just beeping his little fricken FAMOUS DAVES BBQ SAUCE and he goes "WHAT IN THE LORD'S NAME?!?!?!" he like screams it and grabs the sauce from me (lol) and he goes "..oh, okay spicy" and puts it in the bag.

i'm like hahahahahahaaaaaa. lol
i like jumped a foot when he screamed it because i didn't know what the hell was the matter.
it was so funny. that wwas the only enjoyment i had. really.

::Yessa..::