:: 2004 22 June :: 12.01 am

hey american girls!
this night was so crazzzzyy. i did so much driving tonight its been insane.
ive been to delray to boca back and forth 6 times tonight.
i got on the turnpike tonight on accident and there was to way to turn around and i had to get on. the nearest exit north of glades was atlantic avenue. i had to get off there and pay. i payed to get back on and go all the way back to glades. katie and i met some guy from italy that we were hitting on in the car next to us. funniest shit ive ever heard. he wanted us to come to his house and (make inhaling noise and motion here). haha we didnt know if he was talking about smoking or sucking his dick but at the next light he assured us with "hey american girls follow me to my house to smoke weeeeed!". we informed him that we were way ahead of him and eventually he stopped following. i had an interesting conversation with louis tonight. im going to go call martin and i have work tomrrow at 1030 so i better get some sleep

-jb

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:: 2004 14 June :: 5.41 pm

we like, we like to party
we got 2 hotel rooms the other night
it was so much fun we had a keg, jack, the captain, and pot
what more could we ask for..really.
our whole group was there, i love it when we're all together. tommy got out of hand and wanted to go home and sleep. we took his keys from him and he tried fighting all of us. he started walking out to federal highway and we all had to push him back. we almost resorted to knocking him out but the cops pulled into the parking lot and we all had to run somehow managing to bring tommy's drunk ass with us. we pulled an all nighter and went i home at 730

i slept til 330 and then had a fam meeting
my mom pisses me off to no end with how she portrays me to other parents. she'll deny it a thousand times and i still wont believe her.

katie and i were supposed to have a blockbuster night and we nominated martin to be the lucky house holder. but plans changed and we ended up at the beach to drink. we smoked with sean and went to dennys again and went to bed around 3.

everyone's going over to jag rock tonight. its some private beach spot that we discovered. its really nice it has this coral ledge that we fish and jump off of into the ocean and we dont get into any trouble with beer. i love summer

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:: 2004 7 June :: 12.10 am

i wrote a letter last night that i was going to put in his mailbox today with his cd that i have. my nerves talked me out of it...maybe tomorrow.


i had so much fucking fun tonight. ok
soap+water+trampoline= slippery funnnnnn

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:: 2004 5 June :: 4.43 pm

work like you don't need the money.
love like you have never been hurt.

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:: 2004 4 June :: 4.35 pm

..and when it rains, it pours.

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:: 2004 2 June :: 4.19 pm

there goes all the plans we've made










blah...that's me lately. hours at hallmark during the summer are slim to none. but go-figure, the boss lady really likes me. she guaranteed me 30 hours a week starting the 14th. she told me all her future plans for me and "all of my potnential". no more second job for jb. im leaving with my grandma on the 24th to wisconsin. i haven't been up there in yearrsss. it's going to be really nice and weird at the same time. nicole is 18 now and just graduated. i think im staying at her house but im not sure. she hasnt changed a bit. i can tell from her picture she sent. i think shes taking me along to some country music festival while im up there? hopefully ill know whose playing. i really need a vacation...ive needed one for months now. martin is becoming quite the stud. seems every girl is swoooooning over him. everyone seems to like him or want to be/get with him. he seems to be the one that every girl wants to fuck with. they all want to play immature games with his mind. you can definetly tell summer has arrived. it's hotter than shit outside. if im not working, then ill be at the beach.

i guess a lot has happened since ive written last. a relationship blossomed and died. i was in a hit and run with some drunk bitch that they later found. things at home are well. besides the fact that i need to find one of those damn money trees. money...money seems to be needed from me for everything. little occurances like hit and runs that cost me 950 dollars, and buying a new cell phone for 250 because the old one got ran over, every car insurance and gas bill, and every stomach filling pleasure all on my 20 dollar /week allowance. haha fuck having kids...

together, pot and i figured out some of my friends true selves. tommy is the fakest person ive ever seen who will do or say anything to be "cool"..i think ross has clincal depression all because of his whore girlfriend..apparently louis is a compulsive lair about unnecessary and unimportant things such as "my dad just bought me a brand new escalade" (this i havent noticed myself) but yeah tommy is just wayyyy too disappointing. caught him dead in a lie without telling him.

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:: 2004 27 April :: 10.18 pm

i bought my first pyrex tonight
akljdglksadhkh its so nice
i cant wait im really excited
its gunna hit real hard
weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

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:: 2004 22 April :: 10.53 pm

bad day
today was just unfortunate. nothing seemed to be going right. out of the six classes i have, i had two tests today and the other four tomorrow. reboli pissed me off today when he got mad at me because i wasn't in class for his last minute announcement that there was going to be a test today. he wants me to come in at 715 tomorrow to take it. i say Fuck That. randomly, tears came rolling down my face today. and i cant explain why or give any explanation. i was just sitting there in class..and boom. tears. its totally unlike me. i had cramps all day and someone decided to spit there gum out a foot away from my car door. i proceded to step in it as i left school and get it all over my floor mat. next i had work and i had to miss elspeth's play wtf. i had already expected the worst because i had to work the extra half hour past close. there ended up being nothing for me to do and no one decided to buy cards today so time seemed to crawl. i finally left and i forgot to take off my fucking nametag and key again...so i had to go back and return them. now is the time where im supposed to be studying my ass off. im not sure why, but i feel like these tests are actually important to my grades and i really need to do well. maybe im giving a shit because i have them all at once? no? its never like this when they're spread apart. gahh who cares.

tomorrow is friday already and despite all that's happened, the week seemed to go by quickly. im supposed to be chillin with katie jenna martin and probably louis and tommy like usual. kava bar i think.

when i think my dad is cool about everything i tell him what ive gotten my car up to. yeah, uhm..flips out. oh well, remind me not to talk about that again.

that whole tired thing just settled in for the night i think..

now is the time <3

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:: 2004 20 April :: 10.45 pm

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going no where
Going no where
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one new me
Hello teacher tell me what’s my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me
And I find I kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world


listening would go agains't everything you've been helping me go through to learn.
please don't change.

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:: 2004 15 April :: 9.35 pm
:: Music: phantom planet- california

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:: 2004 10 April :: 10.24 pm

miss you..
remember how exhausted i said my body was?
it has caused me to be sick
and i'm miserable
drained.
i hate being sick
it's the worst and i'm going to sleep because i can't stay awake

good night <3

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:: 2004 6 April :: 8.43 pm
:: Mood: Lethargic

seems like forever
i don't think i've written since before spring break. i've been entirely too busy. my body is exhausted and that's the truth. that's probably why i've felt like shit the past couple days. i got my liscense over spring break. my 'girl' friends miss hanging out with me they say. with work and all its crazy. tomorrow's my last day off school until next thursday. i told my mom i wasn't going on thursday's half day and she doesn't care so it's cool. i keep missing megan's call. she just-so-happens to call me everytime i'm at work. my parents are in the process of painting our family room. sunday is easter and i'm not sure if i'm doing the annual easter egg hunt with all my little cousins this year. I guess i am 16 and really shouldn't be participating in those things but my grandma is a fucking baller. last year i got 14 bucks..now that the mother fuckin kind of easter bunny i like. oh..my parent's birthdays past too. my mom is now 40 and my dad, 43. i'm trying to think of things that have happened. uncle mike is getting a divorce. we all knew it the day at the wedding. she's a gold digger and thats the reason for their break. she wants more money for her dancing every month and he said no because of whatever reason and she leaves him. now..i know my uncle, and he sure as hell isn't cheap(you wouldn't be either if u had millions) so i'm sure he already gave her more than enough. gawd she makes me angry. i feel so bad for my uncle. supposedly he's really upset about the whole thing. i've never really gotten to have a close relationship with him because he lives in a different state but he's really straight. it's probably all that pot he smoked in high school. noice. things with tyler and i have gone really really well. we will taste victory with progression.

jessica

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:: 2004 17 March :: 10.18 pm

reconciliation
seems to me ill be switching to lj soon.
i got a raise this weekend

i talked things out with katie. she asked me if there was an "old" her and i took advantage of the opportunity to say what ive been wanting to say for quite some time now. i cant explain how much anger and disappointment i was feeling. she had me tears and she couldnt even grasp why. after all the confusion and arguing we settled things and exchanged apologies. maybe things will be different now. maybe not

todays is my dad's birthday. i got in a huuuge fight with my mom today. it really has been a long time since its happened. i dont understand her ways. its more of the psycological part of her that makes me most upset. i feel like everything has right intentions but for the betterment of self. that someones watching her and judging her every parenting move and are ready to crack at her the second she becomes lenient. that she wants me to mess up not really for the enjoyment of punishing me but to make herself feel better knwoing that "she taught me a lesson" one way or another. so therefore, she will avoid helping me out in any way on my pathway to failure.

im getting my liscense on monday and spring break is just over 2 days away.

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:: 2004 13 March :: 12.47 am

k cool woohu sucks and is unreliable.

everything is unfolding smoothly into place
it could be so wonderful
bc ive felt it
it happened today
and it's not the right way
but it is a way
and a faster one at that

<333

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:: 2004 2 March :: 10.35 pm
:: Mood: Disappointed

only hi jb
is what's left of my friendship with katie. Slowly it has progressed into nothing. My dad, of all people, was the first to notice distance or some kind of disconnection. I can't remember the last time i've been to her house or the last non-meaningful phone conversation i've had with her. She used to call me one of her best friends, and I'm sure she still does due to habit. She only calls me if she needs something. I'm always her last resort if Justine is busy and if she has no one to drive her somewhere. I guess you could say shes bored of me, either that or i musn't be high enough on the popularity totem pole for her. Whatever it is, it doesn't bother her and she has yet to take notice. "Jess do you wan't to come with me to get my nails done, i don't want to go by myself" and thats the honest truth. Yes, I understand she doesn't like being alone. So be it. It bubbled to the surface when she became bitchier than ever about everything and it has now boiled over into a phony disguise. She puts on this "cute" act when talking to guys. You're not better than everyone else and you don't need to impress us. We're not all watching you like you wish we were. Be the upfront and cruelly honest like the person you are. Everyone doesn't have to understand it, and everyone won't. I do, and I love you and that's why I care this freakin much.

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