:: 2007 3 May :: 10.52 pm
:: Mood: Exhausted

March and April 2007
3/2
"Sorry, I'm feeling your apple." - Kate

3/9
"Let's have a taco-nightie party." - Brittany

3/10
"You think they're aliens?" - Kate
"I was thinking more like they're filming a porn." - Brittany

"I want to go to school as the Michelin man." - Prudy

3/30
"If I saw Ola today, she'd be in my bag." - Prudy

"Of course they know we speak English, we have a black guy with us." - Prudy

4/11
"My tongue is not going into that kid's mouth." - Prudence

"Your relationship has moved up a level. You went from bestiality to murder." - Kate

4/15
"My host mother doesn't want to kill me, she just likes butter." - Kate

"I can handle money when I'm drunk, high, or having sex." - Jeraldina (Mexico)

4/16
"Save me from the metrosexuals." - Prudy

"What does he hate?" - Kate
"Penetration." - Allie (Canada)

"I shaved my pubes this morning." - Malcolm (USA)

"Prudy's cute when she talks about cannibalism." - Brittany

"What your nuts, Prudy's out to get them." - Prudence

4/18
"Why is the vaginal disease girl volunteering here?" - Allie

"You know, I get the feeling Asians know what they're doing." - Laurence (Canada)

"Your legs are your future: open them and accept." - Prudence

4/20
"If makes you want to rub your body against a Hungarian boy." - Kara (Australia)

"What would it be like to be married to Malcolm?" - Prudy
"Lots of sex." - Brittany

4/21
"Let's just say I'd be happy if I was dead right now." - Rebecca (Australia)

"If you have the choice to kill a cobra or China, kill China." - Œmigiel (Poland)

"You should get a tattoo of a camera on your ass." - Allie

"We're not alcoholics, we're not very interesting." - Rebecca

"Period. Period. Period. Oh my god, hot French guy." - Prudence

4/22
"Why don't you take a hike to New Zealand?" - Brittany
"Because I don't screw sheep." - Prudy

4/24
"[If I had a dog,] I'd name him Buttons or Carlos." - CJ (Bermuda)

"Sexual frustration, I love that." - CJ

"To save the world, we need to get Adam to wack off." - CJ

4/26
"CJ dulled down my question mark with his period." - Prudence

"[Polish wine:] they just drop a grape into a bottle of vodka." - Prudy

4/27
"He thinks I want a nymphomanic pedophilic husband." - Prudy

4/29
"I'm a natural shit factory." - Malcolm

1 comment | Amusing?

:: 2007 28 February :: 5.27 pm
:: Music: Eska Rock

1 comment | Amusing?

:: 2007 29 January :: 1.12 pm

January 2007
QUOTES ARE BACK AND FRESH FROM POLAND!
There aren't many this time because I just started it up again, but enjoy!

10/15
"This is what autumn and cemetery smells like." - Agnieszka Mo³dach (Poland, 1st host sister)

10/18
"Little things are beautiful." - Nguyen Khac Hieu (Poland/Vietnam)

12/23
"I think that I believe in such beautiful things that wouldn't let me be a pessimist." - Hieu

1/15
"Can You boil an egg in water?" - CJ Richardson (Bermuda)

"If you guys come to Bermuda, I'm gonna push you off a cliff." - CJ Richardson (Bermuda)

"What am I; chopped liver?" - Brittany Bonnell (Wisconsin)

"Cleo Patra? Cleo Patra? Cleo Patra, are you here? Oh, she's on the Nile again." - Brittany Bonnell (WI)

"It feels strange to crap among all their prized possessions." - Brittany

"She wants the intimate Portuguese." - Kate Shelton

"Do I call him Negro? No, I would call him CJ." - Brittany

1/17
"Kate, are you ready to be saved by Jesus?!" - Brittany

1/18
"I'm a sexy wet dog right now." - CJ

1/24
"I have more important things to worry about than a guy mugging me in the middle of the night." - Brittany

2 comments | Amusing?

:: 2005 22 March :: 8.32 pm
:: Music: The Moody Blues - Nights In White Satin

1 comment | Amusing?

:: 2005 17 January :: 9.16 pm
:: Music: My Chemical Romance - Helena

3 comments | Amusing?

:: 2004 29 October :: 1.41 pm
:: Mood: relaxed

9/8/04 - 10/27/04
9/8
"You're so artificially gay." - Chris Knoll

9/9
"Watch me deepthroat this." - Jamie Hentig

"It could be like a domino effect and then you're spraying someone with acid." - Mr. Vree

9/11
"I wish I had more brains in my head." - Lorrie Shelton

9/15
"Hold on, lemme find it." *reaches in pants, pulls out strings* "These are my peter tassels." - Jake Mellema

9/16
"I look like a chinese vampire with Down Syndrome." - Stephanie Lewis

9/21
"If I had a pile of coke, I'd fuck it. My dick would be so numb." - James Golden

"If you say one more thing about my poop, I'm gonna pray you get it and poop all over yourself." - Lorrie Shelton

9/29
"Is there a rule against doing cartwheels in the hallway? I didn't see that in the fricken agenda." - Mishy Fraser

"I feel so comfortable and free like a tampon commercial." - Josh Aungst

"I don't want to go to school. I have no legs. Kate has no legs." - Stacy Cain

"She has enormous sweater puppets." - Jake Mellema

"Genital cats." - Jake Mellema

"Hey Tom, can I poop in your mouth?" - Jay Ruster

10/5
Cremation is the best way to confirm that you won't come back as the undead." - Ben Rector

10/6
"Ya ever heard chipmunks having sex?" - Steven Tefft

10/8
"Wanna eat my babies?" - Stephanie Lewis

"Can we stop talking about masturbation for just one minute?" - Mitch Armstrong

10/12
"Why are your hands so red?" - ?
"She just killed someone, retard." - Marty Bonomini

10/13
"At what point do you say, 'holy crap, I have to eat a pencil'?" - Tom Maynard
"When a beaver has a gun held to your head." - Sarah Cohen

"Portuguese people in Italy speaking french with spanish subtitles. It's a romantic language spectacular!" - Sarah Cohen

10/27
"Christmas chicken nuggets and penis." - Steve Tefft

6 comments | Amusing?

:: 2004 8 September :: 4.06 am
:: Mood: tired.. sick
:: Music: The Cure - The Promise

10 comments | Amusing?

:: 2004 10 June :: 5.48 pm

3/23/04 - 6/3/04
3/23
“Man I didn’t name him, I just said ‘he’s dead.’” – Norm Cole

“The male reproductive system.” – Mr. Reed
“That’s my favorite system.” – Kate

3/24
“You’re kinda lucky I wore pants today.” – Mitch Armstrong

“People are too happy these days.” – Stacy Cain

“Your butt smells nice, Neilee.” – Courtney Rae

3/25
“I bought a video game you had in your crotch.” – Phil Maas (Himself)

“You’ve gotta draw the line between creepy and romantic.” – Stephanie Lewis

3/26
“I’d kill myself before I let you kill me.” – Gus Dahl

3/27
“Get your racial slangs right, ya dirty Jew.” – Mitch Armstrong

“I’ll straddle your face.” – Mitch

“I get your cooter, Matt gets your mouth, so if I make you scream, you’ll bite his off.” – James Golden

3/29
“I think we should have ‘Bring a Knife to School Day’ and ‘Fake a Race Day.’” – Stacy Cain

“Whoever’s throwing jellybeans needs to stop. It’s very immature.” – Kim Carter
“I think it’d be more immature if we were throwing babies.” – Emily Rowe

“It pains me to listen to her talk.” – Kate

“Wrinkled Old Testicle…” – Brad Blair
“What are you doing?” – Kate
“ROTC!” – Brad
“Wrinkled doesn’t start with an R.” – Jay Ruster
“..oh yeah.” – Brad

3/30
“You don’t have child-bearing hips.” – Courtney Rae
“What’s that?” – Brittany Mathews
“Hips.. for bearing children..” – Emily Rowe

“Be a patriot, kill a priest.” – Kate

“Homolicker.” – Kaylen Merlington

“Every time I draw two circles next to eachother, you guys automatically think testicles.” – Fournier

“I’ve got the richest bum in this place.” – Stephanie Lewis

“Mr. Carr’s watching me stroke my nipple, thanks.” – Stephanie Lewis

3/31
“Damn those pissin’ pink bunnies on the fuckin’ ceiling.” – Kate

“Procrastination and masturbation are both fun, until you realize you’re only fucking yourself.” – Stephanie Lewis

“Seriously, he goes from his normal red, to dark red, to dark dark purple. If I was him, I’d paint my room red, and.. hide in it.” – Tyler Metzger

4/4
“I like to open my mouth for a lotta meat.” – James Golden

“Man, I gonna cut you so bad man.. that, you, you gon wish I didn’t cut you so bad, man.” – James Golden

4/12
“What would everyone say if I had a restaurant called The Big Dick? They’d say, ‘The bratwurst there is great’ and ‘I go there for the sausage!’ We’d serve pickles and sausage with bananas on the side. And guys in speedos will serve.” – Mrs. Olsen

4/15
“It’d be really cool if I were a chair.” – Tim Rafferty

“If I was a chair, I’d be a toilet.” – Emily Rowe

4/18
“I should die. I really want to.” – Becky Visser

4/20
“Hopefully you guys get this, otherwise my life is useless.” – Mrs. Olsen

4/21
“Josh doesn’t feel it.” – Kaylen Merlington
“Yeah, because you’ve always got your hand up his butt.” – Neilee Metzger

“Everybody loves me; I’m beautiful, I’m vibrant, I’m absolutely gorgeous!” – Jake Shain

“So I smoke pot, what are you gonna do about it?” – Heather Fitzgerald

“I had a straw in my mouth and CJ put the other end in his mouth and took it out, and when he did, I got some of his spit in my mouth.” – Stephanie Lewis

“Suddenly, I feel like taking my pants off.” – Jeremy W.

4/22
“I’ve got a tub of organs on me so I can’t move.” – Kaylen Merlington

“Saying ‘ow, my spleen!’ is so much cooler than saying ‘ow, my small intestine.’” – Bill Korb

“Hey we found the first penis of the day!” – Fournier

“Life is too short to be nice.” – Jay Ruster

“I hope she bursts into flames.” – Dustin Cain

“There are 3 Kims. 2 are blonde barbies, and I’m the dark-haired cow. Of course I was the smartest, but where’d that get me? With you.” – Mrs. (Kim) Olsen

4/23
“We instigated a retard fight last hour.” – Jay Ruster

“Hellfuckinshitassyeah.” – Brad Blair

“I would literally shit my pants if one retard jacked another in the face.” – Jay Ruster

“King Kong aint got shit on Godzilla.” – Jay Ruster

“Look, it’s a gathering of fat bitches.” – James Remiro

“Sperm lip gloss.” – Brad Blair

“Go do something you’re good at, like killing Jews.” – Kevin Cuppett

“You know how much spit I’ve wasted talking to you? *pretends to spit *That much.” – Brittany Toft

4/26
“You gotta be there for your friends, even when they start barfin’, you gotta be there for ‘em.” – Jeff Warner

“Folks, I’m about to lay down the smack.” – Fournier

“I’m stressed to the max; I have a German in my house.” – Josh Farrel

“I think Jessica just licked Marissa’s nipple.” – Emily Rowe

“You should quote me saying nipple.” – Emily Rowe

“Nipple.” – Emily Rowe

“If you guys are gonna talk, I’m gonna rip out your tongues.” – Mrs. Olsen
“Is that a threat?” – Zach Ebenstein
“It’s a promise.” – Mrs. Olsen

“I play ‘What’s In My Mouth’ in math.” – Stacy Cain

“I told him he got hit by the ugly stick twice.” – Stacy Cain

4/27
“Gee wiz, meat.” – Tim Rafferty

“Look at that old man, do you think he gets any?” – Kaylen (Jennifer) Merlington

“She doesn’t like me anymore because I don’t believe that she has a demon vampire imaginary friend.” – Tim Rafferty

“I’m gonna write erotic porn when I get older.” – Kate

“Stop screwin’ Kate!” – Jacqui DeFouw

“Ahhhhhh! It got in my cut! Your deodorant got in my cut!” – Stacy Cain
“Suck on it!” – Matt Whetzel
“It tastes like… EWW!” – Stacy

“Do you want some sandwich with your condiments?” – Stephanie Lewis

4/29
“It’s like a sex sandwich.” – Will Tobashka

“Who’re you going out with?” – Amanda Bigney
“Yeah, what’s his name Zach?” – Tim Rafferty
“Dick.” – Zach Ebenstein

“They should kill all the fat ugly people, except me.” – Tim Rafferty
“You’re not fat.” – Kate

“This is like the breakfast club.” – Neilee Metzger
“You should put lipstick on with your boobs.” – Ron Wheaton

4/30
“I have half a cat in Mr. McDonald’s room. I can go get it.” – Emily Rowe

5/2
“There’s Cyclopes, let’s trip her.” – Matt Whetzel

5/3
“I’ll touch your leg all I want.” – Kate
“Then I’ll play with your pants all I want.” – Brandon Haney

“I thought you said, ‘I’ve got too much cum in my dick.’” – Brad Blair

“I thought you said something about a holy dick.” – Stephanie Lewis

“I betcha Hazel’s an anal guy.” – Jay Ruster

“You should totally stab her in the face with a soldering iron.” – Jay Ruster

“Suck my balls, smoke my pole, lick my dirty butt hole.” – Brad Blair

“If I find a bug, can I keep it?” – Logan

“Whatever lights your fire.” – Mr. McDonald

“I’m such a non-conformist, I’m not gonna drive on the road.” – Matt Whetzel

“You’re constipating.” – Stacy Cain

“You little dyke-bombin’ son of a bitch.” – Matt Whetzel

“Stacy, if I wanted any comeback from you, I’d wipe it off your cheek.” – Matt Whetzel

“Can you imagine a giant douche bag just running around?” – Stacy Cain

“You son of a bitch, you’re never touching my tampon again.” – Matt Whetzel

5/4
“I can’t wait for the Vietnam War.” – Gus Dahl

“Stop trying to unbutton my pants.” – Kate

“Well, ya see, when you leave a bicycle pump out in the rain, overnight, well.. you know.” – Tom Maynard

5/5
“You get outta bed, you get on the pot. Yep, that’s how it was back in our day. You got on that cold pot whether you hadta go or not.” – Neilee’s G-Ma

“I’m dumbass-intolerant.” – Kate

“I remember tasting you, and you were very bland.” – Mitch Armstrong

“I love things in my shirt.” – Kaylen Merlington
“I love the things in your shirt too.” – Tim Rafferty

“Take off your pants.” – Tim Rafferty
“You horny little devil.” – Courtney Rae
“That’s sexual harassment, don’t say that.” – Mrs. Crowley

“All I heard was ‘a prostitute, a monkey, and a fish.’” – Mrs. Crowley

“If you watch TV a lot, you get big boobs.” – Mrs. Olsen

5/7
“Not everyone wants to have sex with Becky, even though she begs.” – Erika Childs

“Come to us, Cancer Lump.” – Matt Whetzel

“I’m excited because I’m fat and I like doughnuts.” – Emily Rowe

“He’s a man-whore with a small penis.” – Courtney Rae

“I gotta tinkle like a homo in labor.” – Stephanie Lewis

“Does the gortex really help against the burritos?” – Mitch Armstrong

5/10
“I talked to a squirrel! I swear to my gosh!” – Erika Childs

“We don’t want to hear about your big poop.” – Mitch Armstrong
“But it was huuuuge! Like a loaf of garlic bread and 3 pretzels worth.” – Kevin Cuppett

“Yeah, I do that all the time, I make peoples’ nipples dance.” – Neilee Metzger

“There was this lady and she weighed like 700 pounds. She had this burning sensation in her arm, so she went to the doctor. He pulled up one of her flabs of fat and there was a twinkie in there, molding. It was turning into a mold that was burning her skin.” – Alyssa Cole

I had a dream about your mom’s hot naked body last night.” – Stephanie Lewis

“I squeezed his butt and it started flowing through my hands.” – Stephanie

“That’d be full of ball-licking goodness.” – Jay Ruster

“I look like a cow. I look like the centerpiece that everyone sits around at dinner.” – Michelle Hawley

“What, did I impregnate a woman?” – Erika Childs

“She called me a hefty dodo.” – Becky Visser

“We talked about the special place between ladies’ legs.” – Mrs. Olsen

“She’s got this new fantasy where she comes out wearing my clothes.” – Mrs. Olsen

5/13
“Do you have a mirror in your pocket? Because I can see myself in your pants.” – Brandon Haney

“My dog gives me a boner.” – Jay Ruster

“All bodily fluids go on the kleenex.” – Bus Driver

“One day she walked into me and she’s like, ‘hello, I’m walking here,’ and I’m like, ‘hello, you’re fat.’” – Tyler Metzger

“Wanna chew my shirt?” – Amanda Bigney

5/14
“Hey, let’s see who can imitate a tire!” – Kate

“Save a tree, eat a beaver.” – Brandon Haney

“Will you pull my pants down?” – Kate

“Hey look, you’re spinning negro humor all over.” – James Golden

“This sounds like worms smashing up against smushy stuff.” – Stacy Cain

“Hey everybody! I got hit in the face!” – Stacy Cain

“I’d go up to someone and be like ‘I play the piccolo’ and they’d be like ‘you should’ve picked the cello’ then I’d be like ‘I didn’t pick the piccolo’ and pull out a cello.” – Stacy Cain

“I hope both of you die.” – Dustin Cain

“I had a dream today about ponies playing flutes.” – Stacy Cain

“He’s not the pokemon master, he’s the pokemon god.” – Dustin Cain

“Do I need to give you The Talk?” – Kate
“Yes, then we can watch it on video.” – Stacy Cain

“The carpet smells like peaches. Moldy ones.” – Stacy Cain

“Let’s all be dramatic because we’re just so good at it.” – Stacy Cain

“When we get older, we’ll get an apartment together.” – Kate
“And we can make gingerbread men.” – Stacy

5/16
“Hey Kate?” – Stacy
“What?” – Kate
“You’re fugly.” – Stacy

5/17
“Hey yo, honky honk.” – Courtney Rae

“Why does she make us eat this stuff?” – Ashley
“Because it’s poison and she likes to do us in our sleep.” – Neilee Metzger

“I wanna have sex with this room it smells so good.” – Courtney Rae

“I feel like I’m eating fetal pigs.” – Alyssa Cole

“Why do you wear your blingbling?” – Fournier
“To attract boys.” – David Cook

“Nasty girls don’t have boyfriends.” – Fournier

“He’s always yelling at me for humping Tony.” – Brad Blair

“I think it’s my God-given right to hump other men.” – Jay Ruster

5/18
“I wish I had a plunger to play with.” – Kate

“I’m not a pansyass little fucktart.” – Tom Maynard

“I’m gonna stick this down my dog’s throat and wrap his intestines around the spoon. People’ll be like, ‘woo, look, intestines on a spoon!’” – Stacy Cain

“I enjoy talking to myself, I’m the only who listens.” – Emily Shneider

5/20
“You were choking her with your nipple.” – James Golden

“I try to be as homosexual as possible when I give these quizzes.” – Fournier

“So yesterday I told my mom I wanted a PHD in Mexican Porn School. She told me to shut up.” – Stephanie Lewis

“I wish hairy balls were here. I could go for a nut lickin’ right now.” – Jay Ruster

“I love to squirm while I’m makin’ bacon.” – Kate

“What color are your nipples?” – Emily Rowe
“He’s a pinky.” – Brad Blair

5/21
“The ugliest wins.” – Mrs. Crowley
“I wanna play.” – Emily Rowe

“We’re all dying dogs on the inside.” – Kate

“What if my pants just disintegrated?” – Neilee Metzger

“He’s an assbutt.” – Brad Blair
“Is that the same thing as a penisdick?” – Michelle (Mishy) Fraser

“Whatcha thinkin’ about?” – Kate
“Your mom.” – Stacy Cain

5/24
“So Penny and I were playing Snugglebugs last night and she fuckin’ threw up all over my floor.” –Jay Ruster

“My hands are stickier than an erect horse penis.” – Jay Ruster

“See, I told you I was a faggot.” – Stacy Cain

“I’m so fascinated with my mouth. I love putting things in it.” – Stacy

“It’s been in my mouth, but what hasn’t?” – Phil-Himself

5/25
“I flap my back skin on his face.” – Stephanie Lewis

“Don’t you hate when you forget what you’re wearing?” – Brandon Haney

“How come I’m last?” – Brandon Haney
“You’re first in backwards land.” – Alyssa Cole

“Holy shit, you’ve got projectile semen.” – Stephanie Lewis

“You think Kate’s mom is hot. We were on the phone and you told me all the nasty little secrets of what you want to do to every crevice of her hot, oily body.” – Stephanie Lewis

“Does your grandma wear diapers?” – Kate
“No, but I wish she would. She pees all over the place like a dog.” – Neilee Metzger

5/26
“What did one gay sperm say to the other gay sperm? *pause * ..How do we find the egg in all this crap?” – Neilee Metzger

5/27
“It was orgasm good.” – Stephanie Lewis

“I don’t know if it’s a good thing, or if it’s a bad thing, but it’s a thing.” – Reyburn

“I never read the newspaper.” – Neilee Metzger
“It’s too small of print.” – Ronnie-Jonnie Wheaton

“We can steal my grandma’s wheelchair and go ridin’.” – Neilee Metzger

“I like to shock people, but they never get shocked. I think they all think I’m a horrible person.” – Lorrie Shelton (Kate’s mom)

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” – Kate
“The penguin outside. He says he doesn’t like you.” – Stacy Cain

“I’m cracking out, I’m cracking out, I’m cracking out, I’m cracking out, I’m cracking out, I’m cracking out.. etc” – Stacy Cain

"It's a big scary monster wrapped in plastic waiting to attack you with its wicked white cream." - Stacy Cain

5/29
“I think guys should have to squirt shit out of their penises for a week.” – Mishy

“I’m not tearing open my vagina, I’ll adopt.” – Mishy

“What did you think was gonna happen; your spine was gonna jump out and say, ‘Hi, I’m a spine!’” – Stacy Cain

6/1
“Don’t call me hot with my pants off.” – Erika Childs

“Shut up, Stupid. I hate you, why don’t you understand that? I don’t like you!” – Erika Childs

“My mom found these old Halloween horns and put them on her head and she was like ‘Hey Ronnie, I’m horny.’” – Ron Wheaton

“It’d be funny if people had windows on their body.” – Rohnny-Johnny Wheaton

“He’s got himself convinced that his penis is huge because he’s always looking at it through a magnifying glass.” – Matt Whetzel

6/3
"You're a Gangsta-Jew." - Jake Stanton

"It doesn't say my name on that penis." - Stephanie Lewis

"Crystal SkankBurger's got a camera." - Stephanie Lewis

"I'll put my pants on later." - Stacy Cain

5 comments | Amusing?

:: 2004 10 June :: 5.46 pm

1/18/04 - 3/19/04
1/18
"I couldn't rape my way out of a wet paper bag." - Jay Ruster

1/19
"He can suck my dick." - Courtney Rae

1/20
"Uranus's bleeding testicle." - Mrs. Olsen

1/21
"We can play in your room." - CJ Fisk

"On your knees! Now!" - CJ Fisk

"Roses are red
Violets are blue
Sugar is crack
And so are you." - Mrs. Shaffer

"I was screwin' myself and I didn't even know it." - Adam Draves

"He threatened to rape me!" - Jacqui DeFouw

"And then I fondle your balls." - Kate
"Whoa, I missed the whole first part of this conversation." - Emily Rowe

1/23
"Except when your friends get drunk and make out in your shower; that's kinda awkward." - Emily Rowe

"I say some stupid shit sometimes. You should write that down." - Emily Rowe

"Two llamas with friends have dice." - Emily Rowe (translating ' Tu llamas el amigo y le dice.')

"Do you like to eat Italian crucifixes?" - Mrs. Crowley
"I love Italian crucifixes!" - Emily Rowe

"Look, Neilee kinda rhymes with candy!" - Emily Rowe

"Do you want to jiggle my boob?" - Kate

"I'm talking about poop-water!" - Neilee Metzger

"Hey everybody, let's ... be gay." - Alex Grecheski

"Will you please put your shirt back on?" - Sam Hamilton

"Jeff was doin' the spit yo-yo over my face, and then the phone was ringning, so I moved and it went in my ear." - Sam Hamilton

"I would rather just roll around the gym." - Emily Rowe

"You're gonna get the wrath of Reed." - Mr. Reed

"Think about it: if you had 20 pounds of marijuana sitting right in front of you, would you turn it in?" - Stephanie Lewis
"No, I'd probably sell it." - Kate

"I wish my name was Black Castle of Opium." - Stephanie Lewis

"Quiet, Bean Eater." - Matt Curtis

"Ashley's grandma pretends to pull things our of her ass." - Stephanie Lewis
"Only when I ask for something. She's like, 'oh, here it comes.'" - Ashley
"Eww, crotch items." - Stephanie Lewis

"Does anyone have any candy?" - Kate
"Ask Ashley's grandma." - Stephanie
"I don't eat ass-candy." - Kate

"My boobs are too big." - Kate
"No they're not, they're milkalicious." - Stephanie Lewis

"Did you just lube me up?" - CJ Fisk
"Ashley lubes up before every meal." - Stephanie

"It's good for the body and the soul to fuck grandmas." - Brad Blair

"I banged my grandma in the ass." - Jay Ruster

"The first girl that sucked my dick kinda chewed on it." - Jay Ruster

"I wanna put rogaine on my wiener." - Jay

1/26
"Are you achin'? Yup, yup, yup. For some bacon? Yup, yup, yup. You can be a big pig too." - Alyssa Cole

"Did he die?" - Allyn Longcore
"I don't know, he shoulda." - Mrs. Olsen

1/27
"Why is there a hotdog up there?" - Courtney Rae
"It's not a hotdog, it's a barbie leg." - Zach Ebenstein
"The leg's in a hotdog bun." - Mrs. Crowley

"I'm a pill-popping madman today." - Justin BeVier

"An enraged bedroom slipper." - Fournier

"Look, I changed the penis into a tornado." - CJ Fisk

"That's what you get for being on a Krispy Kream diet." - Stephanie Lewis

"Ashley, will you give me a butt-rub?" - Stephanie Lewis

"You're gonna be shittin' fire tomorrow." - Stephanie

1/29
"You can't have a pair of balls and tap dance; it just does not work." - Jay Ruster

"They were never going out, they were just breeding buddies." - Jay Ruster

1/30
"Can we play in the road today?" - Courtney Rae

"That is so homosexual." - Fournier

"If it smells like a dog, looks like a dog, and barks like a dog, it's not a duck!" - Sara Kies

"I had to run behind Kate while she was strapped to a harness." - Stephanie

2/2
"You were dry and I made you juicy." - Courtney Rae

"I'm just using her for her candy, I don't really like her." - Kate

"Jump rope with the intestines." - Fournier

"Shit faced, muther fuckers." - Jake Shain

"If you don't want a yeast infection, eat yogurt." - Fournier

"Ya never know when a moose is gonna take a dump." - Fournier

"Mike says 'icky' too. That's such a homosexual little saying." - Stephanie Lewis

"Underground vacuum racing." - DeAnna Ellis

"Why is he talking like a dragon?" - Ron Wheaton

2/3
"Sickly green fear pulled at their entrails. That means they got tummy aches." - Mrs. Olsen

"Yeah, I was like, 'whatever, you're hot.'" - Jacqui DeFouw

"Do you know what a buttplug is, Jacqui?" - Stephanie DeFouw

2/4
"She makes me look snagely and I am not snagely. She's the snagel here, not me." - Stephanie Lewis
"I want to kick her snagely ass." - Stephy

"Spasming below the waist." - Dusty Postumas

"You'll never be the happy Islamic woman I am!" - Matt Whetzel

2/5
"The word 'fuck' makes me have to poop." - James Golden

"Makes me wish I had 2 penises, but that's why guys have mouths." - James Golden

2/6
"I can play the fricken skin flute for an hour and it doesn't make any noise." - Stephanie Lewis

2/9
"Mr. A's hot." - Will Taboska

"Tuna is the chicken of the sea." - Jeremy Woodward

"Don't fondle my penguin." - Fournier

2/17
"When I want my finger in your crack, I'll put it there." - Stephanie Lewis

2/18
"Make sure you sanitize the poop before you eat it." - Corey Chase

"Don't go lookin' for dirty meat." - Fournier

"Did you know there's a parasite that can take over a snail's mind?" - Dan Reed

"Is it rectal exam day?" - Mr. Reed

"I eat peas and they kinda clump up on my pancreas." - Stephanie Lewis

"She's only 6, let's not corrupt her yet." - Mrs. Olsen

2/20
"Sounds like they're spankin' a baby with a cat." - Bill Korb

"Sometimes I forget to swallow." - CJ Fisk

"I can't go anywhere without my George Foreman Grill." - Will Tobashka

2/23
"You've got a hole in your butt!" - Brad Blair

"I gotta take a dump." - Megan Colby

"George Washington was known as the ghetto kitty of our country." - Fournier

"No! Don't lick it up!" - Fournier

"It was a hug-fest!" - Josh Farrel

2/24
"What's that?" - Kate
"I made it. It's a stick." - Brad Blair

"He was colored and flimsable. I don't know what flimsable means, but he could flim." - Brad Blair

2/25
"Someone drew male genitalia on my pillow." - Mrs. Crowley

3/1
*runs finger along dead, opened worm.* "I can pet it, and stroke it.." - Alyssa Cole

"Phyllis beats her meat with dirty little birdy feet." - Stephanie Lewis

"How do you masturbate a snail?" - Kate
"I don't know, ask her." *points to Ashley* - Stephanie
"The same way you probe a cricket." - Stephanie

"Yeah, I lay in bed and think about masturbating snails." - Stephanie Lewis

3/2
"I'm such a homo." - Stephanie Lewis

"You have nipples on your back." - Stephanie
"I know, Tony put 'em there." - CJ Fisk

"I see your smile, but your eyes scream sadness." - Mishy

3/3
"What is that; fried shit?" - Jessica Nichols

"Back that train up." - Fournier

"It's like a combination of blood and jiz on a sandwich." - Jay Ruster

"Wouldn't that be a pooper? You go through high school, you're in 12th grade and almost done, then you drop dead." - Mrs. Olsen

3/5
"You're so squishy and hyper." - Neilee Metzger

3/11
"... or I'll remove your reason for being a man." - Courtney Rae

"It's like tupperware for your vagina!" - Emily Rowe

3/12
"Yeah, touch my bongos." - Adam Vainavicz

3/16
"I don't hear anybody thinking." - Mrs. Crowley

3/17
"Drop your pants and let me squeeze your balls." - Stephanie Lewis

"You've never been to My-anus?" - Tyler Bauer
"No, you want me to?" - Steve Odren

"I would clean up monkey shit before I touched your penis." - Mitch Armstrong
"No, you wouldn't." - Kevin Cuppett
"Yeah, I know." - Mitch

3/18
"There's his anus! Probe it!" - Sara Kies

3/19
"Ew, now I've got beaver germs in my mouth." - Jenny Reed

"I love penis." - Justin BeVier

"Fuck you, Courtney." - Brad Blair

"I love cooter." - Courtney Rae

"Your vagina muscles squish it." - Brad Blair

"You need nipple shields." - Jenny Reed

"I get nervous when you get close to my nipples." - Tony Wiers

"Humor the old whore." - Jorden Porter

Amusing?

:: 2004 10 June :: 5.42 pm

10/27/03 - 1/16/04
10/27
"You're a crackhead." - Peter (last name unknown)

"*sings* I could wear my sunglasses at night." - Ron Wheaton

"What does the phrase 'big juicy scoop' remind you of?" - Jake Watson

10/28
"Someone told me I looked like their grandma's couch." - Amanda (last name unknown)

"Jennifer Lopez is so hot." - Emily Rowe

10/29
"What's a homo?" - Mr. Reed

"I was spooning with my dog before I came to school." - Stephanie Lewis

10/30
"I wanna steal your lip." - Neilee Metzger

"I wanna poke your cleavage." - Kate

"Nice to know I have gopher qualities." - Kate

"Oh shit, I shot Marvin in the face." - Jay Ruster

"Now I can drink fluids out of things without putting my mouth on... things." - Ron Wheaton

"When you least expect it, I'll be there, sniffing your hair." - Emily Rowe

"They don't play gore anymore, do they?" - Mrs. Olsen
"Yeah." - Tyler Metzger
"Oh they do? Good." - Mrs. Olsen

"The world burns around us, not in us." - Joe Castine

10/31
"Shh, I'm sharin' my life here." - Mrs. Olsen

11/1
"My grandma has butterballs." - Stephanie Lewis

"Kate, I just got spanked." - Stephanie Lewis

11/3
"I'm such a sweaty mop." - Justine Gunneson

11/4
"Ya wanna dance old man?" - Emily Rowe

"I have muscle, it's just covered." - Ron Wheaton

11/5
"It's like when you stick your finger in your belly button for like, an hour, and it smells really bad." - Emily Rowe

"I grope everyone equally." - Kate

"My pee's gonna flow in a minute." - Stephanie Lewis

"I love corn. Especially when it's on my ass." - Joe Castine

"Look at that beaner juice." - Joe Castine

"They start out swearing, then get naked, then they're killing people." - Mrs. Olsen

"If you all pass out, I'm not giving you mouth-to-mouth." - Mrs. Olsen

11/6
"Good ol' pornography." - Zach Ebenstein

11/10
"A turkey-human! With squirral hands!" - Neilee Metzger

"What's mellophobia a fear of?" - Mr. Reed
"...melons?" - Kate

"Phyllis has milky hair." - Stephanie Lewis

"What's with the stupid 'A' on his shirt?" - Kate
"It's his shirt, dear. You said her." - Neilee Metzger
"Nuhuh. He said she." - Ron Wheaton

11/13
"We can dance, we can dance, everyone can look at your pants." - Emily Rowe

11/14
"Every word she says I want to slap back in her face and make her choke on it." - Stephanie Lewis

"You may be slick, but I'm quick." - Jacqui DeFouw

11/18
"If it has a penis and he's hot, I like him." - Neilee Metzger

11/19
"Mr. Carr's a fruit loop." - Stephanie Lewis

"I can't get my shirt off, I think Mike's gonna have to do it." - Stephanie Lewis

11/20
"Why are you dating tall guys with small penises? Nobody likes sex until they have it. It seems all bad till you do it. See this is my thoery on sex. If everybody was makin' love everyone would be happy. See this is why all those kids come to school with guns and shit, they're not getting laid! If they were gettin' some they'd be happy, they'd be good. Look at the 60's: everybody was making love and smoking weed. Everybody was happy living in their vans with 15 people. Everyone was good. Cause everyone was getting laid." - Emily Rowe

"I think it's stupid when boys call girls gay. Guys love watchin' girls make-out, so how is calling some girl gay a bad comment to her? I think being gay is beautiful." - Emily Rowe

"Toucan Sam, the fruit loop man." - Emily Rowe

"If you're ever in my house, you can't lick the walls." - Fournier

"He told me to go lick a dead deer before." - Jake Shain

"It tasted like runny eggs with chunks in it." - Bill Korb

"I've seen old people porn." - Stephanie Lewis

"See, like Emily said, if we were all gettin' laid, we'd be good." - Kate
"Yeah, that's why Ashley's so angry all the time." - Stephanie Lewis
"Who do I wanna get laid by, huh?" - Ashley
"Me. I'm the love master, yo. Just like Kate; Kate's a beast." - Stephanie Lewis

"Cripples make the best lovers." - Stephanie Lewis

"Morons need more-Ron." - Ron Wheaton

11/21
"Hand him some chicken and be like, 'wanna get married?'" - Emily Rowe

11/24
"Silly Kate, trix are for kids." - Emily Rowe

"Pink will never be in." - Joe Castine

"It has no flavor, no taste. Oh wait... that's the same thing." - Jacqui DeFouw

"I don't know too many people who have been fucked up the ear." - Rob Shively

11/25
"If you give me candy, you can seduce me. It's what you really want in the end." - Emily Rowe

"They're kinda hard to eat because they're so furry." - Mrs. Crowley

"Take their dildo, set it on fire, and make 'em eat it." - Amanda Covey

"She looks great and she's good with a gun; what more do you want?" - Mrs. Olsen

11/30
"When I get to heaven, I won't have to sit on toilet seats that people peed on." - Lorrie Shelton

12/1
"I didn't ask what species you are, I asked who you were." - Emily Rowe

12/2
"Think of a volcano as the anus of the Earth." - Fournier

"She was trying to do this lesbian religious belly dance for Courtney." - Stephanie Lewis

"Do you go ass diving for Joyce's ass potatoes?" - Stephanie Lewis

"I think Ashley should get hit by a car." - Stephanie Lewis
"Thanks." - Ashley
"I'll be driving the car." - Kate

"If nut had a taste, it'd taste like rye bread." - Jay Ruster

"Don't make me spit sandwich all over your face." - Joe Castine

12/3
"Her cock is bruised." - Stephanie Lewis

"They've been talking to hobos." - Mrs. Olsen

12/4
"In 50 years, you'll just be a name on a tombstone somewhere." - Mrs. Olsen

"They're throwing seeds, how is that risque?" - Amanda Bigney
"You'd be surprised where risque can happen." - Mrs. Olsen

"All those black people doin' their thing out there." - Mrs. Olsen

12/5
"My goal in life is to have sex on a moving roller coaster." - Courtney Rae

12/10
"That means 'I lick myself.'" - Mrs. Crowley

"I was president of the geek club. I was proud." - Fournier

"She'll rip a little ass for ya, if you want. You can bite a piece o' that out of the air." - Stephanie Lewis

"We don't beat people, we whip them." - Ron Wheaton

"Most of the streetwalkers I've seen wear jeans. I see 'em down on division. My husband has a lot of rentals in the ghetto." - Mrs. Olsen

"Somehow we got off on hookers." - Mrs. Olsen

12/11
"Fat cats are pleasing to me." - Mrs. Crowley

"I hate democracy." - Corey Chase

"I like to think of it as 'love makes the world go 'round.'" - Fournier

12/12
"That was diet pepsi and trail mix; my recipe for vomit." - Stephanie Lewis

"I'm a pig fucker." - Jay Ruster

"How do you knock yourself up?" - Ron Wheaton

12/15
"I didn't just draw it, it's real corn. I stole it from the field by the Cedar View. I'm a rebel." - Allyn Longcore

12/16
"Love makes death brief." - Mrs. Crowley (quoting a movie)

12/17
"I had to take my butt ball out." - Ron Wheaton

"Have you ever seen my PE shirt?" - Neilee Metzger
"The slutty one with the holes in the nipples?" - Ron Wheaton
"...no." - Neilee
"Oh yeah, that's mine." - Ron

12/18
"You kissed me on the boob." - Stephanie Lewis

12/20
"I think it's all in your plan to try to get me to die." - Lorrie Shelton

12/22
"God, if I cut my wrist open, she'd yell at me for bleeding on the floor." - Jay Ruster
"I shit you not." - Jay

1/5
"What's the plural word for penis?" - Stephanie Lewis
"Penises?" - Kate
"Penai." - Stephanie Lewis

1/6
"I'm gonna suck on some boobs." - Alex Grecheski

"I'm gonna slap Kate with my stick." - Stephanie Lewis

"Just remember, I'm rubber and you're glue, whatever you say bounces off of me and sticks to you." - Mrs. Olsen

"Yeah, I have radioactive spit." - Ron Wheaton

1/9
"Lick my ass. god." - Courtney Rae

"She's gonna make us rape her." - Courtney Rae

"They're pressing charges because it's not the first time he brought body parts to show-and-tell." - Mrs. Crowley

"Two of them go down on all fours, then the others jump on their butt." - Sam Hamilton

"Look at that pus-sack." - Stephanie Lewis

"I was hoping I'd fall on the floor so she'd start tearing my clothes off." - Some kid in the hallway

"No, I wanna eat your boob." - Joe Castine

"I realized yesterday I have a phobia of getting shot by a black guy." - Jay Ruster

1/13
"I'm about to crap my pants up here." - Mrs. Crowley

"What if the only way to get rid of chronic bronchitis was by pulling their tube out by their mouth and sucking out the mucus?"
- Stephanie Lewis

"I just stabbed myself in the milk bubble." - Stephanie Lewis

1/14
"I dreamt that Mike gave me head last night." - Stephanie Lewis

"Thirsty? Do you want to suckle my zipple?" - Joe Castine

1/16
"Sneak out, open the gates, and kill the city!" - Mrs. Olsen

"I doubt my husband could kill me. Though he says he could." - Mrs. Olsen

"Where do aids come from?" - Tyler Metzger
"Monkeys." - Mrs. Olsen
"Where do we get them?" - Tyler
"Sex. Sex with monkeys." - Mrs. Olsen
"See! They were having sex with their monkey buddies down in Africa and that's where aids came from." - Tyler

"I'm bored and horny... and hungry. These things are close to unbearable when only one is happening, but all three... it's a trio of terror."
- Ron Wheaton

Amusing?

:: 2004 10 June :: 5.40 pm

8/25/03 - 10/24/03
8/25
"Dont mention food, I get excited." - Fournier

"You can't eat your dissections." - Fournier

8/28
"But that's that warm fuzzy explosion." - Fournier

9/3
"Quizypoo." - Fournier

"No, we met at church, it's not a big dirty story, sorry." - Mrs. Olsen

"You just wanna kiss 'em when they say lellow!" - Mrs. Olsen

9/4
"I'm poor. I'm poorer than you are!" - Jake Mellema

9/5
"I'm gonna make corn ciggarettes." - Jessica Nichols

"Chicken in a box." - Jessica Nichols

9/12
"You said I could die!" - Ron Wheaton

9/16
"That teacher's a crazy bitch." - Courtney Rae

9/19
"Okay, mateys." - Fournier

9/22
"Tyler, get off of it, you homo." - Nick Steimal

9/23
"There's not much we can do with our rear ends, so we use our hands." - Crowley

"Where's my flyin' monkey?" - Crowley

"You have to do it right, you maroons." - Crowley

*giggles* "Silly monkey." - Jake Mellema

"Mr. Reed's hot!" - Jake Mellema

9/24
"My mom makes hamburgers or whatever and I drink the grease outta the pan." - Courtney Rae

"Who sits under a tree in their underwear, fanning themselves?" - Emily Rowe

"I hope I have an armpit disease." - Stephanie Lewis

9/25
"I'm gonna grab your boob by the end of the day." - Emily Rowe

10/1
"In the commercials it says no clumps." - KATE

"What are you doing, Lunch Bucket?" - Justin BeVier

"Are you making a gum wrapper joint?" - KATE
*Stephanie nods head*

*Stephanie chews on Ashley's hair*
"Did you just bite my hair?" - Ashley
"No..." - Stephanie
"You freak." - Ashley

"lose your virginity on the seat." - Girl 1 on bus

"No I'm not gonna touch it, it smells too bad!" - Girl 2 on bus

10/3
"Holy crap, Cedar Point over walking around in your underpants." - Emily Rowe

"I have cancer, can I have some marijuana, as long as it's prescription?" - Stephanie Lewis

"Kate, you're a rubber band." - Stephanie

(Reference for this next one: Tyler is tall.)
"Tyler, is anyone in your family tall?" - Mrs. Olsen
"No." - Tyler Emmorey
"What about relatives?" - Olsen
"No." - Tyler
"What about your milkman?" - Olsen

"I feel like crap, make your own dinner." - Ron Wheaton

10/6
"Did you die?" - Ron Wheaton

"I felt supremely confident now with a knife in my hand." - Mrs. Olsen

"I bet I could fit more stuff in my mouth than you." - Girl on bus

"You don't even know what I do with my mouth!" - Girl on bus

10/7
"A skanky hoebag just came up to my door." - Joe Castine

10/8
"My hand smells soo good." - Ron Wheaton
"Why?" - Amanda Wheelock
"Because of Cherie." - Ron Wheaton

"Menopause. MenOpause. Men-oh here it is." - Neilee Metzger

10/9
"Look dude, you won. You got the magic piece." - Emily Rowe

"I hope it penetrates your rib tissues." - Stephanie Lewis

"Is that guy holdin' his nuts?" - Stephanie

"Ohhhh, I have a craving for some bread? *shakes head* Not gonna happen." - Ron Wheaton

10/13
"I'm tired of everyone eatin' fish." - Tyler Metzger

"He's got those kinds of eyes that just say, 'I'm gonna put fish in your hair." - Crowley

10/15
"There were so many bitches in the sentence." - Courtney Rae

10/17
"What the hell's a woopellet?" - KATE

10/21
"I can see little things shootin' from the sky." - Courtney Rae

"Kate, you're a beast." - Stephanie Lewis

10/22
"I love loose paper." - Neilee Metzger

10/23
"Oh my gosh, he said the C word." - Mrs. Olsen
"What's the C word?" - Amanda Bigney
*whispers into microphone* "condom." - Mrs. Olsen

"Who would want a song about a transvestite?" - Mrs. Olsen

"...walking past a field of burning marijuana." - Mrs. Olsen

"What's another word for non-productive?" - Zach Ebenstein
"Hippie." - Ron Wheaton

"Who needs pot when we can give ya a little buzz?" - Olsen

"The Toilet Police are gonna come out and get me." - Mr. Sabinas

"Everyone likes to be picked up. Except Stacy, I was holding her upside down earlier. She didn't like that for some reason." - Mitch Armstrong

10/24
"Wouldn't it be funny if one day you woke up and looked like Joe and he woke up and looked like you and you guys were still dating?" - Courtney Rae

"Una Tuna, what are you doing?" - Courtney Rae

"I have a 2/5 of Jack Daniel's, I'm just gonna chill there all morning." - Emily Rowe

"Am I your best friend?" - Emily
"I dunno, are you named after an alcohol?" - Courtney

"She ran into the wall, that's the only reason she stopped running." - Neilee Metzger

"I heard in some cultures, they kiss by putting their foreheads together." - Mitch Armstrong

"He sure does flail a lot, doesn't he?" - KATE

"Look at him grope those balls." - Stephanie Lewis

"Tell him to lick your ass." - Brad Blair

"All hail cheesus." - Jay Ruster

"I'm gonna fuck Justin in the ass." - Jay Ruster

"MxPx that, ya piece o' shit." - Jay

"I was like, 'that guy's got a beard!' so I shot him." - Jay

"I only have one piece of ass." - Girl in BMMT

"I have two pencils at the same time." - Ron Wheaton

"Drugs." - Amanda Bigney
"I could use some today, but I took Ibuprofen instead." - Mrs. Olsen

"What a little smelly mooole." - Amanda Bigney

3 comments | Amusing?