My Favourite Suicide Girl
....And her name was Mnislahi

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Happy Halloween Everyone!

The very last show I played....memories.....

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More to come later...

I've decided what I want in a mate. Someone who wouldn't mind driving four hours down the freeway with both windows down inviting the bitter wind to whip their hair in a frenzy. Sure, you couldn't talk during the experience, but sometimes its nice to just shut the fuck up, turn up the music to drown out the wind and enjoy the silence. I understand most females' objection to such an instance due to the nest that the wind creates in one's hair (my hair is the longest its been since 6th grade. My bangs, when stretched, reach to the top of my upper lip, if feels good to have it long) After Circa Survive, Him's Love Metal, Atreyu, Before The Storm (..memories..) and Glassjaw, I made it down to my brother's house, windblown and feeling cleansed of my diseases for the first time in many months. We went to The Entrance to Hell (Arizona) the next day to visit my sister. Saw some fun thunder storms in the distance, but to my dismay they weren't attacking the area where we were going. Upon our arrival we were met with the news that while in Laughlin, Nevada (my sister lives basically on the border of all three states, Cali, AZ and NV) that my parents were going to get married. Before you ohh and ahh its not a good omen. The deal between my parents has always been that if my dad were to get worse health-wise that they'd get married because he doesn't want to die alone. During the less than 15 minutes ceremony when the minister is having them repeat their vows, she gets to the part where she says "as long as we both shall live" my mom breaks down, sending a wave of melancholy through the rest of us. The minister is none the wiser, thinking they're tears (sobs) of joy? The rest of the weekend is hot. Regular unleaded gas in Needles, CA, the last town before you hit Arizona, costs 3.39/gallon, whats going on here? Then I come back to the joy that is my work place. Sarcasm. I don't even want to get into that BS.

Love, Joe

I'm trying. I'm trying really hard. Its just difficult to keep my head up when my shoulders are so heavy.

At long last. We have a cd. Granted its a half assed cd, its still something. Half assed meaning it wasn't done in a studio, it was a live recording of us at practice in our fish warehouse. It wasn't with highly technological equipment, we used Zach's recorder (which is still pretty good, just not the best), we have been working on a new song for the past couple weeks so we hadn't practiced our songs in awhile so we weren't at our finest, and lastly a bulb in Kyle's head broke so he's been using a crappy old head and with that he can't use his distortion peddle so not only did i have to reach over and push a button when he switched from distortion to clean tone, but it also would make a weird noise in the transition. But either way its nice to have something to show people. It doesn't hit hard and a few parts are muffled, but what the fuck, at least its something.

As I mentioned before in a previous journal of mine, my dreams have taken a turn as of late. When before I couldn't run or fight, now in my dreams I kick ass and turn into a tiger to run... EVERYTIME. *refer to January 30, 2004 post* (holy crap its been exactly one year, what a weird coincidence) But anyways, there's been a new revolution in my dream world. I have control over flight. I can MAKE myself fly in most of my dreams, the dreams where I'm an active participant. I even had a dream where I was climbing a ladder and I told myself in the dream, "you've been able to fly in your dreams before, just do it now." And after a significant amount of effort I was able to make myself fly. Its so bizarre, but I love it. Maybe I'm special. Maybe this is me tapping into the rest of my unused brain power that so many people aren't able to, and soon enough I'll be a phenomenon all Neo sytley. Maybe I'm super. Maybe I'm just a nerd. Oh well, its fun regardless. Even when I don't dream about that, I dream of you, and thats fine with me too.

I was at work today, doing my own thing, making copies or something equally exciting while listening to Katie's and Tiffany's conversation. Tiffany's four year old son goes to preschool at a private school and Katie was asking questions about it; how much it cost and whatnot. Then she proceeded with questions/comments that weren't very clear, about if you pay for the schooling there are most likely to be kids who's parents really care about them or something. The way she was wording it was odd, like she was beating around the bush about something. Then she finally said "what I'm trying to get at is, there aren't like toothless dirty mexican kids there right?"

I wish I weren't so soft spoken and polite. I wish I didn't hold my tongue in certain situations. That kind of shit pisses me off SOO much. I wish I could've said something to her. She's not blatantly racist or anything. She doesn't use the slang words in reference to anyone, but still. I HATE hearing stuff like that. She could've made her point just as clearly by saying "toothless dirty kids" why she had to throw in "mexican" is beyond me. Every race has poverty problems, not just minorities. You want to know how to get me heated or piss me off? There's your answer.

Let me know when we evolve

Random Moments on Random Days
So yeah, as some of you know I've finally achieved audio capabilities. Not through speakers, but instead I have headphones hooked up to the back of my computer, which means the cord isn't very long and the tower sits on the ground so the head phones dont reach my seat, so I have to scrunch up into uncomfortable positions to wear them. When I listen to all the little goodies you people send me I must do that, but if I want to listen to my beloved and dearly missed MP3's I just have the volume up and the headphones sitting on the desk and it works fine. So a certain song came on.
With that said, I thought I'd share a silly Smashing Pumpkins anecdote with all you fans out there. I'm sure some of you have heard this before, but what the hell.
So this is back when Mellon Collie came out so back in 1995.. what was I around 12ish? Anyways, so my brother had the cd and I was listening to it in my room while doing homework or something. The song "Bodies" comes on, and you know how it starts out abrupt and scratchy, well I thought my cd player was messing up his cd and I jumped up and freaked out. Then realized, "oh wait, thats how its supposed to go" Stupid little 12 year old Joe.

On a side note, while I was in mid composition of this entry I took a brief interlude to eat. While I was eating some girl called out of the blue, who normally doesn't call. So I was talking to my mom about how random it was and she says..
Aveva: "Well you know what they say..."
Joe: "What?"
Aveva: "What?"
Joe: "What do they say?"
Aveva: "OH! I dunno. I figured you knew"
Joe: *laughs* "What the hell!? You're nuts!"

If you didn't read my last journal entry, don't read this one. So that philosophy paper that Kyle had asked me to do. The one I stressed over. The one I knew nothing about. The one I worried about because the required 5 papers fell short half a page. The one I had written despite never taking the class. Well the day Kyle took the final, the class turned in their essays and the teacher gave them thirty minutes to study. During study time the prof stopped the class, and announced that she had just read an outstanding, model paper, an A+ paper. That obviously this person had spent a lot of time and researched a lot on this paper (keep in mind it only took one day) and I guess she actually talked to him about it after class and whatnot. I was so relieved, I was worried I was going to be his downfall. Worried that he had counted on me and I let him down. It felt so good when he told me that. But on the other hand my head got really big... but who's wouldn't? I guess I can't take that class next semester.