The Penguins Made Me Do It...

4 mabidees | something to say?

:: 2004 30 October :: 3.36pm
:: Mood: confused
:: Music: deftones - battle-axe

just a girl's eye
this is yasser arafat. the president of occupied palestine. he's having some health problems, but sadly, he's ok.

this man is a great leader. he supported saddam hussein during both his wars and turned a blind eye to his own people's suffering and misery for decades. ahhh... the makings of a true president.

this is Osama Bin Laden. head of a very prestigious and elite terrorist group driven by religious discrimination and mindless hate.

he is a truly great leader. he promotes the murder of innocents as a religious campaign and sells the idea that dying and killing a couple thousand other people along the way is a glorious thing that will get you into heaven. he promotes such important 21st century issues as racism, anti-semitism and the general hate of all that is different.

this is islam. it's a strange religion, based on mutual love and ethnic equality. it's a religion that oddly enough, values the human life. this is a religion that says "do not kill unless it is in self-defense" and "forbidden to you is another man's life, money and loved ones". so who are these men, standing there in all their earthly might, crying out "Allah is great!" when they do the very acts that He has damned?

what makes them right...

and the remainder of the 1.2 billion muslims wrong?

what makes you right...

and me wrong?

16 mabidees | something to say?

:: 2004 28 October :: 6.22pm
:: Mood: exhausted
:: Music: phil collins - another day in paradise

halloween
can i just say that this day started out as one of the hardest most cruel days in a long time and ended equally horrid? however, the meat, the in-between, was fantastic. i learned to do the time-warp!

first, i regreat to inform you all that there were no pictures of toto/fay(go)/erm... no that's all you call me.

i arrived there shortly before futoor and we were instructed to paint a witch face.

toto: there should be a buckle on her hat.
andy: what?! why?!
toto: it's a pioneer thing. that's when they burned all the witches.
andy: those were the puritans...
toto: so? they still had buckles!
andy: but not on their hats!
toto: ... i still say she should have a buckle on her hat.
andy: *exasperated*FINE!

oh and, did someone want the all-natural look of elijah from unbreakable?

anyhow. i inspected the decorations of the house and found what used to be a little boy hung in the window.

sandman seemed in an especially delighted mood. it must have been the ribbon.

that ribbon.

everyone was in costume! laurence, you're afraid of andy's dad? you didn't run into this all night.

although summer warmed up to him. that expression on her face? that was her going "terroreeeeest!"

barney and summer had a great time together.

then we tied up andy in summer's abaya. look at her facial expression, please!

did i mention we did the time warp? in this picture barney took, you can't see me cuz i'm on the far left. your left.

poor andy worked like a dog, cleaning spills and stains and things.

in the end, this is what she looked like.

we all had fun. i don't know why no one thought to take any pictures of me. not even me. but for your knowledge, i opted to go as the slutty catholic school girl part i've pulled off so well in the past. andy was very disapointed i didn't go as "edwardia", but alas. next time?

i guess that's the end.

oh and laurence! i ate doughnuts and thought of you.

8 mabidees | something to say?

:: 2004 27 October :: 5.39pm
:: Mood: festive
:: Music: gargai3an oo gargai3an

gargai3an oo gargai3an
bait ig9ayir wir'maythan
3adat 3alaikom 9iyam
kil sina oo kil 3am
Allah y5ali DANIELLE
Allah y5alha lomha
3asa il bog3a mat5omha
wala twasi 3al'omha

salim waladhom y'allah
5ala lomah y'allah
salim LAURENCE y'allah
5ala lomah y'allah

Allah y5ali JOSEPH
Allah y5ala lomah
Allah y5ali JOSEPH
Allah y6awel 3omra

kil 3am wintaw b5air!

for a rough translation: Read more..

traditional song for this time of lunar year. enjoy! it's called gargai3an, and it's like trick-or-treating. kids dress in traditional clothing and go from door to door. they sing these songs inserting the name of the children of the house, and in exchange get candy and things. if the house you go to doesn't ahve any candy to give, you say:

wees wees, fee baitkom ja3amees.

wees wees (ew ew), there's shit in your house. well, not shit, just manure. you get the idea.

it's like a kuwaiti halloween. it's fun! there's a song for girls and two songs for boys. which worked out great for my americans!

p.s. i needed a 2-syllable name so i expanded joe. i can't think of a single kuwaiti guy name with one syllable. the end.

:: 2004 27 October :: 3.43pm

wow, i check my friends list and joe and danielle both seem rather volatile. can i offer anyone some cookies and milk? back massages?

:: 2004 25 October :: 1.59pm
:: Mood: vulnerable
:: Music: manic - old song

cheesy song, but i can't stop listening to it
Can you undo the handcuffs, please? I need to go to the bathroom and run away.

11 mabidees | something to say?

:: 2004 24 October :: 1.12pm
:: Mood: total mental meltdown
:: Music: music

i've got a total of 6750 words to write, 31 math questions to solve, three applications to compile and encode, among other things, but this is what i choose to do when my brain threatens to explode

you know what i love about radiohead? their individuality. i wish more people would realize how unique they are, how it's as much the presentation of their music as it is the songs themselves that make them what they are. you take a song like creep and you're left with nothing, you can't even see what an unusual theme the song has behind it (a boy in love with his teacher), but then you're given a song like the gloaming and you have to, have to, stop and wonder what it means.

you know what i love about rob zombie? his audacity. it blows me away everytime i put hellbilly deluxe on and listen to what this man, this forty-something year old man, is growling about. sex, politics, self gratification, hate-violence, it's mind boggling.

you know what i love about tool/a perfect circle? (before you jump down my throat about them being two totally separate things, i know, i just put them together because it's more about maynard than the rest of the bands) their eroticism. something about his voice makes things warm and slow so that it's hard to think clearly. there's something so hypnotic, so mesmerizing about the mood, the tone, the...

you know what i love about new found glory? their adaptivity. i'd rather listen to their cover of so-and-so than their original work any day, because i'm so fascinated by how they can take anything, anything, and make it their own, be it shania twain, bryan adams or britney spears.

you know what i love about interpol? their basslines. i wish i had an equalizer on this piece of crap stereo that i nicked off my dad when he moved out, but i don't, and i can't turn the bass up! i hate how in a lot of bands, the bass is totally disregarded as if it's not important, when bass is everything because it's... not sound. i love interpol because you can turn everything off and just listen to the bass and it's a whole independent song that can live on its own without anything else.

you know what i love about muse? the passion. i wish i knew someone that could sing like that, spill their blood and guts into their mouth so that when it comes out in words, it's this beautiful mass of raw human insides. he sings like an angel.

you know what i love about godsmack? their aggression. i wish i could channel all that hostility into this writhing beating sound so that it makes your head real hazy and your heart beat faster and you breathe harder and it's almost like - almost exactly like - ...

you know what i love about oasis? their calm. i wish all people had the ability to remain so cool and collected no matter what they were discussing, no matter what important lesson they were trying to hammer into your thick numb skull. it's alright if you don't understand, you don't even have to listen, but i won't get myself worked up over your ignorance.

you know what i love about apocalyptica? their romance. i wish we could all find this sort of great love and immerse ourselves in it, angrily, happily, sadly, desperately, but in the end, just love something so much it covers all those emotions anyway and it doesn't make a difference anymore.

you know what i love about distorted penguins? their persistence. their ability to just pick up and go on no matter what, their ability to keep laughing no matter what miserable stuff is going on.

deftones.

you know what i love about deftones?

the fact that no matter what i'm thinking, no matter what i feel, there's at least one song i can play at that moment that'll move me to tears.

i love deftones because they're everything.

then i love them more because they're more.

Read more..

:: 2004 23 October :: 8.09pm

You're Ava Adore! You little lovebird, you.
Obsessed with love and your lover, you're a
great song with some experimental techno stuff
and great lyrics.

Which Smashing Pumpkins song are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

something to say?

:: 2004 20 October :: 7.47pm

december spawned a monster
i'm about as secure as a wet bandaid.

16 mabidees | something to say?

:: 2004 20 October :: 8.23am
:: Mood: grumpy
:: Music: bright eyes - waste of paint

hoo-hah

If you and I were alone in a room right now, what would we be doing?

Reply and then copy this into your Woohu and see what people want to do with you. I hope it's kinky.

5 mabidees | something to say?

:: 2004 19 October :: 9.49pm

i expect 3 people to find this amusing

5 mabidees | something to say?

:: 2004 18 October :: 3.30pm

yours, mine, and ours
i do not understand this phrase: "my people." it is used commonly by folks in saying, "the many hardships my people had to go through," or "my people do not get along with _____ [insert name of another "people"], and they never will."

"my people."

huh? you own human beings? they're yours? how is this? you come from the same gene pool, geographic location, or ideology, and therefore, you share something? you're a "people"? a group? isn't there a bigger picture here?

if i say, "my people," it will mean all of humanity.

4 mabidees | something to say?

:: 2004 18 October :: 8.57pm
:: Mood: overcome
:: Music: oasis - wonderwall

today was gonna be the day
how great would it be to die of laughter? how wonderful would it be to laugh so hard it kills you?

what could be more incredible, more phenomenal, more exhilarating, more lifting than laughing so hard and so wild and so free that you have complete cardiac arrest and just... die?

wouldn't it be beautiful to die to music? wouldn't it be perfect to be so overcome by it that you just lock up and open up at the same time and you don't know whether to laugh or cry and finally just burst?

what could be more enlivening, more vitalizing, more thrilling than to love music so deeply and so insanely and so fanatically that it drowns out everything, and your head feels like it's floating in your own blood and you just... die?

how sweet would it be to die of art? how magical would it be to be so in awe of it that you feel failing and worthless that you just cry yourself to an early grave?

what could be more fulfilling, more gratifying, more elating than to want art so desperately, so urgently, so badly that you can only drop to your knees, grab your chest and... die?

:: 2004 18 October :: 12.05pm

12 days
alright kids, we need to organize some kind of halloween party on the 29th or 30th. i say we all meet up at MSU - it's the one place where more than 1 of us journalettes attends. plus, it's right in the middle relative to where the rest of us are.

so yeah. are there any plans in motion? i really want to see danielle as james madison. perhaps lorenzo, nicola, and craignos can be the three musketeers. `80s style? amy and steph can be felicity characters.

we have to do something!

and if anyone wants to make halloween cupcakes, i'll eat them.

:: 2004 18 October :: 3.06am

inside her skin
it had something to do with
lights flickering
inside an empty bath tub or
hanging off a clothesline
she threw a cup of tea at me
and inside that meta for
life
began where?

i blinked backwards, to find out
how it is that she can sleep, searching
for coins in the sidewalk cracks --
and sometimes -- skin cracks

"did you find what you were looking for?"
and do you mean my wife?
i left her at the corner of love and hate
waiting for a ride and
making change for a dollar

it had something to do with that, i think

something to say?

:: 2004 17 October :: 2.37am

days pass and this emptiness fills my heart
"touch is an end in itself. it is a primary form of communication, a silent voice that avoids the pitfall of words while expressing the feelings of the moment. it bridges the physical separateness from which no human being is spared, literally establishing a sense of solidarity between two individuals."

(masters & johnson, 1976)

1 mabidee | something to say?

3 mabidees | something to say?

:: 2004 16 October :: 8.38am
:: Mood: green
:: Music: van halen - panama

i'm jealous...
of your family. i'm jealous of the fact that you don't visit your father/mother. i'm jealous of the fact that your parent doesn't give/receive allimony. i'm jealous of the fact that your parents are both going to your graduation. i'm jealous of the fact that all your brothers and sisters are your brothers and sisters. i'm jealous of the fact that your parents can sit down in the same room. i'm jealous of the fact that it grosses you out when they're romantic. i'm jealous of the fact that you can have a meal with your whole family. i'm jealous of the fact that both your parents love you and love one another. i'm jealous of the fact that you're not a "divorced child". i'm jealous. i'm jealous of you.

:: 2004 14 October :: 7.13pm
:: Mood: blah
:: Music: deftones - one weak

my body.
warm breath. wide hips. tight skin. slender arms. smooth flesh. scented hair. love handles. moist lips...

frail.

vuluptuous.

small.

alluring.

mine.

yours.

you spend two years of your life, two years, two years which is a long time when you're just 16 just being together, being the greatest of friends, doing what you do best together. you're there everyday, and he's by your side, and no matter what trouble you get into, he's got your back, he's always there.

he was my friend. he was my best friend. that time lucy took the bat for me he was there to drive us to the hospital. when i owed zachary all that money, he came through. that day jamelle stepped on the wrong toes, he didn't have me, didn't let me make a mockery out of myself for that scheming conniving bitch. when i came so close to...

then you get drunk and stupid.

and then he's up your shirt.

and you're thinking, "when did this happen? why did this happen? why is this happening to me?"

why? i'm not sure. young and drunk is a bad combination.

i loved him in such a special way, and things got in the way of that. he got in the way of that. and instead of my best friend, he turned into this "close personal friend". and everytime i said it, i felt...ick. how could he do that to me? how dare he?

how dare you? how dare you want this from me? how dare you believe that just because i exist my body belongs to you? how dare you expect me to be yours because you did something for me? how dare you want my body for nothing in return? no care, no love, no consent... you need my consent.

you should've asked.

i should've stopped you.

i should have done a lot of things.

and in the end, i can't list off all the "how dare you"s i want to yell at the world. i want to yell at every guy i've ever dumped, and every girl that's ever dumped me and i can't because i just don't have the right. i gave my body. i didn't stop him. i didn't stop her. i didn't stop anybody. because i love everybody.

stupid. i want to make the world happier. how stupid of me. what was i thinking?

so i yelled.

"you call me and expect me to come crawling back to you? what do you take me for? your booty call? at least have the decency to say so if that's what you want, i've been booty call before! you killed this, not me, and if you ever think about touching me again i will personally tell the boys to rape you! how dare you, how dare you how dare you!" i yelled for so long. then i cried. i can't believe i cried. he made me cry again.

but no i can't blame him. not entirely, anyway. i cried because i felt guilty i was yelling at him. stupid.

i'm so stupid. i was so stupid. forget it, fuck that. this is my body. the least you can do is ask. i'm not a drunk anymore. i'm not gonna be stupid. this is my body. you want in, then you want everything that comes with it. my head, my thoughts, my feelings, my, my...

if you want the vessel, you're getting me with it. i'm in it. i can't leave it. you can't take me out of it. you can pretend i'm not there for the time being, and it helps when i wish i wasn't there. but it's over. i don't wanna leave my body just so you can have your space with my flesh and my skin. i feel like scratching it all off. i feel like i wish i was somebody else, in another body, i wish i could peel the very life off of it.

stop trying to get into my pants. stop asking me to spend some time with you when what you're really thinking is "let's have a few drinks and get on the couch." stop it.

stop it before i kill you.

Read more..

:: 2004 13 October :: 7.18pm

no, don't look away.

if you don't stare, i won't feel right.

something to say?