Tears in heaven
she still hasn't called...oh i know she's doing somehting important, but even when riding and watching the sunset i couldn't keep my thoughts off of her. i think one day i'll take her out there... yeah, not to ride or anything, but to watch the sunset or something. to talk. i just need ot be alone with her for a small period of time. there's so much i want to say. but i can't say it on the internet. to open. i can't say it to the phone. i don't know why, it just doesn't feel right... i wish she were here... i wanted her to see that sunset, from that valley, deep inside the country. i want to be able to paint it absolute perfection. i want to be able to summon the world to a small box and hand it to her..."my world on a chain for you, my love"...

sentimental.
"who are you? Are you an angel? Am i already that gone? I only hope i won't dissapoint you."

It's the last day of seventh grade, and i'm listening to that song, over and over, bawling my eyes out until i puke, then dry heave, then couph up blood. "and you have to not care whether you live or die."
why am i rambling like this? here's the point. I'm not romantic. i'm not very bright or funny. i'm not handsome. and i have a tendancy to say fairly asinine things at fairly asinine times. and yet... did i miss something? ah fuck it doesn't matter. it just doesn't..."doesn't mean much, doesn't mean anything at all."

Dragon
"Which Mythological Form Are You?" - Results:

You are Form 5, Dragon: The Weaver. "And The Dragon seperated the virtuous from the sinful. He tore his eyes from his sockets and used them to peer into the souls of those on trial to make a judgement. He knew that with endless knowledge came endless responsibility." Some examples of the Dragon Form are Athena (Greek), St. Peter (Christian), and Surya (Indian). The Dragon is associated with the concept of intelligence, the number 5, and the element of wood. His sign is the crescent moon. As a member of Form 5, you are an intelligent and wise individual. You weigh options by looking at how logical they are and you know that while there may not always be a right or wrong choice, there is always a logical one. People may say you are too indecisive, but it's only because you want to do what's right. Dragons are the best friends to have because they're willing to learn.
Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others:


You are Form 5, Dragon: The Weaver.

"And The Dragon seperated the virtuous from
the sinful. He tore his eyes from his sockets
and used them to peer into the souls of those
on trial to make a judgement. He knew that
with endless knowledge came endless
responsibility."

Some examples of the Dragon Form are Athena
(Greek), St. Peter (Christian), and Surya
(Indian).
The Dragon is associated with the concept of
intelligence, the number 5, and the element of
wood.
His sign is the crescent moon.

As a member of Form 5, you are an intelligent and
wise individual. You weigh options by looking
at how logical they are and you know that while
there may not always be a right or wrong
choice, there is always a logical one. People
may say you are too indecisive, but it's only
because you want to do what's right. Dragons
are the best friends to have because they're
willing to learn.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
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I always was the dragon somewhere inside.

12:28 PM
"What feeling do you represent?" - Results:

You represent... anger. Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to... freak out easily. Overly emotional about everything, you're most prone to bouts of cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be afraid of the fact that you explode so easily, but at least you're honest... even if you're honest about not liking anything.
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You represent... anger.
Mad at the world, eh? You have a tendency to...
freak out easily. Overly emotional about
everything, you're most prone to bouts of
cruelty and moodiness. Other people may be
afraid of the fact that you explode so easily,
but at least you're honest... even if you're
honest about not liking anything.


What feeling do you represent?
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this is what i'm like when i'm not around tori...and this is what i'm like when i am!"What feeling do you represent?" - Results:

You represent... hope. You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't mind being alone at times. You have goals, and know what you want in life... even if they are a little far fetched.
Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others:


You represent... hope.
You're quite a daydreamer and can be a hopeless
romantic. You enjoy being creative and don't
mind being alone at times. You have goals, and
know what you want in life... even if they are
a little far fetched.


What feeling do you represent?
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so there you have it folks. which one of me is the real me?

Tonight was forever.
I'll never forget tonight. Tears, lauphter. OH MY GOD! i just realized something i can put in genisis.............wow.......... that just sondes so wrong. but then at the same time not. but anywho, yeah, she held me and i felt more than the stars. i felt the world beneathy me float about in a strange blissful fealing. it was really quite strange. "i really love you baby, and i think about you all the time." i sang that tonight. i really love you tori, and i DO think about you all the time. it's strange to think morgan never reads these. well, yeah... she was so scared of that road. she really does love us...me... and tori loves me... why do they? what is it that they can see in me that i can't see in myself? i don't get it. my dad says i'm a man, but i feel like a boy. tori loves me, but i feel unworthy, what is going on? is it one big conspiracy? would someone please explain this to me?

Remember tomorrow...
"tomorrow, we begin this fight. i here by anounce the future that starts on octber thirty fist, twothousand three A.D., which is that we will fight and defeat these cycles. that i will marry tori shalee pagel. that i will save her from this world. and we will prosper in our love. so rest easy. after all, you are in the hands of a vampire *smirks*...oh yeah, if i were there, i would kiss you."
so there you have it folks, my unofficial proposal of marrage and declaration of war on the cycles. hmph. god damn them, too. may my icy temper and firy fury be known to all who stand with them. for they pose a threat to my love... and she's worth it. she really is. tomorrow the war begins, on all hollows eave. isn't that ironic? how do you fight a cycle? like this *clickclick, KABOOM!* no, wait, that's the cure for stupipdity, never mind. you stick together. you don't keep secrets. you don't lie. and no secrets, i mean that, no matter how strange or embarrasing or stupid and pointless and unimportant, trust and secrets don't co-exist. so you band together, in a spiritual sence, so do with our hearts what we do with our bidies while trying to stay warm. and just love each other. never give up. don't let anything, anything at all come between us, ever, we are friends and in this together. so here we go. just don't let go and eventually the cycles shatter as the colide with us. these cycles are the things like heart break that seem to come with every love, things like that.

Beddy-bye time...*yawns*
g'night people. i love you tori. XO

I'm a vampire.
Which Mythological Form Are You?" - Results:

You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying. "And The Vampire was all that remained on the blood drowned creation. She attempted to regrow life from the dead. But as she was about to give the breath of life, she was consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the cycle began again." Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek) and Isis (Egyptian). The Vampire is associated with the concept of death, the number 9, and the element of fire. Her sign is the eclipsed moon. As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic individual. You may be a little idealistic, but you are very grounded and down to earth. You realize that not everything lasts, but you savor every minute of the good times. While you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you have strong ties with people that will never be broken. Vampires are the best friends to have because they are sensible.
Paste this code into your web page to show off your result to others:


You are Form 9, Vampire: The Undying.

"And The Vampire was all that remained on
the blood drowned creation. She attempted to
regrow life from the dead. But as she was
about to give the breath of life, she was
consumed in the flame of The Phoenix and the
cycle began again."

Some examples of the Vampire Form are Hades (Greek)
and Isis (Egyptian).
The Vampire is associated with the concept of
death, the number 9, and the element of fire.
Her sign is the eclipsed moon.

As a member of Form 9, you are a very realistic
individual. You may be a little idealistic,
but you are very grounded and down to earth.
You realize that not everything lasts, but you
savor every minute of the good times. While
you may sometimes find yourself lonely, you
have strong ties with people that will never be
broken. Vampires are the best friends to have
because they are sensible.


Which Mythological Form Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla


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wow. i always had this vision as i laid down to bed of being killed, but then when tori gets into something dangerous, i kind of pop out of nowhere and save her. the theme basically was i can't give up now because i still need to protect tori from the world that can't except her. It says that we are the best friends to have. oh, yeah, i found a best friend. Patrick Kolstee. he really is. i can talk to him about anything and he's so understanding and gentle about it all. i can cry infront of him and not worry. he's someone i trust, and i think the only other person i trust is tori, completely anyway. i trust everyone to a ceratain extent. but it says that we are a part of the cycle, and we are. but i fight the cycle. i will always fight the cycle. for her. it also says that we're realistic. idealistic but grounded. which is true, to some extent. i'm not about to tell you all this shit is just going to go away, but if you power through it, it doesn't hurt quite as bad. especially when you have a signifigant other to help you thorugh it, to hold you. like tori. when i told her about madeline last saturday, we didn't really talk, but me morgan and tori sat in a triangle and just held on to each other. held on for protection and comfort. i didn't cry much. i was way beyond tears. I was totally numb. emotional "numbness" is a symptom of extreme depression and stress. they weren' though. i can't blame them. they hadn't seen what i had seen. but they hurt for me, they bleed for me, and i love them for it. they are true friends, and lovers, if you could call her that. but i think a vampire is fitting, especially two hours and twenty minutes before holloween. but even then, it's so fiting it's uncanny. like the one about which of the guys are you. that was so fitting of me. it said i was michael. michael the vampire lord. mwahaha... wow. i'm so deeply in love with tori, i've thought of an amber spyglass quote, "he could have fallen in love with her all over again if every fiber of his being wasn't already possesed with love for her..." i think that's right, well, close enough. yeah, she's my lyra... she really is...

"My love, my love, don't forsake me in this feild of ashes"...oh look, i get to spill my guts about tori and piss you off!
well, i might just go to bed after this. last noght seems so close. but you know what? i've been thinking alot (in know how frightened that makes some of you) and i've come apon a few major realizations. first is the one that what irina said was wrong. i have found love, and all those doubts and the facts for backing them up can go screw themselves. i know tori loves me. so yeah, she also said i could stop the rain, which has a hidden meaning, she said even though it cost me my heart, i stopped the rain for her. but i know i can't stop the rain for tori. but i can hold her, keep her warm, protect her, love her, and comfort her untill the rain goes away. rain is like love. it's a wonderful blissful and joyous thing, but it somehow puts a lump in your throat. it's meloncholy. it's innocent and subtle. it's like Lyra and wills first kiss. "like two moths clumsily bumping into eachother, and with no more weight than that, their lips thouched..." that's what love is. though it took webster seven eighths of a page in a dictionary i can sum love up with three words. Sublte, meloncholy, and the third word can't be spoken. it's one that exists no where in the english, or any other, language. but you knwo what it should be if you've ever been in love. it's a definition without a word. like mind without a body... i have a whole raging river in me that i can only let out with tori. i wish i had a minute alone with her. just one minute to talk. to hear what she says when her friends aren't around. to just be with her and be able, for one minute, a spand of sixty seconds, pretend the world doesn't exist, that it's just us two. i would really like to spend eternity like that, but that won't happen. we'd be lucky to have a minute. but you see, now we are almost one being. tori said so herself there are times when it's like she's feeling what i'm feeling, like she's in my head, and there are times when i feel that way about her. something about touch, physical touch does that to you... something about holding hands or huggin will just break every barrier and every blockade the other person put up. today she refused my hand because i hadn't told her what was wrong. it scared me. the holding hands isn't so wrong. i just want to be with her... more than anything in the hole world that's what i want.... it's strange, as i type this, i feel the water slowly leaking throught the flood gates, my emotions slowly spilling. i love her... i know how sick of hearing that you all are, but believe me, i do. i fought so hard to be able to really love her. and now i can. but i should really go to bed. i want to kiss her.... g'night.

Video game nerds! they're invading!!!
"Which of "The Guys" Are you?" - Results:

-Michael- You're Michael ^-^ and you belong to Kati. You're a kind person and you worry about people and try to help them. Regular people seem to think that you're weird, but the truth is that they just don't understand and they can't take a joke.You're in tune with your emotions, and unlike most, you're truthful. Kati loves you whole bunches.
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-Michael- You're Michael ^-^ and you belong to
Kati. You're a kind person and you worry about
people and try to help them. Regular people
seem to think that you're weird, but the truth
is that they just don't understand and they
can't take a joke.You're in tune with your
emotions, and unlike most, you're truthful.
Kati loves you whole bunches.


Which of "The Guys" Are you?
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well, there's no mirror that shows yourself who you are, so is this at all fitting? i think it is, and i know, he sounds like a total whoose, but then, i am an emo kid. actually, i don't think i even fit that. i know i'm not preppy, but i'm not at all hard core. oh yeah, i remember, i'm a video game nerd!!! oh yeah, baby, i'm stylin! B-(. yeah, i'm a bad-ass video game nerd!

I am a goth!!!lets worship santa!!!
oh look, it says i understand goth culture...fun. lets be dislexicke and gothik al ate ons ande worchip SANTA!!!

SOAD HOODY!!!
My system of a down hoody came!!! it's so soft.... and now i won't freeze to death at lunch, though with every on pulling penguin moves (huddling together is what penguins do to stay warm) on each other, it wasn't to bad... well yeah, i'm actually happy right now...weird... i like the whole "..." thing, it's fun... ... ... ... ... ... well see ya.

I'm sorry i did it. I don't blame you if you can't forgive me... i know you told me not to, but i promise, i'll never do it again. i'll be on aim later i hope, so i'll talk to you then. if i can work up the nerve, i'll probably call. i woke up this morning with this feeling that something wasn't right... i know i can't stop the rain from coming down on you again, but i'll hold you till it goes away.........

Cycles
I can't feel. i hate brian right now... but i will. i will break these cycles... i won't be like them... I WON'T, GODDAMNIT! I WON'T!!! *shudders* why do i heave to feel this way? i don't know why, but i'll i know is that these won't last for very long at all. the cycles will break, and when they do, life will be worth living...