godessalthena
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2010 28 October :: 7.52pm
I need to just understand that I'm not supposed to be happy or enjoy what I have.
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godessalthena
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2010 28 October :: 10.55am
Last night was really fun :3
especially in the bedroom ;)
now onto lunch with my family!
And then an evening with a cute girl!
And then the couch comes on Friday!!1!1one1!!
Yay for good weekends :D
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godessalthena
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2010 27 October :: 1.29am
I realize clearly now I made a mistake.
I regret it almost everyday.
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godessalthena
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2010 26 October :: 12.08pm
Hmm.. I'm tired. But not sleepy.
I'm bored, too.
And thinking college might be a little further off than I thought.
I'm disappointed, but I'm just assuming at this point, which I'm not supposed to do, so I won't worry..
I'm glad our apt is looking super homie :)
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godessalthena
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2010 24 October :: 8.03pm
Two year list:
1. Pay my dad back
2. Pay off Best Buy card
3. Go to college
4. Pay off Bowflex card
5. Pay off Wellsfargo card
6. Finish paying off Sallie Mae
7. Get a promotion
pretty good list.. :)
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godessalthena
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2010 19 October :: 6.54pm
It went ok.. I don't think the dr is very effective, but I think we made a little progress :)
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godessalthena
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2010 18 October :: 7.07pm
Tomorrow is the meeting with my parents. I am terrified. And I'm going alone. This will be one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do.
I'm not looking forward to tomoorow at all. I'm not looking forward to the future.
I'm not even looking forward to getting off work.. Or being at work..
I just hate every second I spend awake. I hate every moment that passes and I feel unloved, unwanted, rejected, dejected, worthless, fat and stupid.
And that seems to be every waking moment almost.
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godessalthena
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2010 17 October :: 11.42pm
Why do I even come home..?
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godessalthena
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2010 17 October :: 2.34pm
They don't seem to be working.. :(
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godessalthena
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2010 16 October :: 1.15pm
if i don't see you eating healthy and losing weight i'm sure as hell not going to listen to your dieting advice.
i'm so fucking done with being fat. i'm so fucking done of feeling like i'm starving and working my ass off just to see those 3 fucking numbers go up.
according to BMI i am .5 away from being obese. i hate myself so much. i hate being this fucking huge ass cow with back issues because i fucking gained all this weight.
i hate all those skinny people who tell me they're fat.
i hate all those people who eat shit and don't work out and are thin.
i hate everyone who looks at me and thinks i'm a lazy fat asshole.
i hate feeling like the biggest fucking failure because i've gained so much fucking weight for no good reason and have no medical excuse to not be losing it.
i am so fucking sick with and disappointed in myself.
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godessalthena
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2010 15 October :: 4.37pm
Another boring weekend come and gone
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godessalthena
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2010 15 October :: 1.44am
Pinkle Purr
by A. A. Milne
Tattoo was the mother of Pinkle Purr,
A little black nothing of feet and fur;
And by-and-by, when his eyes came through,
He saw his mother, the big Tattoo.
And all that he learned he learned from her.
"I'll ask my mother," says Pinkle Purr.
Tattoo was the mother of Pinkle Purr,
A rediculous kitten with silky fur.
And little black Pinkle grew and grew
Till he got as big as the big Tattoo.
And all that he did he did with her.
"Two friends together," says Pinkle Purr.
Tattoo was the mother of Pinkle Purr,
An adventurous cat in a coat of fur.
And whenever he thought of a thing to do,
He didn't much bother about Tattooo,
For he knows it's nothing to do with her,
So "See you later," says Pinkle Purr.
Tattoo is the mother of Pinkle Purr,
An enormous leopard with coal-black fur.
A little brown kitten that's nearly new
Is now playing games with its big Tattoo...
And Pink looks lazily down at her:
"Dear little Tat," says Pinkle Purr.
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godessalthena
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2010 15 October :: 1.35am
Soo sleepeh and it's waaaaay before my bed time ;)
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godessalthena
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2010 12 October :: 7.20pm
In these small moments, where I truly am alone, I can find a small ounce of beauty in how utterly singular our lives are. We are only us and we will never truly understand another living thing. We are alone from the moment we are conceived to the moment we die.
I usually find this idea appauling and ridiculously depressing, but right now.. I can see how it is quite beautiful. Like decay.
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godessalthena
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2010 11 October :: 1.16pm
Really, really need to buy some groceries.. :/ really, really tired :( not ready for a busy day at work..
Bleh :/
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godessalthena
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2010 10 October :: 12.49pm
Mmmm deep fried fish candy! Nothing better than that! ;)
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godessalthena
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2010 9 October :: 10.54am
Ahh insomnia.. Again welcome to my life..
I'm so tired of working out and dieting and getting nowhere :(
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godessalthena
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2010 8 October :: 8.42pm
Seeing the family made my week :)
but now I'm home and it's boring and not fun.
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godessalthena
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2010 8 October :: 1.15pm
I don't hate you. I just don't feel like pretending today.
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godessalthena
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2010 8 October :: 12.44am
:: Music: We're In This Together Now - NIN
I've become impossible
holding on to when
when everything seemed to matter more
the two of us
all used and beaten up
watching fate as it flows down the path we
have chose
you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you
awake to the sound as they peel apart the skin
they pick and they pull
trying to get their fingers in
well they've got to kill what we've found
well they've got to hate what they fear
well they've got to make it go away
well they've got to make it disappear
the farther I fall I'm beside you
as lost as I get I will find you
the deeper the wound I'm inside you
for ever and ever I'm a part of
you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
if the world should break in two
until the very end of me
until the very end of you
all that we were is gone we have to hold on
when all our hope is gone we have to hold on
all that we were is gone but we can hold on
you and me
we're in this together now
none of them can stop us now
we will make it through somehow
you and me
even after everything
you're the queen and I'm the king
nothing else means anything
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godessalthena
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2010 8 October :: 12.38am
So drunk.. I kinda miss HS b/c of all the inside jokes..
I am disappointed in tonight but it's nice to reconnect :)
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godessalthena
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2010 7 October :: 6.28pm
I haven't felt this used or repulisive in a long time.
Thank you.
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godessalthena
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2010 7 October :: 1.48am
:(
I feel very blah.
My Friday so far has been very disappointing :/
3 = |
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godessalthena
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2010 5 October :: 11.58am
My belly has been aching :(
and my dreams are full of blood, violence and tornadoes..
Kinda sucks haha
working out everyday is hard.. Hopefully it pays off eventually.
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godessalthena
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2010 4 October :: 10.47pm
What I want for chirstmas:
world peace
smoked salmon
a trip to Seattle
assistance in moving to Seattle
to be debt free
a puppy
a ragdoll kitten
money
a necklace
anything hello kitty
clothes/giftcards to clothing stores
an iPhone 4
anything giraffe related
a family
cuddles
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godessalthena
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2010 3 October :: 2.05pm
Working out is kicking my butt :/
and I drank spittle too much last night :)
I can wait to reach my goal and get my tattoo :)
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godessalthena
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2010 3 October :: 3.08am
I miss you I miss you I miss you so much..
I feel like half of me is missing.. I don't want to go to bed cuz I know you aren't here..
There is no subsitute. No one loves me like you do.
I am SO glad you were born today.
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godessalthena
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2010 2 October :: 4.48pm
Is it tomorrow yet?
We haven't spent more than 10 hours apart in 2 years.
This is fucking difficult :(
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godessalthena
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2010 2 October :: 12.10am
The only problem with these pills:
I can feel anger.
And I am FUCK pissed right now.
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godessalthena
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2010 30 September :: 7.32pm
I love this optimisim I've found. I love feeling up despite people around me. I feel good and productive :)
I'm ready to get drunk and be silly :3
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