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:: 2010 30 September :: 2.41am

Mmm home made sushi :)
go friends and feeling at home with loved ones..
This family I've crafted may ve slightly disfunction, but i finally feel like in home..
Surronded by people who love me..
I'm making headway in my weight, moving forward with my job, being successful in my relationship and patching things up with my blood family.

I'm finally getting the life I deserve. I'm so happy I'm here living it.
I'm so fucking lucky :)

:: 2010 28 September :: 1.13pm

Yesterday: 1100 cal consumed, 335 cal burned, net 756. Basal rate 1700. Good day :)
Today: so far 110 cal consumed, 400 cal burned. Looking to be a good day ;)

:: 2010 27 September :: 12.43am

I love cooking :)
especially when it's amazing!
Cuz I'm bad ass!

:: 2010 25 September :: 4.47am

I feel ugly sometimes. and I know I'm not good enough :(

:: 2010 24 September :: 8.58pm

This is fantastic! Boobs everywhere and pussy galore!!

:: 2010 21 September :: 7.10pm

I hate my life here. I hate all the memories all the disappointments the cruel intentions and the malice. The spite the filth the poverty the selfishness. I hate how none of these motherfuckers can see past the end of their noses.

I want to run away. To get away to save myself before I fall deeper into this bottemless hole. I hate being a failure.

I hate being myself.

:: 2010 20 September :: 9.25pm

I'm so fucking sick of failing due to other people being gucking assholes.

:: 2010 19 September :: 2.02pm

Really, I just want to be happy. And other people.. Well.. They don't understand that when you're a bitch it makes people unhappy. Then that makes the bitch unhappy because the people get pissed that she's a bitch. Then she's more of a bitch. It's a vicious cycle that could end if bitches would just stop being bitches, you know?

:: 2010 12 September :: 7.04pm

I don't know what I'm going to do..
But I'm so crazy about you!

:: 2010 7 September :: 8.29pm

"The saddest thing in the world is loving someone who used to love you."

:: 2010 3 September :: 8.38am

After all the steps I've made to improve my mental health I'm still just as depressed as I've ever been.

I was really hoping that telling my parents about Ori would fix everything, but it hasn't really changed a damn thing. I still feel alienated and less loved and I still have all my horrible memories and I still cry if I don't take my medicine.

I've come to the conclusion that even though I have a great life with a good job, a good lover, growing number of friends and all the other things I have going for me I am unhappy because I am stuck in this hellhole of a town.

So I am going to leave as soon as humanly possible.

:: 2010 31 August :: 8.26am

Next week is going to be hard with the shift change!
I need more potassium in my diet.
I can't sleep anymore right now which sucks cuz I don't work til 11:45 haha
bleh.. Life is so.. It's all feeling like a stasis pod. Everyone around me is the same as they've always been. I think at this point people are actually pretty close to who they'll be for the most part..
I like who I am.

I thought them knowing would radically improve my life. And it has improved it some.. But I feel like I opened this huge curtian and it was shocking but now it's just like.. ok we can live like this.. And I still need my pills. :/ damn money pills.

Ahhh!! It's almost fall!! :D

:: 2010 30 August :: 4.29pm

Haha

:: 2010 28 August :: 4.29pm

baby sista is coming over..
and date night sometime this weekend..
sounds to me like things are going to be pretty exciting here..

but man i feel so bored. and bleh. i want to go on an adventure or do something really fun!

idk i hate feeling so stagnant here, but what can you do? victim of circumstance..

:: 2010 24 August :: 1.07pm

Brain chemistry is a cruel master

:: 2010 22 August :: 3.12pm
:: Mood: silly

so i had many strange and amazing dreams last night
and i finally had a good dream!

it started with me going down a hill on the south hill and to my left i see this girl who's just wearing some black panties on, with perfect breasts getting some nice attention from another girl.. that was pretty awesome! so i continued down the hill and saw a group of 5 girls giggling and being flirty with each other... the neighbors all around in the complexes were watching but they were really attempting to get attention from one guy in particular (he was kinda indy, not at all cute) and I decide - hey free show! so i sit next to him and all the girls seem a little put off, but they start taking off their shirts and bras and soon enough there are 5 sets of very perky - but real - C to DD boobies all over rubbing against eachother and what not. and there are other girls running around with purple and blue hair dressed all gothy and it was just a really great dream :)

and i totally made out with some girl in it.. who was kinda like alixz mixed with kaila mixed with some other girl (she was familiar, but not recognizable) and i had my tongue pierced.. it was strange but great :)

:: 2010 18 August :: 7.30am

I had a horrible nightmare last night :(

:: 2010 17 August :: 10.08pm

Mmmm I feel nice :)

:: 2010 15 August :: 10.33pm

If i knew then whats so obvious now, you'd still be here.

:: 2010 14 August :: 6.54am

bad smells are by far my least favorite.
ew.

:: 2010 14 August :: 4.11am

Uggg so warm and icky

:: 2010 10 August :: 9.22pm

Today: NG

Tomorrow: Prolly more NG

:/

:: 2010 8 August :: 7.48pm

Human dynamics.

I think it is interesting how some people never change and others never stop..
It's amazing how some people hold on so tightly to an identity that it will destroy beautiful relationships, while others are more than willing to attempt the other side.

Everyone changes.. Some more quickly and more willingly than others.. But at the end of the day if you're really happy and you know that deep down you were true to yourself then you've succeeded in being a human..

Whether you're a good or a bad human, tho, is a whole other topic haha

:: 2010 7 August :: 9.46pm

Dear sweet darling Sus,

Happy 2 year anniversary! This past year has been the happiest of my entire life and you have helped me make more positive life changes than any other person in my whole life. Thank you for sticking with me through the pain and the happiness. We've grown so close I feel like you aren't jus my lover, you're the best friend I have ever had.

I want the world to know how devoted I am. I love you and seeing you happy is the most rewarding thing I've ever felt. I love you so much.

<3 amelia

:: 2010 6 August :: 10.52pm

Loud. Electronic. Ferocious.

I'm so excited for 08/13. :)

:: 2010 3 August :: 5.51pm

its funny to watch campus pd. its everything i remember college being. and apparently its true for every campus in the us. and its exactly why i left. i hate all those fucking dumb ass party kids who only pass because their parents have a fat wad and they don't know how to parent.

granted, that isn't everyone in college, but srsly, freshman year that's really all those kids do.

bleh.

:: 2010 1 August :: 1.10am

I am finally someone I'd be friends with if I wasn't me.

It feels amazing :)

:: 2010 30 July :: 8.18pm

So.. Stateline is a little delayed..
But after super exciting threesome fun with toys and games drinks and snacks..
Leather, lace, bondage and feathers.

Man we are just so exciting, non-boring, ultra passionate couple who find great people to be involved with! Woo!

:: 2010 29 July :: 8.49pm

Janelle is coming over Friday! Which means drinks, naughty games, Stateline and some extra use of the bed ;3 she's cute, funny, smart and has huge boobs! What more could you ask for?

Then Samantha possibly in the mix for Saturday or Sunday :3 she's even more into me than Janelle and I think she's fuck rad :D and probably the most successful mom my age group I've ever met! I'm so impressed with her kid!

This weekend is shaping up to be awesome with friends XD
and Sus throughout the whole thing..?
Joy-gasim!!

:: 2010 28 July :: 8.53pm
:: Music: Mike Posner

Bitch

If I could write you a song to make you fall in love
I would already have you up under my arms
I used up all of my tricks, I hope that you like this
But you probably won't, you think you're cooler than me.

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