<center>pathos

pathos

:: 2010 29 May :: 12.59am

im sick of this pointless drama shit.
Don't tell me how to live my life, and that I need to get my shit together.
What shit do i have that's out of order?

God damn it.
punks.

godessalthena

:: 2010 25 May :: 11.47am

Almost a 3 day weekend!
Then a 4 day weekend!
Then a Seattle weekend!

XD ahhh!! And a new job!

I know I sound like a broken record.. But damn!!

godessalthena

:: 2010 21 May :: 12.54pm

Today just keeps getting better and better :D

godessalthena

:: 2010 21 May :: 7.13am

My dr gave me a month of free cymbalta :)

met an amazing woman yesterday :)

get to see sus's amazing mom in a couple weeks :)

get to see Seattle in a couple more :)

starting an amazing job in a week :)

will be debt free in a few months :)

life is pretty FUCKING awesome right now

godessalthena

:: 2010 18 May :: 7.11am

So! For my birthday Sus's mom is flying us up to Alaska!!!!!!

I love visiting! And we'll get to actually see theflaciers and animals!

Only roadblock to the final frontier is getting 2 days off work. I'm banking on my experience to get me excused.. I really want to go up north!!

godessalthena

:: 2010 15 May :: 12.34pm

So.. Haven't fucked a girl in over a month :( and Stateline isn't helping.

I feel so ugly. Plus this recent interaction with my dad only makes me feel worse. I dint understand him.

He doesn't want me to do things to make him happy, he wants me to do things for me. So I am now and it's bad...? Damn double standards. I will never win.

I find that my pessimism is addictive. I don't want it but I need it to survive.

do you still believe?

godessalthena

:: 2010 15 May :: 1.34am

i want a steady girl

godessalthena

:: 2010 11 May :: 11.07am

I'm so tired of them making me feel like shit.

godessalthena

:: 2010 9 May :: 10.51am

Went to josh's birthday party last night!! Had a great time and talked to some peole I never thought I'd eve talk to haha Josh did an amazing light show for me (3 acutally) and Nik did too! And I totally kicked everyone's ass too!

And I tried shasish which was hella fun! And I found out it's just vapor.. And now I'm considering getting one cuz the smoke is so fun!

Then I got to cuddle with my cat boi and have some yummy fun :3 it was a great night!

1 = | +

godessalthena

:: 2010 5 May :: 12.13pm

I just got hired at Liberty Mutual!
Which means:
annual salary $31,400
full benefits from day 1
11 days paid vacation per year
15 sick days per year
debt free in 2 months
NEW CAR

ahhhhhhhh success

godessalthena

:: 2010 4 May :: 6.56pm

Is it honestly too much to ask to have more than one or two worthwhile people in your entire life who care?

I mean.. I know Sus cares.. And my sister is great when we hang out..

But all people here do is make me feel like shit for being me, for sharing my feelings, for expecting people to actually be a friend.. But no. People don't give a fuck no matter how loudly I scream for help, no matter how many times I try to ask...

I honestly feel like every single person I have ever cared about here thinks I'm a worthless piece of shit who's broken and just... Garbage.

Maybe I am. One person loves me unconditionally. One person reaches out when I need them.. And the rest blame me fo them not helping.

I am so scared to run out of my medicine. I don't want to die, but I know I will want to once they run out.

I just want to be happy.
To feel loved.
To not have every negative thought I have reinforced by the people in my life.

I quit.

godessalthena

:: 2010 4 May :: 11.23am

So.. We have two plans.
Plan a is awesome
Plan b will suck but is manageable

both lead to happiness in the end.. And both have a sucky part..
But just knowing that we actually have 2 viable plans makes me feel so much better about my life.

This is the first time in a lot time I feel like a goal
is achieveable

godessalthena

:: 2010 4 May :: 8.42am

Good lord freaking BRR!!

godessalthena

:: 2010 3 May :: 7.11am

I'm living for the weekend.

godessalthena

:: 2010 28 April :: 1.03pm

godessalthena

:: 2010 28 April :: 11.05am

aerii

:: 2010 26 April :: 2.51pm

Working on a kickass summer playlist.
This summer is looking better and better.
Now I just have to finish school and kick biology's ass so I can really enjoy my break.

godessalthena

:: 2010 26 April :: 5.51am

I remember a time when always looking amazing was very important to me..
Now I don't really give a crap when I go out.
I kinda miss being that vain, just because I felt better about myself..
Spokane has made me a lazy fuck. I need to change that.

godessalthena

:: 2010 24 April :: 4.55pm

I wish moving was easier.
I wish life would stop taking a crap all over me.
I'm done with Spokane. Once I finally leave I am NEVER coming back. For any reason.

I have never hated a place more than I hate this place.

godessalthena

:: 2010 23 April :: 7.12am

I woke up this mornig being caressed by my lover and with images of Seattle in my mind.. I could see all my favorite places so clearly.. And I could feel love and warmth in Sus's touch and it was at that moment I realized where all my passion has gone..

I never lost it.. I just wasn't used to it being so concentrated in so few things. I used to be passionate about so much and now.. Every ounce is focused into the twobest and most important things in the world:

my lover and my home.

Its like everything I am and that ever was and every will be is focused on my love of these two things. It's an incredible feeling :)

i've never felt more. I've never been happier. I might explode when we get back to Seattle :)

1 = | +

aerii

:: 2010 21 April :: 7.40pm

This is the definition of my life
Lying in bed in the sunlight
Choking on the vitamin tablet
The doctor gave in the hope of saving me
In the hope of saving me

Walked in the corner of the room
A junk yard fool with eyes of gloom
I asked him time again
Take me in and dry the rain
Take me in and dry the rain
Take me in and dry the rain
Take me in and dry the rain, the rain
The rain, the rain, the rain now

Dusty brown boots in the corner
By the ironing board
Spray on dust is the greatest thing
Sure is the greatest thing
Since the last, since the last

Walked in the corner of the room
A junk yard fool with eyes of gloom
I asked him time again
Take me in and dry the rain
Take me in and dry the rain
Take me in and dry the rain
Take me in and dry the rain, the rain
The rain, the rain, the rain now

I asked him time again
Take me in and dry the rain
Take me in and dry the rain
Take me in and dry the rain
Take me in and dry the rain
The rain, the rain, the rain now

If there's something inside that you want to say
Say it out loud, it'll be okay
I will be alright
I will be alright
I will be alright
I will be alright

I need love
I need love

aerii

:: 2010 21 April :: 3.13pm

too much death this year.

godessalthena

:: 2010 21 April :: 7.11am

I am so torn between wanting to stay at this amazing job and wanting to move back to Seattle. I mean Seattle wins hands down when it comes down to everything... Except money/finacial security. At this point I think we are on the plan where after our lease is up we'll go month to month until we have enough to go home.. But who knows when that will be? We want to have a good store of money. And..

Well if you like at it like this: I'll be making approximately $1100 each paycheck so that's $2200 every month. Right now we are living off my wage of $700 a month pulse what Sus is making (I don't care to discuss his $$ it's his to discuss). So that means that if we can exist on $700 (which includes entertainment) we'll have an extra $1500 a month to save round-about. That means in 4 months we'll have $6000 which is a fairly decent amount to move with. And that's just on my end.

The part Im worried about is finding a job over there. The only reason why I'd want to stay is after a year of working here I could ge my adjustor's lisence and get a claims adjusting job in Seattle making at least the same amount. And that looks really good to the logical/unfeeling side of me. The prospect of staying in Spokan for another year is probably one of the most repulsive thoughts that has crossed my mind..

I guess it just really boils down to this autumn. How we feel and what we save...

Here's to hope!