totally an adult now. just bought my first newer vehicle!
and I love it!!
she is small, black and quiet, just like my soul... bahahaha /emo
today has been excellent. I am going to just drive everywhere. I'm so stoked gonna drive around with my guitar and some paper and a pen and just get inspired, man.
like a fuckin Subaru commercial, only its a Chevy.
last night was a good night. tonight will be good too. monday was good too!
Monday was also the anniversary of the passing of my grandpa. it's been 13 years since then, and I miss him every day.
also, I haven't heard from andrew in a month and a half. I even tried adding money to his phone. I'm gonna try to write to him again, but last time the letter never made it..
in love with my new laptop. definitely worth the money I paid. Only downside is that the CD to install MS Works was shipped separately and not as fast so I can't do my stupid assignment. go figure.
but otherwise, it is so fast, and awesome. (i hate windows 8)
Having my family over for dinner tonight! very nervous. very.
I dig my toes into the sand. the ocean looks like a thousand diamonds strewn across a blue blanket. I lean against the wind and pretend I am weightless, and in this moment I am happy.
1. invest in yourself. love yourself like you'd love your one true love. if you wouldn't do it to them, don't do it to yourself.
2. invest time in those who invest time into you. there are a lot of people vying for your attention, and not all of them will give you the respect you deserve. be a little choosy with your love, because the people you choose to love act like a mirror for how you love yourself.
I've learned so much since I started therapy. and not only learned, but held accountable for implementing and following through on these changes.
I also have become more and more convinced that karma is real. you get out of life what you put in, so I've been trying to avoid doing thing I wouldn't want to happen to me. and fighting for truth, love and justice.
like j says, there are going to be good days and there are going to be terrible days. it's impodtnat to remember that pain is temporary, and letting things go feels so much better than holding on when it comes to things like hatred, pain, jealousy, worthlessness, hopelessness, or revenge.
growing up hasn't really been fun, but with the tools I've aquired, and the skills I'm strengthening, I know my future will be much more fun than it was to get to this point.
a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day turned into......
the best mental health day taken in a long time <3
much needed pb&j time completely recovered me. and helped me realize that it's okay to have bad days, as long as you give them the opportunity to get better.
I am eternally grateful to have an amazing support system. and I'm so glad Alexz and I were able to become so close! I would never have imagined!
and yet no one seems to be able to say it when I really need it.
I just want to feel like I'm not an insignificant speck of shit on a cold planet hurtling through a vast empty cosmos.
but that's all I am. and that's all I'll ever be, and it hurts.
there is no such thing as love, or happiness, or futures, or magic, or faeries. there's just a supermassive black hole slowly eating anything and everything that it touches. I can see it as it pulls me in, and I am completely powerless to stop it.
"And if you gaze long enough into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you."
- Friedrich Nietzsche
this week fucking sucked. outside of the awesome gift I got! I'm just really fucking bummed out and sad and feeling like a disgusting failure. a total joke.
I was going to do an actual update.. but then I played with bitchelle until my fingers hurt and I feel a lil better.. so I'll save the update for later
::
2014 12 December :: 1.12pm
:: Music: the bravery
I am hiding from some beast
But the beast was always here
Watching without eyes
Because the beast is just my fear
That I am just nothing
Now its just what I've become
What am I waiting for