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2004 4 November :: 11.25 pm
:: Mood: solemnly irate
:: Music: "Something Rotten" - Placebo
11:1-2
Well, damn.
Apparently orgasms are no more than rapid muscular contractions, or so I've been recently corrected. Those hardly seem worth the effort. There go my hopes for temporary euphoria. Damn you, lemony fanfics, for giving me false ideals! *shakes fist to the heavens*
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2004 31 October :: 11.53 pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: "Stabat Mater" - Juha Kuivanen, performed by Tapiola Chamber Choir
10:1-4
I had a pretty good Halloween. Alex, Fionn, Sarah, Scott (yes, Scott came too), and I went to Alex's house in Cordova for our own little Halloween party. Her mom made lots of food for us -- veggies and dip, shrimp cocktails, salad, herb-roasted chicken (which was absolutely divine), apple cobbler, and pumpkin pie. I myself only partook of the veggies and dip, the herb-roasted chicken, and the pumpkin pie. All of it was very delicious. And as we ate, we watched Rocky Horror Picture Show. Personally, the only scenes I thought were worth it were the sex scenes. But I'm ecchi like that. >_>
Anyhoo, we got back to Rhodes around 9:45 or so, and then I showered. And then I signed on and talked with Puppy. I wanted to talk with First Sarah too, but she was going to a Halloween party. I was only able to say hi and bye to her. She and I have a bad habit of having conversations that consist only of that much. ^-^¿
I think Puppy was in a bad mood tonight, which kinda puts a damper on things. I didn't even think of it at first, but towards the end of our conversation I noticed that he didn't quite seem himself. I wanted to ask if anything was wrong, but I knew I'd have to go to bed soon. Besides, whenever I ask him if he's in a bad mood, he usually goes into an even worse mood. ^-^¿ Sometimes you just have to let sleeping dogs lie, no matter how curious you naturally are.
There's also the little lesson I've learned that if it's something he deems worth telling me, he'll tell me eventually. No use prying. =]
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2004 30 October :: 1.46 am
:: Mood: sleepy
9:1
It is in the wee hours of the morning at the moment. No one whom I regularly IM is online.... I had forgotten how lonely it can sometimes get when no one is here to talk to. But oh well. I'm rather sleepy anyway. >_>
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2004 24 October :: 4.17 am
8:1
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2004 20 October :: 10.33 pm
7:1-6
I've not updated in a while. Hmm.
For a while I didn't understand why my first Sarah (that's Cruthirds, not Cabali) was so unhappy with some of her friends treating her in an unfriendly manner. The solution seemed simple to me: ditch them and get new friends.
But it's difficult to ditch people you care about, even if they don't care about you or don't act towards you in a manner you deem necessary or appropriate. Or desired, I suppose. That's why I finally understand why Sarah was getting (is still?) so upset.
To some extent, I'm the same way. To the majority of my friends, I don't share much about myself, but when I do it tends to be in large quantities. It also tends to be things I've been mustering up the wording or the guts to say in the first place. It's not easy talking about some things. I definitely know that. Yet...it still stings when they don't return the gesture. It'd be nice if I got a bit of sharing in return, if only to reassure me that what I shared was accepted as something shared. Sure it's selfish, but is that bad?
Anyway, it could be argued that the finger is to be pointed at Sarah in her case and me in mine -- that we are the ones at fault because our expectations of our friends are too high. That's possibly partially true. Perhaps they were/are. But friendships are a two-way tango, so some fault lies in the offending party as well.
I have no real clue as to why I'm rambling about this, but it spewed forth after that "Hmm." ^-^¿
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2004 14 October :: 10.38 am
:: Mood: relieved
6:1
I just got back from taking the exam from hell (one of them, at least): my Sociology exam. It wasn't as terrible as I thought it would be, but I still don't think I did overly well. I'm just relieved that it's over with. Wooo! ^-^
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2004 13 October :: 3.13 pm
:: Mood: happy
5:1
Last night was awesome!!! The Kinsey Sicks performed here at Rhodes last night and I went to see them with Sarah, Alex, Kelly, Sarah's pro stud* Shannon, Fionn's pro stud Andrew (I think that was his name), and a bunch of others that I know but have never mentioned in this Woohu before and thus would not be familiar. Anyhoo, the show was hilarious! They had a meet-and-greet afterwards, in the lobby of the McCallum Ballroom outside the BCLC. I got to meet Trixie and she/he hugged me! It was awesome. I'm very happy. ^-^
*pro stud - n. Rhodes slang for "prospective student." Typically spends one night with a Rhodes student and attends a class either earlier in that day or during the next.
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2004 11 October :: 3.31 pm
:: Mood: sick
4:1
My throat hurts.... *whine*
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2004 9 October :: 11.28 pm
:: Mood: content
3:1-5
Today went rather well. Alex, Sarah, and I went out to eat at Corky's for lunch. Corky's is one of those barbeque restaurants Memphis is known for, but I had never been there before today -- mostly because my assumption had been that they wouldn't have anything other than pork and ribs. But I found out today that they have a BBQ chicken dish, and it was really good! I enjoyed myself there. And it was relatively cheap, too. Only eight bucks. ^-^
After that, we went to the movie theater in Bartlett, which shows older recent movies for really cheap. So, we saw SpiderMan 2, which was insanely awesome. I'd even venture to say better than the first one.
Once that was done, we walked next door to a cute little nail salon (Mary King Nails -- I took one of their cards) in which two middle-aged Asian ladies worked. All three of us got manicures -- Alex and I by the lady with a thick Asian-language accent but who knew quite a bit of English, and Sarah by the lady who I don't think spoke much at all besides in nail terms. Anyway, I got mine painted purple, Alex a dark dark red, and Sarah chose a French manicure.
After that, we stopped by Alex's house in Cordova to see if she still had any of her high school uniform skirts, since Sarah is dressing as a naughty Catholic schoolgirl for Halloween this year. It turned out that Alex didn't, but it was fun stopping by her house. It's really pretty and I wish I could have a house like that when I can afford one. >_> Anyhoo, while we were there rummagining around for the skirt(s) in question, Alex's mom came home and when she saw our nails, complimented us on them. That felt nice. ^-^
And then we returned to Rhodes.
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2004 9 October :: 1.43 am
:: Mood: grumpy
2:2-5
Scott still sucks as a human being, Puppy had a bout of jealousy this evening concerning myself for no reason whatsoever, and Sean probably intensely dislikes me right now. And the most ironic thing about it is that truthfully I don't care.
I'm through with trying to be Scott's friend. No matter what any of us in "the quintet" do, somehow he gets upset at something stupid. I'm through with it; I've had it. Puppy.... I'll leave those thoughts private. And Sean? I don't care if he dislikes me. I told him how I truly feel and if he has a problem with that, then he has a problem with that. Should it matter to me? I don't think so.
All of it combined makes me want to swear off men altogether. Somebody, anybody -- if you see me flirting with a guy or otherwise unintentionally conveying interest, or even blatantly conveying interest, please put me out of my misery and just shoot me. I don't want romance right now, I don't need romance right now. And when that feeling changes, I do not want it to be with a man. I've had enough of them for a few years.
*walks off grumbling* Grrr.
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2004 8 October :: 12.13 am
:: Mood: hurt
2:1
Have I mentioned how I really hate it that no one comments? *HINT HINT*
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2004 6 October :: 11.26 pm
:: Mood: contemplative
:: Music: "Protect Me" - Placebo
Leviticus 1:1-6
I feel like it's a new chapter in my life, hence the end of Exodus.
That said, men are annoying me lately. Scott because he's Scott, Sean because I don't know what I feel for him anymore, Puppy because.... Well, I wouldn't say he's annoying me. He is a very good friend now that we've gotten past all the nasty post-breakup emotions -- or most of them, anyway.
I miss my first Sarah. I feel this burning need to have an in-depth slumber party conversation with her because of things I've discovered about myself.... I need her girly advice, as she is sensei of such. She's been busy as of late so I haven't been able to talk to her. I can respect that.
But back to men annoying me. Scott, although he has sincerely apologized for going seriously stark raving mad, he's still...I don't know how to put it. The Dean of Students here put him on probation for having weapon(s) in his room; although, according to the College's rules, Scott should be expelled. Yet Scott whines about probation, saying that he doesn't deserve it. Well I'm sorry, but he does deserve it. When you make your three closest friends and your ex-girlfriend fear for their lives and you have at least one weapon in your room, punishment is merited. And the simple solution for Scott is to NOT FUCK UP AGAIN!! Grrr! He makes me so mad!
*sigh* And Sean.... I don't know what I feel anymore. I like him -- he's fun to talk to when we talk, he's a nice guy, pleasant to hang out with. But I don't know what I feel for him. I don't love him. It's apparent to me that he wants more than just a casual friends-who-go-out relationship, so I hope saying that doesn't upset him.
Time to watch "Yatta!" by The Green Leaves....
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2004 29 September :: 7.23 pm
:: Mood: angry
15:1-3
Dear Scott,
I'm writing this to you here because I know you'll never read it. Maybe one day I'll actually send this "letter" to you, but for right now I won't. After what happened Monday, I don't want to be anywhere near you. First you verbally abused Alex, then me twice for defending her, then Sarah for her defending the two of us. I don't feel safe around you anymore, because I'm so afraid that you'll come after me with a knife or something.
I have a new uber-case of paranoia because of you. I see the vague outline of a masculine shadow, and I frantically look around me to make sure you're not there coming to lambast me some more -- or worse, to harm or kill me. I can't take it anymore. I can't take you anymore. Maybe I'm just angry right now, maybe it'll blow over by the time we have our supervised group discussion.
Hopefully that'll be the case, because I'd hate to resort to your level.
Katie
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2004 27 September :: 4.42 pm
:: Mood: distressed
14:1-5
This past weekend was the weekend from Hell.
On the self spectrum, I had three papers to write -- two for Ethics, one for Spanish (in Spanish, obviously). So, that stressed me moderately.
On the non-self spectrum.... Where to start? Alex and Scott broke up last night. I totally understand Alex's reasoning and I back her up 100%, but I hate seeing Scott so sad. What's more, Alex neglected to tell Scott why she wanted to break up with him; admittedly, this was a mistake on her part. *sigh* I just hate seeing unhappiness among my friends.
Still on the non-self spectrum, a good friend of mine's girlfriend was kidnapped by her father yesterday morning. This is not new; he's done it before, raping her each time as well. He always somehow managed to get away with it too. But this time.... This time, she didn't just submissively go along with daddy dearest. This time she defended herself, and I'm immensely proud of her for doing so. But, needless to say, it's difficult to deal with and process, knowing that someone you know's father was a sick excuse for a human being.
So, yes, weekend from Hell. I blame El Niño.
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2004 25 September :: 3.10 pm
13:1
I changed my picture today to the avatar I use on the Green Tea forums. I don't like Kikyou a whole lot, but I like the avatar. Anyhoo, since I'm supposed to provide credit for the maker: Avatar from ushitora_icons. ^-^
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