moana
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2004 19 April :: 12.13pm
:: Music: a perfect circle - judith
mutually exclusive
do you believe infinity and God are mutually exclusive? to believe in infinity is to believe that there is no absolute, no beginning and no end, no worse and no best, but to believe in God is to believe that God is the absolute, that He created the world in a Beginning and that He will destroy it in an End, that He is the Best. it's a contradiction (as most things about me are). i wonder, because i truly do believe in God and truly do believe that God is All Powerful (capital A capital P), but i also believe in infinity HERE. i mean on earth, here and now, i believe that there is no best, on earth i believe there is no worst. in this time i believe there is no start and no end, and i believe that there is nothing most or least about our world. perchance in an after life, there are all these ends and beginnings, all these extremes, but it's either that science hasn't found the extremes yet, or they simply do not exist in this life. it's hard to swallow, this is too deep for me. "i'm going to get my tyres rotated."
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moana
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2004 19 April :: 2.17am
:: Music: a perfect circle - magdalena
prom dress!
oh i forgot to say yesterday! in celebratiobn of my credit card's return, i went out a bit with sarah, and she took me to this tiny little store in the middle of nowhere (actually it's in the middle of salmiya) that's just FULL of small sized (my sized) evening dresses. i found my prom dress, for 4.750 KD! (that's about 15$) and it's just the right fit. i love it, i (heart) it, and i feel so.... senior-y right now. i can't believe we're graduating a year from now, people. think about it. this time next year we'll be taking IB mock exams, worrying about graduation, prom, senior tea. it's unreal. whoa, i foresee freaking out so i'm gonna stop now.
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moana
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2004 18 April :: 2.23pm
:: Music: something arabian my mom is playing
joy!
ok so im getting into the car afterschool and my mom goes "i have to talk to you when we get home." we drive home in silence and i'm thinking "oh fuck something horrible happened." well as soon as i get home she's telling me to change, we're going somewhere, and i'm thinking by now "dude, it's something went wrong during surgery" but we drive and stop at the bank. by now i'm confused, and the next thing i know, i have a credit card! she renewed my credit card, she said i was growing up, and that she travels a lot and needs to make sure i have a way of getting money if she needed to send it to me. she said she trusted me to budget my life, and i couldn't believe it. i haven't had a credit card since i was twelve when i maxed out all my credit cards, it feels nice to have this trust again. *waves card around* so andy, what'd you want for your birthday?
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cowboy67
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2004 17 April :: 12.08pm
keep nicole's uncle marty in your hearts and prayers today.
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moana
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2004 17 April :: 7.11am
:: Music: computer class clickity-clicks
*sniffs* *spits*
ummm. yeah. last night! ok so i went to my dad's house, and i get there and he instantly goes "i'm working on the swimming pool." so i go out with him to the backyard and the pool's almost finished, we just needed to hammer down some tiles, which was really fun cuz no matter how hard you hit em, they did NOT break! it was hilarious, we were joking about dirty clothes and how it was such a BIG DEAL if your clothes got dirty, and he goes, "i have a maid, so its ok if my clothes get dirty." and i pick up a handful of dirt and throw it at him. so he throws some dirt back and we're having a dirt fight! woohu! fun! we stumble back into the house, laughing insanely, then scrub ourselves off at the sinks (somewhat). we have lunch (which tasted like shyt) then go down to the garage. well my dad bought this beautiful aluminum plated black and decker drill made in honour of Black and Decker's 85th anniversary. it had two directional torque, two options, rubber grip, lock, vertical AND horizontal laser beams to tell you weather or not your hands are straight and a detachable screw driver! it was sooooo funky. we spent hours talking about it, then scrubbed the new skeleton for his GMC together. i was looking at his bike and i went, thoughtfully, in those moods where you don't even realize you're talking outloud, "i wanna go for a ride." so my dad goes "ok" and we go for a ride. it was incredible. we went all the way to 7awali, then he let ME drive the whole way back. he said i was a good driver. i said thank you. it was fun. what i wanna say is really, that this entire day all i could think about was... thank God i wore overalls.
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moana
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2004 15 April :: 4.49pm
:: Music: drain sth - the bubble song
i never tried to stay insane
i just finished watching naruto with my brother, and after the episode was done we spent an hour talking about who would win i na fight between gaara and neji. please, gaara would DESTROY neeji. pssh. anyhow, this episode hokage (the third) died and it hit me. after you see soemthing like that, like you see a sad death in a movie or show (or anime) or you read it in a book or you hear a sad song and all you want to do is write about the death of great people. isn't that wierd? it's like people don't matter or become legacies until they're gone. i can sit here right now and for hours onwards talk about the death of a great person who did not even exist. it's not about not knowing what you have until you lose it, nothing of that sort, it's just that death makes people amplified. not just tragedy, tragedy isn't enough, but DEATH makes people immortal. to die is to become a hero. it's so strange the way we function. i don't know what i'm going on about, just thought it'd make sense if i tried writing it down. don't think it does. hmm.
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moana
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2004 14 April :: 4.53pm
:: Music: a perfect circle - the noose
that curiosity boredom thing AC's got going on
right so the deal is, you ask three questions, and i answer truthfully. anonnymous is ok, but if i get three anonymous questions i'll assume it's the same person and won't asnwer anymore. i forfeit the right to refuse a question unless you ask more than three. and THEN hop to it! enjoy! go wild!
and yes AC, i also remember the nudity, the naked dancing and the dirty talk/flashing einstein. (ELEPHANTS!)
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cowboy67
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2004 13 April :: 8.45pm
you don't have enough time to search for something you'll never find
this is something i'd normally scribble down on a scrap of paper and lose somewhere in the abyss of paper ideas that cover my desk:
you know how there's that cheesy saying, "the best things in life are free"? well, i don't agree with it.
the only things that matter in life are free. anything that has to be compared to and valued by a price tag is completely worthless.
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moana
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2004 12 April :: 11.58am
:: Music: tori amos - only women bleed
YOU'LL WANNA READ THIS!
young is a jackass. he was all kidding with me today and being all nice, told me i was brilliant at one point. he was all "you're so small, i could throw you in a pack and sling you over my shoulder and no one would notice," and all funny (he tried) in his twisted sick way. it was pleasing to no end, to see him all but begging forgiveness for trashing me before break. his mother...
that's out of the way *slides aside* cathy and i had the best talk today. we were walking around school picking up everything we could get our hands on if it even remotely resembled sheherazade or arabian nights thing. we went to the auditorium and she was all "have you ever made out here" so i laugh, being the school slut that i am, and start showing her all the places i've made out. it was hilarious. then she asked me, out of the blue, "so are you and blag going out yet?" YET she asks, YET, as if it were totally expected. little does she know about what's going on. (little do i know about what's going on really if you wanna do that.) well when we were at the drama class, guess who we found strolling teh halls, wasting time? tammam ofcourse! *coughGOLDFISHcough* who? and THEN! well he's trying to waste time nad he starts stealing my sword and running away with it, then running back and stabbing my ass with it. i was gonna be sick at his display of childish horniness. cathy was talking to conway in teh classroom this whole time and i was outside with him, wishing i was elsewhere. so i tell him to come to our play (don't judge me, we need the money!) and he's all "what's in it for me?" and then he WINKS AT ME! i force a smile on my face and go, "it's a good show," and he laughs, pushes the matter, asks, "do i get a special show afterwards?" i wanted to hurl all over him but instead i go "just buy a ticket and go, you'll enjoy it, trust me. i'll be wearing a DRESS!" so he mock-gasps and i'm all "don't make fun, some people last year went to sheherazade JUST to see me in a dress," and he goes "fine i'll think about it." UGH yall better be grateful as FUCK! i had to let him hit on me to get him to buy a ticket! APPRECIATE! so cathy comes out of the class around this time, i take my sword back (after turning down his offer to walk me back to my class and "give me a hand with my sword and i'll give you a hand with yours") and out of earshot, cathy looks at me and goes "dont trust him, i hate him" i was "why?" and she's "because he always talks about people! i invited him to my party and when he went people were making out all over the place and the next day it was all over school. ino he talks about EVERYBODY behind their backs." so we talked a little baout him and she tells me "he thinks all the girls like him and all the guys are jealous of him" and i started LAUGHING and told her about how he was hitting on me. it was funny. then we got to class and stopped trashing people behind their backs. and THEN, she started telling me about THIMUN, told me some secrets, and i am so psyched. i really wanna go next year, like BADLY, i think i may cry in public *gasp* if i don't get to go. i'm kinda hoping my dad will come around and i'll be able to use my summer job money for THIMUN instead of tuition. *crosses fingers* let's pray people...
what else did i do today? drama class in the morning. faisal's got his braces on and he told me it hurts. *cries* may is coming (COMING!) fast and i can foresee the pain they've all prophesized! ahhhhhh! it's for the best i guess. *sigh* i'll live. which remidns me, i better pull out some clothes from the closet to show people (director and costume designer) morrow about ouiser. damn lema's gona out of her way to make me look the ugly fool. should be fun! woohu! i wonder if i have anything "bizzare" i can take with me? hmmm...
i can't believe we're back in school. it's bloody gay is what it is. *mutters in japanese* i'm so not in the mood for this "let's work everyone's fingers to the bones together, ESPECIALLY the IB students!". it's like gang rape on us IB students! even the certificates! ESPECIALLY the certificates. the IB teachers are all IB on our asses and the regular teachers are thinking "these people aren't taking IB, let's rape them with homework!" it's fucking disgusting. which reminds me, i should be doing homework right now... *scratches chin* yeah maybe later.
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moana
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2004 11 April :: 8.46am
gah! people living in the US have pity on the little ones! i can't send 2$ by mail, are you nuts? "yeah mom, i'm gonna send a letter all the way to the states containing 2$ for my journal." i can already hear the laughter...
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cowboy67
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2004 5 April :: 4.00pm
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moana
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2004 4 April :: 1.22pm
:: Music: fountains of wayne - stacey's mom
Ac's mom
(AC's mom, is dyin to get it on)
AC wants to come over, after school (after school)
says her mom's at home, doing things in the pool (she's in the pool)
told me she was touched places she didn't know were there (know were there)
so little girls, and little boys, beware (children beware)
you know she loves the little boys that we used to be
and has a thing for orphans which is really scary
AC's mom is dyuin to get it on!
it's all that she wants, and she's waited for so long
AC can't you see, she's makign a pass at me
there's something really wrong, being molested by AC's mom
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moana
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2004 3 April :: 11.14am
:: Music: dave matthews - grave digger
barney look! LOOK!
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moana
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2004 2 April :: 4.59pm
:: Music: the beatles - baby you're a rich man
this n that
hmm, i've done mcuh this weekend and haven't updated. well, here goes.
after the wedding, we woke up the next day at around 8, and we were all sleepy as fuck cuz we hadn't slep the night before til 4, but we got up anyhow, my mother made breakfast, i did the dishes, and the nwe all got dressed in our prettiest clothes and went to the arcade in the city center next to my house. well there's a DANCE DANCE REVOLUTION arcade there, and if you don't know what that is, it's a dance game, where the play music, and on screen they tell you where to step and how to step and when to step, and you stand on a platform with sensors that decide if you're stepping right. well there i was, playing it easily a dozen times over, and i actually got an audience. i was moving! i danced like no one was watching, and when i was done, people started cheering! it was so cool! my cousins were all oh-so-impressed! it kicked ass. i felt good. well after that, we all went to my aunt's house BUT on the way, my cousin decides he wants to soak m. meaning, he took his bottle of water and poured it all ALL on my head. then he took another three bottles of water and poured THEM on my head. it worked. i was soaked. we finally got to aunty's house and i took a shower and borrowed some of my cousin's clothes (her t-shirt was more than enough while i waited for my clothes and underwear to dry) and then i started getting sick for a while, retching, whatever else, but that passed. just in time, too, cuz i threw my clothes back on and we went cruising. well on the way, my driving cousin stopped at her university and bought a good chunk of weed and a bottle of beer. there i was i na car with two kuwaiti girls and two emaratee girls, all wearing the hijab, one emiratee drunk, the other three high. i was the only sober one. it was hilarious cuz they started going nuts, and eventually i made my cousin pull over and drove her home. when we got downstairs, we waited until the lights went out before going in the house, in case someone decided to ask what was wrong with my happy happy cousins, and we played loud (arabic) music waiting for the smell to go away (the windows were rolled down) before half an hour later, we went in. we passed ok, and no one noticed anything. i put them all to bed and waited for my mother to pick me up. i have a recording of the wasted family on my fone, absolutely side-splitting it was. remind me to let yall hear it sometime.
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cowboy67
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2004 1 April :: 2.21pm
the world's getting better.
april fool's.
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moana
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2004 1 April :: 3.47am
:: Music: bush - speed kills
marriage party!
woohu! family weeddings rock my socks off! never mind i spent five hours in a salon and didn't even get anything done, and then i had to get dressed, do my make up and hair in less than ten minutes (it's a record i swear!) but when we got there at around 11 (we took a nice lady from the american embassy with us, Mrs. Kristina) guess who was there?! bedoor! oh wow i missed her! i huged her and we hugged and kissed and hugged and kissed and it was soooo nice! we danced the night away and didn't stop dancing until 1 because our feet were so sore and we were both starving. we ate, and laughed, and danced again, no matter how tired we were, and we talked the whole time. i loved every second of it, and when it was over i didn't want to go home. she's going back to emirates on friday, and i won't be able to see her again until then. i'm going to miss her so much, seeing her again made me realize just how much i already missed her. the way she laughed, the way she nodded when you were talking to her, the simple motion of her body and just the way she smells make me ache. i really wish she could stay here. she and i would have so much fun together. when we had to go, we hugged and she cried, but i was strong. she told me she'd been thinking about me since i left and i told her i'd been thinking about her too. we said we'd keep in touch, but it was poor compensation and we both knew it. she gave me a ring with black, grey and white stars on the band. she said she couldn't stand seeing me again with empty hands so she picked it up at the airport. it was sooo cute! *sigh* well, at least we had a great night. that and, i looked great. i didn't take my fone with me so i didn't take pictures (*gloom*) but i took a picture before we left and one after i got home, and can i just say? i look good in dresses. well i have to go now, entertain family. but i will be back.
p.s. kookee i lerve you! update us on what the fuck happened in miami!
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cowboy67
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2004 30 March :: 11.19pm
j'ai faim comme le loup
whispers and hugs
butterflies and winks
words rise and bodies sink
"we will be
today, tomorrow and
forever, you'll see."
grins and crooked shins
lash bats and nervous coughs
lips lock and bodies mock
"i'm in you
and you're in me and
together we'll be free."
lies and smudged eyes
severed veins and rotten moss
backs turn and bodies frost
"i meant to
and i thought we
and
it couldn't be."
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moana
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2004 30 March :: 4.15am
:: Music: you're so vain
fuck it fuck it fuck it FUCK IT. young grabs me in the hall, asks why i'm leaving hsi class. i told him for my GPA's sake. he says that universities value academic rigour, i said scholarhsips of our beloved ministry do not. he says out of our entire class only 4 people know what's going on, and i'm one of them. he said i'm going to flunk out of college, and i'm irresponsible. he said it didn't matter if i got into a university, i wasw bound to be kicked out, and i was whiny and a lazy brat. he said i had to suck it up and face life, because i can't run form everything that's hard. i told him he was wrong. i then told him i would drop by on him ten years from now, he'd still be a teacher, and i'd have a nobel prize. fucker.
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cowboy67
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2004 29 March :: 3.59pm
ask yourself this question
knowing what i know, and knowing i know so little of what could be known, why do i do the things i do?
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moana
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2004 28 March :: 2.07am
Name: Fayer
Nickname: your mom
Age: 16
What music are you listening to: Deftones- Deathblow
What book(s) are you currently reading? 1984
If there was one animal you could keep as a pet, what would it be? panther
What were you last Halloween? grounded
What was the last thing you ate? eggs
What is the background on your computer? Kakashi copy ninja
Last play you went to see: Misery
Was it a musical? no
Give us a quote: “lisping angels are outcast at once, and that is why I am so silent” –madison garths
A random song lyric: “do what you want to do” –beatles
If there was any instrument you could play, what would it be? bass
What do you think of racists? Same thing I think of your mom
What languages can you speak? English, Arabic, French
What languages do you want to speak? Bulgarian and japanese
What are you wearing? School uniform
Hair color? Red-brown-black
Eye color? Dark brown
What did you do this past weekend? Lived at andy’s house, went to my daddy’s house. I ahd fun at andy’s house, we went to kast and the trackmeet, but that was it. I haven’t been sleeping much and I’ve bad feelings in my heart that the world is going to end
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moana
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2004 28 March :: 1.30am
:: Mood: the mood of a failure
i failed
ugh i have an F in physics. UGH I HAVE AN F IN PHYSICS! wtf, after all my work and slaving, after all those nights i didnt sleep and workin working with people and i dont know what and all that work, all that time, all that effort and for WHAT? a 58%. scrw this, i'm so tired. i dont want to go to school anymore, i dont want to do this anymore, i dont need this aggravation, this emulaiton, this pretend that i care because i dont. what am i doing with my life? why would i get a degree in engineering if i'm gonna drop it and become something else later? so that i can tell people "i have a degree in engineering"? fuck this, seriously, it's brought me so low, i dont even know where i am anymore. it's like, the entire time i'm working, i might as well have been playing. it's just like the dream. it's exactly like the dream. i hate this feeling of worthlesness it's all because of a teacher. i told my mother i had a premonition yesterday. i ahven't had one since i was a little girl, but i had one last night and the night before and the night before and so back for weeks. i told her i felt like something bad was going to happen ,and there was nothing i could do to stop it. it made me sick, because if its one hting i can't bear, it's this feeling of helplessness. i need to be in control of my life, and i can't believe i've lost that grip because of fucking physics class. i'll never get my scholarship at this rate, or get out of this sick sick place. i need to be free. i need to leave all this behind. who cares about school? why should i bust my ass to go to military school? my mother already has so many strings attatched to AUD to get me in, it's like a puppet. thats how much she wants me to go to where she wants to go. she confessed to me last night, she wants to get retirement when i graduate and move to emirates to teach at the university there. i'd still get my own dorm room, and have my own accomodations, which would give me the illusion of independence, but there you ahve it. it's already been done. i am already accepted in AUD. i dont know how, i dont know who my mother knows tehre, but i know thats true. thats it, my future's been settled. and i'm here, hating myself for failing physics. fuck this system of dependence and shackles.
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cowboy67
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2004 28 March :: 1.18am
hey, you said you'd love to die some
okay, know what? you all are nuts!! this atkins diet business has gone past being out of control - it's officially full-out insanity! i saw a commercial for arby's, and they are now serving meat with lettuce and tomatoes as a meal. just that. no bread. what?! have you all gone mad?? arby's is famous for its sandwiches!! no bread = no sandwich! what the hell is going on here??
FADS! TRENDS! STUPID!
HERE'S AN IDEA:
eat a variety of foods in moderation, and move around a little bit! presto!
oh, but wait, i'm so very silly! doing that would take effort and patience! this is AMERICA after all, and everything must happen in the INSTANT snap of a finger, with NO WORK done on our part whatsoever. give us the quickest, easiest, most ready-to-throw-away product to turn ourselves into plastic smiley anorexic-sexy rich motherfuckers. that is the exact key to self-fulfillment, self-actualization, and true happiness.
all praise the mighty bullshit of this world.
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moana
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2004 27 March :: 9.00am
fire
awaiting here, alight and ablaze
it's like the spark of a thousand years
per chance it changes who we are
per hap i can be better
if it would only ignite
start a beautiful flame
and all boundries would be lost
and the differences forgotten
it's all that separates the warmth after the cold from the fire after the fire
it burns the skin and singes my bones
but it's not enough, before was too cold
i need more, more sparks
brighten the night and forget the sun
make it stronger, let it be fierce
let it charr the memory of the cold
and it's lost, the meaning of warmth
and the virtue of heat
and all the beautiful things that happen when the weather is just right
because it's over
and after so much cold, i forgot what it was like
i need more heat to warm this chill
to stop the shivers
to make the ice melt and the frost puddle
but it's not enough
i need more
the ice still hurts
my fingertips are still blue
my tears still frozen in my eyes
melt it all, make it go away
let the whole world see
may they realize
it's not over, not even close
because all that heat is nothing to all that cold
and i hate the cold, i despise its wind
i loathe with a passion its rains
i need more sun, i want more heat
i pray for more fire, to melt it away
and with my own fire i'll fight the storm
the bilzzard that's stirred my life
the snow that's overlapping my home, i fight it with all that's mine
fire, all that's mine, fire
i need it to burn, untill all the hair is gone
when the skin has melted like chocolate on your tongue
when all that's left is ash
when it is warm, like embers, and you can touch it to be comforted
when i am a source of warmth long after i am gone
then i will abate this flame
but untill then, untill that time
when all the cold is gone, and it's a beautiful summer day
i'll burn myself alive
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moana
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2004 27 March :: 8.38am
You are the most rarest find. You are the
shapeshifter. Have a bubbly personality? Thats
what i thought. You shape from the Yeti to a
fairy to a person of the mist to the person in
my math class. You can have a temper and can be
mislead easily.
What kind of element fey are you? (PRETTY PICS)
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Magister Mundi sum!
"I am the Master of the Universe!"
You are full of yourself, but you're so cool you
probably deserve to be. Rock on.
Which Weird Latin Phrase Are You?
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Industrial rock! Just like Marilyn Manson, you
know what you have to say and you just say it!
I like you very much...just be careful you
don't scare me away...
What genre of rock are you?
brought to you by Quizilla
You have a twisted soul! Twisted Souls are never
bad, and actually, are a rarity amongst souls.
These souls are a little combination of
everything, with always a little of their own
chaos to add. Twisted Souls are kind, loving,
weird, zany, temperamental, and very talented.
They have their own firm opinion, and can at
one time be very outspoken and passionate, and
the other time shy and feeling insignificant.
Twisted Souls have good senses of Humor and
other times can be a bore. You can act quite
intelligent at one time, and grasp concepts
easily, while other times they can find it
difficult to understand. Twisted Souls are
always very fun and Kind, and can be party
animals. But, if you love someone, youre
serious about it, intense, and forever loyal.
Congratulations-the world should have more like
you.
What Kind of SOUL do you posses? (For Girls only) Incredible Anime Pictures!
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