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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 26 March :: 6.17pm

sooooo maybe i'll go back to sleep for the 3rd time today since my life is so effing pathetic.

and boring.

and .

ugh fuck you seriously. fuck you and how much you unappreciate everything you have . you fucking whore.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 23 March :: 10.19pm

I've been gone for far too long, I want to come home
Well, to put it lightly, I haven't felt this dejected, irascible, neurotic, and disoriented in so long. Honestly.

I have decided I am going to play piano in the talent show. Please don't laugh at me.

I feel like since I hate and have hated high school so much that this will be a good way to end it. It might and hopefully will be a "happy" memory to leave school with. I guess.


And I don't know I just feel like my body is in 12 different places at once. I'm not all here and I can't stop biting my nails which I know is just gross and that is so not like me and when I develop a new bad habit, I know something is really wrong with me.

I feel so full like I need to pour everything out. I thought I did last night with that little breakdown but I guess I just filled right up again. In the worst way.

I guess that's it.
Jess.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 23 March :: 3.53pm

So...

I have an interview at Menard's tomorrow... (like I need another job, or another new one for that matter..)
I don't know what I'm doing in my life...

I'm doing this thing that I don't want to do at all.

Yeah, what's new.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 20 March :: 7.16pm

oh. one more thing. I miss my friends.

and am I ugly?

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 20 March :: 7.14pm

okay so well 2 more pages to go.....


ugh! suck me english paper! go to hell!

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 20 March :: 2.40pm

Nobody get too close to me...

I might taint you with my unholiness!

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 20 March :: 1.54pm

can you believe i'm honestly STILL procrastinating to start writing this paper and it was DUE TODAY?!?! .....



so yeah... maybe i'll start it sometime today...

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 18 March :: 10.39pm

and well blah blah blah and then she was dead.





ughghghgh the end.


Oh! But I see Roman tomorrow.... thumbs up! way up.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 17 March :: 2.34pm

uggggggggggggh.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 16 March :: 2.19pm

I've kissed...
01. [x] on the cheek.
02. [x] on the lips.
03. [x] on their hands or fingers.
04. [x] in my room.
05. [x] in their room.
06. [x] of the opposite sex.
07. [ ] of the same sex.
08. [x] a little younger than me.
09. [x] a little older than me.
10. [x] with black hair.
11. [X]with curly hair.
12. [ ] blonde hair and blue eyes.
13. [ ] with red hair.
14. [x] with straight hair.
15. [ ] shorter than me.
16. [ ] with a lip ring.
17. [x] who i truly love/loved
18. [x] who was drunk.
19. [ ] who was high....
20. [x] in the morning.
21. [x] right after waking up.
22. [x] just before bed.
23. [x] late at night.
24. [ ] who i had just met
25. [x] who I really didn't want to kiss.
26. [x] just talking not dating.
27. [x] on a bed.
28. [ ] in a graveyard.
29. [x] at school.
30. [x] against a wall
31. [x] at a show. (what kind of show?)
32. [x] at the beach.
33. [ ] at a concert. .. well kind of
34. [x] in a pool.
35. [x] who was/is a good friend.
36. [x] in the rain.
37. [x] with a mole on their body
38. [x] in the shower
39. [x] in a car/taxi/bus.
40. [x] in the movies.
41. [x] in a bathroom/laundry room
42. [x] in the dark.
43. [ ] on a roof top.
44. [x] under water
45. [x] while driving
46. [ ] a stranger
47. [ ] more than one person at once
48. [x] crying
49. [ ] goodbye forever
50. [x] when i was drunk.
51. [ ] who didn't speak english
52. [ ] in a hot tub
53. [X] in an elevator
54. [ ] an ex
55. [ ] last night.
56. [ ] Just today.

wellll good.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 16 March :: 2.18pm

aw poor you!!

cry me a fricken river!

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 15 March :: 11.07pm

Have you ever felt like everything you've worked for your entire life was for nothing? Have you? It's really disapointing.

I had a lot more to say, but Roman just called me and suddenly, it's like I can't complain anymore.


And to YOU: the one i talk about ALL the time I swear. because your HORRIBLE UNAPPRECIATION just burns my soul everytime i hear about it: You think you've got it so bad it just kills me. I wish just ONCE you could be like us. You could be like me. You could know what it's like. UGALSDGJ God I can't even say what I want to. You bug me so much. Someday you'll see. And who SAYS I can't feel that way or say those things or do those things? YOU? is it WRONG and unethical and impractical and impossible because your DUMBASS says it is?!?!? Is that what you want me to believe. Gosh you amaze me in the worst way possible. I dont know how I can even "stand" you. Oh, but sigh... I only wish I could be as GREAT as you.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 15 March :: 1.42pm

It's so fricken easy to say yeah I'm gonna be so great and everything's going to be so great and I'm going to graduate college and become this great thing and earn this great money and blah blah blah but now I realize nothing is ever going to happen.

great.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 14 March :: 9.25pm

Thank you, God.

Roman got a car. It has honestly been since like July that he hasn't had a car. Do you know how hard that has been for us?

He got a 2003 Taurus only 40 thousand miles on it!! I am so excited it looks so nice and new and pretty and yay I'm so excited.

YAY! We never imagined he would get this good of a deal or this nice of a car. I'm so happy.

Finally one thing good has happened.!

i'm gonna be jealous he has a better car than I do now lol@!!! Pimpin in his sweet ride!

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2006 14 March :: 3.08pm

I don't even know what this means, and don't ask me to explain in depth what a "slowdown" even is. But I just like this and it's making me want to cry.

I must look just like a fool
Here in the middle of the road
Standin' there in your rearview
Gettin' soaked to the bone
This land as flat as it is mean
A man can see for a hundred miles
So I'm still prayin' I might see
The glow of the brake light


But your wheels just turn, down the road ahead
If it hurts at all, you ain't showed it yet
I keep lookin' for the slightest sign
That you might miss, what you left behind

I know there's nothin' stoppin you now
But I'd settle for a slowdown


I held on longer than I should
Believin' you might change your mind
And those bright lights of Hollywood
Would fade in time


But your wheels just turn, down the road ahead
If it hurts at all, you ain't showed it yet
You're just a tiny dot, on that horizon line
Come on tap those brakes, baby just one time
I know there's nothin' stoppin' you now
I'm not asking you to turn back around
I'd settle for a slowdown
Come on just slowdown
I'd settle for a slowdown


I guess you wouldn't understand....

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