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2005 30 December :: 12.34pm
do you ever get that feeling where you KNOW you have to take a shower and do your hair and put fricken makeup all over your stupid face and change you clothes but you can't get over the thought:
'What the hell for?'
soooooooooooooooooooooooo stupid
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2005 29 December :: 4.39pm
so how bout that jessica hazen
what a doll huh?!!?!?!?!? i love her!
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2005 29 December :: 4.19pm
I feel so incredible. I feel so relieved!
HALLELUJIA !!! or however you spell that. Thank God, maybe I was wrong. You're right. Aren't you always though?
i feel so good. i couldn't sleep at ALL last night because i was worrying about my future. I hadn't let it bug me that much in a long time and now this solution is at my fingertips. I think i'm really going to go for it. I know some of it might sound like a long shot.... but i reallky think it will work. On top of that, i think it will be a good experience for me. It will. God, i am so happy.
i finally have decided where i'm going to go and what i'm going to do.
now just cross your fingers for me that it all works out.
God Bless You
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2005 27 December :: 10.49pm
i was loooking at these pictures from last year and i was just even more fully convinced about how i gained weight. i mean, i know i did. a scale doesn't lie right... but oh my gawd. i'm hidious how the hell do you spell that
i swear if i'm away from roman all i feel is fat and ugly
and well other than that..
i wanna go barf.
tootaloo
wait no, i must add more. I know some of you self centered biatches just read that post and were like "score. one more hoe out of the way" or something liek that... i think there are some PEOPLE who get kicks out of when their friends get big ol zits on the ends of their nose or gain 10 pounds for example. .... or wear an ugly shirt.... or have a bad hair day. there are some PEOPLE who just enjoy the fact that they know they look better than their "friend" on that particular day.
it's a constant obscene and fucked up battle for some PEOPLE.
wow.
some people huh?
I hope at least one person understands that. maybe even the person it is semi-directed to out of pure angst and a little bit of self-pity.
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2005 26 December :: 11.31pm
okay. so here it is plain and simple. I'm not feeling very well. And would you like to know something? You're not making me feel any better. would you like to know something more?
I obviously am a big complaining bitch. Obligations and responsibilities I know, but wah wah wah I want to be first and I'm a big fat bitch.
I am sad and yeah I pretty much totally would like to cry now. I feel just forgotten. And I'll never understand why it's so easy for you.
and why it's so extremely difficult for me..........
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2005 26 December :: 11.29pm
maybe i'm just not good enough. until later
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2005 25 December :: 7.05pm
((10-1))
TEN FIRSTS
First Best Friend: my first and my last! Jessica Lynn SlutMchazen
First Screen Name: jessalyn62
First Pet: Rhea dog ollie and cat bea
First Piercing: ears in 1st grade
First Crush: nick wiebenga like kindergarten
First CD: googoo dolls
First Word: fuck lol no just kidding. i sasked my mom and she doesn 't even remember. wow what love.
First Real Love: Although i thought it was Kevin ;0) lol . it was definetely roman.
First Stuffed Animal: i duno. a lamb thing
NINE LASTS
Last Alcoholic Beverage: The Cap'n .... lol i am so gay
Car Ride: Back from a movie just now
Last Movie Seen: the family stone.... weird. and GAWD sarah jessica parker is ugly and has an annoying name.
Last Phone Call: jess/kevin
Last CD Played: a mix of kanye and michael buble and my humps remix and shit
Last Bubble Bath: too long ago. maybe i'll take one tonight
Last Time You Cried: kind of last night but only for like a minute. other than that it would be thursday
EIGHT 'HAVE YOU EVER...'S
Have you ever dated one of your best friends: well, besides Jess... it would be that roman became my best friend after we're together. other than that no i guess
Have you ever been arrested: No thank god
Have you ever skinny dipped: no
Have you ever been on TV: um kinda
Have you ever kissed someone and then regretted it: yeah lol sickoooo
Have you ever cheated: no
Have you ever spent more than 5 hours online: Probably
Have you ever cried yourself to sleep: Yup. unfortuantely
SEVEN THINGS YOU'RE WEARING
1. ferris shirt from roman yay
2. pannnnties
3. Jeans
4. bra
5. that's it! oh makeup
6. ring
7. Earring in cartilage
SIX THINGS YOU'VE DONE TODAY
1. slept like forever
2. been bored on effing christmas
3. Been online
4. missed roman
5. talked to jess
6. absolutely nothing on christmas :0(
FIVE FAVORITE THINGS IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
1. roman
2. jessie hazen
3. sleeping
4. being in love
5. being careless or worryless
FOUR PEOPLE YOU CAN TELL [ALMOST] ANYTHING TO IN NO PARTICULAR ORDER
1. roman
2. jess
3. stef
4. justin i guess
THREE THINGS YOU HOPE TO HAVE IN THE FUTURE
1. marriage
2. a career as a successful nurse
3. babies!
TWO THINGS YOU WANT TO DO BEFORE YOU DIE
1. lose these nasty ass thighs.
2. travel everywhere with roman. everywhere! lol.
ONE SECRET
1. I am a messed up motha
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2005 25 December :: 12.53pm
absolute shitness. it is christmas and we are just sitting here. i slept in till eleven... found out my sister's getting married (yay stef and paul make lots of cute babies) and went to the bathroom.... then i talked to stef then i put some makeup on then i talked to jess
and thus has been my christmas. i am so sad and i will never go on vacation ever again during christmas because at least i will have some control. i can't believe my parents actualy made us come down here. but oh well thats how our fam... wait.... famil...no fa..fa... group of people who live together works i guess.
fuck the po lice
and call my cell phone because i am bored and have nothing to do at all whatsoever. cry cry cry is all i want to do.
i love my babbbbby roman and i hate brandon
fuck htis
i cant wait for the day i have a real family and a real christmas. this will happen in less than 10 years. hoorah.
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2005 22 December :: 10.46pm
wellll good. looks like am the big ol loser and well fuck me in the ass god leave me thefuck alone i seriously am not going to be able to take this "vacation" or so it's called. vacation my ass. more like hell on a stick served with sweet and sour sauce.
which i hate.
ugh.
i love roman and that's about it. whats new huh.
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2005 22 December :: 12.01am
i am goign to bed my heae is w gillion pounds g ahhhhhhhh fuck it this isjust for jess nad i want to say that you are the my best friend efever god damn best friend wooo call me rock on and rock out with your cokc out biatch love hyou
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2005 21 December :: 4.05pm
well forget you too then and sorry i ever tried to make amends. you're just a liar anyway.
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2005 21 December :: 2.06pm
my baby!
I love you babe. Oh boy do I....
This is an old picture. I love it. What a beautiful smile.
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2005 20 December :: 10.03pm
Roman
Man, what an addiction huh? How can you love someone so much. You can't get enough of them. Fights or arguements will never change your love. You can't express it enough and it never fades or changes. It only grows. It honestly only grows. I can't describe or explain it in any words. Happiness and completion. Strong and comfortable and right and good. Everything.
What a blessing. You mean the world to me. Thank You, Lord.
I can't believe I take it for granted sometimes. And i'm so sorry for that . I can't believe there have been some days I didn't cherish it. That's going to change. I realize what I have and I'm never giving it up.
In other news, It's nice to hang out with old friends. Thanks Beansy and Dani. I love you gals.
Please don't think any of this is corny and I hope and know all of you will find it sooner or later. And you'll be so happy and feel so blessed just like me.
Oh and on a lighter note JESS: "I am sooooo drunk hahahahaha I found the number to Burger King"
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2005 20 December :: 7.09pm
i'm so tired and i'm so sorry.
well, come on already.
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2005 20 December :: 10.36am
muhaha
well thaat was funny and sweet all at the same time. aww.
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