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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 31 July :: 8.57am

uggggggggggh.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 30 July :: 10.54pm

oh , and just a little PS.

i HATE this house. i hate living here. so so so so so so fucking much . SO MUCH.

i'm seventeen and above that... LAY OFF and stop freaking out about things that don't even matter. gawdddddddddddddddddddddddd.

i'm so stressed and i dont even think i'll be able to sleep tonight becfause of how much i'll be worrying about tomorrow.

great.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 30 July :: 9.59pm

UGGHGHGHSD;KLASDJL;ASKDJGASLDKGJ
AS
UGHAS
DGAS
DGAHS
DA
SD
G

GAWD FUCKING DUMB

Romans car is broken and HEY GUESS WHAT

my brakes are totally FUCKED UP they dont work at all they sound like grinding fucking metal

great and now romans leaving and i havent even said two words to him because my al;ksdjfl;asdkjfl;askdjgl;skdjgsl;adkgjasdkl
gj
asdklgjs
adgkljs
adlgkjas
klgjas
gkj
dk fuck


fuck you and the horse4 you rode in on.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 30 July :: 3.22pm

HOW COME EVERY FUCKING TIME THINGS SEEM TO BE GOING ALRIGHT AND WE SEEM TO BE ABLE TO HANDLE THE LITTLE PROBLEMS OURSELVES, SOMETHING REALLY BAD HAS TO HAPPEN EVEN WHEN WE JUST PRAYED LAST NIGHT THAT IT WOULDN'T

HOW COME?

HOW COME THIS SHIT NEVER STOPS?!?!

AND HOW COME I STILL FUCKING WORK AT ARBYS . WILL I EVER GET A DIFFERENT FUCKING JOB?

I HATE THIS. GAWDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 30 July :: 8.31am

ugh people are so stupid and mean when will anyone realize ANYTHING.

i have to go to arby's today i kind of am hoping i got fired and i can just go home.

i feel like shit shit shit and i just want to go back to bed.

well .

here comes the...............fun.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 29 July :: 11.22pm

There's an ambulance outside. I think I hate that noise more than anything in the world. Everytime I see or hear one I pray that no one is hurt.

I'm trying to avoid it, but I just have to write in here.

I've realized more and more how bad my self-esteem is getitng again. I put on these jeans today and they used to be loose on me. Now they are fitting and I hate it. I wanted to cry and cut off 10 lbs of fat from my legs. I always feel so fat but I don't work out or eat good. I don't have enough self-discipline and I always am working so I don't want to work out when I have the time. I want to spend that time with Roman or friends.

I cry about everything about myself. I 'm really hating my looks again like I used to. Because of my stupid face. This was supposed to be done with 2 years ago but no, of course not. It will probably haunt me the rest of my life. I cry if someone I've never met before doesn't say hi to me when I'm introduced to them. That one makes more sense to me... but when I cry because people don't say bye to me when I'm leaving their house I just want to drive off and run into a truck. It makes me feel so extremely horrible.

I'm sorry to anyone i've EVER made fun of or thought bad of ever. I'm so sorry. I dont want to hurt anyone's feelings. I always feel that way but now more and more I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings even if I don't know them and even if they don't hear me. It's just so wrong because what if they did hear what I said? What if they are feeling like me what if they are on the verge and ready to go for it and that last comment they hear from a complete stranger just pushes them over the edge?

I just want all this to go away. For a while it was. Roman makes me feel great about myself so it all went away. Maybe i've been around myself to much and everything's coming back. WEll hey jess G if this makes you feel good... I wanted to let you know, my boyfriend thinks you're skinnier than me. Great huh? You are, and I know that but for him to even say it . I just wanted to go make myself puke until I was satisfying enough for the world. UGH.

I feel so bad about everything. I feel bad that I let down my parents I feel bad I let down roman. My friends. Everyone. I feel bad that I don't think I have what it takes (or even CLOSE to what it takes) to be a neonatel nurse. I feel bad that I dont think I can do college. I feel bad that I didn't get the cashiering job at white creek lumber and i was oh-so-positive i would. I feel bad that no one cares. I feel bad that I probably will be stuck at arby's for another year.

That is if they haven't fired me yet for not calling or showing up.
fuck them.

I feel bad that everyone is or seems more successful and more pretty than me. more outgoing, comfortable, together.a asssssssssssssssssssssssssdfffffffffffffff i dont like me. i think the only time i really like me is when i'm with one of my best friends or definetely when i'm with roman. but i always wish i could be more like him. confident. yeah that's right roman i think i'm jealous of you. hm. i love you and i want to be more like you but you know that already.

s;dlfkajdl;fkjasd;fkljas;dlfkjasl;dfjkasl;djkf gross.

And you know, I'll eat somethign before bed. Probably ice cream. Most likely. God i'm so dumb

Praying makes me feel so much better. but i still feel gross. Roman makes me feel great too but when i'm alone i still feel ugly.

PLEASE if you have any molecule of decency in you or like me AT ALL PLEASE leave me a comment with like... 3 things you like about me or think are nice about me or SOMETHING. just something that would be a little self-esteem booster. Because I need it. and i want it. And I will gladly do the same for you. okay? Please.



i need it. ugh. i feel so shitty.

and other than that. Im ready and I love roman with all my heart.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 28 July :: 10.58pm

today was by far one of the best days i've had this summer.

roman came and picked me up this afternoon and we went all the way to silver... (or is it spring.. it's by pentwater like an hour and a half away in Mear, MI)lake. it was SO beautiful. so entirely gorgeous. i decided i want to get married there. the dunes are just so beautiful.

we climbed up those humongous dunes and then ran down the other side. then we layed out for a while and went swimming and then when we left we climbed this HUGE dune. ahh it was so beautiful when we got to the top. so gorgeous.

after the beach we went to the band picnic and it was nice to see everyone and then we stopped at big boy and saw jess and got something to eat. MM MM big boy!! Jess was a wonderful waitress!! Thanks Jess!! <3!!

i took tons and tons of pictures today at the beach. here are some on the way to the beach and at the beach.... look at them!!

Read more..

what a great day. i LOVE roman and i LOVE the beach. wow.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 28 July :: 1.27pm

i'm going to the beeeeeaaaccchhhhh..

i'm so excited i'm just waiting for roman to get here and i can hardly wait so um that's why i'm updating about it because i'm just so excited!Q!!!@#!$@#!@#

hooray i love the beach!

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 27 July :: 10.41pm

so im just waiting for my baby to get home from work so i can talk to him and other than that... i've decided i'm not going to work tomorrow because I didn't think we had to and me and roman haven't seen each other this week and we made all these plans to go to the beach. i just pray that tomorrow is as beautiful a day as today was. it was so gorgeous and perfect outside.

i babysat for james and jenna today and we had fun and i love them . they didn't even fight today so that was super nice. this nice lady at a scrapbooking store made me feel a thousand times better. why can't more people on earth be more compassionate like her. she really made me feel better. i was just freaking out. i was lost and i couldn't stop bawling my eyes out. this trucker guy pulled up in the lane next to me waiting at the light was just like staring at me because i was bawling and i just wanted to hop out of my car and climb up his semi truck door and punch him in the nose.

then i went to pit. bleh. um. yeah. and tomorrow is a picnic ish thingy.

BUT TOMORROW IS THE BEACH FOR ME BITCHES!!

i love jess and jess. what else?

i dont really know. i'm just tired. goodnight.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 24 July :: 9.13am

i hate this place so so sos sos so so so sso so so much.

i can't decide if i want to just go back to sleep or attempt to do something today.

i have to stop spending money. UGH.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 23 July :: 11.05pm

today was just all-around too much. ugh.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 21 July :: 9.50pm

sometimes it's better to just be completely carefree. hahahaaaaaaaaa

go dance in the rain, i did.

i love roman and i love the rain when it pours.

love it.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 20 July :: 4.21pm
:: Music: coldplay

ugh i feel so shitty. i dont know what it is but i've got a cold or maybe just bad allergies or something but i just feel so tired and shitty all over and the farm was NOT fun today. i mean actually for a little tiny while it was but other than that, it sucked. i kept almost falling asleep i kind of was hoping i would and then i would fall off the tractor and and have to go home. i was so tired i just couldn't keep my eyes open. i dont relaly know whats wrong with me.

but i feel like shit and these freaks keep adding me to their lists and talking to me on msn. leave me the fuck alone!

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 19 July :: 10.49pm

complaints

wow i am so tired.

today I got up at 6:45 and got ready and went to the farm. Stayed there until 2:15 and then drove to arby's, got dressed. and then worked at arbys until 9:45.

i'm not looking for pity but i'm just complaining. I'm looking forward to the money but my feet hurt soooo bad.

and i got really really sunburnt. I hate that.

tomorrow i go to the farm again unforunately and yeah.

ugh. whatever. and i'm getting really fat. oh well.

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.j.e.s.s.

:: 2005 15 July :: 11.30pm

ugh. i am bored................
bleh.


The Truth Can Be Fun

Created by coldspell and taken 3200 times on bzoink!

Quick Basics
Name:jess
Age:17
Location:home
Down to the good stuff!
What are some of your goals in life?have a family who loves each other and gets along, be a neonatel nurse. marry the love of my life
Do you actually have a list written out like in A Walk To Remember?no..........no
How many have you actually accomplished so far?um none of those listed above
Which is really more important to you- love or money?LOVE
If you have something important to share with a friend, then say it here.um i love you
What is your biggest fear?losing someone i love a lot
What is your earliest childhood memory?the campfire set i got on my birthday and playing with aunt amy with it
Whom do you hate more than anyone?no one at all
Would you kill him/her?no
Whom do you love more than anyone?roman
Would you die for him/her?yeah
Share a secret that very few people know. Come on, it's a truth survey!i'm cool
How many times have you had sex?-
With how many people?-
Would you have sex with a person you didn't love?no
Have you ever seriously considered getting a sex change?lol no
How many people have you honestly loved?one
If you had to choose, then would you rather...
not be with your true love, or just live with them and never get married?the second one
be hated and remembered forever, or loved and forgotten?loved and forgotten
live forever and be blind, or live until 65 with all of your senses intact?second one
erase your bad memories, or keep them as lessons?erase
never have sex again, or lose a limb?probably a limb
watch 96 hours straight of "The Wiggles," or eat a jar of mayonnaise?lol wiggles even though i HATE that show so much omg. who invented that?
rob a bank with a hilighter, or go diving in a shark-cage made of sausage?um neither
Dishing more dirt...
How many illegal drugs have you done (including alcoholic beverages)?none
Have you ever purposefully overdosed on prescription meds?shut up
Have you ever taken prescription meds that weren't yours?no
Does your family have a history of alcoholism/drug use?no
Are you planning to experiment in college, or did you?a little
Have you ever had an eating disorder?no
Have you ever been in an abusive relationship?no
How did you get out of it, if you did?.
Do you see love like a drug?um
What song describes you in this moment?.
Who inspires you to better yourself?roman, tammy, God, justin, justine
Are you an optimist, a pessimist, or a realist, deep down?realist
Do you believe in fate?i think
If so, then where do you think it's going to take you?australia.

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things about me A-Z

Created by bluueyebabe15 and taken 518 times on bzoink!

A- Age of 1st kiss:1st grade
B- Band you are listening to right now:rascal flatts
C- Crush:roman!
D- Dad's name:michael
E- Easiest person to talk to:roman
F- Favorite ice cream:cookie dough
G- Gummy worms or gummy bears?worms
H-Home town:cedar
I- Instruments:piano clarinet mallet percussion
J- Junior high:cedar..
K- Kidsnone
L- Longest car ride ever:to florida
M- Mom's name:stacey
N- Nickname(s):jess.. baby, pappy, um.. i think that's it
O- One wish:not telling you
P- Phobia[s]:bleh
Q- Quote:........
R- Reason to smile:love
S- Song you sang last:toxic
T- Time you woke up today8:40
U- Unknown fact about me:i am... nice
V- Vegetable(s) you dislike:um peas?
W- Worst habit:swearing i guess or whatever
X- X-rays you\\\'ve had:arm, back, whatever
Y- Your least favorite person:.bleh.
Z-Zodiac sign:picses

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