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rayray

:: 2007 8 June :: 1.49am

Right now I am using my new birthday gift.
I like my birthday.
My birthday gift from Michael was a wireless keyboard, mouse and speaker set.
It's fancy.
I love him!
He told me that he was going to get me the monitor I have been wanting for like ever now, but they didn't have the one I wanted.
He came home from work at like 11:30.
I don't know if it was because he had a lack of sleep today or if it's because it's my birthday.
I had a little birthday party at work.
I got a barbie cake. Its the one with the barbie in the middle and then the dress is the cake.
It was sweet.
I got an inflatable monkey.
A fuzzy pink tiara.
A fuzzy blue fan.
Scented bubbles. (Mint, Chocolate and Strawberry).
This will be one of the most memorable birthdays!
And I'm only twenty.
God, I feel really damn old. hahaha

Anyway it is time for me to go to bed so that I can get up really early and get the stuff done that I need to get done.
It's my birthday bitches!

3 Open Fire | [x]


spud

:: 2007 5 June :: 8.36am
:: Mood: pensieve
:: Music: jamiroquai

musings

i would never EVER commit suicide.

but ... when the time comes ... i think dying might be the easiest thing i ever do.

the sun is out.

i think i'll go to bed soon.

2 Open Fire | [x]


rayray

:: 2007 4 June :: 4.04pm

Stupid jeans.
I tell ya what.
I'm going to stop wearing them all together.
2 pairs of jeans ruined in 2 days.
Yesterday I noticed that my new jeans, that I have only worn twice mind you, have tears in the top inside corners of the back pockets.
Today Christine was being hooker trash and decided that she'd be funny and tap this oil thing on the pin machine while I was reaching up to fill the pin tub, and she got oil all over my hand, and my jeans.
So now I have this big huge yellow oil stain.
Oh well.
I have the one pair soaked in SHOUT right now. Hopefully that will do the trick.
Otherwise, I'm making that fat bitch buy me a new pair of jeans.
I'm crabby if you haven't noticed.
I have friday off of work.
And if you're smart, you'll know why.
I'm not sure if Carley and I are still on for Red Lobster or not.
I'll be too poor, considering I'll only have a 3 days check this week because my lazy ass never got up friday morning.
Well I did, but it wasn't to my alarm.
It was to Mike saying "what the fuck are you still doing here?"
Yep. So I spent the day in bed with him because I'm a lazy fuck.
And that is pretty much where I spent most of my weekend.
Other than saturday afternoon when I was at the ER with my grandmother.
She fell and broke her left arm just below her shoulder.
Has a black eye.
And is in pretty rough shape.

9 Open Fire | [x]


rayray

:: 2007 1 June :: 6.46pm

My new favorite food.
Grilled cheese and spaghetti sauce.

1 Open Fire | [x]


rayray

:: 2007 1 June :: 1.19pm

A serious update on my behalf. If you don't like it, piss off.
In some ways I feel like I have messed up my life, yet I feel like I have everything I need and I'm happy.
I have lead it in a path that would take a very long time to reconstruct if such events happened that would cause me to fall flat on my ass.
I know that if Mike and I ever split up, I wouldn't be the same.
It would take me a very long time to get over it and even then, I don't think I could fully get over it.
I used to be a pretty independent person.
I could hold my own, and I didn't need a guy there all the time.
But I was very unhappy and I made a lot of decisions that I'm not proud of.
I let my mother get the best of me.
I am very happy with Mike, but sometimes I feel like I'm not cut out for this whole relationship thing.
Maybe its that I'm still in shock that we have been together for 19 months.
Whatever the reason is, it doesn't explain why I keep screwing up.
Why I can't put my sarcastic, bitter, 'could-give-a-fuck-less' attitude in the closet.
I feel like I have to do everything I can to see how long before he breaks.
I feel like I keep screwing up all the time, or saying the wrong things, to see what will happen.
To see if he's had the last straw.
Why does my brain have to be so cluster-fucked with thoughts and emotions all the time.
Guh!

1 Open Fire | [x]


rayray

:: 2007 31 May :: 2.55pm

The heat has me cranky and tired.
Im not very much fun to be around.
Today was a miserable day at work.
Oh and let me tell ya if I felt like typing out how my day went, trust me you'd get every last detail.
So I will just leave it at this.
Christine is a fat fucking lazy skank ass that smells like bad fish and dirty socks.

Anyway.
Baseball tonight in Palo.
Woohaa!
Im too tired to even sit here.

8 Open Fire | [x]


rayray

:: 2007 28 May :: 10.49pm

Thoughts on my birthday
As my birthday nears, I'm not as excited as I was last week or the week before.
It's not going to be as grand as I had anticipated because more than likely I won't be able to afford to do anything.
I'll be taking the day off of work, but it won't be to do anything I'd like to or will be enjoying.
Something has me in a mood right now.
Well more like all day.
Mike told me that he'd try to make my birthday special for me without having to go out and spend money.
It was sweet.
This morning he woke me up at about 2, and told me that he thought we needed to spend some quality time together.
That he wanted me to be awake with him and watch a movie and cuddle.

Hopefully Jamie quit calling Carley.
And I also hope what Mike and I said to him, didn't make matters worse.
Mike started in when he called me a 'fucking dead beat'.

3 Open Fire | [x]


rayray

:: 2007 26 May :: 6.19pm

So no fair with Carley today.
That bummed me out.
I was really looking forward to it.
Instead I went to the Car show, ate elephant ears and watched the smoke show with Mike and Darielle (his daughter).
Now I am waiting for Buc and Mike to get back with the car so I can go to dinner with my dad, sister and brother in law.
My arms are cold and tired.

[x]


rayray

:: 2007 25 May :: 8.34pm

So my tara and my katelyn have finally graduated.
And still 2 years later, I do NOT miss high school at all.
It was fun while it lasted, but it was time to move on.

Blazin' buffalo & Ranch Dorito's are my new favorite.
Except they need more of a ranch flavor to them.

Right now Wayne is here looking at Mike's truck.
He's interested in buying it.
My Carley is coming over tomorrow!
We're going to Sheridan Fair it up!
There's PONIES!
It's a little rinky dink springfest.

I also have to make time for my sister and brother-in-law.
Perhaps they will join us all at the fair tomorrow.
oOoh!

1 Open Fire | [x]


spud

:: 2007 25 May :: 7.54am
:: Mood: amazingly good
:: Music: bnl - maroon

beer and cigarettes
i should probably get some sleep.

but i'm just really happy right now.

maybe i'll take a shower.

but i'm going to have to get up at like noon or so.

ah, well. whatever.

...

i might go see pirates tonight. should be fun. even though i can't afford it.

[x]


rayray

:: 2007 22 May :: 5.27am

Baseball 4 nights a week is going to be the death of me.
My birthday is nearing.
17 days actually.
Im way excited.
Red Lobster for Carley and I!
Not sure what else though.
Mike isn't getting very excited about my birthday.
Oh well.

Tara and Katie Graduate on Thursday!
Makes me feel old.

[x]


rayray

:: 2007 18 May :: 3.11pm

Things seem to be holding themselves together.
I went back to work on monday.
It was a little rough trying to get back in the swing of things, but I managed to get myself through the week.
I realized that I function better if I sleep less.
Actually, I have a hard time falling asleep or feeling tired before 11:00.
My last day through Peoplelink is the 28th, and then I transfer to Manpower.
Unless GRC decides that they want to hire me in full time.
I sent a rather lengthy email to the head HR personnel today.
I thoroughly explained my reasonings behind why I believe I should be hired in, with details of what my daily tasks entale.
I, being a temp shouldn't be doing the computer update, the paper work, making labels, or full-time employee annual testing. (There are other tasks but my mind fails to remember them).
I also became line leader when I returned back to work, because Micki went to Rockford to work on third shift..
Total crock if you ask me.
I care about my job because I fear losing it, but I don't care enough to blow or kiss ass to get a raise or promotion.
I signed a job posting to work in service, but I won't get it.
I spent 3 hours doing computer testing today and then I was frowned upon because my line was behind.
Not my fault by the way.

Mike got his lay off slip last night.

Sorry, I am just in the mood to piss and moan about whatever I possibly can.
It started at 6:00 this AM.

3 Open Fire | [x]


spud

:: 2007 17 May :: 12.51am

i think the word for today was "explosion".

because that's about what it felt like.

i can't be this tired yet. i have to stay awake, to get into the new sleep schedule.

this is going to be rough.

1 Open Fire | [x]


jayzulla

:: 2007 16 May :: 11.46am

yeah, so um....sorry to everyone who tried to get ahold of me when my phone was dead. uh, yeah.

6 Open Fire | [x]


spud

:: 2007 15 May :: 2.26am
:: Music: heywood banks - kike le cat

Oh, monsieur le kike is a very fine cat
With a small little head and a little party hat
And he sits very quietly upon the TV set
Monsieur le kike le cat

Oh he ate a robin, he ate a wren
And he ate a tufted titmouse, and then a wren again
He is full of feathers, like he was then
Oh, monsieur le kike le cat

Long before there was cable TV
The reception of the aerial was bad on channel three
Unless the kitty coincidentally
Sat upon the television

Oh the cat did die, and oh how we did grieve
But thanks to taxidermy he is gone but didn't leave
With a tin foil flag on his tail eternally
The reception is exceptional upon channel three

For monsieur le kike is a very fine cat
With a small little head and a little party hat
And he sits very quietly upon the TV set
Oh, monsieur le kike le cat

[x]


spud

:: 2007 14 May :: 1.15pm

whose idea was it to call it "crazy bread"?

i mean, it just seems really odd to me. what's so crazy about it? they're breadsticks.

and do they mean it like, wild, raucous crazy, or like looney-bin crazy?

the world may never know.

3 Open Fire | [x]


spud

:: 2007 14 May :: 1.12pm

trip synopsis
day one consisted primarily of driving down here. we were on the road from 4:30am to about 6:30pm, and we pretty much just crashed after we got here and got some dinner.

day two was our visit to colonial williamsburg, and some of the shops near william and mary college. it was all cool, with lots of great shopping, but i've only gotten shannon one gift so far. but i think it's a good one. and i haven't really found anything for anyone else, not because i haven't been looking, but because i just haven't seen anything good enough. after that, we went to WAFFLE HOUSE! for dinner. i was ecstatic, of course. then we went on the chesapeake bridge-tunnel, which was really pretty much exactly as you would imagine it, only even longer.

day three was busch gardens, which rocked my socks off. lots of roller coasters and fun stuff to do. i didn't get to do as much gift shopping as i would have liked, specifically in germany and ireland, but it was still loads of fun. and we also missed out on our last opportunity to see the queen, in jamestown. dinner was pizza, and men in black.

day four was indeed spent in historical jamestown. lots of old things. it was cool to see the archaelogical digs and all of the ruins and stuff. 400 year old bricks... very exciting. and there was an island drive ... lots of nature. i climbed a tree, it was very exciting. for lunch we went to the college delly here in williamsburg. after jamestown, we went to an outlet mall where i got a pair of black velour pants for $5. very exciting, i know. for dinner we came back to the hotel and got a bunch of pies for dinner, while we watched rat race.

day five was yesterday, where we were supposed to spend the day at virginia beach. when we got there it was 55-60 degrees outside, with 30+ mph winds. walking around on the beach was like getting sandblasted, and the undertow was so strong you could barely keep your footing. needless to say, i had a good time. our visit was short-lived, and we spent the remainder of the day relaxing in colonial williamsburg. dinner was a phenomenal meal at the king's arms tavern. i got the fish catch of the day, salmon with mixed veggies and walnuts. it was amazing.

day six was canoeing, which i view as a tremendous success. i got sunburned a little, and scraped up a little, but nobody got very wet or died, so all in all a good trip. it was very windy, especially for the return trip, but i had lots of fun. after canoeing i'm drawing a blank. i think we went back to the hotel for a bit, then went to a late lunch at "the sportsman grill". some interesting discussion was had there, as i recall. after that i think we went to yorktown, which had a really cool beach, and we walked around for awhile, seeing what there is to see at the battlefield there. i pontificated extensively regarding my government conspiracy theories, seeing as the most seemingly random bits of forest were fenced off with barbed wire, claiming them as "federal property". pshht. after we were done there, we went back to the hotel again. ellen, katie, and i went swimming, while hunter went for a walk, i suspect to say goodbye, since we would be leaving in the morning.

day seven began bright and early, and we were on the road by about 7:30. we got to D.C. before noon, so we parked the car, and caught a metro rail to the mall. we went to the museum of natural history first, and got to see all of the dinosaurs and mammals and gems and things that they have there. from there we went to the american indian museum to get lunch and to shop at the gift shops, although we never actually saw any of the exhibits. but the lunch there was spectacular. after that we spent a fair deal of time in the air and space museum, where we saw spaceships and rockets and airplanes and the exhibits on loan from the american history museum, which is currently closed for renovation. we also rode in the VR flight simulators, which was cool, although maybe not fifteen dollars cool. but i still had a good time, and it was a very interesting comparison to busch gardens. by the time we got out of there and got to washington monument, it was closed for the day, so we resolved to come back in the morning for passes. we moved on to the WWII memorial with the fountains, which were very tempting under the afternoon sun. we also went to the lincoln memorial to say hi, and to show ellen, who had never seen it before. we hopped a cab from lincoln memorial to union station. at union station we got to take a look at the architecture, and went to the food court for some dinner and gelato. after dinner we took the metro back to the car, and checked into the hotel for the evening.

day eight was spent in DC again. when we went to washinton monument in the morning, all the passes were already sold out, and everyone was hungry, since we hadn't eaten breakfast, so we went to chinatown and had this texan barbecue stuff for lunch, and it was absolutely delicious. we went to the archives after lunch to see all of the important documents and such. i was much more impressed with their 700-year-old copy of the magna carta, all in microscopic latin, than i was with the charters of freedom. but perhaps the coolest thing about the archives was the architecture of the building. i'm pretty sure it was built to withstand an atomic blast; just huge and amazing. we also went to the capitol building, but couldn't get in (capital vs. capitol, anyone?), and we went to the botanical gardens, which were very pretty. then we caught a metro back to the car and began our return journey home, stopping for dinner at waffle house, one last time. interesting note, this particular waffle house was franchise #666, if anyone is amused by that.

and from there we drove all night, until we got here this morning. after we got back, i slept from about 8 to noon, so hopefully i won't be too whacked out tomorrow. tonight is libby's concert, and shannon and her mom are coming up for the scholastic books dealie, so hopefully i'll be able to hook up with them. i completely spaced the concert when i was talking to shannon on the phone, but i'm hoping we can still work something out.

but yeah, that's pretty much it for the trip. there might be more that i've forgotten. if so, i'm assuming someone will remind me and i can make according amendments.

[x]


rayray

:: 2007 14 May :: 5.15am

I go back to work today.
Im not that excited about it.
I enjoyed being laid off but the lack of money sucked.
Unemployment was paying shit.
Mike is losing his job in two weeks.
Its been awhile since I've seen 5 AM.
And I think I got up way too early.
I slept wrong on my neck.
If you haven't noticed I feel like complaining right now.
Meh, whats the use.

[x]


spud

:: 2007 10 May :: 4.09pm
:: Mood: disappointed
:: Music: brian bromberg - downright upright

soo...

i didn't get the writing consultant job.

that makes me a sad panda. : (

9 Open Fire | [x]


rayray

:: 2007 3 May :: 12.01am

I got called a hussy by a kid around the age of ten today.
Little bastard.

Baseball starts tomorrow!
Woo-ha..
Little kids attempting to play baseball.
I have a feeling its going to be about the same as them attempting to play soccer.
Watching 8 year olds play soccer/baseball, is worse than watching the special olympics.

Anyway, my bed is calling my name..

2 Open Fire | [x]


rayray

:: 2007 30 April :: 11.29pm

From 11 last night until 5 this afternoon was the longest I have ever gone without speaking to or seeing Michael in the last 18 months.
It was really hard for me.
But when I saw him, I realized how lucky I am for what I have with him.
I also realized, that I don't ever want to lose him.
And that I am in this relationship until death.

[x]


spud

:: 2007 30 April :: 1.22am
:: Mood: lost
:: Music: benton falls

i've been whacked out for the past few days. i'm trying to make it better, and it seems to be working, it's just taking a long time to heal up.

hanging out with kevin was nice. i hadn't done that in a while.

moving out was a pain in the ass, but whatever, it's over now. except i'm probably going to have to pay for some repairs, due to burn marks in the carpet.

almost getting arrested was pretty uncool as well.

all in all, a busy weekend, and i'm glad it's over and done with. not that it was bad, i'm just very overwhelmed.

i guess i'm baby sitting tomorrow night. i've never really done that before. should be interesting. and it's food money for the trip.

oh yeah, i'm going on a trip to williamsburg, VA. wish me luck. we're leaving super-early wed. morning, and will be gone for about a week.

i drank every night this weekend. shannon would jokingly call me a lush. bruce jokingly called me an alcoholic. i call me in fucking college, the weekend after exams.

i really want to smoke.

fuck.

2 Open Fire | [x]


rayray

:: 2007 30 April :: 12.05am
:: Music: Crazy - K-Ci and Jo-Jo

What zeh fuck..
Shitty end to a perfect weekend.
Went to the blessing of the bikes in Holland today.
That was a long ride.
But I made it safely.
A couple of the guys we went with, left shortly after we did, and they collided and crashed.
Leaving both bikes totalled, and one guy with a broken foot.
I'm so happy that it's finally riding season.
Maybe I will finally muster up the courage to learn to drive a motorcycle. Not that I'm scared, just a tad nervous.
I think before I even attempt to do that, I need to practice safe speeds in a car/truck first.
Apparently, I was doing about 90-95 up 131 today in his truck when we were coming home.
His spedometer is WAY off.
Oh well.

I also got pulled over tonight.
Wasn't for speeding. And there wasn't a ticket issued either.
I didn't cry to get out of it either.
Oh well, enough information disclosed about that.

[x]


jayzulla

:: 2007 25 April :: 7.50pm

200 dollars later. Timmy has Virtue and a Superfly en route. Bitch better stop leaking, i dont want to break her down.

[x]


rayray

:: 2007 25 April :: 7.22pm

So I really wish that I would have been told by Peoplelink before today, almost 2 weeks AFTER my lay-off that I was eligible for unemployment again.
However they are a bunch of flaming idiots.
I did file a claim though.
I have to call tomorrow to see if I can claim these last two weeks.
Hopefully I can.
I recieved a call from Vicki at Peoplelink telling me that I can work in Rockford for awhile and then she said she'd call back with a time/date that I could start over there.
I stopped into Peoplelink and she still hadn't heard from them with a date or time.
She told me that if I wanted to take a pay cut, I could go to Clarion and work 3rd shift.
We'll see how things go tomorrow.
I need a paycheck. Not having money blows ass.

I should probably pick my mouse up off the floor..

5 Open Fire | [x]


rayray

:: 2007 23 April :: 9.24pm

I made some pasta today.
The same kind that Katie and I used to make when I was in high school.
We ate this stuff ALL the time.
But for some reason it just doesn't taste the same.
Maybe its because the last time I made it, I ended up throwing it back up.
Just a theory.

My bed now sits about 6 inches higher.
Pretty excited about that.
Not sure why, but I just am.
Maybe its because Im easy amused?

Wednesday, I have a lunch date.
With my Aunt and my grandmother.
Maybe it will put me at some ease with how my grandmothers health seems to be progressively getting worse.
Doubt it, but its seems worth a shot.

Well this about sums it all up..

[x]


rayray

:: 2007 21 April :: 10.38pm

I got to see Katie today.
I am happy that I did.
And I got 36 ringtones from her.
Woo! It's exciting.
Anyway, its bedtime.. haha

[x]


rayray

:: 2007 21 April :: 1.21am

Tonight was a good night, with a few minor execptions.
Exceptions being: Mike being called into work at 5:30, Lots of yelling and me leaving my purse in Carleys car.
I like hanging out with friends.
And I miss Carley.
It was like old times.
And I guess I remind her of Sara Silverman.
:)

2 Open Fire | [x]


rayray

:: 2007 19 April :: 6.33pm
:: Mood: Happy.
:: Music: If I ain't got you - Alicia Keys

This week has taught me a lot..
A lot has happened this week.
At the beginning of the week most of it was bad and I was truly petrified.
I was close to losing the best thing in my life right now.
I had several anxiety attacks.
But I quickly learned how to get him to open up.
I was finally able to get him to talk to me.
We are a lot happier.

In other news, my sister and brother-in-law are coming up this weekend.
I am excited to see them.

Things in my life are going rather well.
Other than I am laid off for another week.
So I do not return to work until April 30th.
Which totally sucks, but right now quality time is needed.

1 Open Fire | [x]


jayzulla

:: 2007 17 April :: 5.54pm

Aunt Kim almost had a fatal reaction to her insulin(sp). Thank god for Fernando. If he was being serious with me, I might be looking into a passport and a trip to Kosovo for 6 months. We'll see.

1 Open Fire | [x]

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