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This is for kids worrying about the apocalypse.

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TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 3 April :: 6.09pm
:: Mood: enraged

NO FUCKING WAY WILL I EVER FORGIVE YOU
FORGIVE YOU?! HELL FUCKING NO! THERE IS NO WAY IN HELL! YOU RUINED MY LIFE WHILE PRETENDING TO BE MY FRIEND! WHY? YOU MADE ME WANT TO END MY LIFE. I EVEN TRIED TO BECAUSE OF YOU! AND YOU WANT ME TO FORGIVE YOU?! HAHAHAHAHAAAAA! I SERIOUSLY LAUGH AT THAT AND AM SO FUCKING ENRAGED THAT YOU WOULD ASK FOR SUCH A THING AS FORGIVENESS! YOU DO NOT DESERVE FORGIVENESS! YOU DON'T DESERVE A LOT! YOU ARE A BACKSTABBER! YOU TELL ME IM GOING TO HELL AND THAT NO ONE LOVES ME AND RUIN MY LIFE AND THEN TELL ME YOU AREN'T TALKING ABOUT ME AND WANT TO BE MY FRIEND. I TRUST YOU, YOU TURN AROUND AND RUIN ME AND HURT ME EVEN MORE, AND CONTINUE TO DO IT BEHIND MY BACK! NO WAY WILL YOU EVER BE FORGIVEN! GO FUCK YOURSELF! DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO AS LONG AS MY NAME DOES NOT COME INTO WHAT YOU ARE DOING. MY NAME IS NOT TO COME OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MOUTH AGAIN! AND IF IT DOES. YOU WILL HAVE TO DEAL WITH YOUR WORST FUCKING NIGHTMARE. SO LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE AND NEVER, AND I MEAN NEVER DO ANYTHING TO ME AGAIN! OTHERWISE THINGS WILL GET UGLY AND YOU DON'T WANT TO SEE ME WHEN I'M LIKE THIS.

*tips hat* Have a nice day.....

2 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 2 April :: 9.51pm

Quotes for David



Give her two red roses, each with a note. The first note says "For the woman I love" and the second, "For my best friend."

--Anonymous

Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies.

--Aristotle

Immature love says: "I love you because I need you." Mature love says: "I need you because I love you."

--Erich Fromm

Love cures people, both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.

--Dr. Karl Menninger

Better to have loved and lost, than to have never loved at all.

--St. Augustine

We always believe our first love is our last, and our last love our first.

--Anonymous

The loss of love is not nearly as painful as our resistance to accepting it is.

--Tigress Luv

Love is an irresistible desire to be irresistibly desired.

--Robert Frost

Love starts with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a tear.

--Anonymous

I would die for you. But I wouldn't and couldn't live for you.

--Ayn Rand

Love does not consist in gazing at each other, but in looking outward together in the same direction.

--Antoine de Saint-Exupery


Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage.

--Lao-Tzu

You will find as you look back upon your life that the moments when you have truly lived are the moments when you have done things in the spirit of love.

--Henry Drummond

Intense love does not measure, it just gives.

--Mother Teresa

It isn't enough for your heart to break because everybody's heart is broken now.

--Allen Ginsberg

The worst prison would be a closed heart.

--Pope John Paul II

At the touch of love, everyone becomes a poet.

--Plato

It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship, that makes unhappy marriages.

--Friedrich Nietzsche

Love is like a butterfly, hold it too tight, it'll crush, hold it too loose, it'll fly.

--Unknown

There is always some madness in love. But there is also always some reason in madness.

--Friedrich Nietzsche

Those who are faithful know only the trivial side of love: it is the faithless who know love's tragedies.

--Oscar Wilde


When I look into his eyes, it seems all the problems in the world go away and I'm floating in mid-air."

When I see you, the world stops as if the only purpose in life was for me to please you."
Source Unknown

Being in love is what makes working all week bearable. It makes cruising with your windows rolled down feel like you're riding in a convertible. It makes you dance to the rythm of the copy machine and makes Friday night really feel like THE WEEKEND."
Julie Hintz

"It's not just a physical attraction, I love him for every single thing he is. Every word he says, every step he takes. This is something that will never die. I have tried to stay reasonable with this, but I just can't anymore. I just can't."

"I may not get to see you as often as I like. I may not get to hold you in my arms all through the night. But deep in my heart I truly know, you're the one that I love, and I can't let you go."

I love you more than any word can say ... I love you more than every action I take ... I'll be right here loving you till the end."

"Happiness is falling asleep next to you and waking up thinking I'm still in my dreams."

"You know you're in love when at those times you're apart, you find yourself gazing at the sky in the direction she lives and feeling some peace in knowing that you live under the same sky."

'When he is the cause of your inspiration, when the world appears under a wonderful new light, when suddenly the meaning of your life is obvious..then you are in love."

"If you smile when you are alone, then you really mean it."

"Ishould tell you how I really feel, but I'm afraid of what you might say..."

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 2 April :: 9.50pm

Bella Morte - One Winter's Night
I think with teary eyes
Of you my love on this dark night
I recall my time with you
In lonely rooms of saddest blue
Love and loss entwine
To never fall into the light
And my feelings true
Shall never rest until I die with you
And hand in hand one life
Moves against the tides of time and fate
And hand in hand one life
Turns its back on those who cannot see
And from this dying world
An echo carried softly on the breeze
Sounds of the Reaper's grace
A silent tear falls to a grim defeat

I watch the candle's light
Dance in time across your face
Your soft pale skin on mine
Lost in your gaze I slip away
Embrace the night my love
For it may be our last
But let not this moment fade and our memory
Shall never know the grave
On a cold winter's night

Shameless to the eyes that peer in
Behind the curtains our silhouettes are grey
And the cattails sway in gentle mist
Beside the mirror's gleam
From a soul that shines like stars
In the heavens from afar
Every word rings true
I'll never rest until I die with you
On a cold winter's night

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 2 April :: 8.57am
:: Mood: better than yesterday

No subject for today really
Wow. I'm up early for being sick and eating such a healthy breakfast too. Hershey's chocolate with coke and taking my medicine. Damn sore throats. Other than that....YAY SPRING BREAK IS HERE!!!!!! WOOHU!!! Well, I think I'm going to go now. Have a good day.

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 1 April :: 7.32pm
:: Mood: ok i guess

Stole from Ben....again
[my name is]: Susan
[in the morning i am]: not always awake
[love is]: hurtful sometimes
[i dream about]: a lot of things

-W I T H .T H E. O P P O S I T E. S E X-
[what do you notice first?]: eyes and personality
[last person you slow danced with]: David

-W H O-
[do you have a crush on?]: not going to say
[easiest to talk to]: David, Beth, Nikki, Liz, and Ben

-H A V E .Y O U .E V E R-
[fallen for your best friend]: yep.

-W H O .W A S .T H E .L A S T. P E R S O N-
[you talked to on the phone]: still talking to beth
[hugged]: David
[you instant messaged]: Liz
[you laughed with]: beth

-D O .Y O U / / A R E .Y O U-
[could you live without the computer]: not sure
[what's your favorite food?]: too hard to choose
[whats your favorite fruit?]: blueberries and strawberries
[what hurts the most? physical pain or emotional pain?]: emotional
[trust others way too easily?]: yeah....i still feel the consequences of this

-N U M B E R-
[of times i have had my heart broken?] : a few times
[of hearts i have broken?] : none
[of boys i have kissed?] : 3
[of girls i have kissed?] : none
[of drugs taken illegally?] : none
[of tight friends?] : a couple
[of cd's that i own?] : ahelluvalot
[of scars on my body?] : a lot
[of things in my past that i regret?] : trusting the wrong people....no Ben your not included with this regret.

-O.T.H.E.R.T.H.I.N.G.S.-
[i know]: i want to get better
[i want]: to love and be loved in return... ditto
[i have]: amazing people around me
[i wish]: i had my life back
[i hate]: a few people
[i miss]: my life
[i fear]: clowns and rejection
[i hear]: Beth on the phone
[i search]: for inner peace
[i love]: i don't want to say right now.....this is an area that....well. let's just leave it at this
[i ache]: to have my life back
[i care]: for David
[i always] : try to care for everyone
[i dance]: a lot
[i cry]: when i am sad
[i do not always]: smile
[i write]: with pens or pencils but mostly pencils
[i confuse]: David....a lot
[i can usually be found]: at home, the pool deck at Lakeview High, or at Dance In Motion dance studio
[have you ever played a game that required removal of clothing]: yep...at the Super Bowl party with David, Matt, Nick, and a couple other guys that are close friends of David and I
[favorite place to be kissed?]: my lips, my back and my neck
[have you ever been caught "doing something"]:no....oh wait yes i have...i bet ben still remembers too
[druggie]: fuck no
[gang member]: yeah right
[daydreamer]: yeah...
[alcoholic]: no
[freak]: no i don't think so
[brat]: nope just stubborn
[goody-goody]: sometimes
[angel]: sometimes
[devil]: oh yes....i am nicknamed Lucifer by Sam. he made me mad one day so i kicked him in the shin to get back at him
[friend]: i hope so
[shy]: around people i don't know well
[talkative]: when im around people i know really well
[adventurous]: somewhat
[intelligent]: that's what i've been told

-Concerning.The.Friends.(You.Claim.To.Have)-
[impacted you the most spiritually]: ummm....definatley Ben, Nikki, David, and Beth. They all have helped me in many ways spiritually and stuff like that
[wish you saw more often]: Nikki, Cheslsey, and Dennis
[wish you could meet]: wait why would i have to meet my friends?
[most sarcastic]: Beth
[wish you knew better]:
[knows you best]: David, Beth, and Nikki
[best outlook on life]: David, Nikki, and Liz
[most paranoid]: Rachel
[sweetest]: Nikki

-Self- Analysis.You.Probably.Don't.Want.To.Do-
[your best feature (personality)]:i can usually make people laugh and make people have a really good time even though something started out bad
[your biggest flaw (personality)]: i can be very loud sometimes
[most annoying thing you do]: hmmm. im very critical of myself
[biggest mistake you've made this far]: trying to hold on to a runaway dream....i still do wish that it would come true
[describe your personality in one word]: that's too hard....genuine
[the physical feature for which you are most often complimented]: I'm not sure....probably my eyes or my smile....maybe whoever reads this could give me what they like the most in a comment.
[person you regret sleeping with]: I don't regret sleeping with him....
[a smell that makes you smile]: David or just flowers
[a country you'd like to visit]: Hungary, India, and Australia
[a drink you order most often]: soda, water, or gatorade (even though most places don't have gatorade i drink that a lot)
[a delicious desert]: cheesecake and chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream
[a book you highly recommend]: The Cloud Sketcher by Richard Rayner
[the music you prefer while alone]: Emo and Heavy Metal
[your favorite band]: too hard to decide
[a film you could watch over and over]: The Butterfly Effect, Mony Python and the Holy Grail, and Keeping the Faith
[a TV show you watch regularly]: Judging Amy and Charmed
[you live in a(n)]: a house
[your cologne or perfume]: Victoria Secret's Rasberry
[under your bed or in your closet you hide]: memories that i tried to forget
[something important on your night table]: pictures of my closest friends

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 1 April :: 6.56pm
:: Mood: bleh...but a little happy

Being sick sucks
I never knew that when I feel this sick and grumpy that a few words that I only trust very little can bring a smile to my face because I now believe that it's true. * sigh* Although I'm confused right now I know I will get through it. I wishI had someone to talk to right now or someone to be here for me to hang out with. That'd be great. Well, I think I'm going to go and find some random surveys to put on this dam thing. That way whoever reads this can get to know me even better than they all ready do. I better get going.

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 30 March :: 8.49pm
:: Mood: depressed

Wish List
1) To have my life back.
2) Be free of feelings that I have that I don't want
3) Get out of my depression
4) Set myself free from the presonal prison of hell I put myself in so no one sees "me"
5) To truly believe I'm loved
6) To stop cutting
7) To not feel this pain anymore
8) To not care about anything anymore that way I won't get hurt anymore
9) To not get hurt anymore
10) To be able to start trusting people again
11) To be anywhere but here
12) For someone to rescue me
13) To feel free again
14) My heart needs to be put back together. It's still in a million pieces. I don't know if I can pick them up again and put it back together. I want my heart to be mended
15) TO get married and be happy with my husband
16) To have healthy children
17) Have a good college education
18) Have a good job
19) Get the friends back that I lost due to stupid people feeding them bull shit
20) To not be so hard on myself all the time
21) To like and respect myself as a whole again

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 30 March :: 8.48pm

Bad day
Today was bad. I hope it doesn't get any worse.

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 30 March :: 5.43pm
:: Mood: Eh....

Stole From Ben
About you]

[1]name: Susan
[2]age: 16 (soon to be 17)
[3]birthday: 7/13/1987
4]location: Battle Creek, MI
[5]where were you born?: Albion, Michigan
[6]where do you wish to be?: anywhere but here
[7]whats your hair like?: medium short, curly, dark brown but soon to be red
[8]what about your eyes?: normal dark brown when moods change: anywhere from dark green to bright blue
[9]how tall are you?: 5'5
[10]you secure with your body?: well it doesn't go off and do it's own thing if that's what you mean. otherwise no i am not. i'm very self-conscious
[11]so what kind of music do you like?: All kinds. Classical to Punk so what does that tell you? As long as it's not country or rap ok

[Family]
[12]parents names: Frances...i don't know my dad's name though
[13]any step monsters?: adoptive monsters...Julaine and Frank
[14]siblings?: One that I know out of 8
[15]what are the bastards names?: Paul the other 7 I have no idea
[16]do you have a dog?: Yes. Casper
[17]do you have a cat: Yes. Reis
[18]any other pets?: ferret named Nadia, two fish Bubbles and Mr. Wiggles, and three mice
[19]what's your dream pet?: a dolphin or any other wild animal
[20]have a big house?: not my own, my parents own it
[21]do you drive?: yes....sort of
[22]if so, what kind of car do you have. if not, what do you want?: I want a 1977 Monte Carlo Black

[This or that: music]
[23]saves the day or piebald?: Saves the Day
[24]le tigre or bikini kill?: Le Tigre
[25]mushroomhead or chimaira?: neither
[26]barenaked ladies or blink 182?: Blink 182
[27]weezer or the strokes?: The Strokes
[28]sparta or at the drive-in?: At The Drive-In
[29]sparta or mars volta?: Mars Volta
[30]the white stripes or the b52's?: The White Stripes
[31]selby tigers or bangs?: Selby Tigers
[32]pedro the lion or dashboard confessional: Dashboard Confessional
[33]punk or emo: both
[34]punk or riot grrrl?: punk
[35]riot grrrl or emo?: emo
[36]pop punk or punk rock?: punk rock
[37]screemo or softcore?: screamo
[38]which core(hard, soft, queer)?: does it really fucking matter?

[Your computer]

[39]you have aim?: yes
[40]how bout yahoo?: nope
[41]who still has icq?: i don't even know what the fuck that is
[42]you have msn?: nope
[43]kazaa?: no
[44]winamp?: nope
[45]whats your winamp skin?: see previous.
[46]have a digi cam?: yep
[47]a webcam?: nope
[48]have a cd burner?: yep
[49]got a dvd player on here?: yep

[Love life]
[50]have a girlfriend/boyfriend?: Yes, David
[51]how about a crush?: yes
[51]does he/she know you like them? possibly?
[53]tell us about him/her: not sure what to say but i think they know who they are
[54]have you ever been in love?: yes....once actually and very much so
[55]do you still love him/her?: yes i do. i know that this person may not want to hear that but i do....i always will
[56]ever kissed someone of the same sex?: yes
[57]so you're gay right?: ask smarter questions jackass
[58]are you out?: of what? my ass?....lol i like that response so i'll keep it....
[59]how far have you gone..sexually?: i've gone all the way before
[60]when's the last time you had some action?: none of your business
[61]you're a virgin right?: see last answer fuck balls
[62]how about oral sex? it's been quite a while
[63]ever gotten your heart broken?: yes very much so....he feels bad for it though and i wish i could feel better and make him feel better too
[64]ever broken a heart...hearts!?: no....i've always been the dumpee
[65]ever been cheated on?: yeah...
[66]ever cheated?: no

[Friends]

[78]are you anti-social?: not really...are you?
[79]how many people do you consider true friends?: 4

[Currently]

[80]wearing: blue jeans, a burgandy t-shirt
[81]eating: Peanut Butter flavored PowerBar
[82]drinking: Water
[83]listening to: The stupid movie playing on the tv next to me while I try to zone it out
[84]talking to: I was talking to David but he left
[85]downloading any music?: no
[86]watching tv?: not really, a dumb movie is on, so i guess no

[Opinions ; Likes]

[87]whats your favorite color?: Blue
[88]whats your sign?: Cancer
[89]how about your chinese zodiac?: Rabbit
[90]is pop punk an oxymoron?: who the fuck really cares? punk as it was known is dead and has been dead since the 90's
[91]christian punk?: again, who the fuck cares
[92]girl punk?: no thanks. most girl punk isn't good....
[93]whats your favorite month?: July because my b-day is in july
[94]favorite season?: I love them all
[95]favorite song?: too hard to decide
[96]favorite band?: again
[97]favorite shoes?: flip-flops, sneakers, or any of my dance shoes
[98]favorite shirt? the one I am wearing
[99]favorite pants?: the ones i am wearing
[100]favorite....thing?: pool, so I can do one of the things i love to do most....swim
[101]favorite instrument?: Guitar, Harp, Piano

[This or that... again]

[102] Coke or Pepsi: Coke
[103] Sprite or Mountain Dew: Sprite ReMix
[104] Day or Night: Night
[105] Black or White: Black.
[106] Velvet or Satin: Tough one....I like both....ummmm...velvet
[107] Turkey or Chicken: oooh that's a tough one...Both
[108] Dreams or None: Sometimes I wish none because a lot of my dreams have let me down
[109] Fear or Pain: Pain
[110] Boots or Sneakers: Sneakers so I can run
[111] Hockey or Baseball: Hockey
[112] Easter or Valentines: Valentines because Easter reminds me of a religion I am forced to believe or something of that nature
[113] Relationship or Friends w/ Benefits: Relationship
[114] Cell phone or Beepers: cell phone
[115] AIM or Yahoo!: AIM
[116] Yahoo! or MSN: AIM
[117] AIM or MSN: AIM
[118] Snow White or Ariel: the gang rape victim lyying dead at the end of my street..
[119] Eyeliner or Mascara: Eyeliner because it looks sexy....my eyelashes don't need mascara really long all ready

[Random]

[120] Straightedge?: eh. if i didn't smoke occasionally then i would be totally sXe
[121] Alcoholic (or drink a lot?): no
[122] Smoke?:when i get really upset
[123] Smoke weed?: nope
[124] Go to shows?: wish i had the time to
[125] Play in shows?: wish i could
[126] Dyed hair?/ Color? red
[127] Turn ons?: light kisses on my back, slight touching on my back and stomach, etc. I guess all the really romantic stuff
[128] Turn offs?: being rushed and the person being rough about it before we start
[129] Do you like sex on the beach? (not the drink): I would love to have sex on the beach with someone......you know who you are....
[130] Soft comfortable screw?: ummm? a soft screw? never heard of it.

[ Colorful stuff... ]

[131] What color underwear are you wearing?: black
[132] What color sheets are on your bed?: They're mutli colored. Orange, Purple, Blue, Pink and Red
[133] What color is your car?: the car that will be mine is going to be purple
[134] What color is your dream car?: RED
[135] What color is your carpet?: beige
[136] What color are your bedroom walls?: sky blue with clouds
[137] Do you like purple?: really dark purple yes or lilac purple yes
[138] What did you think of when i say... GREEN?: sick
[139] Who's name do you scream when you see a bright yellow hummer?: No one's
[140] M+M's... what's your favorite color?: red and blue
[141] What color are your nails?: no color
[142] What color are your toe nails?: no color
[143] What color are your shoes?: ummm....I've been wearing a lot of different fli-flops what I wore today, they were blue

What time is it?: 4:49pm
What's the date?: 2.30.04

variations on the age-old curse


Orfwashere

:: 2004 30 March :: 12.24am
:: Mood: worthless

Hello, little man. Boy I sure heard
a bunch about you. See, I was a good
friend of your Daddy's. We were in
that Hanoi pit of hell over five
years together. Hopefully, you'll
never have to experience this
yourself, but when two men are in a
situation like me and your Daddy
were, for as long as we were, you
take on certain responsibilities of
the other. If it had been me who had
not made it, Major Coolidge would be
talkin' right now to my son Jim. But
the way it worked out is I'm talkin'
to you, Butch. I got somethin' for
ya.
This watch I got here was first
purchased by your great-granddaddy.
It was bought during the First World
War in a little general store in
Knoxville, Tennessee. It was bought
by private Doughboy Ernie Coolidge
the day he set sail for Paris. It
was your great-granddaddy's war watch,
made by the first company to ever
make wrist watches. You see, up until
then, people just carried pocket
watches. Your great-granddaddy wore
that watch every day he was in the
war. Then when he had done his duty,
he went home to your great-
grandmother, took the watch off his
wrist and put it in an ol' coffee
can. And in that can it stayed 'til
your grandfather Dane Coolidge was
called upon by his country to go
overseas and fight the Germans once
again. This time they called it World
War Two. Your great-granddaddy gave
it to your granddad for good luck.
Unfortunately, Dane's luck wasn't as
good as his old man's. Your granddad
was a Marine and he was killed with
all the other Marines at the battle
of Wake Island. Your granddad was
facing death and he knew it. None of
those boys had any illusions about
ever leavin' that island alive. So
three days before the Japanese took
the island, your 22-year old
grandfather asked a gunner on an Air
Force transport named Winocki, a man
he had never met before in his life,
to deliver to his infant son, who he
had never seen in the flesh, his
gold watch. Three days later, your
grandfather was dead. But Winocki
kept his word. After the war was
over, he paid a visit to your
grandmother, delivering to your infant
father, his Dad's gold watch. This
watch. This watch was on your Daddy's
wrist when he was shot down over
Hanoi. He was captured and put in a
Vietnamese prison camp. Now he knew
if the gooks ever saw the watch it'd
be confiscated. The way your Daddy
looked at it, that watch was your
birthright. And he'd be damned if
and slopeheads were gonna put their
greasy yella hands on his boy's
birthright. So he hid it in the one
place he knew he could hide somethin'.
His ass. Five long years, he wore
this watch up his ass. Then when he
died of dysentery, he gave me the
watch. I hid with uncomfortable hunk
of metal up my ass for two years.
Then, after seven years, I was sent
home to my family. And now, little
man, I give the watch to you.

3 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 21 March :: 4.02pm
:: Mood: Pumped and Excited
:: Music: K-Unit

Well, I'm going to be leaving soon to go to Grand Rapids for my first dance competition of this year. Hopefully we'll do well. I have a good feeling about this one! Well I have to go. Catch ya later! K-UNIT!!!!

P.S. Incase you're wondering K-Unit is the name of our song and our group's stage name. It satnds for Karla's Unit. Karla being our dance teacher. Kick ass!!!!

1 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 20 March :: 9.52pm
:: Mood: lonely

Grow Old With You
I wanna make you smile whenever you're sad.
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad.
All I wanna do is grow old with you.
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches.
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks.
Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, I'll even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in the kitchen sink;
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man to grow old with you.
I wanna grow old with you.

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 15 March :: 7.37pm
:: Mood: im laughing due to a stupid rumor

I Miss You- Blink 182
Hello there, the angel from my nightmare
the shadow in the background of the morgue
the unsuspecting victim of darkness in the valley
we can live like Jack and Sally if we want
where you can always find me
we'll have Halloween on Christmas
and in the night we'll wish this never ends
we'll wish this never ends

(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

Where are you and I'm so sorry
I cannot sleep, I cannot dream tonight
I need somebody and always
this sick strange darkness
comes creeping on so haunting every time
and as I stared I counted
webs from all the spiders
catching things and eating their insides
like indecision to call you
and hear your voice of treason
will you come home and stop this pain tonight
stop this pain tonight

Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

Don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)
don't waste your time on me you're already
the voice inside my head (I miss you, miss you)

(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)
(I miss you, miss you)

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 13 March :: 11.01am
:: Mood: Excited
:: Music: Shout-Tears for Fears

A Good day so far
Well, today at around one o'clock or two I am going to go to Gashes and get my belly button pierced. Then, Beth and I might go to the mall cause she needs to do some shopping. Then David is coming over tonight!!! YAY!!!! WHAT A GREAT DANDERIFIC DAY!!!!Well, I have to get going cause my mom, dad, and I are going to go out and eat breakfast then off to Gashes and the mall I go!!!! Bye for now!!!

variations on the age-old curse


orfwashere

:: 2004 12 March :: 2.36am
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Charlie Mingus

I havent slept more than three hours within the last 47. No intentions of sleeping tonight.
I just wrote a really deep entry, but decided not to post it. I don't think I've ever correctly expressed my emotions through words.

I started writing music again last week. Mostly blues. I never knew it, but blues really does come from the soul. It's tiring to always play others people's music, and never create anything of your own. I wish I had a 4 track, because everything I write gets lost with my bad short term memory.


I also found out that I've been accepted to be a music major at USF next year.

2 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


orfwashere

:: 2004 7 March :: 3.11pm
:: Mood: good
:: Music: Destruction by Definition

"Lisa Simpson; master of the double life."
I'm Lisa Simpson. I play the baritone sax and am pretty good at it, I'm a big fucking nerd, I'm smarter than my parents, I dont believe in Church, I'm the good one in the family, my talents are underappreciated and are going to waste, I hate living at home, and I lead a double life. Yes folks, I'm Lisa Simpson.

Anyways, I finished my auditions over a week ago. The rides up to Tampa and Jacksonville were nice. USF was rad. I really want to go there. I loved the campus, and all the people. JU and UNF were rather disappointing after seeing USF. On a fucking saturday afternoon, the campuses were dead. Not one student walking around, chillin, or doing anything. Were there actually any students at these schools? I don't know. The campuses weren't even half the size of USF. The only thing I liked was that UNF had an immaculate music building. My audition there sucked though. They didn't want to hear much of me playing, and Bunky got mad at me for playing a Melodic Minor with a Natural Minor descending. Bastard. My USF audition wasn't too bad, but I cant be too sure that it will give me a spot in their program. It was the best audition I did for a school I wanted to go to though. My FIU audition sucked, but fuck that school. Them and their asshole jazz director can eat me. JU was my best audition. The guy fucking loved me. The jazz director, the guitar teacher and I jammed for almost a half hour. It barely felt like an audition. I thought that was great, but the campus sucked, and the music building was old and was obviously not intended to be a music building when it was first built. It reminded me of the high school from the Wonder Years. They didn't have much to offer me other than money to cover their big private school tuition. Fuck them.
I'm still waiting to hear back from UNF and USF. I want to hear back from FIU, but just because I was told to talk to the dean of music and tell him how much of an asshole his Jazz director is. Well thats it. Pretty worthless entry. I'm done

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 6 March :: 9.01pm
:: Mood: OK I guess
:: Music: Fawz and my dad annoying me with meaningless conversatiion

*sigh* Yet another day of complete and utter boredom. David came over yesterday and he's at an Opera today. I wish I could be there with him. I love operas and I love just being with him. I can't wait to get out of this house....My parents drive me fucking crazy with stupid conversation and then they fucking criticise everything I say. GRRRRRRRRRRROAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm sick of it!!!! I can't wait until
I move out and get as far away from here as possible. Then life would be so much better. I'm going to go now though that way I can put something together that David will like with song lyrics. Until I write again.

Susan

1 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 28 February :: 8.32pm
:: Mood: Ok, I guess considering I'm not Susan
:: Music: Fawz, Beth, and Susan

I'm Hungry, Feed me
I am starting the feed the David foundation, if you want to contribute to it, or I think Huungry, Hungry David sounds cooler...Hmmmm....thats a tuffy (just like the ad, lol). Susan, quit it...she is doing things to me while I am typing. Oh well, if you want to contribute to the organization, give me food or money...QUIT IT...she won't leave me alodsjgakl;lskgl;kdjglkjds;lkajgsdlkgjjjjjjjjjj...I can't type saj;dlk;jlgklad;jgkl;jsadgaskjldg;asdkl;gjalksjg...QUIT IT...
~David aka wolfinsheeps clothing

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 20 February :: 5.03pm
:: Mood: happy

Everything Reminds Me of Everything
Everything reminds me of everything and everywhere I look,
I find these simple memories in the pieces of you that I took.
And every time I look around or hear your voice it draws me in,
It's been happening for so long now, I forgot how it even began.
I fall asleep with your image on my mind and I wake up just the same,
It would be so much easier if I could simply erase your name
From my memory and vocabulary and go back and change all the times
We spent together and every moment I wished you were mine.
Every word reminds me of something that you used to say,
Of course silence is all that I hear since I never begged you to stay.
Everything is everything and in the grand scheme of things I know
I should not have let you go - I should have begged you not to go.
I wander through these pictures scattered throughout my head,
Replacing you and hoping to find anothers instead,
But you're always there reminding me of everything we used to share,
Every word you say hurts me and it cuts me, how long till I stop to care.
Everything reminds me of everything, and anything of you,
And as much as I avoid it I think that I always knew.
You're dancing and laughing, smiles vivid in my head,
But there are parts of me still crying and still others that are dead.
Anything is everything in this life we hold so tight,
That we can't let go of anything without trying to make it right.
Everything reminds me of you and it echoes within my ears,
Of everything that you took away and how I should have spent those years.

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 20 February :: 4.49pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: David playing a video game

Do You Dream
The only thing that I dream of...is that you dream of me.
If you don't, the I already know, it may not be meant to be.
But I'll keep thinking that one day you will, and maybe one day I'll see,
That perhaps your dreams do wander and find their wy to me.
Of all the things I think of, I think the most of you,
And I wonder what you're wondering and if it could be true,
That as much as I think about you, you think about me too.
But for now I'll dream and revel, losing my thoughts on you.

I'm curious how far I should let you get into my heart
If we'll have a future, and if so how will it start?
Will drift together or slowly drift apart?
And I question if I have a place waiting in your heart.

Do I look for love in all the worng places-
Other guys from my past seem to leave only traces,
But as I close my eyes - you're there, there are no other faces
I remember days with you, spending hours in the most beautiful of places.
You're in my thoughts and I see that smile and your shining eyes,
It's no wonder I can't stop thinking about you, regardles of how I try.
And my thoughts and dreams lead me to where out future lies,
But that's too soon and I'm smart enough to know, but I can't forget you're eyes.
The way they squint and turn down at the sides when you find your smile
When I think about kissing you, but all I get denial.

I find myself hoping and dreaming that you're dreaming of me too,
But never the less I'll stay contented, in simply knowing that I've met you.

variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 19 February :: 8.31am
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: people talking and the typing of keys

Hello! I'm in U.S. History right now researching for a project. I'm doing Women's Sufferage and the current issue of Gay Marriage. I am for both but it's hard to find any articles that adcovate Gay Marriage. Most of them are anit-gay marriage. DAMN AMERICA!!! Now I remember why I am Anit-America. Anyway I better get going. I'll update later today.

2 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


orfwashere

:: 2004 18 February :: 9.05am
:: Mood: nervous
:: Music: Yes

FIU Jazz audition today at three. USF on saturday, UNF and Jacksonville U the next saturday. Concert next week. Musical is comming up, and state S&E after that. Maybe state concert after that.

I've got a little too much shit on my plate. I'm getting a little overwhelmed. Maybe after my auditions, it'll be a little bit better. I'm so nervous. For most of my auditions, I'm playing two standards, a ballad, and a latin from the Aebersald books. It's not that hard; I just play the head, and improv on those chord changes once or twice. I'm just worried about my improv. When I first started to improv, it was all by ear, so I played what sounded good. But anyone can play a Bb to F change by ear. These songs that I'm playing for my auditions are legit. songs, with legit. chords and changes. Improvising them by ear doesn't work for someone at my level. I don't know enough scales to put out a decent solo on any of these songs. At the most, I can get the root, 3rd, and 7th of any chord from just looking at it, but that's not very much. Scales are what's going to kill me. I'm fine with my majors, but I dont know my natural, harmonic, and melodic minors off hand. I know how they're constructed, what they're for, and how to use them, but I just haven't worked on them enough to play them from memory. I can play them off a sheet of paper, but all that shows is that I can sightread.... yea, I'm bad at that too. Well, atleast sightreading jazz. I've played more concert music than jazz in the last year, so counting straight is really ingrained into my brain, rather than swing.

I wouldn't be so worried about my auditions if I was just going to get accepted to their music dept., but I am going for scholarships. They want to give their money to the best and most talented, or those who they think can become the best and talented. I have potential to become friggen' awesome, but right now I'm just a mediocre player.

Almost forgot to mention: I got a superior on my solo, trio, and quartet at S&E. All three are eligable for state, but we decided not to do the trio, which is the hardest and sounds the worst.

Enough for today.
-A.J.

1 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


TheGirlWhoHasNoDreams

:: 2004 15 February :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: very happy and loved

Thoughts....Just Thoughts
I've been thinking a lot lately. Mostly about people I miss. Ok, well, it's really about one person that I miss. Ben. No, I don't long for him anymore, but I do wonder how he is doing. I never hear from him anymore so I'm pretty much clueless on how things are with him. *sigh* I guess I'll just have to hope that one day I'll get a call or e-mail or letter or something from him letting me know how things are going. I hate being so busy and losing contact with people. Especially people I care about. Well, I have to get going. maybe I'll post later.

4 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


plainmornings

:: 2004 14 February :: 11.28pm

envy me for I have been graced with the Godly sounds of Modest Mouse<3

it was soooooooo wonderful x a bagillion & a half!! Muchas gracias to Josh/Eric/Taylor/everyone else <3<3

got dumped in Miami & did the whole UM honor band thing. It went well I guess besides crappy music and bad players. The other bassoonists were cool (and cute lol) so it was all good. <3s to Chris & Eun Joo who made 2nd and 1st chairs!!

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh Alfred Reed was at our concert tonight!! We all got autographs and pictures, it was obbber cool!

going to Orlando tomorrow. busy. bye.

6 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse


plainmornings

:: 2004 12 February :: 3.30pm

don't we all just LOVE pretentious fucks.

6 have doubts | variations on the age-old curse

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