at his show bill burr said that he wasted so much time in his 20s & 30s worrying and being depressed about things that ultimately didn't matter. at the end of your life, everything either happened or it didn't.

and it doesn't really matter. so why worry?

why do I waste my time worrying about everyone else and everything people expect of me. I honestly don't even know what I expect of myself. I don't know what I want it of life, I guess I have goals, but if something changes and I have to change those goals it's not the end of the world.

I am like a river, full of endless cold rushing depths. I try to keep flowing forward, but sometimes a rock will look familiar, a tree will remind me of you, I get stuck in a moment and I can't get out of it.

I still can't get over the absurdity of conciousness and the human race. of even "being". to be and to contemplate my existence. to feel like a rider in a mechanical fleshy gollum. going through the motions, being an observer in those quiet moments no one ever knows.

I'm still lonely. a permanent companion.

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