godessalthena
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2018 19 February :: 2.06pm
There's always going to be an excuse for you to not come over to my house.
Always.
So no matter how much or often I tell you it hurts my feelings, it's never ever going to change.
Sometimes I really wish I hadn't taken a chance. So I could just be alone and lonely. And I wouldn't have to feel bad about everything because I'm not over my trauma and I'll never be normal.
I'm not worth this.
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godessalthena
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2018 15 February :: 6.52am
When all you can think about is how lonely you feel
When all you can think about is how lonely every family must feel after losing a child
Or how lonely the best friends of those children feel
Or how lonely the dead children feel
How lonely the world feels
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godessalthena
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2018 13 February :: 9.42am
Found the journal entry my first boyfriend posted after we broke up... Daggers in my heart but I'm determined not to make the same mistakes I did so long ago. That was 12 years ago, but it still is deep in my heart.
I say often that I am atoning for past sins in my current days, the scars on my heart from all the people I've wronged or hurt still throb in my mind.
I know I can't make up for everything and I know holding onto these things are detrimental to me. How do you let go, how do you leave the past in the past?
I can feel all the pain in the world, and it mixes with my own. The paints blur together into a grey and dismal portrait and we all know once mixed they can't be separated. Will these paints ever dry and allow me to paint over with something beautiful?
What is even beautiful for a life?
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godessalthena
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2018 6 February :: 1.09pm
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: bleachers - dont take the money
When you're looking for your shadow
Standing on the edge of yourself
Praying on the darkness
Just don't take the money
Dreaming of an easy
Waking up without weight now
And you're looking at the heartless
Just don't take the money
You steal the air out of my lungs, you make me feel it
I pray for everything we lost, buy back the secrets
Your hand forever's all I want
Don't take the money
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godessalthena
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2018 5 February :: 4.02pm
I have a very difficult time relating to people who love life
What do you mean you don't want it to end? That's the only part i am looking forward to...
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