godessalthena
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2025 14 February :: 6.13am
sometimes my husband talks in his sleep. I've never been with someone who does it so regularly.
sometimes he's very angry saying "fuck" a lot. but last night be was talking in a cute baby voice saying something I couldn't understand but it sure sounded sweet and happy. it was the cutest thing.
he's just so adorable. I am lucky all those other ladies were too stupid to realize what they had.
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godessalthena
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2025 5 February :: 11.21am
can't talk to my friends, can't talk to my family.
this isolation is killing me.
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godessalthena
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2025 26 January :: 6.25am
our baby turns 7 months this week. she is almost walking, and says "hi dada" when her dad walks into the room. she also calls grandpa dada (dad looks just like Grandpa haha) she has one tooth out and a second is coming right now.
and I FINALLY feel like she loves me. and trusts me. and isn't just trying to placate me so I keep her alive. she loses her shit if she can't see me. she wakes up at night and won't calm down unless I pick her up and rock her on my shoulder. she crawls to me and looks to me for reassurance.
she naps in her crib. she loves eating chicken. she is starting to giggle. she is just so freaking cute and amazing and I am just blown away by her every day. I love her so much, and I just hope she's always happy. she just lights up the whole room.
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godessalthena
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2025 19 January :: 6.44am
put in an offer on a nice ass house, it was accepted. getting major cold feet.
feeling abandoned by my family.
fucking on my wits end with this child. only because I'm having pms. and that makes me feel so incredibly guilty.
I'm tired. and heartbroken. and frustrated.
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godessalthena
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2024 16 December :: 10.29am
that feeling when you find out your best friend has cancer and there's really nothing that can be done.
I'm not ready to say goodbye.
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godessalthena
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2024 16 November :: 8.13am
I am so thankful and grateful and just beyond in awe of this process.
but man do I feel lonely and isolated.
and the closest therapist in network is two towns away. and there's only 8 for this whole metro area. I haven't reached out yet, idk who to pick.
I've lost 15 lbs in a month and a half. ultimately I'd like to lose a total of 100, but baby steps is where I'm at. I think I'm definitely looking better. soon I'll be able to fit into my pre-baby clothes. my lightest weigh in was 227, I'm at 242 right now. slowly but surely. all this Halloween candy doesn't help... we only had 5 groups of trick or treaters! super lame turn out.
we are sleep training the baby right now. it is exhausting but I think we are making progress. she's so smart and strong, she just amazes me every day. now if only we could get baths to be fun.
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godessalthena
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2024 4 November :: 8.11am
my life is perfect the literal American dream
to complete it all I need is a prescription of Xanax for this intense morning anxiety I feel for no specific reason. makes me want to jump out of my skin and run away.
my baby loves dancing to old house music. she can't dance on her own but she loves when we make her dance. she's so fun
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godessalthena
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2024 25 September :: 8.00am
I wonder what dolphins think about when they stare at themselves in a mirror
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godessalthena
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2024 1 August :: 9.49pm
in the third quiet place they blow up the new York bridges... that is where escape from new york starts.
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godessalthena
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2024 22 July :: 8.53am
Friday we will be a month old!
yesterday we got her frenulums in her mouth cut. she seems to be doing okay, definitely is eating the bottle better... been too scared to try to breast feed her though, maybe I'll try late today haha
it's been over 100° every day for the past few weeks here. I want to go out and walk but it's just simply too hot for me. I had heat stroke once as a kid and it was fucking awful. I don't remember there being multiple weeks of this weather before... I hope it's not like this forever.
an assassination attempt and a withdrawal due to mental deficiency. what the fuck is going on in America?
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godessalthena
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2024 7 July :: 1.59pm
thanks for your support friend, it's very a wild ride. we are now a week and two days old and getting into a rhythm. still feeling exhausted and working hard to get my milk to come in..
it's hard not to feel like a failure even though it's common to have a hard time breast feeding. is just the rejection when she refuses me. but that's okay. she's a person and likes what she likes haha
she's really very precious, and not very fussy at all. she hates being cold and hates having a dirty diaper. she's eating really well and has a cute lil belly now.
can't help but wonder who she'll be.
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godessalthena
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2024 2 July :: 9.20am
motherhood is hard. I swear I cry as much as this baby does.
I totally failed at breastfeeding.
I fail every time to calm her down.
I have never felt like a bigger failure in my entire life.
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godessalthena
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2024 28 June :: 5.14pm
we welcomed our beautiful baby girl to the world today. one day after our wedding anniversary!
the birth didn't go anywhere near as planned...
I had to be induced due to high blood pressure.
after using a Foley balloon, 12 hours of pitocin and breaking my water, I wasn't progressing in my labor.
the epidural took two professionals and 9 stabs to get placed.
then I was immediately taken to the operating room for a cesarian section.
the staff was absolutely wonderful, and I wouldn't change a single thing. our baby is perfect and I am just in awe that I could make something so special.
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