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2004 15 March :: 9.15 pm
:: Music: l!NkIN P/-\Rk
Voltage-
I can feel your voltage threatening me
Flaming in electricity
And as you surge so rapidly
I’ll try and control what’s happening
With every move and step you fake
A bolt of lightning takes its place
Charring the ground in black with ash
While in the air our battles clash
And as your eyes light up with fire
I feel the hate within desire
And as one last attempt to control this,
With love I send you my voltage
Its in the timing-
Your being here provoked thought within my mind
Apprehensive of thinking because I’ve passed my time
But what is thought when its what I do
If what I do is a reaction slowed, because of you
Then time is shaped and shattered around the same thought
And is devised and destined around what you wrought
So passing through these moments only means,
That being here is the same as within your dreams
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2004 14 March :: 1.30 pm
:: Music: Godsmack
Running Away
With just one look at your eyes you start,
Resurrecting long dead feelings
And if I would have known you’d tare me apart,
I would have never started healing
I can’t carry all this hate, I’m about to drop
I’m bound to give in
I can’t run with all this weight, I’m about to stop
This life I’m livin’
And just run away
I know it’s hard to look, when I’m broken
But it’s the only way I can see your eyes open
And now that these walls are torn down
I can finally say I’ve broken out
I can’t carry all this hate, I’m about to drop
I’m bound to give in
I can’t run with all this weight, I’m about to stop
This life I’m livin’
And just run away
And all the hate from which I hide,
Is the weight that I have carried
And all the pain you’ve caused inside,
Is the reason why I’m buried
I can’t carry all this hate, I’m about to drop
I’m bound to give in
I can’t run with all this weight, I’m about to stop
This life I’m livin’
And just run away
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2004 10 March :: 4.22 pm
dreamland
I walk slowly into the dark doorway that will lead me out of reality, into a long tunnel with brick walls and cobwebbed cielings, and torches floating in the air. I feel sand beneath my feet, but look down to find a shiny wooden floor, surprised by this I do not notice the sudden change of lighting.
Looking up I find I am no longer in the dreary tunnel, but now I see myself in a lavished hallway, with many doors on each side. The only lighting comes from below and above each door, which through the tiny cracks between floor and ceiling out pours a flowing yellow light.
I continue walking.
I can tell the hallway is turning up ahead, and I walk faster towards what I cannot see behind the bend. It does not seem far away , but it stays out of my reach, and my ever going struggle to see beyond the curveture in the wall, grows to climactic need to get away from the place I am.
My pace quickens, my steps are more and of greater distance. As this need for escape grows, I walk faster and faster until I am lightly jogging. From there comes a slow run, and as try to shake of this space that is holding me inside itself I break into an all out rampage, running faster than I ever have. My heart races as I see the doors flying by me, the tiny slits of light illuminating the hallway it seemed, more than ever.
I hear doors opening far behind me, from where I began in the hallway, and I do not turn to see what ghostly figures now haunt the hallway from which I am trying to escape.
I run faster.
I hear the doors opening closer, now almost matching my stride. The bend in the hallway is getting slowly closer, until I am no more than 50 feet from it. Now I hear the doors right behind me, and I can feel the light licking at my neck. Almost, like water, I can feel it rushing out of the rooms beyond the doors, as it pushes me along the hallway.
I come to the bend and turn with it, only to find an ending to the hallway. The wall, that is the end, holds only one door in the center of its space. There are no doors now, on either side of me. No where to go but this one tall door.
I keep running, not daring to stop. I will take the chance of it being locked, and slamming into it. I reach my hand out, toward the handle of the door, only to find a hard flat space. There is no time to stop before I run into this wall, this painted on doorway. But as my body comes in contact with the painting, I tare through it as if it were only a piece of paper and...
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2004 9 March :: 3.22 pm
Ok, Maybe I'll just take a break from it. See what happens.
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2004 29 February :: 10.17 pm
:: Mood: artistic
:: Music: Brand New
Part One: The Plan
I’ve watched too long and sat idly by. I can see the pain you hold inside your heart. But I cannot yet see a reason for you to stay the way you do. That is why I’ve created a way for you to escape, because it seems to me, now, that you have been trapped. Either by blackmail, fear, or something else, I can see you are trapped within this place where you reside.
He’s holding you too tight and all you can do to show it is hold him back just as tight.
I’ve devised a plan for your retrieval, an escape route for you to follow. I’ll help you along but the choice is yours, I’ve done the work, you take the chances.
I sit here and watch everyday as you drag yourself home, pushing the limits of speed marked on the signs, posted on the streets, which you follow like a path to your own demise. And as you open the door to your car. And as you get out and shut it. And as you open the door to your house. And as you walk in. And as it closes it behind you.
Sometimes he comes out to greet you, if you take a second too long, after pulling into the driveway. And you smile. But I see the pain, the fear in that smile every time it shows. I see the disgusted person, under the façade you’ve created just to live with him. I can see you need to be rescued. And I am your white night in black armor. As to better hide me in the dead of the night, which is when I will strike.
I’ve written it all out. Read it a thousand times, and gone over it even more inside my head. I’ve dreamt about how great it could feel. Even better I presume, than the prince felt after rescuing the long haired princess from her cage, the room at the top, in the tallest tower. I’ve designed sets, and marked routes. I’ve said every word that could ever be said in the moments of your rescue, every word out of my mouth and every word out of yours. He will say nothing.
I have yet to set a date to this affair. Half because I don’t believe I will ever be able to go through with it and half because I want it to be at the most perfect moment, perfectly timed to the most precisely measured second.
But while I watch you open the door to your car at this exact moment, I decide in my mind, that it will happen tonight.
Ah, all the dreams I’ve had about you. Will finally come true if everything goes correctly tonight, and it will, how could it not, with the way I’ve devised this simple, yet genius plan. I only hope you’re as beautiful up close as you are from across the street, through the window, and yet again through binoculars, which are set on the most perfect of measures to the exact distance of your house just across the street.
How lucky you are that I am not to have any trees in my yard, for if I did, one could be placed in just the right spot as to obstruct my vision, not permanently, but from seeing your beauty as you take your first steps to, and then again from, your car each day.
I wait patiently for the night to come, for the sun to set, for the arms of the clock on my wall to move. And in doing this, thoughts of him come to mind.
How I loathe this man. I see how he treats you. And even from afar, I can see he tortures you. He beats you. He rapes you. You cannot escape him. That is not to say you yourself are completely helpless, but not as entirely agile as one should be in a case such as yours. Oh how I hate him beyond belief. I dare to say I hate this man more than anyone else in the world has hated anyone, or anything (I will not exclude the hate of non-living things, because I myself have used the word “hate” to describe how I feel about some rather disgusting inanimate objects). Maybe I should be as bold as to say I hate him more than all the hate in the world combined into one animistic feeling.
Yet I would like to question him, before I complete my actions tonight. I would like to ask him how he has been so lucky to find this woman before I was able to see her. I would like to request an answer for the words I should say, not entirely, but somewhat in this order, “How could you live with yourself after what day in and day out I am witness to you doing?” How could you go on?
And so the night falls, the sun sets, and the hands upon the clock that sits on my wall have moved to the numbers that mark the time of which I have set to come forth, show myself, and save you.
Yet you know nothing of me. But we shall have time to discuss these matters sometime later. At the moment I am busy, collecting the things I shall need, from their proper places, and putting them in their now more needed positions.
It’s a terrible thing, the way he has to leave us. But I see no other way for you to be completely happy in a life with me, if you know in the back of your mind that I did not fully carry out my duties as your faithful savior.
I walk through the hallway, of the house you will soon calls ours. I pull the mask over my face, and rub my hands over the shiny metallic barrel of the gun that shall soon free you from his wretched arms.
“I am the savior, you are the saved. We are the lovers, he is enslaved.”
8 comments |
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2004 26 February :: 10.32 pm
:: Mood: Infatuated
:: Music: Something Corporate - Hurricane
I'm surprised I've made it this long.
Finally finishing I realized I wrote for no one
I wrap my heart, tightly around yours
And watch the love take its course
I breathe in your soul as you breathe in mine
I stay with you so we stay alive
I must have lost track of time
All the while with you in mind
I watched the setting sun and then
I guess I watched it rise again
I’ve been here so many times before
But I can’t help it that I still want more
You make me work so hard to touch you
But it’s always worth it when I finally do
I can feel my eloquence running thin
As I touch my lips to your soft skin
So I’ll just hold my voice tonight
As if I had a choice tonight
I slide my hand across your fingers
On my lips your taste still lingers
And I’m fine as you leave me behind
With all the things we’ve said tonight
Is it worth four days of writing?
10 comments |
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2004 21 February :: 5.17 pm
Not many things take longer than the healing of a broken heart
I can hear the words you don’t say
And I can’t take them anymore
And I can see why you feel that way
Because I’ve been there before
Chorus
And I still see you in my dreams
While I gaze upon the stars
Every time I fall asleep
You’re there with open arms
I know why you left that day
I’ve felt that way before
I can see the pain in your face
From the pictures on the floor
Chorus
And I still see you in my dreams
While I gaze upon the stars
Every time I fall asleep
You’re there with open arms
You are the center of my every illusion
The beauty of every daydream
You are the reason for my confusion
And the reason I fall asleep
Chorus
And I still see you in my dreams
While I gaze upon the stars
Every time I fall asleep
You’re there with open arms
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2004 18 February :: 6.06 pm
These lips won't crack for anyone else but you
Right now, I’m not in the mood for laughs
And I’ve seen more than anyone has
But I’ve never seen anything I’d choose,
Over just one glance at you
[chorus]
I could never leave without a kiss goodbye
And I’d gladly take another
Played off as a kiss goodnight
Right now, I don’t feel like laughing
I sit here and watch the time passing
And I would never take the chance to lose
Even just one chance with you
[chorus]
I could never leave without a kiss goodbye
And I’d gladly take another
Played off as a kiss goodnight
Right now, I can’t bring myself to smile
We lost track after awhile
And I just can’t bring myself to,
Think about anyone else than you
[chorus]
I could never leave without a kiss goodbye
And I’d gladly take another
Played off as a kiss goodnight
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2004 17 February :: 10.33 pm
Something that I was going to put in those lyrics, but it seemed like it didn't fit:
i could never leave without a kiss goodbye
you know this as well as i
and i'd gladly take another
played off as a kiss goodnight
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2004 17 February :: 5.53 pm
:: Mood: Infatuated
:: Music: Brand New - Deja Entendu
I'd take another if I didn't already know there was poison in this one.
Sadness doesn’t fit your mood
I can’t stand to see you lose
So I’ll do anything possible,
To take it away from you
So take me with you, next time you leave
I’ll be everything you need
Please excuse my failure with these words
I never meant to make you hurt
And I’m truly sorry,
I never meant to make things worse
So take me with you, next time you leave
I’ll be everything you need
I’ve never taken this many steps
Toward something I know I’ll regret
And if I ever do
I'll make sure that I forget
So take me with you, next time you leave
I’ll be everything you need
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