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2004 27 December :: 12.38 pm
:: Music: muse
Just found this in an old notebook of mine
A Second after Death
As I lay there dead
One glance away from being alive
Silently I beg you
To fill my eyes with life
And as I lay there thinking
About what we used to have
Silently I beg you
To tell me what I am
The light slowly fades
And is wholly left behind
By the blackest of my memories
In the darkness of my mind
As I lay there so close to life
I feel I’m closer to the ledge
The all-consuming feelings
Push me closer to the edge
And as I lay there inside my mind
In a corner surrounded by emptiness
A heart full of pain is crushed
By a soul full of stress
As the life fades away
Also does the light
And all that you are left with
Is the darkest of the night
As I lay there motionless
You can’t help but stay
The life in our creation
Slowly drifts away
And as I lay there begging
For you just to leave
So I don’t have to think of
The love we used to breathe
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2004 26 December :: 11.21 pm
:: Music: Chevelle
Forming A New
I have created this. Clay was placed in my hands and this is the mold I formed. This is how I made it, and now this unstable creature is dying. I must regain control and reshape it. I wrought this being and I must give it new power. Recreate strengths and abilities then let it grow. I must form a new life.
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2004 22 November :: 8.10 pm
W.A.R.
I can’t wait for Armageddon
Total destruction, annihilation
I can’t wait for this all to end
All the corruption, obliterated
I don’t see the point in this life anymore
If the reason you live is to die in the war
I don’t see in this world what I’ve seen before
When we don’t even know what we’re fighting for
I can’t wait for the end and demise
For the dead to come give us release
I can’t wait for the time of our reprise
So we don’t end up like those beneath
I don’t see the point in this life anymore
If the reason you live is to die in the war
I don’t see in this world what I’ve seen before
If we don’t even know what we’re fighting for
I can’t wait for the fire bomb
Detonation followed by explosion
I can’t wait for flaming napalm
For the world to collapse and implode on,
Whatever’s underneath
Maybe a better life beneath
I don’t see the point in this life anymore
If the reason you live is to die in the war
I don’t see in this world what we can ignore
But we don’t even know what we’re fighting for
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2004 3 October :: 2.31 am
::Passing by Grey Street::
The night air is cold as I walk down the sidewalk away from her house. A street lamp flickers on and off, killing my shadow then giving birth to it over and over again as I pass. The black pavement is wet with the rain that pours steadily onto my shoulders. I turn right at the corner. I know I shouldn’t, not again, but at this point I cannot stop myself.
There are no lights on this street, only the reflection of the moon in the puddles on the ground. I pull my coat tighter around myself as I feel wind pass along the back of my neck. The sidewalk is now cracked and slightly elevated from the tree roots underneath, and pieces of cement are missing and broken into bits along it. The next corner comes and I take another right.
Most of the windows of the houses that line this street are darkened and few lights remain lit. Leaves are scattered lightly over the grass, and they color the ground yellow, orange, red and brown. The rains fury begins to die down as I turn right yet again. I know this is wrong, I shouldn’t be here, but I’m not in control.
The moon is brighter now that the clouds have thinned, and the rainwater glows on the glistening ground. A puddle lay in front of me and as I come nearer to it I slow down, stopping just before my shoes enter its wetness. I see my reflection inside. With dark hair, dark eyes and midnight illusions on my side I appear a monster within this liquid mirror. I stare deeply into my eyes and ask myself why I am doing this again. My answer comes as a kick in the face and I continue walking. The metal sign on the corner ahead reads Grey Street. Not disturbing my habits, I follow my set pattern turning right for the last time.
I see it in the distance and it grows steadily closer as I continue to walk. The rain has now ceased, and is only here in memory, within the puddles on the ground. The streams running along the side of the street carry leaves into the gutter. I can hear the sound, like a waterfall, of the water running into the sewers below the street. Before I know it I’m standing, again, on the sidewalk in front of her house.
Her light is off now. Every light is off. Her car sits still, covered with leaves and tiny drops of water. For the third time tonight I stare into her window. The house is draped in darkness by the shadow of a tree that stands between it and the moon. The word ‘goodnight’, slips past my lips and into the frozen night air. My nightly ritual is now complete.
Everynight I must make sure she is asleep, before I myself am able to. If her car is gone then I spend the night so restless, returning every hour until it has entered the driveway.
Countless conversations have been played out inside my head, what she would say if I were to knock on her door. Sometimes she would be happy to see me, I would be asked to come in. Under different circumstances she would fear the words I said as I stood before her soaking wet, looking as a madman, and close the door. I would hear the lock click into place and loud footsteps running from window to window, and finally the backdoor. She would lock them all. But I know I could never be that bold as to actually make myself known. I am a stranger, a shadow on the lawn.
3 comments |
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2004 24 September :: 4.23 pm
Corvette
With all these thoughts in my head
I think I'm slowly maddening
Replaying everything you've ever said
Not paying attention to whats happening
I can't let go of all of this pain
It's the only thing I've got left of you
Though its slowly driving me insane
It's the only thing I've got left to do
To keep you from slipping away
2003 Corvette
This wound is so old but feels so fresh
As I rip it open one more time
Thoughts of you rise within the flesh
And a picture is brought to my mind
The pain is lighter, since time has passed
Though I can still feel it in my way
The picture is faded but comes back fast
Behind my eyes where it will stay
With the memories they will forever last
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2004 9 September :: 10.44 pm
:: Mood: tired
:: Music: None
Open Wide
It’s time to, swallow your fear
Stand up and, just disappear
Walk away without regret
Don’t be scared and don’t forget
Just vanish slowly, into darkness
Devoured by the shadows,
So heartless
Now hold on tight and open wide
All the pain will soon subside
Don’t look back just close your eyes
After night the sun will rise
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::
2004 2 September :: 3.53 pm
:: Music: chevelle - leading us along
Tidal Waves
The end is near
Armageddon is almost here
It’s time to let the fire down
Open up and let it wash you out
The ground will, open wide, consuming all
Watch the buildings, burning bright, as they fall
The ground will, open wide, consuming all
Watch the weather, changing fast, once so calm
This place will become an inferno
The earth will take you in and swallow
This place will become a hellhole
The earth will take you in and swallow
The mountains will, crumble in, tidal waves
Watch the trees, fall to the ground, as it rains
The mountains will, crumble in, tidal waves
Watch the sky, with lightning, be set ablaze
All life will sooner or later drown
What was land is covered in water now
All life will sooner or later drown
What is left standing will be brought down
By hurricanes, and tidal waves
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2004 14 August :: 6.36 pm
Crime scene wiped clean.
I sit here quietly just like you commanded. I love the way your mouth moves when you demand it. Silent in darkness and scared on your bed, I feel cold and alone with no sign of regret. It was time to go but you wanted more. And time can wait when you’re dead on the floor. I’ll wait till sunrise then slip out of your room, after one last check to see if you’ll move. There’s no evidence to be collected. When your friends show up they’ll call the detective. They know it was me by the look on your face, but there’s not enough proof to prove the case. And I remember it so clearly, now. I yelled to you but you didn’t hear me. You were on your way in, as I watched you again. And you’re so beautiful for a girl who knows it. My body’s slow when yours is in motion. You lock the door before you close it, but it’s easy to break in with the windows open. And you were always so hard to catch. You kept me far off and out of breath, but I finally gave you some time to rest. And now you’re slow with a knife in your chest.
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2004 13 August :: 3.00 pm
ah, how nice it is to be back
Well, i redid the Graves of Sadness, and wrote two more parts. Here they are.
The Graves of Sadness – Part 1: The Death
Deep down in the graves of sadness
The dead sleep with nightmares of madness
As he walks he sees nothing but night
A cry of terror a cry of fright,
Is then thrown from a soul un-kept
A life is stolen and all except,
The dream is taken, it drifts away
Into the night where it will stay
And everyone, unaware
Will walk around without a care
But the one who knows it
Won’t forget, but never shows it
Then the tale will be told
The story forever long and old
He thinks he thought it up one night
But the memory remains inside the mind
And to recall without the sight
Everything he once left behind
He will be killed in his sleep
So the secret he is sure to keep
Down in his grave of sadness
With nightmares full of sadness
He awakens one night to find
He’s not the only one without a mind
Stole from him the only way
They know to have the secret stay
The Graves of Sadness – Part 2: The Grave
Now forgotten in sadness
Forever lost within madness
The secret stays underground
Within the one person that it found
Before being caught that day
Now gone and locked away
Trapped in the earth deep down
Waiting to awakened and let out
Kept alive by only the secret
And the knowledge that he can’t keep it
He will know this truth forever
As the last thing that he remembers
Of a life lived so barely alive
While being so close to dead inside
That is why it must be told
The story forever long and old
So he can finally rest in peace
Far away from its disease
Until then he lives on restless sleep
Deep in the graves of sadness
With a secret he can’t keep
And nightmares full of madness,
Made of ghosts that are only figments
Of a mind that’s so malignant
He tells himself so he won’t forget
But he knows it can’t if he hasn’t yet
The Graves of Sadness – Part 3: The Awakening
Once dead he awakens again
His life so far from the end
Resurrecting himself back from death
Brought back with life’s last breath
And he breathes because it’s imposed
Now no longer is the grave closed
He sits up screaming life into the night
And is met by what causes his fright
Memories of that night, so long ago
They will always last but the scars never show
And the pain inside is slowly maddening
All the grief and the memories saddening
Then he slowly remembers his mission
The reason a second life was given
He spreads it over the world like a wave
In one silent scream from the grave
Into the cold night air it flows
As the one secret everyone knows
And the nightmare slowly fades away
Into the night where it will stay
As a reminder of that haunted season
So many dead without a reason
But now the killer has been found
And buried deep within the ground
Inside the graves of sadness
As his own nightmare of madness
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::
2004 13 July :: 3.32 pm
:: Music: library people
Cold
hide within shade
to keep you safe from rain
theres no one else to blame
so set yourself aflame
just let go
stay here alone
so far from home
shaking and cold
all life is frozen
and skies only open
to let down more rain
but don't be afraid
you're cold
so set yourself aflame
mend your broken bones
as it begins to snow
watch the fire grow
cold as frozen stone
don't hope just believe
while you wait for release
there's no time left to wait
you had the chance to stay
so set yourself aflame
burning your own skin
no hope found within
and as flesh begins to melt
remember what you've felt
theres no heat left within your soul
your skin burns but your heart is cold
you feel the primal rage
you had the chance to stay
there's no time left to wait
so set yourself aflame
so set yourself aflame
Trapped Inside
Ever since the beginning
i could feel it within me
in every ouce of pain
coursing through my veins
in my breath when its cold
and in the depths of my soul
wrapped around my heart
it tares me apart
its inside my bones
so i'm never alone
and it whispers to me
and tries to break free
now its taking hold
i'm slowly losing control
it gnaws at my skin
while crawling within
and in a burning rage
it loudly screams my name
and i fall to the ground
but i cant let it out
for that would mean my death
it'd escape with my breath
so there's no wehre to hide
when the pain lives inside
and theres no place of safety
because i just can't escape me
man i haven't written in awhile
those are the only two all summer.
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