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Petals to the Wind

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:: 2003 11 September :: 9.22 pm
:: Music: Rent - 525, 600 Minutes

Yay!
I'm feeling pretty happy right. The floor just went to T and J's for a social dinner, and 7 of us went to a dessert palce for some coffee. Finally talked to the French exchange student on my floor, Remi. He's cool. 23, from the South of France. Speaks English pretty well. I can ask him for French homework help now! 2 of my roommates were there, as was Kahlin's sister, another girl, and a 26 year old guy named Gordon, who's doing his MBA at Ivey. Great little group. Our don is such a geek; it's so cute. 22 yr old astronomy major. Again, almost 0 guys showed up. Just a couple others that I never see around. We should have 16 guys and 24 girls!

I have SO much Bus 20 homework. Every day, it's an exercise or assignment or case or reading or something. I have 11 pages for tomorrow's lecture. People are such keeners in class; everyone's pushing to get called to earn participation marks. I, of course, join in. My goal is to speak once per class, out of 60 or so people. I NEED participation marks, dammit. Other classes are going ok. The Comp Sci teacher rocks. He's got the same gentle dry humour that Dr. Lai has. It would so lame coming from other people, but from him it's really funny. OMG, my French class sucks. There's probably a couple of really good people who shouldn't be in this class, but the rest of them SUCK. We were doing this verb conjugation thing in PRESENT tense today, and it took FOREVER. My neighbour Jenna and I were trying not to roll our eyes. Sweet, nice girls, but they SUCK. I feel really sorry for the prof - he must be paying his dues in the first few years to receive higher postings later. Bio genetics - I've forgotten stuff, but whatever, I'm fine. I just hate how everything is worth SO much. Each evaluation is like 30% of our final mark. Jesus, I'm not going to fail from lack of studying, I'm going to fail from freaking the shit out come exam time!

Went to an AEO mixer thing with Mel last night. SO boring. More of that small talk chitchat bullshit that I hate. It's with a bunch of really competitive, academically minded people, too, of whom I am one. :) Yes, I'm a hypocrite. Good thing we're not exactly competing against each other for the Ivey spots; we only have to fulfill extracurricular and academic requirements. Otherwise, we'd resort to slitting throats in the middle of the night. I'm serious. We're already eying each other for AEO club council spots. I don't want any of the VP social spots, but I'm covetting the VP Finance for next year a bit. I'll probably not get it, not too big a deal. Clubs Week next week, I'll have to look for my bridge, mahjong and Chinese society.

DA - You're going to get lynched one of these days. Smartass. ;) I swear, your profs will grow to HATE you.

Chau - So when are you going to come back?

See y'all soon!

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:: 2003 7 September :: 1.21 am
:: Mood: giddy
:: Music: Maroon 5

FOAM PARTY!!!
Oh DUDE!! Western had its closing ceremonies today, which I skipped, heh, but there was the FOAM PARTY (!!!) right afterwards, where a huge cannon/gun thing just shot bath bubble all over the field. A floormate and I went into the crowd where the shower of bubbles came down and start dancing and playing in the bubbles. It was surreal. Seriously, a dream-like sequence where everything was covered in bubbles, and we were dancing knee high, waist high in bath bubbles! She and I, we didn't know each other very well, just started jumping around and giggling and squealing like little schoolgirls, as more and more white chunks of bubbles got sprayed on us. We were in there for such a long time, just screaming and giggling everytime the cannon thing rotated back to our area and covered us from head to toe in bubbles. This was one of the most fun, high, moments that I'd ever had, laughing my head off with this one girl, until the foam got too high for us to stay. Towards the end, the bubbles just covered EVERYONE, and there were moments right after we got sprayed that we literally could be see or breathe anything but white bubbles because all the foam was on our faces, and hands when we tried to wiped it off. THAT was scary as hell. There were taller people all around, pushing and swiping their stuff on me (both of us are really short) and I started inhaled and ingesting the bubbles (thankfully I could still breath a little) and drowning in them. One of the most memorable experiences of my life. The funnest, coolest experience EVER. I suggest y'all try this one day. Oh my goodness, that was awesome.

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:: 2003 6 September :: 6.54 pm
:: Mood: Better
:: Music: Our Lady Peace

The Good, The Bad, and The Ew.
I haven't been here in a while. Frosh week is very time consuming and tiring, but almost ending. I'm SO happy classes have started - I need some structure in my life. Although that means I'll have TONs of homework.

The three classes I've had thus far are:
Comp Sci- Bird course. I should ace this. I'll see how the marking in university goes, but if I don't get a comparatively high mark, I will hide in a hole in shame.

French- I should do ok in this, too. My class has only 20 people in it. Which is excellent. Just like high school. A few seem to be better than I am, but there are people worse than I am as well. I should do well if I work hard.

Business- OMG. This course is scary! My prof said on the first day, "If you haven't read pages 1-32, you're behind already." Well, fuck, lady, I know you mean serious business, but that's not the best opening line. Guess what I'm doing right now? There are 2 assignments already for Monday, which I'll complete tomorrow.

Still need to go to my first classes in Bio and MIT 26. They should be easy. If I don't ace Bio, I'm a big failure, and MIT 26 seems to be another computer that's pretty easy. I think Business is going to be the toughest course this year, and maybe MIT 25, which will be new material entirely. I should ace Calculus 050, basically a review of OAC Calc.

I've heard from a roommate that Western DOESN'T bell curve marks. That sounds too good to be true. I'm choosing not to believe yet, so that I'll work my ass off in anticipation of losing (hopefully I'm on the higher end, heh) marks.

I actually have a pretty good floor in terms of academically minded students. It's difficult to meet other suites because our doors are so far apart and I'm at the end of the hallway, but the floor's been pretty quiet, and the girls are all very nice. No sight of the guys yet. LOL. Honestly, we'll be able to have cheesy chick flic marathons (blah) and The Bachelor parties in the common without any objections from the guys. Thank goodness we're getting a TV (YAY!!) in our room (a roommate's bringing one this Sunday) so that we can watch the OC and Alias. Well, me, anyway. And figure skating. Dude, YES!

There's a guys room across the hall that has loud Playstation noises coming from within 24/7, and beer bottles all over the counters. Clothes are strewn everywhere. I've been to Mel's residence (we hung out on Thursday after classes) Delaware, and I've seen guys (on our floor, too) just carry up boxes of Labatt Blue to their rooms. Is this all they do? I have yet to find a smart guy at Western. Plenty of nice ones, though I don't know anyone very well, but not particularly mature or smart. The girls seem more educated. This, considering the number of genius guys in highschool, troubles me greatly. Or not. Actually, I wouldn't mind if everyone drank themselves dead all the time and partied and had sex and failed school. I'd look better in comparison. ;)

I'm really getting along well with my roommates. Three of us are really close, while the fourth has sort of her own friends, but we all get along. Thank goodness. Sadly, there are a couple of people I've met who do not get along AT ALL with their suite/floor mates. I think I would die. That lonely feeling fading a bit. I don't know that many people, but I have made 3, plus Mel 4, really good friends who I think will stay good friends for a long time, 2 of whom are my roommates. I still miss home, and I wonder whether I'll ever be such a high caliber environment again, at least not in the first two years here. I'm sad about that.

We've been in such a sheltered environment for 6 years - it's crazy. Excuse my naivete, or maybe my hope that it wasn't the case, but there are the big frat boys who get drunk, yell, and do totally obnoxious things here; it's not just a movie stereotype. And there are girls who dance and grind and practically have sex, with multiple guys, right on the floor, who enjoy being passed on like a piece of shit from guy to guy. Who leave with multiple guys from the club, no doubt to sleep with them.

I went with 6 other girls to the on-campus bar/club Thursday night, The Wave. There's a wet/dry card system at Western: if a student in underaged, he can still enter an on-campus bar if they give in their card at the beginning of the night and get Xs put on their hands to indicate to the bartender that he can't be served alcohol. If he consumes any alcohol from his friends' drinks, the guards will be able to smell it when he comes back out to get the wet/dry card. Good system. So we got in at 9:30, ordered pop, and waited about an hour before people started filtering onto the dance floor. There were guys all over the place coming up from behind and putting their hands on girls' asses and hips and grinding their crotches together. EW. Ew, ew. Only the white girls got hit on, though, thank god. And, some others who were looking for it. Save for hooking on the street, I think bars are the worst places to meet guys. There was one who started grinding [i]on the floor [/i] with some guy one minute, making out and doing the same with another guy the next minute. Gross. We got home at about 12:30am. Good music, fun for the most part, but once is enough to last me a loooong time.

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:: 2003 3 September :: 12.23 am
:: Mood: nostalgic

Up and Down
There are moments when I feel fine, when the people around me are talking and I'm conversing back. I almost feel that I'm on the cusp of something ressembling friendship, or comfort, or casualness. But then there are many vivid moments when I consciously think to myself: there's no way I'm going to find friends like in high school, where I could do or say anything and just talk without thinking and searching for little platitudes that mean jack shit.

The girls on the floor are still nice; we banded together to decorate the hall with stars and lettering and whatnot. Kindergarten-like with the scissors and construction paper, and lots of encouragement and niceties; silly, but nice on a very simple level of bonding. The guys on my floor are invisible. We had a floor metting at breakfast, and most of the girls showed up, while one guy walked in, ate, left, and one more guy came in. 24 girls and 16 guys on the floor, but at this rate, it's becoming an all girls floor. I guess these boys are just too manly for this kind of thing. Snerk.

Concert in the evening, with I Mother Earth, which fell off the planet in the mid-90s. Boring. I wish I were at Mac with Our Lady Peace! Tri- tell me about it! Dude, I LOVE that group. Some other university had Theory of a Dead Man, another band I like. What's up with this? Then, my floormates wanted to get into the on-campus bar, where I wasn't too keen on going, but said yes, because I didn't want to be alone or the spoiler. Met a nice friend of a roommate's, looks like he and I will get along. Also talked to Veggie's friend, nice girl, but we'll see where that goes. I need to find somebody soon, just one person, so I won't go insane trying to make vapid conversation with people who I know won't be so nice in a few weeks. I hate that I can't truly connect with people, that the harder I try the worse I end up feeling when I don't. I don't remember feeling this distinctly uncomfortable in a new environment before. At last in France I had an amazing family.

I need classes to start soon, so that I can do something familiar. Clubs, student council committees, I need work more than ever so that I can focus on something productive and hopefully meet people through my classes. I guess I take weird leaps sometimes, ie. French exchange, to test myself and go through the difficult to get to something great. I hope I get whatever that is, and I hope it's here.

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:: 2003 1 September :: 12.25 am
:: Mood: tired

Small pleasures...
I'm posting now, dumbass (can't use DA for short form as it reminds me of David Anders, the guy who plays my TV boyfriend no. 3, Sark, on Alias; no. 1 is a tie between Adam Brody and Michael Vartan). I'm at Western, at the end of my second day. I live in one of the suite style residences that have SO much room it's incredible. 2 bathrooms for 4 people. I have a living area, kitchen, and my personal room. I have nothing on the walls yet, but I'll bring pictures and art to spice things up.

My suite mates are all really nice, friendly, slightly shy and seemingly academic people. We hang out together all the time, for meals, frosh activities, campus walks, everything. It's really nice to have 3 approachable, gentle people to live with. My neighbour and I share a bathroom, while the other two share the one on the opposite side of the suite. I totally lucked out, because she is a NEAT FREAK. Yesss. We keep our bathroom perfect, with a cute fish floor mat in front of the shower, matching Braun Oral-B toothbrushes, and separate drawers. The smart girl brought disinfectant, so everything is clean! Whoo-hoo! This is exciting, folks. I'm serious.

Move in day was pretty good, although after my parents left I felt extremely lonely. I'm still not comfortable here just yet, but I'm better tonight than I wsa last night. I fine in my own suite, with the 4 of us together, but outside, there are over 6000 first years none of whom I know. It's only Day 2, so everyone's still really nice and introducing themselves, but after sending and receiving dozens of introductions, I turn around and forget every single one of them. It's an art, I swear. I get their name, and then just forget it a second after, even if they're still talking. Enervated, LOL.

Western is WHITE COUNTRY. My suite mates: an Asian (I think anyway, not CHinese), an Indian, and a white. Not bad. At least I didn't get stuck with 3 hardcore partying white girls who have sex with their boyfriends and smoke and drink. Thank goodness. There are many rooms for all 4 white girls on my floor, many of whom seem to know each other from high school. It's hard to bond with anyone on this floor. The rooms are far apart, many have their doors closed, and ours is all the way at the end of the hallway, so not many people walk past it.

I feel better today because I finally talked to some Chinese people. Enervated (you're E or En from now on), again, LOL. You're right; it's like I've completely lost the ability to communicate effectively with The White People. I can handle minorities fine, but White People? Forget it. They're nice for now, but a few weeks later? I can tell they're going to be The Cool White People. I have met some shyer white people, resembling Emily Da Silva type people who live right on top, so I'll definitely pay them a visit.

The AEO is in my building, but on the other side. So I didn't end up lucky twice, but I'll take Elgin and shut up. I met two Chinese girls from that floor, who I felt pretty comfortable with (dude, UTS is a BAD influence), so I'll visit them. I hope I'll be able to remember their names. Also, I was walking back to the suites after some cheering events alone, because I had lost my suite mates in the crowd, and I saw another Chinese girl walking nearby, so I thought, what the hell, I'll go introduce myself. Turns out it's Nancy's One Western Friend! Debbie! She lives at Alumni house, just across the street, very nice girl, so I'll go talk to her as well soon. Out of thousands of people, the one person I chose to talk to is someone I was looking forward to meet. Again, luck.

I brought a Frish Week package for 65 bucks yesterday, and there was a bright orange Elgin EXTRA LARGE tee-shirt inside that we're encouraged to where these few days of Frosh, so most people have been wearing their res shirts of various super bright colours. Apparently, cheering is a huge thing here, and I'll assume where you are as well, so all the residences have about 7 different cheers, and we scream them at each other at huge gatherings. Stupid, but in good spirit, and everyoone's new, so why not make a big fool of ourselves? Our cheers are cute, ie. Suite! Style! Sweet! Style! to rub in our new, pretty rooms, but there are some, um, interesting ones as well, like: E-L-G-I-N, N-I-P-L-E, the latter a loose reverse of the first, pronouced "nipple." Every res has come up with a sexual spin on their names or mascots (ours is a tame garden knome sp? Hee). Another cheer is, after some guy plays a little tune on his megaphone, we all yell at the top of our lungs "NIPPLE!!" Lol. A res across the street has a chicken for their mascot, so, as you may guess, the word "cock" is used in many of their cheers. Another res is named Essex. So there were many moments today, as we were waving our towels hockey-style, banging our pots and pans and blowing whistle in a big lecture hall and outside on campus, during which I thought: "What the FUCK am I doing here?!" This is a white party school!

Why did I not choose to go to Waterloo, again? I need to go join the Chinese club, the Mahjong Club, the AEO club, and find myself some people I know how to talk to! I miss everyone, and I hope people'll write to me often. Please do, I'll reply. I'll be in Toronto on the 12th to 14th, same as En and tri, so I'll try to drop by UT to see everyone.

love, alitar

ps. saw Canadian Idol (not particularly talented) Top 30 finalist Taylor Done- or whatever- today. Not particularly impressed with his manners.

p.p.s. Had a hypnotist come in to Western today to do a show. Hilarious. I'll tell you about it when I come back.

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