:: 2004 1 May :: 10.49 pm

hmm.. yesterday i slept over kristens with db and megan.. it was fun.. i still cant believe i didnt go to kristens cheerleading thing..
haha im still mad at myself for that one
damnnn

hmm.. today i went to the dentist.. not fun . not fun... and anywho... yea

then i went to opening day not fun either

then i came home for a second

and then went to subway
and then blockbuster
woah... i saw like 15 people there i knew
a lot of people were there.. woahh

and now i am so incredibly happy right now
and its over something really small
and only kristens gonna know about it when she comes back and reads what i said

I LOVE LIFE =)

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:: 2004 29 April :: 9.01 pm

i don't know where this is coming from
wow.. im gonna sound really ridiculous
but this is how i feel right now, right here

i feel like... im .... how to put this
i guess using the people i became friends with this year
yea.. that probably sounds crazy
but i feel like i pretend they are people they aren't
filling in the spots of two people
that i lost, and it hurts like a bitch
it still hurts, expecially today
it makes me so sad...
but knowing they probably still care .. its kinda reassuring...
i wish i could go straight out and say what i mean, but i can't
maybe its because im not sure what im talking about, or maybe i dont want other people to see what i mean, maybe i dont know what i mean, what im feeling inside
and if your wonder " woahh! shes crazy " im not.. i have felt this way for a long time
i didnt want to stay anything
i wanted to pretend i was strong
strong for people who aren't strong
i didnt want them to know what i was feeling
i hardly ever let people know what im feeling
i dont want them to feel sorry for me
i dont want them to feel bad for me
i dont want them to feel upset for me
i just let all the pain bottle up
and no matter what, try not to break

would i pretend my old friends are people they aren't .. no, because i know them...
would i pretend people i just met are people they aren't... yes.. maybe.. probably not
i wouldn't mean too.. i wonder if i can help it

i mean shouldn't i be able to tell kristen?
shes like my best friend
i tell danielle sometimes or atleast i try
i wouldn't want to talk to katie, she seems like she has enough on her hands
never casey, it would seem like nothing to her, she would probably be like... thats it?!
and deanna, i love her so much, shes really easy to talk to, but i wouldn't want her to look at me different.

this is terrible

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:: 2004 29 April :: 8.01 pm

todays courtney 13th birthday
i feel like i turned 13 a lifetime ago

today was alriiight
me and casey were waiting for courtney before 5th period
but she never came
casey sang happy birthday like 600 times
pretty funny.. haha

i got a 100 on my test civics test
that is just like pure madness
i might pass the 8th gradeeeeee!

today in mechanical drawing casey was like " i cant wait for dorney park!!" and im like yea me neither, and then i was like who are you gonna hang out with, and shes like iunno,and then i go .. im probably gonna hang out with kristen... casey didnt like that.. shes like.. WELL.. IM GONNA HANG OUT WITH KATIEEEEEEE! and i told her i wanted to hang out with her and katie too. but she said that i couldn't because i wanna gonna ditch them for kristen and then casey went all crazy
casey flips out when i dont talk to her the whole time like today when i was talking to kaitlyn.. casey goes " brielle, brielle, brielle"
ah its crazy
and then like yesterday i believe it was. i wanted to tell kaitlyn something and casey started talking to me.. and i was like.. casey we have a problem, i was trying to tell kaitlyn something and now you are talking to me, what should happen. and shes like.. tell talk to kaitlyn.. and then i started to talk to kaitlyn and casey started talking to me..
ahh shes crazy

i love the smell of fresh cut grass

im gonna go watch friends
today is the second to last eposide
next week its over
this is like the best show on TV

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:: 2004 28 April :: 9.51 pm

stuff that i learned today

my wrist is 15 centimeters
he still remembers my name
kristen doesnt know half the gossip i know
a lot of people watch the OC
i listen to casey, no matter what she tell me to do, im like her dog, listens to her every command

and yup.. thats it

i saw 13 going on 30 today
it was a good movie

school was boring
i dont like school

deanna didnt see him
he walked right by us
and i go " OMG.. DID YOU SEE HIM?!!?!??!?!"
and she goes " who?"
she didnt see him =(
i love deanna
she is like.. the coolest

i got my seat moved in math today
because casey kept going " BRIELLE, BRIELLE,BRIELLE, BRIELLE BRIELLE!!!!! BRIELLE!!!!, " and i was just ignoring her, and she said something funny like.. brielle of all brielles, and i started laughing, and mrs. fasano moved my seat, and said i was distracting casey, ... HMM, casey was distracting me.
my god, i swear, casey could like chase someone around the classroom with a yard stick and the person she would chase could be screaming, and crying, and the teacher wouldn't care
and probably the person she was chasing would get introuble
casey doesnt get introuble no matter what she does.

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:: 2004 27 April :: 10.21 pm

i felt disconnected with some people
i was really affecting me over the weekend
i feel reconnected again...
which is a huge sigh of relief

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