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greyXmatter
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2005 18 February :: 10.32am
:: Mood: blah
And when her world falls apart, the only thing that sets her apart from a tragedy is her love for life itself.
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greyXmatter
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2005 17 February :: 11.20pm
:: Mood: blah
sometimes this place is so beautiful.
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greyxmatter
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2005 17 February :: 8.49pm
I'm fucking broken. I'm happy but I'm fucking broken. I'm fucking scared,
I'm fucking bitter, I'm torn, I'm frustrated, and I'm fucking sick of
everything. I can't tell you how much longer I can put up with being
nothing. I can't tell you how much longer I can put up with being me.
I don't know how much longer I can handle being gone, and at the same
time, I don't know how much longer I can handle being there. If it's
wrong of me to say that I wish I was fucking dead, do me a favor, and
punish me with death. What the fuck is left? Healing's taking longer,
my patience is wearing thin. If things stay this way, and if I don't
get better, there will be a major turn of events. And I'm sorry to say
that it won't be a fucking merry one. To be honest with you, I never
thought I'd last this long, or be this deadbeat for so long, and still
fight it. It's a warrior against a minor, and the minor's lost all
respect for itself in the battle. I think I need to sit myself down.
I think things need to change.
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greyXmatter
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2005 16 February :: 10.23pm
:: Mood: crushed
:: Music: 12 Stones - " Hate the Way I Feel "
Its Bev everyone.. i dont think any of u kno me.. or kno of me but .. whatever..
casey.. Kid.. im going to missthe shit out of u.. u are MOST DEF my one of the only reaosns y i get up in the morning to go to school.. i kno that things rnt easy rigth now.. but things can only get betetr if u let them.. u kno that no matetr what happens josh and i wil ALWAYZ be there for u.. we love you..
lol i'l never forget the day we met.. how weird was that?.. im here 2 say goodbye now.. i'l b waiting here 4 u to come back..
love you kid.. take care.. im only a call away if u need me
xoxo
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greyXmatter
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2005 16 February :: 10.18pm
:: Mood: sick
:: Music: Brand New - Jude Law
Today was probably the worst day I've had in a long time. My head hurt
so fucking bad that I was litterally screaming "ow" during 7th and 8th
period and after school with Mrs. A was horrible. I was like dying and
I couldn't do any work and it sucked. As soon as it was time to leave,
I ran outside in the rain and it felt so fucking good. I waited in the
rain for like 10 minutes for my mom and cried the entire time. Thank
God school was over. Thank God I would never have to go back. I got in
the car and I was like, "I'm never coming back to school." and I just
started crying and wow. I got really emo. Today was an emo day. My mom
made an 'emergency call' to some place in Hackketstown called "A Center
for Change" and got me an appointment for 6:00. I got there and the
lady was like... psycho, but nice. I told her everything that only I
know, because I thought I could trust her. Although, I did ask her if
she would tell my mom anything, and she said no. So I just kinda spilled
my guts. ...To say the least. She knows like... my life story. So yeah,
tomorrow I have an appointment with the practitianer to pick up a
perscription of some sort and then I have to go back to Hackketstown.
I'm signed out of school for the next week, and by then I'll have found
out wether or not I'm being homeschooled. Things are sucky and that's...
really all I have to say. I can't update from home, so I don't know
exactly how much you're going to be able to hear about what's going on,
but I'll try to update somehow, somewhere.
I love you all with everything I have left.
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