Screwing who we screw.

:: 2006 12 March :: 8.45pm
:: Mood: excited
:: Music: The Veronicas-4ever

I can honestly say that today I had my doubts about all of this but after that talk I realize I don't have any reason to doubt things and that things are just the way they should be.

Come on baby we ain't gonna live 4ever, let me show you all the things that we can do, I know you wanna be together, and I wanna spend the night with you.

:: 2006 11 March :: 11.51pm
:: Music: Bright Eyes- Easy/Lucky/Free

Yeah
things are strange. waking up and staring outside, driving down the road with the window down...its like staring at an accidental gasoline rainbow, its beautiful but at the same time you cant help but question it. you know what i mean?

6 Comments | Comment?

:: 2006 11 March :: 12.57pm

Lisa and I are procrastinators and we figured since Spring Break is coming up we should probably buy our tickets to Florida so that's what we did today and the total for both of us was $1,000. Yeah, that's what happens when you wait so long. We should have gotten them a long time ago but I always wait until the last minute to do everything. Oh well I guess. $1,000 later and we're off to Florida soon. Thank god. We both need to get out of this horriable place.

anachronism

:: 2006 11 March :: 11.55am
:: Music: Elvis Presley

You're all so fake. It kills me. It should kill you too.

:: 2006 10 March :: 11.01pm
:: Mood: Happy
:: Music: Motion City Soundtrack-My Favorite Accident

I really hate calls like those. Calls when you can't even understand your friend because they are crying so hard. I don't even know what to say to make her feel better. It's hard for me to imagine being that upset because I haven't been that way in a long time and right now I'm genuinely happy. I feel so useless because some of my friends really need me and yes I am here for them it's just I can't always help them in the ways they need to be helped. It really makes me sad to see her like that because I can honestly say that less than a month ago I was the same way. It's hard. It hurts. I know. I've been there and I'm sure I will be again someday. I never believed that something great would come along and make me forget about all those things that were bringing me down but eventually it does and you just need to learn to let go of the people who cause pain. It's not worth being down. I've learned that the hard way. I have no idea how talking about my friend turned into something like this but I just hope that things start to look up for some people who really need it and they know who they are.

This morning when I pulled into school Bruce was already parked and he waited for me and we walked into school together and he told me that he feels like today was going to be a good day and I just had a feeling it wasn't going to be and sure enough it really wasn't. I was such a bitch to everyone for no reason. I was just so upset that I could've cried. I have no idea why I was upset but it was just one of those days but I think I really just needed to talk to this person and after we talked and everything was better. So I apologize for being that way today.

Mishy: I'm pretty sad because those wonderful sunglasses that you bought for me have been stolen by Aaron. He was wearing them after school and he told me he'd give them back tomorrow. He has like ten things of mine at his house haha.

I guess this is all for tonight. I'm just rambling on.

<3 Ashley

4 Comments | Comment?

:: 2006 9 March :: 10.58pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Panic! At The Disco//Lying Is The Most Fun A Girl Can Have Without Taking Her Clothes Off

Aww I love those moments when you say those things. It's so adorable.

This week has gone by so slow but it's definitely been worth it. So much has happened this week and so many things have changed it's unbelievable. I'm happy. Everything is pretty much wonderful. I'm off to bed. Goodnight!!

I love you all.

<3 Ashley

Comment?

:: 2006 8 March :: 10.49pm
:: Mood: tired

Tonight was fun. I hung out with Emily Esch and Elyse until the game. Emily always wants to drive my car but when she asks me we are always on our way somewhere so I always say no but then today she asked me again and I told her she would have to call my dad and ask him if he would let her since he wont let barely anyone drive it unless it's him or me and I really didn't think she would call him but she did and sure enough he said yes because she is definitely one of his favorites out of my friends. They sat there and talked on the phone for like five minutes. I was like seriously just drive lol!!

Once I get everything straightened out and I begin to enjoy life...something happens. It happens because there has to be some kind of event that hits me in the face and makes me realize that it's not all gonna come easy.

Part of me just can't let go of the past and the other part tells me I have no other choice.

Having that talk with you made me realize that we have so much more in common than we ever thought. We are almost like the same person and it's good to know that someone thinks the way I do. I guess you always understood those things in me.

I think this is how things are going to be and I'm really happy right now. For once I finally feel like this is something real.

4 Comments | Comment?

:: 2006 8 March :: 11.18am
:: Mood: cheerful
:: Music: Nat King Cole - It's only a paper moon

Yay super fun!!
ALL RIGHT HERES MORE SUPER FUN CRAZY LITTLE KID CAPTION PICTURES BROUGHT TO YOU BY MATTHEW WHETZEL!!!! YOU REMEMBER THE LAST ONES RIGHT? WITH SARAH AND THE WONDERS OF COMEPTING FOR FOOD? HOPE YOU ENJOY!!!!

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:: 2006 8 March :: 6.43am
:: Mood: cold

omg... so yesterday i was supposed to have an interview at blockbuster. but see i went back to my aunts in the morning to help her finish moving and organizing the things from her office (plus use her highspeed to download files lol) and then on our way into town for the last load of things...a crazy man threw something off his bike and into the road, i hit it, and my tire goes BOPPP!P!P!P!P!P!P and i go "AHHHH BITCHES!!!" so yeah needless to say i didnt make it to my interview on time. but i did get a new tired...so thats all cool i guess. still wish i knew what he threw? anyway TONIGHT WIRELESS CAFE ON 44TH STREET !!! 9:30 ISH!!!! BITCHES love you!

:: 2006 7 March :: 7.51pm

Everytime we touch I get this feeling and everytime we kiss I swear I could fly. Can't you feel my heart beat fast? I want this to last. I need you by my side. Everytime we touch I feel the static and everytime we kiss I reach for the sky. Can't you hear my heart beat slow? I can't let you go. I want you in my life.

:: 2006 7 March :: 1.33am

Perfect!
Today was the perfect day. I have got two job interviews for tommrow set up. and i found my zema kitty. i opened the door to let some smoke out from my burnt food and she just walked in screaming at the top of her little kitty lungs. i hugged her smiled, danced, then cleaned her up fed her and now shes happy again! and yeah the improv groupe was good tonight too. we came up with a couple new games to play wed. so all brand new 45 mins of material on wed at the wireless cafe! so today was a great day. if i get one of those jobs then this will be the perfect week!>

EDIT -
Whoever correctly guess which animal this is gets 4 times as much love from me than anyone else for a full yeah. and please dont cheat. just guess.

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:: 2006 6 March :: 10.53pm

I'm not exactly sure what I should say. Everything I do is a mistake. Your attention is attention. It doesn't matter if it's real or fake. I'll take it if I get it. I've made up my mind. I'll do it over any time.

You're over it, over me. Present just physically. Last words from the dying scene, you're over me.

:: 2006 5 March :: 9.41pm
:: Mood: Tired
:: Music: Motion City Soundtrack//The Future Freaks Me Out

<3
I think I'm just being paranoid. I always feel like I need to know what's going to happen and if I don't know what's going to happen then I freak out. It's not really necessary but I can't stand that feeling.

This weekend was extremely exhausting. I barely slept. Friday night I went out to dinner with my family in Lansing and then I went to my friend Missy's house. She also models with me. We went ice skating with her two sisters Holly and Katrina and then their friends Tori and Haylie. It was really fun. They have an ice skating rink at their house. Weird? I know. Saturday we had modeling from 11-6 which was the exhausting part. Afterwards we had a fashion show and international dinner. They both we're really fun. Sunday we went to church and then I just went to my dads for a while to see him before he left and then I came home.
A few pictures from this weekend.
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When I got home today I found out that my mom put a phone line in my room so now I have my own internet. It's actually quite nice. I'm just being a lazy ass right now and I'm laying in my nice comfy bed talking to my friends on my laptop.

This week should be a busy week. I'm most likely going to all three basketball games on Monday, Wednesday, and Saturday with Lisa and Elyse and then Tuesday i'm hanging out with Cohen and then Thursday I'm going shopping :D

tomorrows monday..what a drag.

I would stay here if I could but I know it wont do any good. Maybe one day you'll understand something in me. It's something I gotta do. It's not you. It's something in me.

I still love you.

Did you expect me to believe I was the only one to fall?

anachronism

:: 2006 4 March :: 6.44pm
:: Music: James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover

Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun.
Yes, I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won.
So, I took what's mine by eternal right.
Took your soul out into the night.
It may be over, but it won't stop there.
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart, you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
my heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

Chorus:
Goodbye, my lover.
Goodbye, my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.

I am a dreamer, but when I wake
you can't break my spirit, it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me.
Remember us and all we used to be
I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile.
I've watched you sleeping for a while.
I'd be the [mother] of your child.
I'd spend a lifetime with you.
I know your fears and you know mine.
We've had our doubts, but now we're fine.
And I love you, I swear that's true.
I cannot live without you.

[Chorus]

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine, when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
when I'm kneeling at your feet.

[Chorus]

I'm so hollow, baby. I'm so hollow.
I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.

:: 2006 3 March :: 4.04pm
:: Mood: happy
:: Music: Ne-Yo//So Sick

Today was...interesting..to say the least.

Haha yes apparently Mr. McDonald did forget he had a seminar class so Mishy and I just left. We went out to eat and to Starbucks.

"Ashley, taste this, I think she gave me eggnog, instead of cafe' vanilla".
"Okay...*sips* mmm.."
"Doesn't it taste like eggnog?"
"...I've never had eggnog."
*both laugh*

Haha thinking about that still makes me laugh. I don't even know why I tasted her drink if I've never once tasted eggnog.

And yeah I'm really happy about what I said too. I'm just happy in general. I hope everything works out for the best.

I need to go pack though. I have to go to Lansing all weekend for modeling. I'm pretty stoaked for that business!! I'll bring my laptop with me. Haha I'm talking like I'll be gone forever but I'll be coming home on Sunday.

Well I hope everyone has a good weekend. Stacy we'll hang out next week because I miss you!

Love Always,
Ashley..........

You sit completely unaware of what I'm about to do
I am nervous that you won't be my lover. Oh, I adore you.

5 Comments | Comment?

:: 2006 2 March :: 3.25pm

Fate fell short this time.

Nothing is forever and the time comes when we all must say goodbye to what we knew.

Goodbye to everything we had taken for granted.

Goodbye to those we thought would never leave us.

And when these changes finally do occur and when the familiar has departed and the unfamiliar has taken it's place, all any of us can really do is to say hello and welcome those new feelings.

You're the one who has to live with yourself.

[Stacy: I have no idea where you are but I really need to talk to you.]

:: 2006 1 March :: 10.20pm

What hurts the most was being so close and having so much to say and watching you walk away and never knowing what could've been and not seeing that loving you is what I was trying to do.

My heart is breaking and you're still faking a feeling that you will ~~never~~ know.

:: 2006 28 February :: 10.42pm

Tonight just made me realize that this isn't going to come easy.

It's pretty much now or never.

It's just one of those things where the stakes are high. Sometimes it's forever and sometimes it's goodbye.

All I can say is I'm not going to be the one to regret this.