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2004 19 July :: 9.01 pm
:: Mood: Confused damn it
:: Music: dashboard Confessional
my sitaution (sp)
ok so I'm screwed. I let myself get screwed over. I know I should of resisted but I couldn't. I can't. I think its b/c I feel vonerable and just want to get close w/ someone...a guy to be exact b/c the guy that I have isn't exactly there for my needs.
I'm not really sure if my feelings are really true or its b/c i'm vonderable. I want to know so bad if my feelings are true.
If they are true then i have some work to do. If they are not then i am screwed a lil more i think.
I'm confused and i want to talk about it to a person, but i shouldn't. so i am not.
I'm torn in 2 ways. I don't want to be. i want to find out my answer. but there is no way i will know until like maybe 2 weeks after school starts.
I know i am vunerable like if a hot guy wanted to make out w/ me I am afraid I would do it. I shouldn't but I would.
U know what I would like right now? i want to be in a guy's arms. It can just be a friend. Just the feelin of bein held and loved even if its just in a friend way, its a great feeling. I miss that feeling of bein held and all of the jazz that comes w/ it. I haven't had that in soo long and it sucks....a lot.
+AndI+
3 TubuLAR Mind SpokenTubuLAR Minds Spoken |
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 16 July :: 11.26 pm
:: Mood: crazy
:: Music: dip it low
Tonight
To describe tonight you only need one word-haawesome.
+AndI+
1 TubuLAR Mind Spoken |
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 16 July :: 4.37 pm
:: Mood: stressed
GrRrRrRRRR!
I'm soo stressed out right now. I want to kill at all who cross my path even if you are innocent. I just want to scream and kill someone.
I have no clue why I am like this right now. I'm just am ok bitch? so stop nagging me! I don't even feel like going tonight.
I don't want to go tonight if tonight is gonna be like how it was last time w/ the how to pay for the food ordeal. Like we all agreed but then once time to pay for the check came...it all went up in flames.
I swear to u all bitches, if someone plays that again tonigth or something like that I will kill.
Thats a promise.
beware bitch.
+AndI+
3 TubuLAR Mind SpokenTubuLAR Minds Spoken |
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 14 July :: 9.53 pm
:: Mood: chipper
:: Music: DMX
_*Today_*
Sooo I hung out w/ Anne, Amanda, Kelsey, Rich, Kyle, Adam, and Chris. It was all fun.
We went to Taco Bell and made a wet mess in the bathroom b/c Amanda and Anne decided to have a water fight...Then Adam spilt Chris's drink and he skidded on it. Yea...teh place wasn't clean n e more after we left.
Then we went to Anne's dad's house. We just hung out and talked. It was ok. I was a lil bored. Then Amanda left, so we left rigth after and I went to Anne's mom's for dinner. It was fun i guess. The food got a lil destroyed, but it was all good.
So I am home.
Ok I'm done. Lata.
+AndI+
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 12 July :: 8.27 pm
:: Mood: curious
just thinking
Well I was just thinking about how long Alan and I have been goin out. I counted and it came out to 30 weeks which equals 7.2 weeks which also means 7 and a half weeks. I mean damn. That is a long time. It doesn't really seem that long though. I think that's a good thing, but i think it only feels that way b/c I don't see him very often b/c of our scheduals or b/c of our location.
i really think w/ us not being able to c eachother all the time is a good thing b/c we wont get tired of seeing eachother or for my case, he wont get annoying.
But the only thing that seriously bites right now is that we never talk b/c of scheduales. i hate it. but i only have to deal w/ it for a a lil while longer b/c our scheduales will be back to the norm once school starts and thats the only reason i am looking forward for school. Ok i'm gonna go. ta ta.
+AndI+
2 TubuLAR Mind SpokenTubuLAR Minds Spoken |
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 10 July :: 5.39 pm
:: Mood: Pissy (literally)
It was pissy (literally)
ok I just sat in dog piss. enough said dammit.
+AndI+
3 TubuLAR Mind SpokenTubuLAR Minds Spoken |
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 8 July :: 8.24 pm
:: Mood: Happy...sorta.
:: Music: 311: amber
What put a smile on my face...
Today I went to Joe's house. Joe....Joe..Joe is a swell of a guy. we played video games the whole time. It was fun. i also played on his drumset. He's a funny guy.
Let me tell u, He has gotten hott. well he was hot before, but now he's hotter. He just needs to do something w/ his hair. It's not bad, its just..big. He has the V body shape going on. I love it! I love him!
***Joe, if your reading this cuz i know sometimes you read my journal, I hope you feel special b/c u damn should. lol***
+AndI+
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 6 July :: 12.59 pm
:: Mood: busy
:: Music: Joss Stone
woo...4th of July...monday....today....hoo
hello there folks. I hope ur making ur time fun as much as it can be w/ any situation u are in.
My 4th of the month (july) was good. It was better than last years. My dad, hot sis, and I went to my dad's friend, Buddy's house. It was fun. His house was built in 1920 so it was a neato house. Well from his house we walked to down town Ft. Myers at that park. we had V.I.P. passes, so we got to eat free food and free beer and got to stay underneath a tent the whoel time if we wanna. I didn't see anyone that I knew, but that was ok. Earlier I called Casey to come w/ me and he said he'll call me back at 4:30. He never did, so i thought he went w/ Jared to the CC one b/c Jared invited both of us to go w/ him. Well long story short. It started to rain at 9 pm, so the fire works did start untill 9:30 ish. Then later I found out that Casey fell asleep and that's why he didn't call me. Poo Poo. O well. well umm...the fireworks were awesome. I loved it.
On monday i worked my bum bum off. I cleaned the whole house by myself and then i cut the whole yard, u know that back, the front and the sides, then I cleaned the jacuzzi which was a real mess. It had mildew on it and rust and sum green weird stuffd on it and water stains. It took me an hour and a hlaf to clean it. I was pissed off when i was cleaning it b/c my sisters didn't do shit taht day they hung out w/ their b/f's or friends and then just went to work. Its gay. When I was cleaning my jacuzzi Joe called, casey called, Nick called, Jared called. i felt special b/c everyone kept callin me. yaya! hehe. Well around 5 I went over to Nick Howards house and Devon was there and Curtis. We had fun. we played Nick's dancing game. u know those arcade dancing game things? well he got one on playstation2. It was neato. I went home around 10:30.
Then 2day. I woke up at 9 and i was like ok i'm getting u. i'm getting outta bed. here I go. I'm going. well I never went. Never even took my sheets off me. so I layed there and tryed to get out but i never did. I looked over at the clock and now it was 10:30. I was like I have to get out. I have a lot to today. I got my foot out of the sheets. Finally! Progress! Praise the lord! amen! well..it found its way back in. damn it. Well around 11:30 the door bell rang. I shot out of bed and raced to the door. Before i got there Dave let himself in. I stopped in my tracks and told him I was soo happy he rang the door bell b/c he got me outta bed. FinallY!
well today i picked up the house, wash the dogs, chase JoJo down the street, got the garbage down to the street and i have to play drums, but i don't wanna! U can't make me! nooo!
Ok i'm gonna go play now. But i don't wanna!
+AndI+
2 TubuLAR Mind SpokenTubuLAR Minds Spoken |
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 2 July :: 10.40 pm
:: Mood: awake
:: Music: "sweet home Alabama"
Swee
I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!I'm home! I'm home!
ok. So i'm home. I'm here. Most of my woohu friends are not here. they are there or there and over there, but not here. O well.
I had a fun fun time. too much to type. You can call me and i'll tell u. I'm just glad i am back!
I'm home!
+AndI+
2 TubuLAR Mind SpokenTubuLAR Minds Spoken |
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2004 24 June :: 8.58 pm
:: Mood: Tired
Past Week
So I'v been w/ the Srokas, Kyle, and Mike. It was fun. We went to the 2 theme parks in Orlando. We were there for about 5 days.
Kyle and Mike met 2 girls and then later 2 more girls. Lil pimp daddy's! woo! lol. yea. the fat one liked Kyle..lol.
Lets see we did this sling shot thing that took u up 365 feet in the air which was rad. we went lazor taging which was really fun. thats where Kyle and Mike met the 1st 2 girls. Then we went to City Walk and thats when they met the other 2.
Now I am leaving Saturday to go to the keys. Woo! On the road again. It will be fun I hope..sigh.
Happy B-day Richi!!!
+AndI+
2 TubuLAR Mind SpokenTubuLAR Minds Spoken |
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 17 June :: 6.45 pm
:: Mood: crazy
i'm weak!!!
Ok so today was ok...I played nitendo w/ Davy and hung out w/ him and my sis for most of the day.
Then a knock came from the door. It was Blue. I was o hello you and i said bastard in my head. hehe. Me sneaky ! Anne knows my tricks! lol. Ok well he and i talked and kinda made up. I told him that I haven't been happy for 2 weeks and if his scheduale is going to continue like it is then I'm not sure how much longer I am gonna hang around. I kinda just left it like that. I am still kinda have a grudge against him. He's not gonna get away that easy.
But n e ways. Umm...we played nitendo (007 golden eye) and he beated my ass of course. Well ahhh...we made out and that was as far as we got w/ the sexual shit.
Let's see.....i'm more happy now. yay! But i wont get to c him for like another 2 or 3 weeks maybe? But this time its b/c of me. woo! My turn to destroy him. soo happy.
Ok i'm gonna go. I'm not gonna write anything in here for a while b/c I am gonna have a 3 day party down at the Ft. Myers Beach and then its off to Orlando w/ the Srokas and Mike. Then as soon as I get back I am going to the Keys w/ My sis, mom and grandma for a week. I only have one day in between to relax. lol. i hope i have enough energy! lol. Ok bye byes!
+AndI+
(do u like my new signature better than the other one?)
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 14 June :: 5.22 pm
:: Mood: Annoyed and Angry
:: Music: 3 days Grace: I hate everything about you
Learning some new things
I've come to relization just about a minute ago about something new about myself. i have always known about it u know, but I kinda dennied it even though I know deep down it was true. Its kinda like being gay and just dennieing it and keeping it locked in the closet (no offense to gay people).
well the thing I realized is that my general mood is controlled by my "love life". I mean its sad, i know it is. i shouldn't let it control me like that. If you know me you know that I am a stubborn and strong person, but at this one thing I am not. I hate it soooo much.
This one thing that I let it control really tears me up sometimes. If things are goin bad w/ me and my guy at the time then I'm angry and maybe depressed, depending on how bad it is. I may not show it, but i feel it.
I don't show my feelings if i'm depressed or w/evas b/c if i'm around happy ppl like Anne I don't want to bring them down or have their good times be ruined on the count of me.
If my relationship is great then damn i'm a very happy person and a really great thing to be around. lol. It totally sucks a bunchies though.
(sigh)
I guess i just have to learn over time on how to concour (sp?) this "love life" of mine that controls me.
[]AndI[]
2 TubuLAR Mind SpokenTubuLAR Minds Spoken |
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2004 11 June :: 8.50 pm
:: Mood: Lil Happy
yaya
How do u like my new picture for my journal? Pretty nice huh? See, it is possible. lol. I have a naked one of that and its in color, but i thought i would save u the trouble of throwing up and just do that one. Interesting position though....hahaha
Ok so Blue called. He went to the lake for a week and didn't have his cell. We haven't really talked yet b/c he's in karate. He said he'll call me after, but i doubt it. I'm still mad, but not as mad as before.
Well I'm gonna go. I'll tpe some stuff later is i have n e thing interesting to tell.
[]AndI[]
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 8 June :: 10.29 pm
:: Mood: iiight
Past couple of days
Last couple of days I've been fighting w/ people and all that jazz, but we're over it. Well..except for me and Blue. We haven't finished our "fight" yet...
I went to the beach w/ Gaby, Sammy, and Anne. We got to take Anne's Dad's BMW. It was sooo much fun. Then after some fued w/ Ginny we cleaned his car.
Over the weekend I just hung low and did w/evas w/ my family. So Saturday totally sucked. I just cleaned and Sat. Jeremy was gonna come over, but didn't work out like I wanted. Sunday I went to church and then shopping w/ my sistas and ma. It was fun. i got a tube top, a dress (for a weddin), a tank top, and a skirt.
On Monday My mom had the day off, so off to the beach! It was kinda boring, I didn't want to be there. But it was all good. then I went to Beatniks w/ Amber, Ali, Rich, Anne and Ginny. We had a super time. We played cunt (cent). i love it! yea afterwards I slept over at the srokas. Rich and I watched porn and swam. We found the girls watching the porn when we came in his room. It was great...
today I went to sunsplash w/ richi, Mike and Kyle. It was ok. sometimes i felt like an outsider, but it wasn't too bad....the girls went to ali's. they had a great time as i heard. Well i went to drum lessons. It was ok..not the greatest.
i HATED the weather today. so mad. gr..O well.
ok byes!
[]AndI[]
4 TubuLAR Mind SpokenTubuLAR Minds Spoken |
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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2004 2 June :: 3.25 pm
:: Mood: aggravated
It's annoying!!
OK someone's journal (tubularchick88, gimpy, or cali or maybe yellowchicki) is the big size. Like you know how it turns on yea and gets really wide and u have to move the screen to read it all? well someone has it and I HATE it. I can't read everyone's journal so well. It makes my "your friends" journal screen all coo-coo. So can u check and c what ur journal size is and reduce it to like 400 please?
[]AndI[]
2 TubuLAR Mind SpokenTubuLAR Minds Spoken |
Speak Your Neato Mind |
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